Maybe Always (Maybe Series Book 3) (13 page)

I follow Santino down the stairs, past the cafeteria, and into a small dark room.
 

“I don’t know what happened,” Karp says, pointing to the screens. “I didn’t do anything.”

“Out of the way,” Santino snarls at Karp, pushing him out of the way.
 

Santino sits down at the computers that are black instead of surveilling the building. Santino begins pushing buttons and turning things off and on, trying to get the screens to work again. But it doesn’t work.
 

“Go get Seth,” Santino says to Karp. “And, Karp, you’d better hope we can get this back up and running.”

Santino’s threat is obvious. Karp’s job and life depend on getting the security systems back up and running.
 

I stand, watching Santino try thing after thing, but nothing happens. I glance to the cord behind Santino and see the easy solution to the problem. I shouldn’t tell him. It is to my advantage if the security systems stay down. But I can’t let Karp die for a simple mistake. Maybe it will earn me some points to fix the security system.
 

I bend down and plug the cord back into the wall. I watch as the screens roar to life. I watch as Santino’s lips curl back into a smile of relief. I doubt Nacio would be happy to return to find the security systems down. Santino stares at me.
 

“The outlet is flimsy. If we were staying here, I would recommend it be replaced. You should let whoever is on security duty next know that the cord could fall out of the outlet again.”
 

Santino just stares at me until Seth comes into the small room.
 

“Sir?”

Santino stops staring. “The security system was down, but I got it up and running again. It seems the cord fell out of the outlet. You are on duty tonight, so I just wanted you to know how to fix it if it happened again.”
 

Seth nods.
 

Santino turns back to the screens and begins checking that everything is in place. I look over his shoulder, trying my best to see where the cameras are located.
 

I take a deep breath when a screen switches to the hallway. The hallway that will forever haunt my dreams. I wait for the cameras to switch to one of the rooms. I wait to come face-to-face with the room where I watched the woman die. I wait for the cameras to show me Killian tied up in a room somewhere. I wait for the cameras to show me all of the other broken people who are trapped in the rooms upstairs. I wait, but the cameras never go into any of the rooms. Instead, they just skim the hallways and exits.
 

There are no cameras in any of the rooms.
 

The thought sounds over and over again in my head.
 

There are no cameras in any of the rooms.
 

That means, I can visit Killian. My heart beats rapidly in my chest at the thought of having a few seconds alone with him. I could do it. I could go to his room. I just need to find out which room he is in, and I need an excuse for being in his room. But that is all details. Because I can go see Killian. And that is all that matters.
 

I deeply breathe out, trying to rid my body of the pain that has inched its way into every corner of my body. My arms are sore from being tied up on either side of my head, making my muscles ache. But the pain in my arms is nothing compared to the pain in my head. I can barely think straight due to the pounding, stabbing pain that continuously nags at me. Blood still drips from my lips and eye where Kinsley hit me. My back stings from being whipped multiple times, and my stomach is bruised from Kinsley’s kick.

Overall though, the physical pain is nothing compared to the emotional pain I’m dealing with. I’m lucky really. The pain I endured after I was brought to this room was nothing. The simple whipping stopped as soon as I started talking. It wasn’t real torture. The men who were whipping me, their hearts weren’t in it. They were just doing their job.
 

Real torture only happens when people truly care about what they are doing. When they aren’t trying to get information out of someone but instead doing it because they enjoy the torture themselves. That’s not what I experienced.
 

If I’m lucky enough to live another night, I have a feeling I will get to experience real torture at the hands of Nacio or Santino. They hate me. They have a reason to torture me. They have a reason to make me pay for the pain I’ve put them through.
 

But the pain they have dealt with is nothing compared to what they have put me through these last few days. The pain from thinking Kinsley was dead was unbearable. I shouldn’t have survived the pain they put me through. Somehow though, I’m still alive, barely hanging on. Somehow, I’ve managed to live long enough to see Kinsley alive again.
 

It’s enough, seeing her alive. It’s enough to make all the pain I went through worth it. It’s enough to make my death worth it. My death that I know will be coming soon.
 

Kinsley barely kept me alive today. She found a way to keep me alive, but I don’t know if she is keeping me alive for my benefit or hers. I don’t even know if she still loves me or just wasn’t heartless enough to kill me—yet.
 

But, either way, the only way she will survive more than a couple of days is to kill me. And dying to keep the woman I love alive is more than worth it. I would give my life a hundred times if it meant she would get to live. It’s all I care about anymore. All I care about is that she lives.
 

That is my only mission—to keep her alive at all costs.
 

I don’t care why she is here. To join them. To bring them down. To protect her family. I don’t care. She just must survive this.

My eyes grow heavy with each second, so heavy that I must sleep, but sleep won’t come easy. Not when my hands are tied up above my head and I’m stuck sitting on a cold floor. Not when the headache is worse than I want to admit. I try anyway though. I close my eyes and think of Kinsley and hope dreaming of her will be enough to lull me into a deep sleep.
 

I let the image of her standing in front of me when I thought she was dead fill my mind. I see her standing there, strong and unbreakable, in her tight dark pants that show off the curve of her ass. I let my mind move up her body to her bare stomach that is smooth and perfect. Up to her bra that shows off her perky breasts that fit so perfectly in my hands. To her hair that somehow still shines, despite not being styled in days. To her plump lips that I want to claim with mine.
 

I imagine a different meeting. A meeting where the second I see her, I run to her and never let her go. I run to her, and I don’t ask questions about what she is doing here or who she has become. I just take her in my arms and love her.
 

