Maya's Choice (8 page)

“What the hell is going on with you, Maya? Why do you have that boy in the house when you know your mother and I have forbid it!”

“Dad, I have a life, too! And Anna—” My dad cut me off before I could finish my sentence.

“I'll deal with Anna later. I'm not happy that you've dis
respected my home and allowed that boy to disrespect it, as well!” I'd never heard my father sound this angry before.

“What about the trust that Anna has broken with me? I do have a right to privacy, don't I?”

“Are you doing drugs? Because you sound like you've lost your damn mind! You're only sixteen—your privacy is my business!” I could tell by the way he kept raising his voice that I was digging my own grave.

“Daddy, I'm in love. Why can't you see that?” I held back the tears swirling around in my heart like a cyclone.

“Maya, you're not in love. Judging by this photo, you're deeply in lust and you can easily slip up and become a teen mother. Now, my job as your father is to prevent you from making that mistake. I hope he was worth the ass-whooping you've got coming for pulling this stunt.”

“Why can't you understand my feelings for Misalo?”

“Maya, you don't know jack squat about love. That's the problem with your generation. You think you know every damn thing but can't tell the difference between sunrise and sunset!” my father fired back.

“How can you say that? How can you say that my feelings aren't real?” His comment hurt me in a way that I hadn't anticipated.

“Is that boy still there?” My dad avoided answering my question by asking one of his own.

“No, Misalo is gone now,” I lied.

“No, he's not. You never could lie to me, Maya.” He paused for a moment. “I'm going to call Anna now, and if she tells me that guy is still there, you're going to have hell to pay when I get there.”

“Why do you believe everything she says?” I uncharacteristically challenged his authority and his apparent preference of Anna over me.

“You should learn how to be more like your little sister. Anna is a good girl who isn't sneaking boys into the house behind my back, and she isn't sneaking off to wild parties and returning home with broken bones.”

“So, do you think Anna is better than me? She isn't that wonderful, Dad. She does her share of dirt, too, but you just don't know about it,” I said, wanting to get Anna in just as much trouble as I was in.

“Maya, this conversation is over until your mother and I get home. In fact, I'm leaving the office right now. I'll see you shortly,” my dad said, and then he hung up on me.

I held my cell phone in my hand for a moment before I exhaled and then screamed. It didn't take long for my tears to come.

“Baby, what's wrong? What did he say?” Misalo embraced me and stroked my back. I buried my face in his chest and sobbed.

“Nothing is working out the way I envisioned it. I had the perfect afternoon planned and now everything is ruined.”

“It's going to be okay.” Misalo tried to reassure me but his words were filled with empty promises.

“Let's just run away,” I suggested. “We'll show everyone just how strong true love is. We'll show them that there is only one person that each of us is meant to be with. For me, I know that person is you.” I stepped away and looked into Misalo's eyes. “Don't you feel the same way?”

“You know that I do,” he agreed.

“Then tell me. I need to know that no matter what, someway, somehow, we'll be together and no one or nothing can tear us apart.” I waited for his response as if my heart would stop beating if he didn't feel the same way.

“Maya, from the moment I first met you, I knew that you were special. I want the same things that you want and I'll do anything to prove it.” Misalo kissed me.

“My father said you didn't love me because you took me to an unsafe and inhumane dogfight,” I whispered as I smeared away more tears.

Misalo embraced me once again. “That's ridiculous. He just doesn't want to realize that you're a woman now. Sooner or later he is going to have to come around and respect our relationship.” Misalo held me tightly and it felt warm and beautiful like the blending of the sea and sky.

“Excuse me, Maya.” It was my little brother, Paul. “You may want to get him out of here really fast. I just got off the phone with Mom and she's just up the street stuck waiting for the freight train to pass.”

“Oh, my God! Hurry up, Misalo! You've got to get out of here. If she sees you I'll never hear the end of it.” Misalo wasted no time rushing out of my room. He retrieved his bike from the garage, mounted it and took off as fast as he could before my mother arrived.

VIVIANA

When
I returned to the apartment I was so thankful my mother and her boyfriend, Martin, were not there, because I really didn't feel like answering a bunch of questions about why my face looked the way it did. My bottom lip was split down the middle, and my face was bruised in several places. Most of the damage could be hidden with makeup, so in a way I was thankful for that. I went into the bathroom, took a shower and went about the business of hiding my war wounds. When I was finished I stared at myself in the mirror. All of my blemishes were well concealed, but I didn't like my reflection. I felt as if I were a train wreck that no one really cared about. I got angry and let out a scream.

“You're such a lost cause, Viviana!” I spat at my own reflection.

