Maxwell: Not Without Guilt (Phoenix Club) (13 page)

They held onto each other as they made their way to the bedroom and fell onto the large bed together. The passion took over and their clothes came off without hesitation, then Horatio was on his back, Seth on top of him, fucking him with wild abandon. Horatio grabbed his hips and fucked him back, their pants and cries twisting up together, exploding throughout the bedroom.

“Oh god!” Seth gasped hard, his body working on Horatio’s cock with fierce urgency and need. “Oh fuck! Horatio! Uhh!”

“Fuck me, baby,” Horatio pleaded loud and unsteady, rocking with his hurried rhythm. “Oh fuck, Seth! Harder!” He leaned forward and wrapped the kid in his arms and squeezed his body furiously as they lost control. Seth’s dull nails gouged into Horatio’s back, gripped and clawed as the young man cried out and rode his cock hard.

Horatio spun them around, dropping on top of Seth, mouth crushing the boy’s as he went at him desperately, driving into him deep and hard. He broke out of the intense kiss and grabbed his neck, biting.

“UH!” Seth yelled and clung to him tighter. “Fuck me, Horatio! Oh god! Fuck me harder! I want it! I want you!”

You’re the only one I ever want to be with, for the rest of my life
. Max’s voice exploded through his head and he squeezed his eyes shut, struggling to force it out.
It’ll always be us, Horatio. Just you and me
. A sob caught in his chest as his arms tightened around Seth, their passion and hunger spinning his head. He panted against the young man’s neck, eyes tightly closed, tears trying to force out as the past and the present began to merge, flow and ebb together.
You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, Horatio. Please don’t ever stop loving me
.

A strangled cry wrenched out of Horatio as he shoved himself into his lover with more urgency and determination.
I’ll love you forever, Max. I promise
.

The orgasm grabbed him and coiled around his body. “Ahh!” he choked hard, body curving, writhing on top of the young man. “Oh god! Fuck!” He shoved his face against hot skin and panted, gasped, breath puffing out of him forcefully. He could feel Seth tensing beneath him, his cries breaking, then the boy convulsed and screamed out his ecstasy, spurring Horatio to fuck him harder and find his own release.

“Fuuuck!” Horatio wailed, staggered breath puffing against Seth’s sweat slick neck. “Oh fuck...fuck...yes!
Uuuhh! Max!
” The instant he let go and released – the realization hit him hard.
Max
. He had cried out
Max’s
name.
No
...

♦

“W
hat is it?” Cole asked. “What did Horatio say?” He looked at Max uneasily. The man had been oddly quiet since he’d returned to the restaurant.

Rather than answer Cole’s question, Max dug out his wallet, withdrew some bills, and handed them to Maddy. “Why don’t you and Savannah go play some video games in the back, listen to some music. You don’t need to be sitting here thinking about the trial. Try to relax for a little bit.”

Maddy took the money tentatively, then looked at Savannah. “Do you want to?” He nodded towards the back of the restaurant where the video games and jukebox were located.

Savannah nodded silently, her sweet face still drawn with tension, a light sheen to her eyes that warned that the tears remained close to the surface. When they left the table, Maddy rested his hand lightly on her back as they walked away.

“He’s really good with her,” Abel whispered, his own tears still present. “I think it helps her a lot that he’s here.”

“Maddy’s a good kid,” Max said softly and smiled warmly at Angel. “But then, he had a great brother for an example.”

“Indeed.” Dane rubbed his hand down the back of Angel’s head then kissed his hair.

Cole smiled then pressed his lips tight as he looked at Max. “So why did you want them away from the table? What’s going on?”

Releasing a slow breath, Max told them what Horatio said about Jensen wanting to put Savannah on the stand that day.

“What?” Abel trembled. “No. She can’t do it today.”

Cole frowned. “I agree. She’s not ready.”

The others joined in unanimously that it was a bad idea.

“I’m not exactly in favor of it myself,” Max admitted. “But Jensen seems to think it would be beneficial to Abel’s case.”

Shaking his head, Abel resisted the idea. “No. I don’t care. I don’t want her up there today.”

“No one is going to force her,” Max assured. “Jensen will leave it up to her whether or not she wants to do it.”

“No,” Abel said tightly. “She’s still underage. She’s only sixteen. I’ll decide. And she isn’t doing it.”

