Authors: Casey Elliot
*****
To say that I was flustered was an understatement. I was fucking turned on. I didn’t know what it was about him that got me so heated, but there was definitely something there. I wasn’t sure if it was his alpha-male persona, the fact that he was sex on legs and muscular like a fucking god, or if it was some crazy amped up combination of the two. Whatever it was though, it was strong.
I wanted him, sure, I wanted him, but I knew I had to be professional. I couldn’t act on it. I wondered when he left – after a whole lot of yelling on my part – if I should have stomped out the door behind him and ran straight into my mentor’s room and asked for him to be transferred to his care instead. I wondered if that was the right thing to do.
It probably was, in all actuality, but I still didn’t want to give up on my very first case. I didn’t want to gain a reputation for being any less than the awesome therapist I knew that I was.
I was also curious; really curious. I didn’t want to lose out on understanding more. I was intrigued by the story; saddened, but intrigued. I wanted to uncover more – if he’d ever take me seriously enough to let me, that is.
My job was always to uncover the unknown about a person and help them realize and understand that unknown. I wanted a breakthrough to happen with him and I wanted to be the one to be there with him when it happened.
I was so curious about it that I even reported to his commanding officer to try and understand more.
“He’s always had an impeccable record. I don’t believe any of that rumor shit,” the commander growled through gritted teeth referring to the victim’s report that Shepherd had taken him out.
“He’s never been a loose cannon. He’s always had his head on straight. I don’t think anything happened with him that day – I’m only worried about him since Ben’s death. I just want to make sure he deals with it.”
“So, all the talk?” I asked.
“That’s just talk; bullshit talk if I’d ever heard it.”
“So, you don’t think that he did anything other than what he said he did?”
“I think that Shepherd did everything that he could and should have done in that situation – whatever it was. There’s another explanation for the inconsistency.”
“Well, I can’t get anything out of him.”
“Isn’t that against patient/doctor confidentiality or some shit?”
“No. I can tell you I’m not getting any headway with him. I can’t tell you what we discuss, and what headway I ever do gain with him. I thought maybe talking to you would give me some sort of clue as to how to reach him.”
“I can understand that,” he laughed slightly. “He’s always been the type to shut down. Never been good with volunteering information – which isn’t always a bad thing in the military,” he winked. “He doesn’t talk about himself.”
I really did think that somehow I could manage a way to break down the wall though; at least, I hoped I could. And, talking with his commanding officer only made me more excited to try. I definitely didn’t want to give the case up. I wanted to solve it.
Hell, a part of me wondered if I was starting to feel something a little more than empathy for him; as a normal doctor would for her patient. I was honestly a little scared of it. The more empathetic and sad – and even intrigued – that I became, the more I wondered if I was starting to feel a little too personal for him. I started to wonder if I was getting attached.
That was something that had never happened before, but something that I knew could – one day – be entirely possible. With all the men I’d ever dated – most of them military – I had never found one that had made my stomach go completely haywire like he did.
It was like it was doing flip-flops each and every time I thought about him – and like it was lunging out of my body every time I saw him.
I wondered if there was more to my attraction to David Shepherd than I would admit to myself.
“Jesus Christ…” I growled. I really was in trouble.
*****
A knock on my door brought me out of the trance I’d been in, in front of the TV for the past four hours or so. I only wished when I’d finally opened the door after the fifth or sixth knock that I hadn’t gotten up off the couch.
Standing in front of me was a blonde with a paled and drained face, her eyes red and swollen.
“Thought you might want all of this. I was saving it for when you came by, but you never did….”Lisa said, as she stuck a large box of junk directly in my face. “It’s memories of you and J—” she stopped short just long enough for a couple of tears to fall and for her to clear her throat. “Ben.”
I didn’t know what to say.
I didn’t know what I could say.
I was the asshole that hadn’t shown up. I didn’t really have much of an excuse.
“Why the hell did you never show up?” she cried out, clearly angry. “I mean he trusted you and loved you like you were his brother, and you haven’t even had the decency to show your face around us – the kids. They call you Uncle David for Christ’s sake!”
I felt like a monster, more than I already had before. Truth was though, I couldn’t face her. I couldn’t face what happened. Kate was right, and the more time that passed, the more I knew it. I wasn’t dealing with it as well as I thought I was.
The door slammed behind her, and all air left me.
“God dammit!” I bellowed, balling my fists. “God-fucking-dammit!!!” I swung with all of my might at the door, a strong wail of intense emotion lurching out of my body at the same time. The first hit hurt, by hit three or four, my hand was numb and my body had crumpled to the floor.
I was crying. For the first time since he’d died, I was actually crying.
“Fuck…” I heaved, barely able to catch my breath through the frantic tears. My throat tightened and my head fell back against the door that I’d just been pummeling, my lungs trying to regain their composure, when the doorbell sounded again.
