Mayhem: The Order of the Wolf, Book 5 (4 page)

Chapter Eight

Hannah felt the warm rays of the midmorning sun on her face before she was actually awake. She spun it into the tail end of her dream—the one that featured Mayhem sprawled beneath her as he had been the night before.

“Hmm.” She moaned as she rolled over, searching with her hands for that now familiar body.

What she felt was a cold, empty space next to her.

“Mayhem?” She cracked her eyelids open and frowned at the large indentation he’d left, as if she could conjure him out of thin air.

She sat up, her disheveled hair tumbling into her face as she quickly wrapped a sheet around her body. A sinking feeling sent her stomach whirling with discomfort. She could hear no movement from the rest of her small apartment. No shower running, no television noise, not even the scent of coffee brewing…which would have been nice. Nope. Nothing. And Mayhem didn’t exactly seem like the silent type.

She pushed herself to the edge of the bed and brushed her hair back from her face.

He left.
The rational part of her brain clicked online, battling against the pain that flared in her heart.

Of course he left. Isn’t that what you expected?

She knotted the sheet at her chest and stood from the bed, padding quickly into the hallway and out to the open-concept living space that made up the rest of her place. Hoping that maybe she was wrong. She twirled in a small circle, noting that nothing seemed out of place; even the dead bolt was locked—which was odd because he would have needed a key to lock it on his way out. Strange.

And heartbreaking.

She clenched the sheet, twisting it against her skin, bringing the pain of rejection to her flesh. He’d used her. Of course he had, she shouldn’t have expected anything different from a celebrity. But God, it hurt.

“You’re such a naive, stupid woman.” She sighed as a cascade of tears seeped down her cheeks. “So damn dumb. Love at first sight… God, could you be more gullible?” It had felt real though. She couldn’t explain it, not in a way that anyone would accept as a logical rationale. What Mayhem had said to her hadn’t seemed like lies. But that was the rock star way, right?

She slumped down onto her couch, feeling all the more ridiculous as fresh tears poured over her face. As pathetic as it sounded, the crazy fool that she was had wanted to believe him. She had thought that they’d shared some kind of deep connection. But of course, it was all a crazy fantasy. True love? With a man she barely knew? Not likely. She was the girl whom people discarded. The one they left behind. That was the only truth she knew. All of Mayhem’s pretty words had been uttered with one goal in mind, and he’d achieved that, over and over again.

A knock at her door had her scrambling to wipe her tears, her hope flaring. Maybe he’d come back. Maybe he’d just gone out to get some coffee. Maybe…

She flung open the door. “Dani!”

Her cousin thrust a coffee into her face. “What the hell happened to you last night?” She gave Hannah a full body scan. “And what the fuck is wrong with you now?”

Hannah took the cup and stepped back, motioning for Dani to come in before shutting the door and following her. “Well, it’s kind of a long story.”

“You slept with him, didn’t you?” Dani flopped down on the couch in the exact same spot Hannah had just vacated. “I mean, you look like you just got your brains fucked out.”

Hannah winced at the truth of Dani’s words. “He really, really conned me, Dani,” she said as she placed the coffee cup down on the kitchen table.

Dani jumped up from the couch just as Hannah’s bottom lip started to quiver uncontrollably, a sure sign that more tears were on their way. “Oh shit! Hannah! So it’s true then? Mayhem was here?” She pulled Hannah into her arms and stroked her hair as the tears burst free. “Oh, honey! Don’t cry! What did you expect?” she cooed. “He’s not the commitment type of guy.”

Hannah nodded as she pulled away, gulping down another wave of self-pity. “I know, I know. It was so stupid of me to fall for it.”

“No, not stupid. Never stupid.” Dani wiped the tears from Hannah’s cheek and smiled. “Don’t let that fucking bastard define who you are, Hannah. If he doesn’t see what an amazing, smart, gorgeous woman you are, then it’s his fucking loss. Seriously.”

Hannah sighed as she walked into the kitchen and snagged a tissue from the box. “I just want to forget about him.”

“Would you bring me one of those?” Dani’s eyes shone with unshed tears. “You got me feeling all depressed now, like he fucking left me too. I hate it when you do that.”

It was something that had been happening for years and Dani always made fun of her for it. Whenever Hannah felt sad, happy, anxious—extreme emotions—Dani felt them too. They both chalked it up to their sister-like bond but really, it was strange. Dani wasn’t exactly the weep over a guy, or anything else for that matter, kind of girl.

“I just feel so duped and sorry for myself, I guess.” Hannah sighed as she slid the box of tissues on the table toward Dani.