Devlin wrapped his arm around Abel. “Maybe we should talk to Savannah first.”

“No,” Abel choked, tears forming. “I don’t want her up there today.”

“Easy, babe.” Cole sat on the other side of him and touched his back. “We’ll figure all this out.”

Abel swallowed thickly and wiped at his eyes. “There’s nothing to figure out.”

♦

S
avannah leaned against the wall and watched Maddy feed the dollar bills into the coin machine, receiving quarters back in return. Her arms curled around her waist, and she glanced towards the front of the restaurant, but couldn’t see their table from the back room.

“Do you want to play a game?” Maddy asked quietly, with hesitation. He dumped the quarters in the front pocket of his jeans.

“I don’t know how to play any of these games,” Savannah whispered. “Could we just...listen to music?”

“Yeah. Sure.” Maddy went to the jukebox then glanced over at her. “What do you want to listen to?”

She shrugged. “I don’t care. Anything. Whatever you like.”

“Would you think I’m a hick if I played country music?”

Savannah smiled. “No. I like country music.”

“Phew. Good.” He made a mock swipe of his hand across his brow and grinned.

She ducked her head and laughed softly, then lifted her eyes a bit and watched him make the selections, a smile lingering on his lips. Her heartbeat quickened. Though he was almost a year younger than her, he seemed older. When he caught her watching him, his smile stretched a little. This was the first time in her life she’d really had a chance to think about boys with more than a random thought. It almost felt like fate that Maddy had become part of their “family.” Sometimes she wished he hadn’t. Wished she’d never met him. When he was around, it was too easy to forget that she was “damaged goods.” Or maybe she just
wanted
to forget, so she didn’t have to face the truth – that she and Maddy could never be more than just friends.

“You okay?” Maddy asked uncertainly when he came back over to where she was leaning against the wall.

Her throat felt thick and tears were trying to rise. She blinked them back and nodded. “Why do you think they wanted us to leave the table?” she asked quietly. “Do you think something is wrong?”

“What do you mean?”

“Adults always make kids leave when they want to talk about important things.”

Maddy shrugged. “I don’t know,” he murmured, then offered encouragingly, “I’m sure everything is fine.”

“Yeah,” Savannah whispered thickly, hugging herself tighter.

Maddy absently messed with the controls of one of the video games, his eyes down. “I’m sorry,” he said softly, emotion thick in his voice. “About what happened to your brother.” He licked his lips then pressed them tight and whispered, “A lot of bad things happened to Angel too.”

“I know,” Savannah said quietly. “I’m sorry too.” She glanced towards the front of the restaurant. “I didn’t know everything, until today. He never told me everything that...” her chin trembled. “That Craig did that to him, or that he’d thought about...about suicide.” Tears slid down her face, and she ducked her head.

Maddy touched her arm hesitantly, then embraced her, holding her tight.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face in his shoulder. “It hurts,” she choked. “It was because of me. He was trying to protect me.”

Maddy held her tighter and trembled. “I know,” he said thickly. “Angel protected me too.” His tears seeped into her hair. A hard shudder swept through him. “My stepbrother Wade...he made me watch one time when they...” He hugged Savannah and cried quietly. “Why are people so evil?”

“Not all of them are bad,” she whispered. “Not our family.” Her fingertips slipped through the slightly long strands of hair at the back of his head, and she turned her face against his neck. “Not you.”

Maddy drew back slowly, his warm, damp cheek rubbing gently across Savannah’s until his lips were right there, so close to hers. She could feel it...he wanted to kiss her. The first time they had met, she knew he’d wanted to kiss her then.
Don’t, Maddy. Don’t like me that way. Don’t make me like you that way. I’m broken and nothing can fix me.

Tears grew thicker as she forced herself to turn away from his lips. She laid her head on his shoulder and squeezed her eyes shut, the warmth and strength of his arms feeling like some kind of cruel joke being played on her.

In some ways, she felt like she was already dead. How long would it be before she really was?

♦

H
oratio lifted off Seth and turned away, sitting up on the edge of the bed. His head dropped into his hands. “Seth...”
Fuck!
How could he do that? “I’m...I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to...” His fingers slid up into his hair and squeezed as a pressure swelled in his chest.

Shifting on the bed, Seth whispered, “It’s okay.”

