Married to the Marquess (18 page)

“Very well,” she agreed, turning to enter the house. “But you cannot mock me.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” he said in a not very convincing voice.

She almost snorted at that. Of course he would dream of it. And she had no doubt he would actually do so when he heard the rules.

They seated themselves in their drawing room, Derek in his chair, his feet propped up on a nearby ottoman, and Katherine on the sofa near it, wanting to pull her feet up under her. But that would be against the very rules she was about to inform him of, and she couldn’t do it.

“I like your sister very much, Derek,” Katherine said with a smile as they situated themselves into their respective seats.

He returned her smile with a thin one of his own. “Yes, I thought you might.”

“She seems to have a great deal of insight and wisdom.”

Derek leaned forward a little and gave her a hard look. “Don’t bypass the subject, Kate. I will not be swayed.”

“I had no intention of bypassing it,” she retorted, folding her arms, her pride a little tweaked.

“Oh, yes you did,” he said with a knowing shake of his head. “I saw it in your eyes, you don’t want to talk about it.”

“Well, can you blame me?” she cried. “These rules were the whole course of my childhood. I heard nothing else. Everything I said or did or learned was turned into a rule. The way I sat, the way I ate, the clothes I wore, the way I chose to amuse myself, everything was controlled and critiqued. There was not a thought in my head that my mother did not put there, and I cannot go a single day without hearing at least one of them repeated in my mind.”

Derek’s eyes had gone wide and his amusement vanished completely in the face of her outburst. “Are you serious?” he asked softly.

“Entirely.” She closed her eyes and tried to still her breathing into something more refined. She had agreed to tell him about the rules, not about her whole childhood. And yet, with one accusation, she had unleashed the full force of it upon him in one great wave.
A duchess maintains control in spite of her emotions
. She took in a slow, even breath and released it just as calmly. Sanity and clarity must be her companions, not madness and incoherency.

“You just heard one, didn’t you?”

Her heart stopped in her chest. She opened her eyes and looked at him in surprise, only to find that his feet were no longer propped up on the ottoman, but flat on the floor. He was leaning towards her with interest and concern, his elbows on his knees, hands folded together before him.

“How did you…?”

“Your face,” he told her gently, mercifully sparing her from having to continue. “You went from trying to calm yourself to looking as if you were listening very hard. As if you were being instructed.”

“I was,” she whispered, feeling another surge of emotion swell in her that was sure to end in more tears.

“What was it this time?”

“I…” She shook her head, knowing she could not get it out. Something held her back, besides her emotions. Something impossible to define. What would he say? What would he think?

“Kate,” he murmured quietly, reaching out to put his hand over hers. “Look at me.”

She did so, knowing that her fear and unease would be rampant in her eyes.

“Trust me. What was it?”

Swallowing back tears, and her fear, she opened her mouth and eventually, the words came. “
A duchess maintains control in spite of her emotions
.”

He nodded in approval and smiled. “Yes, I thought it would be something like that.” He sat back in his chair again, his hand sliding from hers, still watching her carefully.

Should she have said more? Did he want a list? She was quite certain she could compile a decent catalog of at least thirty of the rules, but as there were more rules than that, she doubted it would give him the proper scope. She looked down at her hands, which were currently in the process of mangling each other in her lap. She only waited for his further response, wondering when her cheeks would begin to flame, and tried to imagine the best way to leave the room with dignity and speed.

“Mine was ‘Never display any overt emotion in public’,” Derek said suddenly with a sigh. “Rule Twenty. That can be difficult, as I’m not exactly reserved.”

Katherine brought her head up slowly to meet his eyes again, and she saw that, though he was smiling, he was not amused. “Rule Twenty?” she managed to force out.

He nodded. “Preceded by the slightly less specific Rule Nineteen, ‘Always exhibit patience’. You see, the rules for a proper member of the Chambers family span a great many things, and are not listed in any particular order. For example, Rule Fourteen is ‘Always respect your heritage’, which I do, but Rule Fifteen is ‘Always carry a handkerchief’, which I am always forgetting. I am convinced that my father created the rules as he thought they were needed.”

A small smile flickered across her face, and she was more than touched by his attempt to move the topic away from her and onto himself. “Do you pick and choose the rules you obey?”

“Not if I can help it,” he said with a shrug. “Ridiculous as they are, some of the rules are quite good. Growing up, we obeyed them all. We had no choice. I spent far too many hours in a school room being drilled on the importance of family and heritage and decorum, and if proper behavior was not exhibited, more rules were passed.”

“That sounds familiar,” she murmured as she watched him.

His eyes met hers and for a moment, they said nothing. It seemed they had passed similar childhoods, and the idea that neither of them had known it was both shocking and regrettable. Could they have confided in each other at a much younger age and spared themselves the years of hatred?

“How did you handle it?” she asked in a small voice, knowing that he would understand.

“I obeyed, same as you,” he replied softly, his eyes growing distant as he remembered. “It was not as though there was a better option. David could always manage to get out of it, and Diana never had the same rules as we did. I didn’t have their luxury. I am a firstborn son. I am to be a duke. How else was I supposed to behave? There is a heritage to uphold, a legacy to honor, and a dignity to maintain. Obedience and respect were required.”

She sat up a little taller and tilted her head at him. “It means a great deal to you, doesn’t it? The family name and the title.”

“It’s who I am,” he said with a fervent nod. “We are the product of those who came before, and our duty is to pass down an even greater legacy to those that will come.” He laughed a bit at his own passion, and shook his head. “I’m sorry. No doubt my sister told you that I have an affinity for this sort of thing.”