Wringing my hands I said, “Maybe you should hurt yourself. Perhaps then someone would care.” The thought of allowing my mind to slip into madness was a tempting one.

When I finished mentally beating myself up, a feeling of claustrophobia came over me. I suddenly felt as if the walls
were caving in on me. The musty odor of the apartment made my stomach turn sour and my skin felt as if there were millions of tiny ants crawling all over it. I began scratching my arms, my hair and my stomach with my fingernails. I shouted at the top of my voice again as I walked out of the bathroom with only a towel wrapped around my body, feeling as if I were about to lose my mind. I decided to stand still in an attempt to calm myself.

“Get a grip, Viviana,” I said, trying to reassure myself that I was safe and that I was okay. I took a few deep breaths and said, “I have to get out of here.” I rushed back into my bedroom and put on some clothes. Racing out of the apartment, I took the back stairwell, and left through the rear exit. Without giving much thought to what I was going to do or where I was headed, I started walking east toward the lakefront. Mindlessly, I walked, not really thinking about much of anything except that I had to keep moving. I made it to the shoreline of Lake Michigan and sat on a sandy beach near the Museum of Science and Industry. Kicking my shoes off, I placed my feet on the hot sand. I coiled my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. Listening to the roar of the water as it crashed against the shoreline was calming. I glanced around at all of the people there. It was mostly parents playing with their kids and the family dog. I thought about my father again and about how much I missed him and how I wished I could turn back the hands of time and talk to him. How I longed to hear his voice laughing. I wanted to dance with him in the middle of the floor and hug him so I could feel safe and protected.

I pulled out my cell phone and scrolled through my pho
tos until I found one of the two of us together. It had been taken several years before. Around the time our lives begun to spiral out of control. He didn't smile as much as he used to. In fact, he hated for anyone to take a photo of him, but he took one for me because it was my birthday. I scrolled to the next picture I had of us. I was about eight years old. My mom came into my bedroom and took a picture of my dad and me playing with my Lilo and Stitch dolls. We were both sitting on the floor making the dolls walk and run and jump and play. He always made the dolls talk for me, and he was talented in giving them different voices. I scrolled through and found one last family photo taken at Walmart. I was two years old, and my parents and I were wearing matching Chicago Bulls championship T-shirts from 1996. I remember my dad being a huge Michael Jordan fan. I forced back tears by shutting my eyes and took a deep breath. After a moment I opened my eyes and closed my phone and forced myself to stop thinking about my dad. He was gone and no amount of wishing was going to ever bring him back.

The following day I caught up with Toya, who wanted to know how much money and merchandise I'd scored. We went into her bedroom so that I could give her the details of how I'd gotten jacked up. When I told her what had gone down, her mouth opened as wide as the ocean.

“Are you serious? Two chicks chased you onto a city bus and jumped you?” Toya was intrigued by the brawl I had.

“Yeah, and if it hadn't been for the stun gun you gave me, I'd probably be in an emergency room all messed up.”

“Damn. That's jacked up,” Toya said sympathetically.
“Sometimes stuff like that happens, though. You just have to learn from your mistake and move on, that's all.”

“Yeah, that's easier said than done,” I said. Toya moved closer to inspect my bruises.

“What did your mother say about your face?” she asked me.

“Nothing. She doesn't know. Even if she did notice, I don't think she'd care much. She's too busy trying to keep her new man happy. She's not very concerned about me, and I can pretty much do anything I want to as long as I don't bring another mouth in the house to feed.” I paused in thought for a moment. “I wish there was a way for me to have a normal life.”

Toya chuckled. “People like us will never have a normal life. We're from the 'hood. The moment we were born, our lives jumped on an express elevator to hell. We're never going to get out of here, so we've got to make the best of it and do what we've gotta do in order to survive. Don't you agree?” Toya asked.

“Of course I do. My father told me the same thing,” I said.

“You want to know what I was thinking?” The tone of Toya's voice was suddenly upbeat.

“No?” I answered.

“We could probably make a killing if we were to go downtown and target businesspeople. We could get all types of credit cards and cash. Plus, I'm sure they're not going to chase us onto a city bus.”

“That does sound like a sweet plan,” I said, thinking about the possibilities.

“So, are you down with doing that?” she asked.

“Yeah, count me in. I don't have anything else to do anyway,” I said, allowing the weight of my misery to dictate my decision.

“Cool, we'll hook up tomorrow and take the bus downtown.”

“Where will we go? I mean, we can't just walk into an office building.”

Toya laughed. “Oh, yes we can.”

