Master (15 page)

Anna bit her lip. "Where are the ropes?" she asked
and looked up to the ceiling above the bed. The surface was smooth and
unblemished. You'd never have known what was once attached there.

"In the playroom, waiting." His tone was wary.
Anna stared, and a flush of color washed over him. "The ropes came down when
you left. It reminded me of how beautiful you looked, and how sweetly you came
when we used them."

What?
Sweetly?
Never, surely I hated it.
But did she?
Anna began to suspect a
lot of her memories were suspect.

"And the playroom is sadly neglected. Let me say
straight away, love."
Cade
held her close and
put his chin on top of her head as he cuddled her. "It's not been used
since you left."

 
Anna had a rush of
emotion and felt her lashes dampen.
 
Dammit
, ten minutes
with him here and I'm mush.
A total walking mess of
contradictions.
Argh
, god help us, what on
earth are we going to do?
Anna knew she should really be thinking what
was she
going to do, not them. No doubt
Cade
had his own agenda.

"What, never?"

Cade
shook his head. "Never,
I soon realized what I, no, we, had here is for us and no one else. Oh yes, I
taught, I did displays, but they weren't from the heart. When you went? Well,
so did my enthusiasm. Oh I can demo, and I can teach. But involve my heart? Not
a chance. I don't know how long it is since your heart has been involved in
anything, but mine gave up when you left."

Anna stared at him. His face was white, and the pulse in his
neck was irregular.
Good grief, he means
it. What the hell do I do now?
She remembered something her mum used to say
to her. "Listen to your heart." With a resolution she didn't know she
had, Anna went to the door, turned and walked back to
Cade
.
If it was possible, he was even paler than before.
 
She held her hand out. As if he were an
automaton, he took it and shook hands.

"Hello," Anna said in a low clear voice. She was
proud of how it didn't tremble. "My name is Anna McCourt. I loved you
years ago, and however hard I tried, that love never went away. I love you now.
Will you love me back?"

He cleared his throat, and his voice was gruff. "I
will, and I do."

"Then will you teach me how to be your perfect
partner?" She paused, and a tingle of pleasure shot through her at the
love and tenderness on his face. "Will you show me what you want and I
need please.
Sir?"

"My pleasure, love.
Our
pleasure."

She could ask for no more.

PART FOUR

Setback

Chapter Eleven

One Year Later

The scream echoed through the house.
Caden
virtually dropped his laptop as he scrambled to his feet and ran to the
bedroom. He skidded on the rug by the fire and stumbled and almost lost his
footing.

The terrible noise continued, and
Cade
took the stairs two at a time. Dickens, alerted by the noise, had erupted from
the kitchen like a volcano and was matching
Cade
step
for step as they mounted the stairs.

Damn, I thought these had
stopped.
He
opened the bedroom door and moved swiftly to the bed. His heart lurched, and a
heavy lump of dread filled his stomach. Anna was curled in a fetal position,
her body racked with sobs and an awful keening noise coming from her. Dickens
sat on his haunches and howled, the noise mingling with Anna's cries.

"
Noo
, please no, not that. Oh
god color, color what is it, help
meee
." She
rolled over onto her knees and stared through
Cade
.
"Where's
Cade
? I need him. Go away no, no, not
you,
Caden
…" Her voice rose, and she screamed
again and batted at some invisible entity. "Get off."

Dickens whined and went to lick her.
Cade
stopped him with a quick hand movement. In Anna's overwrought state, that could
perhaps be the last straw.

"Stop it, love."
Cade
caught her hands and spoke in a voice of authority. "I'm here. Relax, it's
only me.
No one else.
You had a bad dream." He
stroked her cheek. As she stopped her shudders, he gathered her into his arms
and stroked her hair and her back. All the time he whispered silly nothings
into her ear, reassuring her, holding her and calming her down.

Eventually Anna took a deep breath and shook her head. Her
eyes cleared, and she blinked several times. "
Cade
?"
Her voice was puzzled, and then he saw awareness dawn. "Oh shit, not
again?"

He nodded. "It's all fine. You're okay now."

Anna brushed her hair off her cheek. He didn’t think he'd
ever get used to the desolate look on her face.

"No, it's not. It's fucking
shite
."
She thumped his shoulder. "Why does it keep happening? It's not real. I
don't even know what I'm thinking or dreaming, not properly, and I know it’s
not bloody real. It's freaking me out.
Why?
Argh
."
She threw a pillow across the room. “
Dammit
Cade
, I have to get over whatever it is. You're suffering,
I'm suffering, and I bet the club is suffering. Hell, Daisy can hardly bring
herself to speak to me, and you're so close mouthed you might as well
stich
a zip over your lips." Anna scrambled off the
bed and stood in front of him in her cartoon cat pajamas, the cuffs turned up
and the top falling off her shoulder.
Cade's
cock
hardened and pressed against his zip. It didn't matter how she looked or what
she did,
Cade
reacted to Anna like a moth to a flame.
He couldn't stay away, nor did he want to. Anna was as necessary as water. Her
scent, her body, one look from those sleepy green eyes, and he was toast.

As Anna recovered from her nightmare, the steel that had
been absent from her for so long showed itself, albeit briefly. "Cat got your
tongue,
Caden
?"

