For the first time in his life, Jake really didn't know what to do. He had never been in a situation he didn't know how to get out of, especially when it came to women, but this woman had him turned all around. Hadn't he given up on her just hours ago? Hadn't he convinced himself that he could no longer afford the personal toll of their affair, not after giving over the very best and last pieces of himself? Yet here he was, his heart leaping at the sight of her, fighting the urge to jump out of his truck and grab her in his arms. Instead, he turned off the truck and gripped the wheel in white-knuckled confusion, afraid to let go, afraid of what he might do if let go his anchor.
From the corner of his eye he saw her rise slowly and gracefully like a mist on the lake, and he suddenly let go of the steering wheel and felt himself fall. Hard.
Slowly, he got out of the truck, testing his weight on each leg, oblivious to the sprinkling rain. Likewise oblivious, Robin walked around the front of the truck, her hands shoved deep in the pocket of her jeans. “I know the answer now,” she said, and Jake felt his heart shift precariously in his chest. He leaned against the open door, moving with it until it closed behind him, bracing himself.
“D-Do you want to hear it?”
Hell no. But he had to. He nodded.
Robin blinked, bit her lip. “Okay. Well, I did a lot of thinking last night and today, and I realized something about myself,” she said, taking a tentative step closer to him. "I
realized that I am really nothing without you."
The disbelief knotted in his throat. 'That's crazy—"
“No,” she said, shaking her head so fiercely that her corkscrew curls bounced about. “It's not crazy at all. I realized today as I was walking through my empty house, that without you, there are definitely things missing from my life.”
“Like what?” he scoffed.
“Like a life,” she said softly. “Do you know how I would melt into nothing if I ever had to watch you walk out my door and know you weren't coming back? For a long time now, I've known I was looking for something, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Until now… and now I realize that this desperation inside me is not the fear of getting tangled up, but the fear of being so neatly untangled. That's when I knew.”
He risked a glance at her now, saw the shock of light in her pretty blue eyes, that preternatural glimmer from somewhere deep inside her. “Knew what?” he managed.
“I… I l-love you. I love you, too, Jake.”
His heart surged—God, how he had wanted to hear her say that! But could he trust it? “Robin,” he murmured. “Are you sure? Are you sure this is what you want? That… that would make me so incredibly happy. But… but I can't help wonder… what about all those expectations you're so afraid of?”
The rain was coming a little harder now; Robin pushed a hand through her damp hair, looked wildly about. “I don't know, I don't know] I only know that I don't want to be without you, not now, not ever. I can't imagine how barren my life would be if you weren't in it. Can you… can you just accept that for now?” she asked and flashed a rueful smile up to the leaden night. “I don't know how to explain, because I am still trying to sort everything out. I just can't seem to put it all together yet—I only know that you make me happy,” she said, her eyes pleading with him.
It was enough.
Jake reached her in two swift strides, pulled her possessively into his embrace. Robin threw her arms around his neck, turned her face up to his like a sunflower. Raw need
and desire was flooding him now, swept along by the rain. He devoured her lips as he pushed her back, and when she stumbled, he picked her up, holding her against the full length of him until he reached the garage, where he put her down only long enough to push the small side door open.
Just as he pushed her through the door, the skies opened above them.
Robin was reaching for him again inside the dark cavern of his garage, and he pushed her up against his Harley, buried his face in her neck. Her arms tightened around him and they clung to one another, Jake nuzzling her neck, Robin stroking his damp hair.
“How did you do it?” she murmured helplessly in his ear. “How did you manage to crawl under this shroud with me? I've never let anyone in, no one, yet there you were, lying next to me, forcing me to breathe—”
Jake cut off her examination of a thing too precious and fragile with his kiss. “Hush,” he whispered, caressing her face, and kissed her again, only more fully, tasting her sweet breath, dipping into the soft recesses of her mouth. Robin's hands slid down his back, to his waist, circling him, pulling him into her body and pressing against his hardening cock. He ground his hips against hers, acutely aware that she felt so right in his arms, fit so perfectly, and wondered madly how he ever thought to give her up.
