Matt (The Cowboys) (29 page)

As he continued to caress her, his breathing became faster and nosier. He felt the blood pounding in his head, his heart beating at a faster tempo. He felt almost dizzy with elation. Ellen had helped him throw off one set of shackles he’d thought would hold him prisoner forever. There was no reason to think she couldn’t help him break the bonds of the other.

He tried to stop, but his hand acted of its own volition, gently massaging her breast. For a moment he feared he would choke on his own breath, it came in such great, irregular gulps. He was just as bad as a young boy with his first girl. He was a man, but Ellen was his first girl. His reaction was all the more intense for the years he’d waited. The extra oxygen he’d gulped in made him dizzy. He forced himself to relax, to breathe more slowly. This was the first time he’d had a woman in his arms, but he didn’t want to make a fool of himself.

It didn’t do his self-esteem any good to realize that Toby would probably have handled a similar situation with more skill. He kept telling himself he ought to pull back, that he was risking disaster, but he was intoxicated by his first taste of sexual arousal, the first hint at possible fulfillment.

A surge of energy shot through him when he felt Ellen’s nipple harden under his touch. Holding his breath, he used his finger to gently rub the nipple until it became pebble-hard. Excitement coursed through him until he felt nearly overcome by it. There was no stopping now.

Chapter Seventeen

Ellen dreamed Eddie Lowell had cornered her in the nursery. His parents and sisters were gone for the afternoon, and they were alone in the house. She tried to get away from him, but no matter where she turned, he blocked her escape. Now he had captured her and wouldn’t let her go. He had his hands all over her. She tried to cry out, but no sound came from her throat. She was suffocating. Her limbs felt leaden, too heavy to move.

She woke with a feeling of panic to find Matt’s arm across her chest. He pulled back immediately.

“We rolled up against each other,” he explained anxiously. “We’ve done it several times before.”

Her relief was almost painful in its intensity. The fear had been so great, her helplessness so total. Dreams always brought back the helplessness she’d felt all her life, the fear that one day … but this was Matt. She trusted him, found comfort in his touch, reassurance in his presence. She knew he would never hurt her.

“I didn’t mean to wake you,” Matt said.

“I know.” She used to move away from him immediately, but recently she’d stopped. She liked his warmth next to her. He made her feel safer. Once she had even lain awake listening to him breathe. Just the sound relaxed her.

But this time was different. He didn’t sound like himself. He sounded … well, upset, she guessed. But Matt never got upset. That was one of the frustrating things about him. He also seemed nervous, tense… she didn’t know, she was too sleepy to analyze it carefully. “You don’t have to move away,” she said. “I like having you close.” She shouldn’t admit this. He might get the wrong idea. “I guess it comes from feeling so alone most of my life. If it makes you uncomfortable—”

“I don’t mind.”

She’d expected him to be reluctant, but he sounded eager. She knew that couldn’t be right. He’d only recently gotten to where he didn’t seem uncomfortable when Tess hugged him. He certainly couldn’t like touching her, even in his sleep. He avoided her when he was awake.

“I don’t want to crowd.”

“Will and I used to share a bed when he was little. I missed it when he got big enough to have his own bed.”

She didn’t like being compared to his brother, but she was relieved he didn’t feel anything of a more intimate nature. Her body was warm. Actually it was hot. Her breasts tingled; her nipples felt hard. Her entire body hummed with sexual tension. She didn’t know how a dream about Eddie could do that. She felt as though she’d started to—

But that was foolish. She’d never made love to anyone. She didn’t know how it would affect her. She instinctively recognized what she was experiencing was right, though. She just couldn’t figure out why she should be feeling it. “I’m not sure I could go back to sleep like this.”

“Just try,” he said.

She didn’t know why Matt should be so different tonight. He’d held her when she cried, kissed her to make her feel better. Maybe that was what had broken down the barrier. Maybe it was also what allowed her to accept that she just might be able to sleep with his arm around her.

If she just didn’t feel so hot. Blood sang in her head. She felt wide awake. Sleep was about the furthest thing from her mind. “I’m feeling a bit unsettled,” she said.

“I’ll be very still. You won’t even know I’m here.”

She might not love Matt, but it was impossible not to be aware of his every move. He was in her bed, touching her.

And he was a man!

She felt herself growing hotter.

But she didn’t want to move away. As long as he was close enough to touch, she knew she’d be safe from people like Eddie Lowell. She didn’t know why she was so hot, so agitated, but she assumed it must have been the dream. She would feel better in a short while.

Matt sighed. Soon his steady breathing indicated he’d fallen asleep. Ellen was still awake. Still hot. Worse, she could feel herself gradually becoming attached to a man who wasn’t at all what she wanted. She’d have to do something about that, but not tonight. She was too comfortable. Well, almost.

She was still too hot.

“Back so soon?” Norma Ireland said when Ellen entered her shop. “I hope that doesn’t mean you disliked the dresses.”

“No. I need something for a picnic.”

“The church picnic down by the river?”

“Yes.”

Norma’s gaze became speculative. “Just how attractive do you want to be?”

Ellen burst out laughing. “It’s not fair that you understand your customers so well!”

Norma smiled in return. “If I didn’t, I wouldn’t sell so many dresses.”

“I don’t want anything flashy or gaudy, but I want to be the best-dressed woman there.”

“Do you want a touch-me-not, or do you want something you can throw horseshoes in?”

“I guess it’ll have to be horseshoes. The kids are certain to drag me into some game sooner or later.”