I imagine ripping her clothes off and not caring who is watching because I need to be with her more than anything. I imagine her moans at the first touch of my hand on her bare breast. I imagine her screaming my name as I thrust inside her, expanding her, until she is more than full. I can practically feel her wetness covering my cock, more and more with each thrust. I feel the tight walls of her pussy contracting as I make her come hard and fast. I hear her screaming, but as soon as she gets the release out, it turns into barely a whisper that she repeats over and over, like a quiet plea for more.
 

“Killian…Killian…Killian,” she says in her soft, perfect voice.
 

I moan softly, loving how she says my name.
 

“Killian,” she says louder.

I grin wildly as she begs me for more, even when I know she isn’t ready for another round so quickly after we just finished.
 

“Open your eyes, baby,” she says softly to me.
 

I moan. I can’t open my eyes. If I do, she will be gone. I’m not ready to let the image go.
 

“Open your eyes,” she says again. This time, she’s stroking my cheek so softly that I’m not sure if she is actually touching me.
 

I begrudgingly open my eyes and expect her to disappear, but instead, I find her crouching in front of me. Her brow is wrinkled as she looks at me, biting down on her lip.
 

I look around the room and realize I’m still in the prison they locked me in, except Kinsley isn’t just an image of my imagination. She is kneeling down in front of me.
 

I reach my hand to touch her face, but the rope keeps my hand in place. I can’t help but smile at her even though I know she is risking her life to be here.
 

“You shouldn’t be here,” I say.
 

“I couldn’t stay away.” She reaches her hand up and gently touches me on the cheek.
 

It stings wherever she touches, but I don’t tell her to stop. I can’t tell her to stop. I need her touch too much to let a little pain get in the way.
 

“I’m sorry,” she says as she stops rubbing my cheek.
 

“Don’t stop.”
 

My eyes meet hers, and I see a tear fall down her cheek. A tear that I can’t wipe away, despite how much I need to.
 

She slowly reaches her hand back to my cheek and touches me so softly that all I feel is the pleasure from her touch.
 

“I’m so sorry I hit you. I didn’t know what else to do. I just couldn’t kill you. I couldn’t live if you were dead. I’m sorry I kissed Nacio. I just did it. I would have done anything to gain his trust and keep you alive. I just couldn’t kill you. I couldn’t kill you,” she says as her voice turns to sobs.
 

“Shh,” I say, cursing the ropes for not letting me touch her. “Stop it. You have nothing to be sorry for, princess. Nothing at all.”
 

She wipes the tears, but as soon as she does, more tears falls. “Yes, I do. I hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you. Ever.”
 

I sigh. “You didn’t hurt me tonight. Seeing you alive brought me back from the brink of death. That’s all I care about. That you are happy and alive even if…” I can’t bear to say the next words.
Even if you don’t love me anymore. Even if you never did.
 

She stops crying immediately and looks up at me. “You think I hate you, don’t you?”
 

I can’t look at her, so instead, I look at the cold, dark ground. I can’t answer her. I don’t want her to pretend that she doesn’t hate me when she does.
 

I feel her hand reach around to the nape of my neck. She slightly lifts my head, forcing me to look at her. She bites her lip again as she looks into my eyes, trying to read my expression, but in my swollen state, I don’t think she is able to read any of my emotions.
 

She pauses for a second longer, studying me, trying to understand, and then her lips are on my lips. Her tongue is in my mouth. Her hand is tangled in my hair. Her kiss demands me to kiss her back, and I oblige as best as I can. I push my tongue further into her mouth until it is tangling with hers. She moans loudly as I do, and as she deepens the kiss, I know there is no way she hates me. There is no way she could feel anything other than love for me. And I hate myself for doubting that love. I hate myself that one word—
never
—made me think that she hated me when I read the note she left in the bed and breakfast in Ireland.
 

She slowly, reluctantly moves her lips from mine. She places her cheek against my cheek. “I love you. I could never hate you. I love you. I’ve always loved you. I always will,” she says.

“I know, princess. I know. I love you always, too.”
 

She kisses me hard against my cheek, holding the kiss for a long time, like she is preparing to say good-bye, but she isn’t. She is just leaning away from my face so that we can look at each other again, eye-to-eye.
 

“You should go.” I force the words out of my mouth even though it is the absolute last thing I want.
 

“I can’t. I need you too much first.”
 

I suck in a breath, not able to stand the torture she is putting me through when she promises me something that can’t happen. I close my eyes, trying to break the connection between us. “You have to go. I need you to stay alive.”
 

“I will. I will stay alive, but I won’t without having you first.”
 

I shake my head and keep my eyes closed, ignoring what she is telling me she wants.
 

“It’s not safe, Kinsley. There are cameras everywhere. There are guards. They can’t find you in here. You need to go. I need to know that you are safe. That you are alive.”
 

Her lips touch mine, and I can’t keep my eyes closed anymore. They open automatically as she runs her tongue across my bottom lip. I could let her suck me. I could let her fuck me. I wouldn’t last. It would be over in a matter of seconds. I’ve missed her too much to last longer than that.
 

“No,” I say sternly. “No.”
 

“I am safe. I told Karp.”
 

I narrow my eyes in confusion at the name.
 

“The man who is on guard duty. I told him that I wasn’t done with you. That I needed to make you pay for what you did. I needed to make sure you weren’t hiding anything else. He thinks I’m in here, torturing you, beating you up. There are no cameras in here. We are safe.”

“Thank fucking God.”
 

She smiles brightly at me, but the brightness soon fades as more blood drips down my face. She moves closer to me, and I freeze as I watch her tongue move out of her mouth. I anticipate her running it across my lip again, but this time, it moves to the corner of my lip where blood is spilling. She slowly, hesitantly licks up the blood, and I can’t do anything but stare at how sexy she is as she laps up the blood.