My body lunged upward and I whirled around quickly to answer the door. I half expected Lisa to be standing there, tears in her eyes as well. I had a sort of vision in my head of us crying it out together, having a hug, and me apologizing for being such a piece of shit.
The apology was just on my tongue when I pulled the door open, but instead of Lisa standing in front of me, it was Kate. Her face was full of empathy, her luscious lips broken apart, open as she looked at me with worried eyes. Her motorcycle helmet was tucked underneath her arm, and immediately, I knew what I needed to be doing. I needed to be getting the hell out of my house before I went insane.
“Holy shit…” she breathed. “Are you okay?” Her body moved toward me quickly; so quickly that I couldn’t even stop her if I wanted to. She had already powered over the threshold and was latched onto me before I even knew what was happening. “What’s going on?”
“Lisa was just here,” I sighed, taking a deep breath.
“Lisa?”
“Lisa Monroe. Ben’s widow.”
She looked at me with sadness. “Did that bring up pain for you?”
“Of course,” I laughed. “Seeing her always reminds me of him…”
I couldn’t believe it, but I was actually talking. I felt her presence close behind me as I turned and took off toward the bedroom.
“Do you not want to be reminded of him?”
“Definitely not. I want to forget it all, but none of you really let me.”
“Wow…” she trailed. “That’s the most honest thing you’ve ever told me.”
I laughed. “Let’s not get sentimental.”
“Tell me about yourself.”
“Well, I’m a Navy SEAL, I’m a hell of a sniper, I like motorcycles; love motorcycles, actually, I eat like shit, my diet consists of alcohol and hot pockets, and I had a best friend. He’s dead now. We were friends ever since we were around seven years old. We did everything together. My parents aren’t really in the picture. He was the only family I had. Now I don’t have him. I don’t have his wife or the kids that called me Uncle David for their entire lives. I don’t really have much of anyone.”
I didn’t know why I was talking so much; I didn’t know why I was spilling my guts. I was trying to make it difficult for her to get in. I was trying to keep myself hidden away. It was like Lisa’s presence had unleashed some sort of shitty sensitivity in me that I didn’t even know I’d had until now. Hell, I was so wrapped up in feeling that I didn’t even realize she was walking toward me until she spoke and I felt her breath on my chin.
“Well, you have me.”
I scoffed. “You’re paid to be there for me.”
“I don’t have to be your doctor,” she said. “I can be your friend.”
The word cut. It cut deeply. Friend.
Kate was a lot of things, but friend was not a word I would have ever used to describe her. So, instead of saying anything else, I smiled and pulled her into a passionate kiss, and let my lust take over. She groaned into my mouth, her fingernails entangling in my hair, and I felt us move in unison toward my bedroom.
“I want you so fucking badly!” I growled as soon as I pulled away from her swollen lips.
“Me too…” she gasped just before I pushed her down on the bed and lie on top of her.
I ran my tongue over her skin just before biting down lightly and dragging my lips slowly up to her ear. Her chest began rising and falling as her breathing grew heavier and heavier.
“Ah…” she gasped, as I dragged my hand from her neck to her collar bone and over her chest, trailing downward. I reached her breasts, and then her waist, visible watching as goose bumps arose in my wake. I continued down, as far as I could reach, feeling her, needing her – with an urgency I’d never known before. Her head leaned into mine, and that’s when I realized that it was over. The fight to keep it professional didn’t matter anymore. We wanted each other, and we wanted each other at that moment.
She captured my mouth, passionately taking control of the situation. I loved it. I loved how adventurous, how demanding, how amazing she was.
It was the most riveting kiss I’d ever experienced.
She pulled my hair and pushed my head into the pillow just before pouncing on top of me. She was rough, and I loved it. “You’re fucking gorgeous…” I moaned just before she leaned down and kissed me again. The feeling of her breasts on my chest while she was on top of me was the best feeling I’d ever had, and I couldn’t even explain why.
The only thing I knew for sure was that she knew it. As soon as the thought even so much as passed through my mind, she pressed against me even more fully. I grinned like a pubescent teenage boy about to fuck for the very first time. I couldn’t explain it. It just felt better than anything had ever felt. I laid my hands flat on her back and she kissed her way from my mouth, down across the stubble on my jaw line, all the way to my neck.
I was becoming more and more aroused by the second, and it was becoming almost painful as my erection continued to strain even more. I growled and wrapped an arm around her, and swiftly — so swiftly that I bet it was finished before she even knew what was happening — flipped her over so that she was lying flat on the bed with me hovering just above her.
She flashed me a knowing look, and bit her lip seductively. I felt my throat tighten and clench, and my breath leave me. So… Damn… Seductive… Kate was good at this. She was good at turning me on. I only hoped that I was doing an iota of the same for her.
I smirked, accepting the challenge I’d just given to myself and pulled her to the edge of my bed and leaned over her. I grabbed her breasts, squeezing gently, and ran my fingers along her already-erect-nipples, reveling in the gasp she let out as soon as my fingers enclosed around them.