“Good,” Norma said. “Mabel Jackson already has a corner on touch-me-not. She bought a dress made of ecru buff brilliantine trimmed with slate satin-bound scallops. She even had me order ready-made hooped petticoats from Houston.”

“Sounds like she’ll be afraid to get down from her buggy. I wouldn’t like that.”

“I’ve got two I think you’ll like, one made from striped ticking trimmed with black ribbon zigzag bands, another of blue plaid silk.”

“The silk sounds too nice for a picnic. You’d better show me the ticking.”

“I’m glad you’re coming,” Norma said from the other room as she looked for the dresses. “Wilbur’s doing his best to turn everybody against Matt.”

“What’s he saying?”

“Nothing we haven’t heard before,” Norma said, returning with two dresses. “But you should have been here when Isabelle Maxwell came to town. She hunted him down at the church and braced him in the middle of a prayer meeting.”

“I wish she hadn’t done that,” Ellen said. “Wilbur can be awfully cruel sometimes.”

“According to what I was told, Isabelle was a bit more than he could handle.” Norma held up the ticking and silk dresses for Ellen’s inspection. “When he started quoting the Bible, Isabelle matched him quote for quote, told him if he couldn’t remember the rest of the Bible, he at least ought to remember, the Ten Commandments. She told the ladies at the meeting that if they wanted to pray for something, they could pray for a minister who thought more about God and less about himself. To quote one of the women who was there, Isabelle left total destruction in her wake.”

“I don’t know why Wilbur is so against Matt,” Ellen said. “The way he acts, you’d think Matt was the devil himself.”

“Wilbur has told everybody he offered to marry you.”

“He doesn’t love me,” Ellen said angrily, “and he doesn’t want the children. He just wants credit for saving my soul.”

“I think he had something else in mind.” Norma looked her straight in the eye. “There’s nothing that says a preacher can’t enjoy the pleasures of the flesh.”

“Nonsense.” Ellen didn’t like having her business known, especially when it concerned Wilbur Sears. She was trying to figure out how to turn the conversation to another topic when Susan entered the shop.

“I hope you brought me some more hats,” she said. “Don’t worry about Norma. She already knows, but I didn’t tell anyone else.”

“I don’t suppose it matters that much any more. Everybody will know when I open my shop in San Antonio.”

“What will I do for hats?” Susan asked.

“I didn’t know Matt was considering selling his ranch,” Norma said. “What will he do?”

Ellen decided it was impossible to carry on a relaxed conversation when you were trying to keep a secret. “He doesn’t want to leave, so I’m considering running the store from the ranch,” she said.

“Would you still sell your hats to me?” Susan asked.

“I like both dresses,” Ellen said to Norma, deciding to leave before she said something else she shouldn’t. “I’ll buy the striped ticking for the picnic and the blue check silk for later. Now I’d better be going. I left Tess with Mrs. Ogden. The child will have talked the poor woman’s ear off by now.”

“You’d better give some thought to what that preacher’s saying,” Norma warned as she began wrapping up the dresses. “He’s been hinting that it’s not good for a man to be alone with two young boys so much.”

“He’s not alone,” Ellen protested. “I’m there now.”

“I’m just telling you what he’s been saying. I don’t know that the judge is paying him any attention, but there are people who are.”

“One of these days the Reverend Wilbur Sears will to be forced to account for his actions,” Ellen said, grinding her teeth in anger. “I hope I’m there to see it.”

Ellen wasn’t at all sure they should have come to the picnic. The entire Maxwell clan had turned out to support them, but Mabel Jackson and Wilbur Sears were there, too. Mabel had kept her distance since the judge approved the adoption, but Wilbur couldn’t stop talking against Matt. Ellen was afraid if he even passed close by, she would give him a piece of her mind, and the piece she had in mind wasn’t very pleasant.

The kids were surrounded by cousins.

“I’ll take them to the river for a swim before we eat,” Matt said.

“Where’s Toby?” she asked.

“He has strict instructions to ignore the girls, regardless of what they might do to attract his attention.”

“Do you think he can manage that?”

Matt grinned. “He doesn’t know it yet, but he’s going to help me teach the kids to swim.”

Ellen felt a little sorry for Toby. He looked very handsome in his tight pants and frilly white shirt. She thought he was unwise to flaunt his Mexican heritage, but his clothes did make him stand out from the other boys. The girls thought so, too. Mabel Jackson had settled her family as far away from Toby as possible.

“Mabel ought to know that at least half of Tammy’s attraction to Toby is her mother’s disapproval,” Isabelle said. “She has no interest in tying herself to a penniless cowboy. She’s just looking for a little excitement.”

“Anybody ready for a swim?” Matt asked.

Half the Maxwell clan rose to its feet.

“Come on,” Isabelle said. “If we don’t keep an eye on them, they’ll end up miles down the river.”

The day was warm and the river crowded. Most of the women began laying out the food. The swimmers would be hungry when they emerged from the river. The young girls stayed on the bank—the Reverend Sears had announced that no female could bathe publically and preserve her modesty—but every child, young boy, and half the men stripped for a pleasant half hour in the river under the shade of the towering cypresses that lined its banks. Jake and Matt led the Maxwell group to a place down the river that wasn’t so crowded.

Ellen was relieved to see Toby had a firm grip on Tess and Matt an equally firm grip on Noah. The little boy was so anxious to be as grown up as Toby, he refused to admit when he didn’t know how to do things. Matt was using extreme patience, and a good deal of cleverness, to teach Noah how to swim and yet make the boy think he was doing it all on his own. She didn’t know how he did it. He just had a natural instinct for what to do, what to say.