Dani snagged a few, then nodded toward Hannah’s abandoned coffee. “Well, drink up. The caffeine will help, and then we’ll order something greasy and fattening and veg out for the rest of the day.”

Hannah reclaimed her coffee, the smell alone helping to improve her mood.

“You used protection right?” Dani asked, her tone suggesting that she already knew the answer. She grabbed the remote from the coffee table and turned on the TV.

Hannah froze, the coffee cup halfway to her lips.
Protection? Oh, shit, protection!

The answering silence pulled Dani’s attention back to her. “Oh God! Hannah! You didn’t!”

Hannah’s hands started shaking so badly she had to put the cup down or risk spilling the contents all over herself. “I just got so caught up in the moment.” Her legs wobbled and she quickly yanked a chair out from under the table, slumping down onto it in a lump. So caught up in the moment? Yeah, like her emotions ruled, driving her to seek pleasure with no thought of consequences. “How could I be so stupid?”

Dani’s mouth was open to respond when there was a knock at Hannah’s door. “You expecting someone?”

Hannah shook her head, the action making her dizzy all of a sudden. “Could you…”

Dani was up and at the door before Hannah could finish the sentence. She yanked it open, looking like she was ready to blast the person on the other side for even daring to intrude. “Yes, can I help you?”

“I’ve got a delivery here for Miss Hannah Lane.”

“Thanks, I’ll sign for it.”

Moments later, Dani came back to the living room with an oversized envelope in her hands. “Looks important. You expecting something from work?”

Hannah ran her hand over her face and sighed. Work? Maybe. Her mind was so muddled that she couldn’t think clearly about anything. “Maybe you should open it.”

Dani did as she was told, ripping the envelope open along the side and pulling out the contents. “Oh shit.”

Hannah leaned forward. “What is it?”

Dani winced as she quickly tried to shove the stuff back into the envelope. “You don’t want to know.”

Hannah reached out and motioned for Dani to give her the envelope. “Stop trying to protect me, D. What is it?”

With a sigh, Dani passed it over, then sat down across from Hannah at the kitchen table. “Obviously the guy is a total dickhead.”

Hannah laid the contents out, a lump the size of a walnut growing in her throat as she looked down. Two tickets. Two backstage passes and a note. She swallowed. Hard. Then with shaking hands, unfolded the note. It was typed. No signature.

“‘Thanks for the wonderful evening,’” she whispered as her heart seemed to skip a beat or two. Thanks for the wonderful evening? So impersonal. So cold. That was all she was. A wonderful evening.

Dani reached across the table and squeezed her hand. “It’ll be okay. Listen, I’ll go tonight and confront him. I’ll force him to get a blood test, make sure he’s clean. It’ll be fine. And we’ll go to the clinic today and get one of those pills… You know…”

Hannah shook her head, her mind numb with the shock of such a heartless rejection.

“How could I be so stupid? I just…got so caught up in the moment, the way he made me feel, like I was…” She choked on a sob. “Like I was special.”

Dani squeezed her hand harder. “I’ll fix it, sweetheart, don’t you worry. I’m gonna give that son-of-a-bitch a kick in the ass when I see him.”

Hannah laid her head down on the table, pressing her forehead to the cool surface as her thoughts swirled around in a chaotic mess.

How could I be so stupid? What have I done?

Chapter Nine

Mayhem pumped his fist into the air and bellowed, reveling in the roar of applause and cheering from the crowd. The energy was palpable and Mayhem soaked it up. It was what made the hours toiling on a new album so worth it. A perfect end to the perfect day. About to become even better when he got his arms around Hannah.

He was covered in sweat, his clothing plastered to him and his hair a mess, but that didn’t matter because all he could think about was getting backstage and pulling Hannah into his dressing room for a long, hot shower. He hadn’t seen her before the show started, but that wasn’t unusual—things were typically chaotic while he and the band got shit ready. The night had been a success, the fans totally receptive to their new songs. The place had been rocking hard for the entire show.

And all he could think about was Hannah, replaying their night together, getting hard all over again, craving her like a drug.

He’d made it home that morning just in time for his wolf to come out and play…and even though he couldn’t tell his pack brothers all that had happened, they’d known he was elated. It had been a day of high spirits, running, rough-housing and then napping in the warm rays of the sun. So when twilight fell and he transformed back to his human form, he felt great. Actually content—no, happy—for the first time in years. Maybe decades. And all because of sweet, little Hannah.

As he came off the stage, leaving the roar of the crowd behind him, he searched the backstage area for any sign of her.
Where is she?
He’d expected her to be right there, waiting with that gorgeous smile of hers.

He nodded at one of the roadies. “Hey, you haven’t seen a redhead around here have you? Tall, beautiful…”
Mine.