His hands slipped beneath her blouse, covering her rib-cage, and moving slowly up, until his fingers brushed against the hardened nubs of her breasts beneath her camisole. Robin arched her back, so that her breasts filled his hand within the confines of her shirt. Eager and tantalized, Jake slipped one hand out, roughly handled the little buttons up the front of her shirt until it fell open, then pushed the garment from her shoulders.
Robin stepped out of his embrace, leaned against his bike, holding on to the handlebar, a soft smile on her lips as he gazed down at the lush fullness of her breasts beneath a thin camisole. Slowly, carefully, he lifted his hand, let his palm graze her breast on a whisper. Robin moaned, unthinkingly lifted her breasts, seeking his palm, and Jake obliged
her, his fingers closing around the pliable mound, his thumb brushing across the turgid nipple. Robin's eyes fluttered shut; her head lolled back as he moved his hand over and around her breast.
Her breath was coming quicker now and his cock was throbbing against the prison of his jeans. Yet as much as he wanted her, as much as he wanted to be deep inside her, he wanted to prolong the moment for as long as he could, to admire, with all due reverence, the beautiful woman who had come to say she loved him. His hand drifted over the camisole again. 'Take it off," he whispered gruffly.
With a flash of a dimpled smile, Robin reached for the hem, slowly lifted it over her head, revealing two perfect globes as she settled back on the seat of his bike. Jake stood motionless, marveling at his sheer dumb luck. With a dip of her head and a wicked smile that would have sent lesser men to their knees, Robin propped one leg on the gas tank, the other against the floor as her fingers fluttered over her breast, against the dark, almond nipples. One hand drifted down her bare belly, to the top of her jeans, which she easily unsnapped.
Jake's heart was pounding like a drum now.
Robin quickly undid the rest as Jake removed his shirt, her eyes never leaving his, her hand never leaving its careless play with her breast. And when she slipped her hand inside her jeans and moaned softly, Jake thought he might come before he ever even touched her.
“Do you know how hot you make me?” she whispered. “When I look at you, I get so wet—”
His feet moved of their own accord, his hands and arms groping for her. Somehow, he managed to encircle her in his arms as his mouth landed on her breast, suckling it, nibbling it, desperate to consume it. Robin withdrew her hand from her jeans and placed her damp fingers against his mouth. Every fiber of him filled with her scent; his lips tasted the fragrance, and his groin somersaulted in one giant, sensuous leap. He grabbed her hips, lifted her with one hand as he pulled at her jeans with the other. Robin was laughing deep in her throat, helping him to rid her of the denims until
she was sitting on his bike, completely naked, her skin made milky blue by the thin light of a street lamp.
“I love you, Jake,” she whispered. “I love the way you make me feel.”
Oh God, dear God. The rain was beating a steady rhythm to the passion mounting in him; coarse desire mixed with tender feelings of devotion, the likes of which he had never felt in all his life. The tumult of emotions within him drove him to his knees, between her legs sprawled across the bike, and enticed by her scent, he buried his face between her legs. Ah yes… hot, wet.
Robin moaned above him as he began to delve between the delicate folds of her flesh, reaching deeper, lapping her up. Her hands fluttered about his head pushing at him, but not hard enough to dislodge him, while she struggled to lift her hips to his seeking mouth. The smoky scent of her, the lush taste was driving him mad, tantalizing him beyond reason, making him want more.
But he could not stop devouring her, could not resist the temptation of her flesh. Suddenly Robin cried out, her voice lost against the sound of rain on the metal roof above them, her body shuddering against his mouth as her hips lifted one last time and her thighs closed tightly around his head. And then her hands were grasping at his head and shoulders, lifting him up.
Completely unconscious of how he managed to discard his jeans, Jake was only aware that he was suddenly thrusting deep in her liquid heat, feeling her warmth close tightly around him. He straddled the bike, held himself above her, and Robin propped her legs against the handlebars, her hips rocking back and forth to meet each powerful surge. Her hands moved like silk over his body, over every inch of his flesh, urging him to feel every inch of her.