Her back arched, and she inhaled sharply. I knew it was working. I massaged her breasts, the muscles beneath, her stomach, her shoulders, her biceps… rubbing her slowly, deliberately, all over her voluptuous body. Her moans were intoxicating. Every sound she made caused me to strain even more as the blood continued to rush down to my cock. I wanted her. I wanted it, and I wanted it now. But, I also wanted to take my time. I wanted to complete my challenge and make her want me as much as I wanted her. To do that, I knew I had to focus on more than just the two areas most men focused on, and I had to take my time. I couldn’t make it all about me. I wanted to show her that I cared enough to turn her on, to get her off, and that I was willing to take my time. I wanted her to know that I wanted her to feel good.
Before I got too far into my massage though, she pushed me off. I was almost worried for a second, but when she straddled me, I knew that the situation was taking a good turn instead of a bad one. I also knew by the lust I saw ignited in her eyes that I had won my challenge.
She flashed a sly smirk and laid her hands on my arms.
“Your arms are so nice…” she mused. “I love the amount of strength you have. When you held me up and fucked me like you did the first time we saw each other….” She trailed off, but I knew what she was getting at. I had turned her on.
I smiled at her as she bit her lip, and watched as her eyes scanned over my body. It felt good to be looked at. Watching her enjoy looking at my body even a smidgen of the amount that I enjoyed looking at hers was nothing short of amazing.
In fact, I was more than enjoying the view from underneath her as she leaned over me and started tracing faint circles over my chest. Her soft fingers trailed down to my sides, and even further down – so far that I knew exactly where she was going.
I was clearly aroused when she reached my groin. I couldn’t have hidden it even if I was trying to. The look she gave me, biting her lip, eyeballing me up and down, was enough to have me shooting to the moon.
I groaned deeply in my throat, fueled with lust and desire.
"Kate…” I gasped, as soon as I felt her grasp a hold of me firmly and guide me to her wet center. Before I knew it, I was inside of her, her walls clenching tightly around me, her hips moving quickly; very quickly.
She was slamming forward, then back, and then forward again, a speed full of intensity. She was like a goddamned energizer bunny all of a sudden, fueled and ready to go.
She grinned, and groaned as she rode me. It was a grin that told me that she knew exactly what she was doing; she was going fast on purpose, knowing that eventually, I’d be ready to explode in a roof-busting orgasm.
She clawed at my chest as I grabbed at her waist and massaged all of the flesh that I could grab tenderly. I was sure that my eyes had shifted as black as night as lust completely took over.
Complete.
Pure.
Desire.
“Oh my – God damn!” I screamed, feeling myself edge closer and closer to the point of no return as she continued to force me deeper and deeper, faster and faster into her.
“Yes!” she screamed as she continued to rock herself back and forth on top of me. But then, just like that, all of a sudden, she slowed and the pressure that had been building and knocking in my groin started to ease off.
“What’s the matter?” I asked, and she only smiled down at me, coyly in response.
“You know…” I breathed heavily, the pressure still present between my legs as she moved at an alarmingly slow pace. “You’re a pain in the ass…” I had to take a deep breath; one in… one out, and then another. I was so damn close.
I grabbed hold of her waist and moved my hips to meet hers, harder, trying to increase speed, but she wouldn’t let me. She kept pulling up, smiling like a total asshole.
“Too damn slow, God dammit…” I growled, trying to pull her into me. Only she still didn’t budge. I knew she was playing me, but I also knew that if she didn’t stop, I was going to go insane.
My breathing was already erratic, and my groin was tense and sensitively awaiting climax. The slowness was almost unbearable. I would rather have pulled out and been done than painstakingly stuck, sandwiched between her heat soaked walls.
I lifted my head up and pulled her into a kiss, trying my best to distract her, just before rhythmically thrusting up. She moaned. Hard. In my mouth. Just before throwing her head back, and arching her back in pleasure.
I was definitely enjoying the view; so much that I took hold of the opportunity and pulled my head up once more to grab hold of one of her perfectly round breasts and suckle at the other’s erect nub.
“Oh, God …” she moaned. It was all she could muster. Her breath was becoming ragged. She leaned back, allowing me more access to the deepest parts of her core, and instead of losing the opportunity, I grasped it, ready to push her over the edge.
I grabbed hold of her waist and pulled her into me, meeting my own quickened thrusts; one, after the other, after the other, as she leaned back. “Yes! Yes!”
She was screaming so loudly that I could feel it vibrate off the walls. Her eyes were basically rolling to the back of her head too. I didn’t even have time to grasp how close it was to being over until it was. With one more deep thrust, she seemed to plummet into an earth-shattering orgasm.
I felt her body tighten around me, and I knew that I couldn't hold off any longer.
Her body was clenching and so were her walls. I could feel them closing in on me, entrapping my arousal and holding it close as it contracted around it with an intensity just as strong, if not stronger, than the last.