The roadie shook his head, looking slightly perplexed that Mayhem was speaking to him at all.

“Mayhem! Buddy! Excellent show…” Dave, his manager, came up from behind and walloped him on the back. “The execs are lovin’ it, man! Lovin’ it! We’re selling so much shit out there tonight! And we’ve got the go-ahead to add a couple more shows to the tour!”

Mayhem frowned at Dave, his gut clenching with foreboding. “Ah, Dave, did you do as I asked this morning?” He’d left Dave a message on his phone telling him to send a ticket and backstage pass to Hannah at her place so he wouldn’t have to wait to see her after the show.

Dave smiled and waved his hand. “You mean send comp tickets? Yeah, yeah. I did…why? She didn’t show? What difference does it make? It’s just the usual fangirl stuff right?”

Mayhem’s rage erupted instantly. “Dave! I told you that she was special! What didn’t you understand about that?”

Dave flinched and took a step back, his hands raised in defense. “Whoa, man, I followed your directions. I mean, your message was kind of garbled, but I got the gist of it. Send tickets, and passes… I did, man. I did, as per usual.”

“What did the note say?” Mayhem growled, his anger barely contained as he clenched his fists, grinding his jaw to the point of pain.

Dave’s frown deepened. “What it always says.
Thanks for a wonderful evening.
Why? Did you want me to write something else?”

“Fuck, Dave! That was my destined mate you sent that note to! Can you fucking imagine what she must be thinking right now?”

I’m forgettable…unimportant.
Her words from the night before echoed in his mind.

Fuck!
She’d be crushed by a note like that.

Dave’s face grew pale. “Your mate? You mated with that girl last night?”

By now, the rest of the band had come off the stage and were watching the scene unfold, their bodies as tense as Mayhem’s.

“I didn’t mate with her…yet…but she is my mate!
Fuck
!”

“Mayhem!”

He turned at the sound of a woman’s voice, hope flaring for half a second that she had come after all, but when his gaze fell on the short blonde, he realized how shitty things had become.

“You son of a bitch!” she bellowed as she reeled up and tried to slap him.

He caught her wrist easily. “Where’s Hannah?”

“Where’s Hannah? You fuckwit! Like I’d tell you where my cousin is! You bastard! You totally screwed with her last night.”

“Dani, right?” Mayhem fought to control his temper, deflecting it in short pants rather than lash out on anyone human. Hannah had talked about her cousin Dani quite a bit the night before, and it was obvious that the two were very close. “I didn’t intend for this to happen.”

Dani yanked her wrist away and scowled at him. “You fucked her, you ditched her, and then you sent some fucking tickets to her… What exactly didn’t you intend to happen?”

Mayhem motioned toward the hallway. “Let’s not do this here. I’ve got a dressing room.”

Dani raised her hands up. “Oh no, I’m not going with you anywhere. Do you honestly think I’d want to be alone with the fucking bastard who broke my cousin’s heart?”

Mayhem bit his bottom lip—hard. “I’m pretty sure your cousin wouldn’t want you broadcasting the state of her heart to a whole stage full of people, now would she?” He motioned to the hallway again. “Please, I’m only asking for five minutes.”

Dani glanced around, seeming to finally realize there was crowd of people who’d stopped to watch the show. “Fine. Five minutes. I’ve got some questions for you anyway.”

She followed him into his dressing room, muttering and hissing the whole way. Shooting demands the second he closed the door.

Her questions were intrusive to say the least but also obviously necessary in her mind. “What do you mean, you won’t get tested?”

Mayhem leaned up against the wall, arms crossed over his chest, pulling back his frustration so he didn’t snap. “As I told you already, I’m not carrying any diseases. I’m clean. There is no reason for me to lie about this. However, if Hannah wants, she can have herself tested to confirm. I will even pay for the blood-work if she requires me to.” He knew it was cold, that his tone brokered no argument. Or at least, his tone should have ended the conversation, but Dani in her fury to defend Hannah’s honor, was like an aggressive little dog, cute and endearing in a way but annoying as all hell. He couldn’t tell her that his werewolf status made his physical properties, including his blood, very different from a human’s. Testing was out of the question.

“That is unacceptable.” She spat her words, her finger pointed in his direction. “And absolutely fucking insulting.”

Mayhem sighed, pushed himself from the wall and headed to the mini-bar. She trailed after him.

“Do you have any idea what you’ve done to her? She’s a fucking mess right now!” Dani scurried in front of him, effectively blocking his access to some much needed booze.