 
Cade
kept his temper—just. She was pushing him, and he was
fairly sure she hoped she would make him go into full Dom mode and take over.
He wouldn't. It wasn't the answer. Anna had to decide to do as she desired
because it was her decision, made of her own free will. For
Caden
to direct and demand would be a cop out for
her,
and
an impossible situation for him. However, he let his voice harden.

"That's Sir to you."

She took a step backwards and covered her
mouth with her hand.

"You bastard."
Anna whirled around and went
to move off. He held his hand up in the universal 'hold it there' gesture.

"If you leave this room, Anna, don't bother to come
back. I've had it. You push and prod me, trying to make me take all the
decisions. You have no respect for either of us, what we could have, unless you
can ignore everything and make me push you in all the wrong ways. Oh I could go
the whole punishment route and call you out on your full on insubordination.
But I won't. Not now, not ever. That's not me, and you know it. We were
supposed to try things together, learn what our relationship is, and work out
our dynamics. What the fuck went wrong? I thought it was working. You were
eager and oh so responsive. You lapped up everything we did; you embraced our
relationship. Or so I thought. What triggered these?"

He stopped talking. Once more tears were streaming down
Anna's face, but in silence this time. She wasn't even whimpering, just crying
as her body shook.

"Ah shit, love. I'm sorry."

Cade
went to cuddle Anna, but she
took yet another step away from him and shook her head.

"I'm hurting you,
Cade
.
You and your business.
It has to stop. I have to sort myself
out." She scrubbed her hand over her eyes like a child.

"How?"
He wanted to rub her worry out,
brush all her fears away and make everything right. He couldn't.

"By facing my fears.
When I decide what they
really are. I need to think hard. I'm going down to the pool." She leaned
toward him and trailed her fingers over his cheek. "You, Mr. McCourt, are
an honorable man. I love you so much, and I so want to be what you need. I'm
going to swim, nothing else. It clears my head. I'm not suicidal, not going all
dramatic, but I have to get my head around this mythical thing that keeps
hitting me."

The look on her face pushed a searing dagger of pain into
his heart. She looked lost and alone, and
Cade
knew a
real fear that his maybe happy ever after wasn't going to happen. He nodded.

"Anna, I love you."

She smiled. It wasn't a happy look, and it didn't reach her
eyes. "Yeah, I know. I love you too. And therein
lies
the problem." She squeezed his shoulder and walked away.

Why do I think she's walking
out of my life again?

****

With Dickens sitting in alert mode as close to the pool as
he could without falling in, Anna pushed herself through the water as if all
the demons in the world were chasing her. Which she decided, as she turned and
began another lap, was about right. If only she knew what they were. She
reached the end of the pool and executed a perfect racing turn. Swimming had
always been therapeutic, along with being a hobby.

Well come on, that's not
strictly true. I do know, I don't want to admit it, and that's why I'm getting
these shitty not-quite-able-to-format-stuff nightmares.
Anna changed from a fast and
furious crawl to a more leisurely breaststroke while she thought about what was
going on in her mind and her life.
Caden
was dying
inside, of that she had no doubt. Each day it seemed to her that he only went
through the motions. He talked, worked, and yes, made love. It was mechanical,
a man on automatic. His smile didn't reach his eyes. Oh he was kind and
courteous, and on the outside a loving, caring partner. But since her first
nightmare, when she'd woken up as a screaming, trembling mess, he'd been more
vanilla
than the proverbial pod. Anna had no idea how to
reach him. She rolled over onto her back to float and let the water hold her
and move her slowly down the pool. Out here in the country there was little
light pollution and the sky was
moonlit
, with the
stars showing in their clusters. Lazily, Anna picked out the constellations as
her mind puzzled over her problems.

Screw it; I need to sort this
bloody crap out now.
 
High above, a lone star flared brightly and
fizzled out. Anna laughed to herself. Talk about signs. All of a sudden she
knew what she was going to do. Her mind made up she did a somersault under
water and swished her arms and legs about. It wouldn't be easy, but she'd been
living a half-life too long and too often. She might end up like that star,
burned up and finished.
On the other hand…
With a
splutter she surfaced and pushed her hair out of her eyes. It'd fallen out of
the messy bun she'd scrunched in into before diving in. A movement in the
darkness made her tread water to try to see what had caught her eyes.

Dickens whined, stood up, and wagged his tail.

"It's me. I don't like the idea of you swimming in the
dark by yourself."
Cade
moved into the gleam of
the lights dotted around the pool. Anna watched as he ruffled Dickens’s hair.
The dog leaned against him, and Anna admired the picture they made in the pale
light. At this time of the year the roof was never pulled over, and Anna
enjoyed the soft moonlight and gentle night scents that surrounded her. She
splashed around with her arms as she trod water and watched the silver drops
fall on the tiled surround.
Dickens woofed and tried to chase
them as they landed.
Soon his games would be over for the year. The roof
would go over, the temperature of the water would be turned higher, and the
magic would be lost. Somehow it wasn't as good to commune with the moonlight
then.

"I'm fine. I love this time of night, especially
now," she said quietly.
"So warm and friendly.
The darkness is my friend."

Cade
laughed and hunkered down by
the edge of the pool. His shoes were off and he'd opened the top few buttons of
his shirt. Anna drank in the sight of his body like someone with a daylong
thirst. His torso was covered with a sprinkling of dark hairs, which arrowed
downward. His signpost to satisfaction, Anna called it.