Authors: Raina Wilde
“You just realized that you’d actually been enjoying yourself around me, for once.” He stated in a voice so quiet that Jenna thought she might have imagined it.
One hand flew to her mouth as if to stifle any admission to the truth of his statement. He turned his piercing blue eyes on her and Jenna felt her entire body tremble. She knew, in that instant, that somehow the situation was beyond her control.
Alex swore and placed his face in his hands, elbows resting above his knees.
She sat frozen. Her mind seemed completely empty of any coherent thought, only the deep rhythmic pounding of her heart.
Finally, with a surprising burst of energy Alex shifted himself on the couch, pulling one leg onto the cushion so that he could face her directly. His long arm extended across the raised back of the sofa and hovered briefly over her elbow as if to touch her, before pulling itself away to join with his other hand. He rubbed his hands together as Jenna watched him prepare for whatever speech he was about to make. His rough fighter’s hands cracked as he massaged his own palms in trepidation.
“OK. Here’s the deal,” he began, speaking with a speed that emphasized his nervous state, “I’m going to go crazy if you don’t let me get this off my chest and, I know that you made it clear that you don’t want to hear this, but if you could just listen, then at least if you walk away at the end of our contract I won’t spend the rest of my life wondering what might have happened if I told you.” In the span of one breath Jenna’s curiosity in the subject dissipated. She quickly realized that she was not, in any way, as prepared for this conversation as she had once thought.
She began to peel her hand away from her mouth to respond, though what she was going to say she never knew because Alex held up a hand to stop her.
“Don’t. Please don’t stop me, or interrupt. Just listen?” He was speaking so fearfully that Jenna’s heart went out to him. She would listen, she allowed.
Instinctively her quivering hand clamped back across her lips.
“I’m not exactly sure where to begin.” He ran a shaky hand through his hair. “I guess the very beginning might make the most sense.
“All that time ago, when we dated, we were so happy, but I was stupid. I had these huge, pie-in-the-sky dreams and no matter how hard I worked it never seemed to be enough. One day I met this agent. He was a total ass but I didn’t know that at the time. He seemed so successful and like he had all the right answers so when he asked me to leave with him, I did.”
He scooted himself closer to her so that their knees were nearly touching. Jenna imagined the contact and for a second she wished that he had not stopped himself short.
“Jen, I never wanted to leave you without any warning. Hell, I never wanted to leave you at all, but Smithson had me convinced that I couldn’t have any distractions. He said that I needed to rebuild myself into a true fighter and, for some stupid reason, I believed him.” Alex touched her cheek with a feather-light caress that caused a rogue tear to fall from the corner of Jenna’s eye. She watched his heart break as he followed its trail onto his hand.
Alex took a deep, steadying breath and withdrew his touch.
“Smithson made me famous, but he didn’t make me a great fighter, I did that on my own. He taught me how to create this tough, macho image with a terrible attitude and tons of female attention. He said that I needed to make people WANT to be me.
“One day I woke up and I hated myself. I wasn’t pretending anymore, I had actually become a person I was ashamed of. I didn’t know how to sort it out on my own so I fired Smithson. Marco, my trainer, has always been great. He said that he needed a vacation anyways and that, if I took six months off, he promised not to book another fighter. Anyway,” Alex shook his head. “none of this is really important, except that I ended up Brazil with a Jiu-Jitsu master that Marco got me in touch with.
“This guy was super tough. He kept telling me that I could never be the best version of myself, as a fighter, unless I became the best version of myself, as a person. I worked really hard to re-discover the type of person that I wanted to be but the Master said that something was still missing, that my passion was devoid of purpose, of happiness.
“I knew at exactly that moment what was missing. I knew that I couldn’t make things right with you after leaving without a word, after all of my terrible publicity with Smithson. I couldn’t hope that you would ever give me another chance. I convinced myself that I would have to settle for forgiveness. If I could right the wrongs that I had done to you, then maybe I could finally find some peace. I figured you had probably changed a lot too, moved on, maybe even become the kind of person I wouldn’t miss being around.
Alex’s face changed from a tortured expression, to a sweet boyish smile, as Jenna watched his mind latch onto a memory.
