Mature Themes (7 page)

Read Mature Themes Online

Authors: Andrew Durbin

RE: “SMILE
ON A JET”

1. PVG to SFO, Shanghaied to Old Gold Mountain; youtube tutorial, how to dye your faded bluejean sunsets to black (3 sages grimace/smile at the industrial dust cloud banding across the Pacific, radioactive isotopes of the visual-virtual's uncontrollable fission). Amazing that Americans can obtain so much mass, approximate stuff of two or three people in Beijing. Meanwhile political prisoners have been harvested for organs, transhipment via former soviet republics into wealthy diabetics and career alcoholics: because nickelodeon's green goo is people, appropriated lyrics of mourning (napalm girl, coal miner's daughter).

2. The fortune-cookie reads: “—Never mistake a killer for a koan.” Language lesson on the back: “Sociopathic: without any empathy. SEE: Henry Miller as a boy, deliberately farting at the funerary casket of another child, to express his contempt for both friendship and sorrow; SEE ALSO, Marquis de Sade, violently abusing a prostitute. Note: Critics tend to confuse sociopathy with a purported,”—absolute freedom of artistic/spiritual vision,” because they themselves fear empathy as the taint of influence and/or restricted, unreflective thinking. Above all else, the critic desires to appear sophisticated, savvy, and in on the joke. The pure sociopath desires to tell a joke that ends in the death of the entire world external to himself/herself. Lucky lottery numbers: “Un Coup de Dés / enfants ont cassé les carreaux.” ((Justine Redwood Bieber exclaims as (s/he) falls: “—for nowadays the world is lit by lightning. Blow out your candles, California, and so say goodbye ... ”))

3. Marionette carved from the salvaged timber of Hollywood patios and trellises, from memories of Del Monte, from disco ember's cocaine glow, from shredded
Archie
comics and fat Elvis funk fantasies: Terius Youngdell Nash knows how to string out an American dream, soul-sadness submerged, but never auto-tuned past auto-wreck, ignition. Rockets rolling somewhere over gravity's rainbow, because music becomes our only memory when we can't look back at Mississippi John Hurt's home in the Delta blues as we contrail above Embarcadero. Whereas Max Martin's genius is pure pop explosion, here today and gone tomorrow like a coalition of the willing. Funny enough, this entire passage might have been cribbed from a Pitchfork music review, in the guise of a grim-faced hipster homage to American Gothic: stick it to ‘em, etc etc etc. ((“—For all flesh is as grass, and all the glory of man as the flower of grass. The grass withereth, and the flower thereof falleth away ... / “—Or I guess the grass is itself a child ... ))

4. Joke written on the back of an airplane napkin: “—The oldest man with a Bieber tattoo is named Catullus #63, the parable of Attis and Cybele.” Neither smile nor grimace: partial facial paralysis, singing to himself as he looks out the window. The fellow seated next to him's engrossed in an episode of
Saved By the Bell
. The tattoo above his own heart reads: Buddy Holly.

— posted 04/08/2013 at 19:50 by >

MONICA MAJOLI

I am at the Frieze Art Fair

on May 18, 2013, and it's

raining on the inflatable

Paul McCarthy sculpture

of Jeff Koons's balloon dog.

I'm looking at a painting

by Monica Majoli,

at complex forms rendered

shadow in the geometry

of available flesh,

dissolution of youth in the dark,

this opening in me like a wound

without recourse to a mend

is totally Frieze.

Frieze is like those jobs

that say you'll be compensated

commensurate with experience.

How many times have I read that

as “commiserate,” thinking

we might “weigh in”

together to express sympathy

for my having to beg you

to pay me a living wage, itself a term

so vexed in its little assertion

of a metaphysics of cash

it hurls me further

into whatever anally tiny

rabbit hole I've already found myself

crawling down, toward

a demon rabbit with a Koch brother's face.

The number of times reverses me

into ecstasies, crucified on the cross

of precarious employment

but in so less royally

a martyrdom I am rent

anonymous by it.