“What? Are you crazy? I'm not going to walk into an office building and pick someone's pocket.” I thought for sure Toya had lost her mind.

“No. I'm not saying that we're going to do it. I just know of people who are brave enough to do that kind of job. They dress up like regular businesspeople and walk from floor to floor acting like they're trying to raise money for a cause. You'd be surprised at how easily people will give up money when you say it's to help build a community center or some other nonsense about making a neighborhood better. I know this one girl who made two thousand dollars in a matter of a few hours.”

“Are you serious?” I couldn't believe someone had made that type of money off of a scam.

“Yeah. She wants to bring me in on it, but told me that I needed to learn how to speak better.”

“Speak better?” I asked, confused.

“You know. Sound all proper and stuff. I told her, ‘I can't be talking like I got a college degree or something. I'm a high school dropout and proud of it.' She told me that she dropped out of school in eighth grade, but she can sound like she has a degree from Harvard when she wants to. Anyway, I
told her that I didn't like talking to strange people that much and preferred to just take what I needed from them. It's simpler. I'll introduce you to her one day. Her name is Elva, but every one calls her Penny.”

“I would like to meet her. She sounds like she's really cool,” I said.

“She is. Penny has an entire crew that does stuff like that,” Toya explained.

“How do you know all of these people?” I asked.

“I know all types of people. It's like we have our own secret social network.” Toya beamed with pride. “Anyway, I hate to put you out, but I promised my grandmother I'd go with her to church. She's trying to save my soul.” Toya laughed.

“I don't believe you go church,” I said.

“Yes, I do. You'd be surprised by how much money I get when I go there,” Toya joked.

“Isn't that like sacred ground?” I felt like that was a line I'd probably never cross.

“Oh, don't worry. I do thank Jesus for placing people with money in my path.” Toya laughed out loud.

“Okay. On that note, I'm going to head back upstairs.” I rose to my feet and headed toward the door.

“I'll send you a text tomorrow morning to let you know when I'm ready to head downtown. I'm thinking we could hit some of those really busy food courts during the lunch hour. Women are always leaving their purse draped on the back of a chair for one reason or another. That's a perfect
time to move in and slip it off the chair without them noticing.”

“Sounds like a plan to me.” I nodded in agreement before heading toward the front door.

MAYA

I thought
I was so clever because I was able to get Misalo out of the house without my mother seeing him. I was confident I'd be able to somehow make my father believe that the photo he had seen of me and Misalo was really nothing to be upset over. Even if I had to break down and cry to soften him up, I knew I was witty enough to pull it off. When all of the drama settled down, I was going to make Anna pay big-time. My plan was to not get mad or even with her, I was going to get ahead of her. I just had to be patient and nail her when she least expected it. If she wanted to make our father believe I was the neighborhood slut, then I was determined to make him believe she was the community crackhead. However, with all of the scheming and plotting that I was mapping out in my mind, what I did not factor into my equation was my mother.

When she arrived home she was on the phone with my father discussing what my punishment should be. The way she looked at me when she walked into the house made me
realize she was ticked off enough to drown a woman on dry land. I wasn't going to get around her so easily.

“Oh, don't worry. I'm going to deal with both of them right now,” I heard my mother say as she tossed her keys and purse on the countertop. I exhaled loudly because I knew I was in for a long lecture. The moment my mother heard my groaning, she popped her fingers and then angrily pointed at one of the kitchen chairs, motioning me to park my rear end at the table.

I sat and continued to eavesdrop on my mother's phone conversation with my father. “I know. It was extremely disrespectful, and while Anna was busy digging a hole for Maya to fall into she doesn't realize that she's also dug one for herself. Okay. I'll see you when you get here,” my mother said. As soon as she was off the phone I began talking.

“It really isn't as bad as it looks,” I said, trying to extinguish the blaze in my mother's eyes.

“Maya, shut up!” she hissed at me. I folded my arms and did as I was told.

“Anna!” my mother yelled out, but got no response. She moved toward the living room and stood in the archway between the two rooms. “Anna!”

“Huh?” I heard my sister answer back.

“Huh, my foot! Get down here.” My mother sounded like an angry drill sergeant. She walked back into the kitchen and glared at me. If she had a samurai's sword I knew she'd take at least one swing at my neck. Anna finally arrived and sat on a chair at the opposite side of the table.

“What's going on with you two?” my mother asked.

I shrugged my shoulders. “Ask her, she started it.”

“I didn't start anything!” Anna barked. “You're the one who's always bossing me around like you think you own me. And you're always in my room borrowing my clothes and jewelry.”