He bared his teeth, then caught himself and curled his lips into a smile that couldn’t have been pleasant looking. “She was sent the note in error. My manager made a mistake. I’ll fix it tonight. I swear to you I will. Now move out of my fucking way so that I can get us some drinks.” He raised his eyebrows, and nodded to the side. “I think we could both use one.”

“Do you care about her, Mayhem? Look me in the eyes and answer me. I want to see you say it.”

There was an edge to her question, a challenge. He had to admit, he liked her fierce personality, her loyalty and protection of Hannah.

He locked eyes with her, his smile gone. “I love her. And I will fix this. I promise you that.”

Dani stared at him for a few heartbeats, conflicting thoughts storming in her eyes. “That’s hard to swallow. I can see why she believed it, though. I almost do.” She sucked in a deep breath and let it slide out of her as she stepped to the side. “And yeah, I need a drink.”

He poured them whiskey straight and handed Dani a glass. They downed the drinks before anything more was said. Tempers simmered to calm, the booze helping to ease the tension.

“She has this thing…about abandonment.” Dani handed her glass back, then declined any more with a wave of her hand. “It was probably the worst thing you could have done. Sending that note, I mean.”

Mayhem sighed heavily, taking on the guilt of Dave’s fuck up as if it was his own. “I know. It was a misunderstanding, but still, she deserves better.”

“A misunderstanding to you maybe, but…” Dani moved to the other side of the room and slumped into a chair. “Did she tell you anything about her childhood? Like how her mother left when she was five?” She winced. “God, I shouldn’t be telling you this.”

Mayhem’s heart thudded.
Ah, shit.
“She said she was easily forgotten. Unimportant.” Now he knew why her self-esteem was so terrible. He’d vowed to himself the night before that he would spend the rest of his life making sure she understood how unforgettable she was. How much he cherished her. He was determined to make that happen. “She must have felt so alone as a child, to be without her mother.”

“Yeah, well, that’s just the tip of the proverbial iceberg.” Dani shook her head. “It’s her story to share with you, I’ve already said too much.” She stood and walked to the door. “I will tell you this though, it’s not going to be easy…getting her to trust you again, getting her to let you back in.”

Mayhem nodded, accepting what she was saying as a challenge that he would conquer. “I’m going make sure she understands how truly fucking amazing she really is.”

“Fix it, Mayhem. Gain her trust back, and then you can work on the other stuff.”

And that was just what he was planning to do as he stood outside of Hannah’s apartment, his fist raised and ready to knock on her front door. Dani hadn’t promised her undying support, still wary and protective of her cousin, but she had agreed to call ahead and try to calm Hannah down before he got there. By the sound of things, Hannah wasn’t answering her phone. Twice now he’d heard the phone ring then click over to the answering machine. The lights were on in her place, the pale glow muted by the curtains covering the sliding glass doors of her balcony to his left, and he could only hope she’d come if he knocked.

Without another moment’s hesitation, he rapped his fist on the door and was relieved a second after that when he heard the scrape of a chair moving back and the soft padding of footsteps approaching. It was late. Very late. After midnight….but he desperately wanted to explain himself. Get into her good graces again.

“Hannah, it’s me. Mayhem. Let me in, I want to talk to you.”

He saw the shadow of her eye cross the peephole, heard her gasp when she saw his face.

“I want to explain—”

“Go away, Mayhem!” Her voice cracked as she said his name. “I don’t want to see you again.”

Mayhem cleared his throat, his heart racing with renewed panic. Why he’d thought this would be a simple fix he couldn’t say. Dani had warned him it wasn’t going to be easy, but the connection he felt with Hannah made it seem like nothing was insurmountable.

“I know what you think, and it’s not true! I spoke with Dani, and she told me—”

“Enough! I won’t have this conversation with you! What’s done is done. Just leave me alone.” He heard a thump on the door. “Please, just leave me alone. This is humiliating enough.” She cried quietly, a sound that broke his heart into a million fucking pieces.

“Hannah,” he whispered mournfully, knowing he didn’t have enough time to mend what was broken. Hoping if he came back again the next night, right at sunset, he’d be able convince her to let him in so he could explain. He just needed to touch her. If he could touch her, she would understand.

“Go away, Mayhem.”

He glanced over his shoulder at the moon. He still had several hours before daylight. Perhaps it was time better spent writing Hannah a letter—a proper letter that might ease some of the hurt she was feeling.

“Okay, sweetheart.” He winced. “Hannah, I’m going to leave, but I’m not gone for good. I’ll be back tomorrow night and the night after that until you speak to me, and I’m gonna write you a letter and send it tomorrow.”

He laid his hand on the door, letting the silence envelop him. If he strained his ears, he could just barely make out the sound of muffled sobs.

Fucking hell.