Frieze is kind of like that,

except it's about buying art,

which I can't do.

And writing about it

is much worse,

so I've been reading

Bruce Hainley to get away

from “the process” of doing so.

Bruce is the LA-based art critic

and poet who writes

about artists that a lot of us

don't pay much attention to,

like Lee Lozano. She

was so pissed off

at the art world

she threw it away,

left New York after a dispute

over her rent with her landlord

in a final piece called
Dropout
.

She more or less spent the rest of her life

living a single, continuous performance

as someone totally outside

of the art world, reclaiming

the space that surrounds it,

redoubled in sequestration

of the suburbs where how many of us originate,

her the suburbs of Texas, me

the suburbs of Florida, Monica Majoli

the generalized suburb of Los Angeles.

I'm reading Bruce's writing in
Pep Talk
,

a small art mag produced somewhere,

I can't tell where from its website,

but probably LA,

where everything cool

comes from to die back east.

Ben Fama lent it to me

one afternoon after I quoted this from a blogpost of Bruce's in an email to him: “I like pros, especially when it comes to tennis and rent boys”—and here I'm really wondering if the pun on prose consolidates Bruce's feeling toward it versus poetry under the sign of sex, which Bruce sometimes pays for, in order to direct us toward the pleasure of its use-function when monetized, a pleasure seldom associated with poetry, and one that might lead to the company of more pros. He continues: “If I can get a twofer, and the trick looks like Rafael Nadal, I'm in heaven.”

I'm in heaven

when I google image search Rafael Nadal

and find him radiating solar joy

on the home page of the
New York Times
,

having just advanced in some open

I've already forgotten the name of,

proving to us

that the champions

of the world

still wear jockey shorts.

I might collapse in a heap

he's so hot. Bruce

has been everywhere

in my life recently. Last night,

I went to a party

and ran into Alan Gilbert.

We discussed Bruce's

really great new piece

on Monica Majoli in
Artforum
.

Bruce starts with this description

of Michael Jackson, whose death

spiked such an inarticulate

slush of feeling,

of feeling so sick to my

stomach when a friend

called me to tell me the news

while I was walking down Magazine Street

in New Orleans,

I almost threw up

and had to sit down. Bruce writes: “Forgoing outright atrocity, of which there is so much—too much—right now, aren't the ‘life,' ‘body,' and ‘face' of Michael Jackson in the running for some of the most abstract events of the last century? (I use the tweezers of scare quotes to approach each of those precarious terms because I'm not certain I could handle them at all otherwise.) ‘His' face and its occlusion, in the final years, when any nose he had was entirely prosthetic (not to mention the permanent eyeliner and chemical bleaching), became a brutal inversion of all the solar joy he beamed as a young performer—that is, when his face appeared at all, since he was prone to wearing what appeared to be a niqab, ‘transgendering' his complicated presence as much as cloaking it. I'm bringing up Jackson's ‘desire,' every bit as abstract as it was intractable, because his ‘desire' strikes me as even more elusive and imponderable, although many during his lifetime supposed they understood what he repressed or compensated for, even if a fundamental component of whatever his desire might have been remained the sense that he seemed constitutionally uncoupled (and uncouplable).” Wow, right?

Monica's work is really great.

In particular this crucifixion-like

scene of a BDSM orgy

in which one subject

is hung up on a cross of boys

who pleasure him:

one boy is half burying

his face in Christ's ass

while another boy has the tip

of Christ's cock dipped in his mouth.