“No.” Horatio trembled. “It isn’t.” He sniffed and swallowed hard, tears building. “I wasn’t...I wasn’t pretending that you were him. I wasn’t...”

Seth touched his back as he sat up behind him, then kissed his shoulder. “I know.”

“I’m sorry.” Horatio clutched his hair in fists.

“It’s been a long, difficult morning,” Seth murmured and pressed his lips to the nape of his neck. “I know all of this is hard on you.”

Horatio looked at the carpet, vision blurred. Was he speaking of the trial? Or Max? “Seth...”

“You should shower.” Seth spoke softly against his damp skin. “And get back down there. It won’t be too long before the trial starts up again.”

Tensing, Horatio frowned. “You’re not coming back with me?” He twisted around and looked at the young man. Seth leaned back on the pillows.

“I was thinking I would just wait here,” he said quietly, his gaze unsteady. Seth may not admit it, but Horatio had hurt him. And why shouldn’t it hurt? He might as well have slapped him in the face.

“You don’t have to.”

“I should call Grid,” he murmured. “See if he will pack up my stuff for me.” He looked at Horatio. “I mean, if you still want to go...”

“Of course I do.” Horatio leaned in and kissed him softly, then buried his face in his neck. “I want you with me, Seth. I’m so sorry for what I said.”

Seth slid his fingers through Horatio’s hair and kissed his head. “I’m not mad,” he whispered thickly.

I know you’re not mad, baby...but you’re hurt, and that’s worse.

Lifting his head, Horatio asked, “Are you sure you don’t want to come back down there with me?”

He looked away. “I don’t really bring anything to it.”

“You do for me.” Horatio touched his face, drawing his eyes back. But the look he saw there told him that Seth didn’t entirely believe that – and why would he? Horatio had been distracted by Max the moment they had arrived at the courthouse that morning.
Even before
.

“Thank you,” Seth whispered and kissed his palm. “But I should really get a hold of Grid and let him know what’s going on, have him gather up my things. That way, we just have to stop by and grab them and won’t have to take the extra time packing.” He sat forward and hugged Horatio, kissing his ear. “We can just go.” The kid’s arms tightened fiercely, and Horatio embraced him as powerfully.

“All right,” Horatio said quietly. “Makes sense.” He drew back and kissed Seth on the lips. “I wish we were going today. I’m so ready to just be...” he shook his head, throat knotting. “Just be done with all of this.”

♦

M
ax didn’t say a word to disrupt the moment. He stood quietly, watching Maddy hold Savannah. There was such an innocence in them, though both had experienced the ugliest side of life. But there was just something “pure” about a first love. It was like life didn’t really start until that moment when one’s heart began to beat with that special kind of love.

But when that love was born out of time, it could kill life as well.

*  *

“M
ax?” The knocking was soft but insistent. “Please open the door. Please, Max. Tell me what’s wrong?”

Max laid on his back and stared blankly at the ceiling, tears streaming down into his hair. “Just go to school, Horatio,” he choked.

“Why won’t you let me in, Max?” Horatio cried. “What did I do? Why are you mad at me?”

Pain shot through Max’s chest as his chin began to tremble, and a stronger rush of tears pushed out. “I’m not mad,” he shuddered.

“Then what’s wrong?”

“You’re gonna be late for school.” Max bit his lip and curled his arm over his eyes. “Just go.”

Silence lingered on the other side of the door, but he could feel Horatio still standing there. “Can we talk when I get home?” His voice shook with quiet sobs. Max didn’t answer. “Please? You’re scaring me, Max.” He choked on a soft cry. “I love you, Max.”

Max rolled onto his stomach and shoved his face in his pillow, crying.

“Max,” Horatio began to cry openly. “Do you still love me?”

Sobs twisted his body as he clutched the pillow to his face, his chest clenching until he couldn’t breathe.

Please don’t ask me that, Horatio. I can’t tell you what you want to hear, not ever again.

*  *

M
ax released a hard breath as the vision of Maddy and Savannah blurred and distorted through his tears. He blinked them away quickly, but they remained much too close to the surface. Horatio had run out of the house that morning, hurting from Max’s silence. But the hurt was nothing compared to what he had experienced when he’d come that afternoon and found Max gone, and discovered that he’d lost him...in every sense of the word.