Katherine shrugged just a bit, but made no reply.

He sighed, and looked around. “I take a great deal of pride in what my family has done, what we have become. This house, for example, has been in the family for generations. It’s been the home of the Marquess of Whitlock ever since the title was created. My father, grandfather, and great grandfather all inhabited it, and there is a great deal of history in its walls.”

“That would be a lot of pressure, I would think.”

He seemed to shake himself from his thoughts and looked at her. “It can be. But David and Diana have always been rather quick to lighten the mood for me, and keep me sane. And human. I would be in danger of turning fairly cold without them.”

“I wish I could be of more help,” Katherine said, almost to herself. “I become so focused on what needs to be done, on what is expected of me, on my duty that I forget about everything else.”

“Kate,” he murmured gently, sitting up once more, “don’t. We’re changing, aren’t we? I’m not the image of my father, and you are hardly your mother, thank the Lord.”

She managed to smile. “But did you ever feel that you were being controlled, Derek? Have you always wanted to be what you are?”

He frowned, thinking hard. “In some ways, yes, I did feel controlled. My father always expected much of me, and broken rules were met with severe punishment, up until the point where I was no longer breaking them. My duty has always been very clear to me. But have I always wanted to be what I am? I don’t know. Who else would I be?”

“Exactly,” she murmured, folding her hands together in her lap and looking at them. “I don’t even know who I am without the endless rules in my head. How else should I comport myself? I had a duty to fulfill, and this was the only way I knew to fulfill it.”

“Do you always hear her?”

“Every day. There is always something.
A duchess is the epitome of refinement. A duchess does not give in to idle gossip. A duchess never takes large bites
.” She sighed, and looked over at him. “There is always something,” she repeated.

“And you always listen?” he asked quietly, his brow creasing again.

“I don’t know what else to do. I don’t know how else to behave.”

“Judge for yourself.” He leaned forward again and pressed his hands together. “I take the rules my father forced upon me and mold them to my own view and sentiments. Are they the same? No, but some of them are similar. You can do the same.”

“I don’t know,” she whispered, shaking her head. “What if I make a mistake?”

“Then you make a mistake, Kate.” His eyes were rich and green and earnest as they held hers captive. “Put the old bat out of your head, think about what you want, and then do it! Mistakes or no mistakes, folly or not, just do it.”

She shook her head insistently. “
A duchess does not act without…
”

“Oh, hang what a duchess does or does not do, Kate!” he cried, throwing his arms up. “I couldn’t care less. I want to know what Kate does, what Kate would do. Not the future duchess. Just Kate.”

Katherine was more than a little taken aback by his words, and she was well aware that she showed it. But when he looked at her so earnestly, when his entire being and attention was fixed on her so intently, it was hard for her to make sense of anything. He was just too attractive, and it unnerved her. And his words... Could she forget that she was a future duchess and just be Kate? It seemed so impossible. Her entire identity, the very way she viewed herself, was wholly based on her position as the Marchioness of Whitlock. That was who she was.

“I…” she tried, not knowing what she was even going to say. Her mind had still not conjured up a response to Derek’s extraordinary outburst. “I… I don’t know.”

He sighed softly and gave her a sad smile. “I understand. It will take some time, but you need to understand this, Kate; you are not just a marchioness, or a future duchess. You are a woman, a wife, a future mother, if we are so fortunate. You can’t let just one part of you dictate the rest. You are more than that.”

His words had stolen the breath out of her lungs, and she found that she had to believe him. Something about his determination, his fierceness for something so unimportant as how she viewed herself, was rather invigorating, and suddenly she wanted to do exactly as he said. There was no way for her to know even how to begin, but she wanted to try.

It was the least she could do.

Maintaining the eye contact between them, she nodded slowly, which brought a relieved smile to his face. “Now that we have
that
out of the way,” he said wryly, “let’s move on to something more fun. What is the most ridiculous rule you ever had to obey?”

Katherine grinned and found herself turning towards him. “Now that one is easy.
A duchess always washes her face three times in the morning, once at midday, and two times at night.
”

Derek’s mouth popped open, and Katherine laughed at his expression. “You cannot be serious,” he said, a smile starting to form.

“Oh, but I am,” she assured him. “There was a nightly inspection and the maid would have to verify that I had washed the requisite number of times.”

“How could your mother possibly know how often a duchess washed her face?”

Katherine shrugged and shook her head. “I haven’t the faintest idea. I never questioned it, though I thought it was the most absurd thing I had ever heard.”

“You can stop washing so often now. I grant you leave to wash only as you wish to.” He smiled broadly, no doubt thinking himself a very amusing fellow.

It really was too bad that he was.

“I already have, thank you,” she said with a dismissive sniff. “It was the first rule I broke after we were married.” She did not mention that it was one of only a few that she had broken on purpose. Somehow, she was fairly certain that he would know anyway.

“Bravo, Kate,” Derek said, applauding her with an amused smile.

“What was your most ridiculous rule?” she asked in turn, hoping he could match her absurdity in upbringing as well.

“Rule Twenty-six,” he replied immediately.

“Which states?”

“Never be partnered in whist with someone who always loses at whist.”

A burst of laughter escaped Katherine, and she quickly covered her mouth, which did nothing to stifle the sound. “I’m sorry,” she tried, between giggles. “I am sorry, I…”

“Don’t be,” he said, waving off her apology. “I’m fairly certain all three of us had the same reaction when that rule was set up. Turns out my father hates to lose and thinks it is somehow beneath our dignity to do so, even at whist. Oddly enough, I seem to obey that rule without any trouble.”