I guess I like Monica's painting

for the ecstasy in which Christ finds himself

nailed to a cross by bodies who crave him,

subjugating fear, this physical imposition

of desire that restrains him

and through which he finds himself

desirable. S/M frees you

to a sex without romance,

formats desire on these

interpersonal axes that belie

the fantasy that drives it,

allowing our interactions

to match a preset system

of behaviors we are already aware of

and introducing within its grid

a notational set of inputs

that activate certain desired

outputs. Nothing is veiled

in order to forefront

the point of the act

in the first place,

and from this the world's

primal motion is set onward—

So, like, I know I like

to get tied down

and jerked off. And for my partner,

that's really, really clear,

you know? Frieze

is kind of like that, too,

totally honest

about its tradeshow quality,

even if that honesty betrays an unhappiness

not quite depressed in its paralyzed tears

but certainly deprived of recourse

to the promissory world of liberation

it might have once suggested.

Flow my tears, the painter said. Or, as Majoli once wrote, “I only paint actual experiences, not fantasies. Within that I elaborate and alter things in the environment, but the activities and the rooms and objects in the interiors are ‘factual.' So in this way I view the paintings as documentary, as a way for me to memorialize events and relationships. The male sex scenes began when a close friend of mine started to go to underground pissparties and became increasingly involved with S/M sex. I had always been fascinated by his anonymous encounters with men. I envied the nonverbal quality and the absolute sexual abandon of his experiences. AIDS confused all this—and I began to wonder about this decision to pursue this despite the consequences. I understood his desire to ‘connect' through sex regardless of the cost. I viewed these paintings as religious, although I still can't explain this. As I continued to paint I slowly realized that I was identifying, uncomfortably so, with the masochist in the composition. I switched reluctantly to images of myself when I fell deeply in love with a woman and felt compelled to paint her after our relationship ended. These autobiographical paintings all involve dildos. Right now, I'm working on a round painting in which I'm fucking myself with one dildo while sucking on a double-headed dildo. The feeling I want to express is of a huge emptiness and isolation. I haven't figured out why dildos are the central ‘props' in those paintings. I think it has to do with this false tool—that the mind wants to make real. Using a fake device to try to communicate with a lover or comfort oneself—so in a way this communication or connection is ultimately doomed. The body fragments are self-portraits that I began when I first painted the scenes. In this way I felt it was like a conversation between the intimacy of the details and the voyeuristic, removed quality of the scenes. I feel that both bodies of work concern the same issues—the body fragments address mortality and vulnerability more directly. I chose parts of the body that seemed particularly fragile. The parts are either cut or in a state of exposure to describe the perils of love and simultaneously, the compulsion to love.”

I'm sitting in a café

in Brooklyn, texting James La Marre,

listening to Ariel Pink's

“Symphony of a Nymph,”

writing about Monica Majoli.

It's late spring,

surprisingly brisk

for this rainy mid-May. I guess

I'm so over “it,”

another season's change

so vexed as to render

its character meaningless

in its punishing irregularity,

over even the famous path of trees

that line Eastern Parkway,

where I sat texting this morning

below the lush panoply

of sky slinking

over the concrete.

I texted Ben,

I texted Kate,

I called my mom,

and yet the simplicity of these actions

failed to regulate my sense

of their eventual removal

from the things I do. Looking back,

doesn't everything seem cryptic,

sealed in its place

a symbol of the near impossible exchange

between times once alike but denied

the way back to one another,

like the scrunched face of Rafael Nadal

when he lost Wimbledon,

his face no longer legible as a holy thing,

I thought wow, Rafael,

if I could be there for you, I would.

Anyway, wherever I am

I'm not with you,

whoever you in the plural are,

by now I'm all the way down the line

into garbage time,

embalmed in its vision

of an apocalypse

tearing up what's left of

life in universe zero,

where perhaps our love

will be stored

on a hard drive

forever, fastened

to its post-physical life away

from things as they really are.

Maybe it's the afterglow of the end

in Monica Majoli's paintings,

a light which dissolves us

in one form only to restructure us

in another. Who is my preserver?

Descended into this

crystal hard drive,

I am stationed among the nodes

asserting me in the various networks

that have become
feeling
.

Soon the one world

we have found flattened

in its emergent disunity

will annihilate itself

in a compromise with fate

and the physics

of this cooling universe

dissipating so slowly

it will be like nothing

ever changed.

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