Swept away into his own private oblivion, Jake's heart and body responded, harder and deeper, to the need to possess her, until he cried out, erupting deep inside her with pent-up longing. Pure bliss rained down on him, covered them both in the dark garage, and gasping for air, Jake lowered his forehead to hers, held on to the moment of ecstasy
for as long as he could. Her breathing was ragged; she softly caressed him, murmured his name.
When at last they dislodged themselves from the bike and found their clothing scattered about the oil-stained garage, Robin slipped her hand around his waist and leaned into him. 'This is what it is to feel love," she said, her voice full of wonder.
If only she knew. If only she knew how this moment would bear down so deeply in his conscience that it would create a scar, beyond which there would be no room for the past. Only the future.
In the days that followed that rainy evening, Jake and Robin fell into a comfortable, unspoken truce. Jake didn't press Robin for more than she had given him. He was content for a time that she had declared her feelings for him, at least until the doubts began to creep in and he realized he was working very hard to convince himself that her declaration of love was the big bang he had been waiting for.
But it wasn't.
As the next few weeks went by, Jake realized that the uneasy fit of his skin was not a disease but simply the physiological effects of being crazy in love with Robin. He had it so bad he rarely knew which end was up. He thought about her in the morning and at night, and all the hours in between. The workday went by too slowly where it had once zipped along. He was happiest just hanging out with her, watching baseball, laughing together at Elmer Stanton's latest repair scheme, taking Cole out for a burger. They were easy and relaxed in one another's company, as comfortable as an old pair of shoes. And although Robin seemed to love him, too, maybe just as crazily at times, there was one thing lurking on the fringe of his consciousness.
That thing finally hit him like a bolt of lightning that knocked him square on his ass one night over dinner at another zealously priced restaurant, courtesy Planet Robin. It happened as Jake was relating his conversation with Cole's court-appointed counselor. In truth, Cole had been doing pretty well the last few weeks. It helped that Tara seemed to like her perfume and had selected Cole as her favorite for the time being. But Jake couldn't help worry that perhaps Cole was doing too well. His highs were off the charts as were his lows—there was absolutely no middle ground with the kid. And while Jake could appreciate part of that came with the teenage territory, he wondered what would happen when Tara decided she wanted a new boyfriend. Cole's counselor had confirmed his fears.
“She says Cole does pretty well, but that he can't handle any sort of rejection, especially from a female,” he said to Robin over a plate of prime rib that cost right around what he figured a whole prize steer would bring. “Sort of a throwback to his missing mother, I guess. Anyway, the counselor says I need to work with him on that.”
“On what?” Robin asked.
“Rejection. Because he doesn't handle it very well.”
Robin snorted. “Who does?”
“Well, Cole does tend to overreact. And girls can be brutal.”
“Girls can be brutal? What about boys?”
“What about them?”
Robin lowered her fork, glared at him from across the cloth-covered table. “Boys are mean. Boys will use girls just to get what they want. Sex, money, you name it. A few sweet nothings, then bam, he gets what he wants and he's outta there.”
“Wow. That's pretty harsh.”
“You don't know harsh,” she muttered irritably, retrieving her fork. “I know harsh.”
Jake watched her take a bite of lamb, debated asking her to explain, then thought the better of it. "Okay, kids can be cruel, male or female. But as far as Cole goes, his counselor says that he really needs special attention on this subject.
She thinks I should give it to him. It sort of supports my theory that he should come and live with me."
Robin glanced up at him. “What about your mom? What would she say?”
Mom would have a lot to say, and none of it good, but what else was new? “I don't know. But Cole needs a strong hand right now, and she doesn't really have that with him. Now me, that's a whole other ball game.” Sort of. He really felt pretty clueless, had no idea why the counselor thought he was the right man for the job.
Robin chewed thoughtfully, nodding after a moment. “You're right. He does need a strong hand. I am sure you two can work it out. You've got enough room in your house, don't you? You guys will be okay, I think.”
That was when it hit Jake smack between the eyes. Her statement was really very innocuous, but it struck him that it was the same thing she said every time the subject of a future (anyone's!) cropped up. It was suddenly very clear— she didn't see herself as part of his future. She said she loved him; okay, he'd buy it—but she hadn't taken that extra step toward a long-term commitment. It was that simple. It was that disturbing.