“Mom, she is lying through her teeth. We don't even have the same style and I definitely wouldn't wear any of her funky clothes that she leaves piled up in the corner of her room. Have you looked in her room lately? I'll bet a million bucks that there is some type of fungus growing in there.”

“See, that proves that she's been in my room and invading my privacy!” Anna snapped back.

“Are you serious! You're the one who invaded my privacy, you little—”

“Maya!” my mother once again barked. Before I had a chance to say what I really wanted to I huffed and cut my eyes at Anna.

“The feeling is mutual,” Anna said, trying to get in the last word.

“Whatever!” I said, wishing I could flip up my middle finger at her.

“Enough!” My mother, as usual got in the last word. “You girls are bickering over petty things. And I'm disappointed with both of you. Anna, the email photograph that you sent to your father was disrespectful.”

“How else was I going to prove that she was breaking the rules? You guys never believe me. You always take Maya's side because she's the oldest,” Anna complained.

“Mom, that's not true. Don't listen to her,” I said.

“Maya, if I hear another word from you, you will be writing a check that your behind can't cash. Shut up!” I lis
tened to my mother and remained silent, but in my mind I was confused. One minute she's asking me what was going on between Anna and me, and when I try to explain, she's threatening me with violence.

“I believe I have a clear picture of what's going on here. You two are fighting like the Hatfields and McCoys,” she said, trying to put our rivalry in simple terms.

“Who are the Hatfields and McCoys?” Anna stupidly asked.

“Not too bright, are you?” I murmured. The moment the words escaped my lips I felt my mother slap the back of my head. I didn't even see the hit coming. I swallowed my tears of humiliation; I wasn't about to let Anna see me cry. The hit itself didn't really sting. It was the fact that my mother was angry enough to do it that hurt more.

“You two are fighting just like my sister, Salena, and I did when we were young. We were always competing with each other for attention. The only thing the rivalry did was build a valley between us, and I will not allow that to happen with you two. Anna, no loving father wants to see his daughter making out with a boy, or man, for that matter. By sending that photo you've hurt him in a way that is not easily put into words.”

“I was only trying to show everyone how sneaky she is.” Anna defended her actions.

“Little girl, did you hear what I just said?” My mother glared at Anna with disbelief in her eyes. “Don't
ever
send anything like that to your father again.”

“He should be mad at Maya, not me.” Anna didn't have the good sense to shut up.

“Anna, a hard head makes for a soft behind.” My mother kept trying to provide Anna with a little wisdom. But as always, Anna just didn't get it.

“Huh?” Anna asked.

“Your stubbornness will be your downfall.” My mother gave Anna a look of damnation.

“This is so not fair,” Anna whined. A truly twisted part of me was very happy that she was in just as much hot water as I was.

“Maya.” My mother turned her attention to me. “You've really lost your mind. What were you thinking? Why would you even think that it was okay to have a boy over when we're not home?”

I shrugged as if I were dumb. I certainly wasn't about to tell her the truth, which was that I was feeling neglected and wanted to make out with my boyfriend.

“Are you trying to get pregnant?” she asked. I didn't answer her because she'd told me twice to shut up.

“You hear me talking to you! Answer me!” my mother snapped.

“No,” I quickly said before she decided to do something more drastic.

“Then what were you thinking?”

I honestly didn't know what to tell her. But then, in the back of my mind I heard a little voice whisper to me,
Tell her you're in love.

“I love him, Mom, and love makes you do crazy things.” I felt as if I'd given her a rock-solid answer that could not be challenged.

“Love! Honey, you're only sixteen and haven't lived long
enough to understand love. Love is what's keeping me from putting a bullet between your eyes right now.

“You're in lust,” she concluded with a tone full of disappointment. My mother exhaled and combed her fingers through her hair. She then placed her hands on her hips.

“Anna, leave. Go to your room. I'll be up there soon.” Anna looked at me and rolled her eyes before leaving. My mother sat next to me and leaned back, resting her arm on the back of the chair.

“Look at you. You think you have the world by the tail. You believe that you've got everything all figured out. I've always known at some point I'd have to deal with you and the adult decisions that you
think
you're ready to make while you're still just a child.” My mother got up and walked over to the refrigerator and opened it. She reached inside and pulled out a bottled water. She opened it up, took a sip and said, “You've planned out your entire life and you know exactly what is in store for you, right?” My mother awaited my response.

“Yeah,” I boldly declared, because I knew for certain that I wanted to marry Misalo, have four children, live in a beautiful house and have the perfect life. “I want to be like you and Dad. Misalo will be the perfect father and husband.”

“So, if I were to tell you that he's only interested and fascinated with the diamond at the meeting of your thighs, you'd say—”

I glanced down at my thighs trying to figure out what she meant, then I suddenly got it.

“Misalo isn't like that, Mom. He's very special and noth
ing like boys were when you were young. He doesn't want to have sex with every girl in town.”

“If he's that honorable, why doesn't he come to the front door like a respectable young man, instead of having you creep around like some tramp?” My mother placed her right index finger up to her temple. She looked at me sternly as if she wasn't going to believe a word I said and was clearly judging me and what her next move was going to be.

“I am not a tramp. Misalo
is
going to marry me one day, probably as soon as we graduate,” I said, refusing to concede defeat to the battle of wits I was having with my mother.

“Do you know that for sure? Are you absolutely convinced that at the age of eighteen with his entire life ahead of him, he's going to trade in all of his freedom for a job, four children and a mountain of debt? The same question applies to you, Maya. Are you going to be willing to find a place to live, buy furniture, pay rent, get pregnant and sit at home all day with four babies who cry all of the time? Are you willing to stop shopping for the latest designer fashions that you love to wear and trade them in for clothes out of Walmart? Are you emotionally ready to deal with the possibility that he may grow tired of you and want his freedom back? Can you handle it if the fairy-tale love story you've concocted in your mind turns into a nightmare?”

Admittedly, I had not considered any of the things my mother was bringing up. All I knew was that love conquered all, and Misalo could do no wrong and he'd never do anything to hurt me. “Misalo and I are soul mates. I've read articles that have said once you find your soul mate nothing
can tear you apart.” My mother laughed and it really upset me. I was being serious and she thought I was joking.

“Why won't you give him a real chance? Why don't you think I know how to make good decisions when it comes to my love life?” I knew I was really pressing my luck with that comment, but I just couldn't allow my mother to have this victory.

“Misalo seemed like a nice enough boy when he took you to prom, but his behavior lately doesn't reflect well on him. He's still just a boy, Maya. He is nowhere near being the successful man that he has the potential to be. Strapping him down with your fantasy of marriage and children at such a young age will only make him resent you.”

“You're wrong, Mom. Misalo wants the same things I do.” I raised my voice as I felt my emotions getting away from me. My mother was making sense, but I didn't want to hear her words. Loving Misalo was my choice. I wanted to prove her wrong. I wanted to show her that I was right.

My mother moved closer to me and met my gaze. “I'm your mother, and I know you better than you know yourself. You know that I'm right and you're not going to win this argument.”

“I am right!” I said with fire in my voice. I refused to break eye contact with her as I held my ground.

My mother snappily replied, “You can't hide those lying eyes of yours, Maya. You know you're not right. You can lie to yourself your entire life, but honey, one thing you'll never be able to do is lie to your mother.”

I remained silent as a few tears surfaced and spilled over. Humiliated, I quickly smeared them away from both of my
cheeks. My breathing became sporadic. I was trying to keep from having a total emotional breakdown in front of her.

“I see that I'm going to have to save you from yourself.” My mother turned her back to me, walked over to the kitchen window and looked out of it. “Your father is home.”

I turned and looked in the same direction. I saw my father pulling his car into the garage.

“What do you think love is, Maya?”

I thought about her question before I answered with a trembling voice. “Love is when two people can't see living without each other. Love makes you miss them whenever they're not around and love makes you think about the person all of the time.” I felt that I'd provided her with a reasonable and truthful answer.

“You're not in love. You're infatuated.” It was clear she didn't like the answer I gave.

“Isn't passion part of being in love?” I asked.

“Yes, it is, but love is about so much more.” My mother paused in thought. “Do you want to become a teen mom and turn your father and me into grandparents?”

“No,” I quickly responded.

“But you want to have four children?” My mother threw my own words back at me.

“Well, not right away,” I said.

“Maya, do you realize all types of sexually transmitted diseases are out there that you can get? Some have a cure and others don't.”

“I know that, Mom, but it's not like that.” By the pitch of her voice I could tell she was growing angrier.

“Oh, really? Then what is it like, Maya? Please enlighten
me. Explain to me why you'd purposely break the trust that your father and I have in you?”

“I didn't think about that, okay? I just wanted to see Misalo and spend time with him.” I admitted more than I had wanted to.

Dad walked into the kitchen and heard every word I'd just said. Our eyes met and in his I could see a mixture of pain and disappointment. He didn't have to say a single word to me; his eyes were speaking for him. I felt as if I'd wounded him in the gravest of ways. The tears I'd been desperately trying to contain swelled in my eyes. I felt as if he thought I was no longer his innocent baby girl.