“That lasted for about two seconds. The minute I saw you at the airport, with your pain-in-the-butt sign, I knew you hadn’t changed. You stood there looking so beautiful, and even though you tried to hide it, your self-protective attitude gave me hope. Hope that some small part of you might still care. I thought, if I showed you that I was a better man than before, someone who wouldn’t just disappear one day, you might learn to trust me again.”
Jenna realized that the tears were streaming freely now. She had expected the conversation about their past to raise painful memories that reminded her of how much she had come to hate that man sitting before her. Instead, her heart broke for the terrible journey that her love had endured.
That was the truth of it. She loved him. Jenna realized that what she felt now, for the amazing man Alex had transitioned into, was much more powerful than anything she had ever felt before.
“I thought, that this day together, had been great, a small step toward you allowing me back into your life. Then, when you pulled away… I could feel you shut yourself off from me and I knew I had hurt you much worse than I ever realized.
“Jenna,” He placed his hands once again over his face and shook his head in shame, “I’m so sorry. I understand how much you hate me and I am truly sorry if my attempt to find forgiveness has made you uncomfortable.”
Jenna exhaled sharply unable to believe how he was misinterpreting her response, if only he would look at her and see the love in her eyes…
Alex groaned at the sound, clearly thinking that the noise she had made had been a sardonic laugh.
“I’ve been really selfish, forcing you to spend all this time with me, putting your promotion on the line in order to make sure you wouldn’t turn me away as a client.”
Jenna wasn’t surprised that Alex knew about her promotion, or that he had used it as a leverage point to gain entry to her services as an agent. She realized that if he had been the arrogant client she had been expecting to work with this fact would have angered her immensely. Instead, she found herself pleased to know that such a remarkable man would go to such lengths for her forgiveness.
The room fell into a deep silence as Alex mentally berated himself for his behavior. Jenna stared in awe that such a large, masculine man who routinely pulverized other human beings in a metal cage fight, could sit at her feet as meekly as a chastised child.
Jenna felt the sudden urge to embrace him when, before she had a moment to react, he was standing and heading for the door, not even bothering to collect his belongings from the kitchen.
She allowed herself one calming breath before rising to place a halting hand on his forearm.
Alex looked down at her sadly. Without the benefit of high heels Jenna’s face levelled directly with the wide expanse of his muscular chest. She craned her neck to look up at him and allowed only a moment of confusion to flicker across his features before she hooked a hand around his neck and pulled his mouth firmly to her own.
His reaction was instantaneous. Both arms encircled her soft waist and he lifted her to the tips of her toes as his warm mouth wreaked havoc on her own. Once again she was surrounded by the exotic scent of him and Jenna found herself moaning with approval against his mouth.
His hands roamed her body in a way that was both familiar and exploratory. Jenna broke that contact of their lips to brush her mouth along his jaw toward a spot on his neck that, she suddenly remembered. used to drive him crazy.
He threw his head back and groaned with primal pleasure.
“Jenna…” he breathed as she swirled her tongue on his sensitive neck. “Oh, god. If this is some kind of joke or revenge…” His words were swallowed when she brought her mouth over his with determination, her tongue easing his lips apart to stake its claim.
He raised both hands to her neck as he deepened the kiss. The tips of his fingers tangled in the braid that had dried hours ago. He flipped the tie off the end of the plait and released the locks into his gentle hands. With the waves of auburn flowing, Alex plunged his hands into the thick mass of hair that spilled down Jenna’s back.
Jenna’s hands found the hem of the striped sweater that Alex wore. She eased her fingers beneath the cotton undershirt to grasp the edges of both articles of clothing before thrusting the fabric upward toward his chest. She met serious resistance as the fabric bunched and tightened over the bulk of his frame. Jenna could not imagine how she was going to get the shirts over his shoulders.
In one swift move Alex grabbed his collar and pulled the shirts over his head, depositing them unconsciously atop the single houseplant Jenna had managed to keep alive. With a similar, swift, motion he peeled Jenna’s sheer top up and over her head, followed shortly by the black tank top.
Jenna experienced a moment of inhibition as she stood there with the top of her body covered in only the heavy-duty support bra that barely concealed her sizeable breasts. Alex gave her a look of pure adoration as he peeled away the hands she was attempting to use to mask her body.
He looked deeply into her eyes as he unhooked her bra and let it fall to the floor. Jenna met his gaze and didn’t move. This time she did not cover herself. Alex laid his palms across her breasts, his thumbs making lazy circles that had Jenna leaning into his hands.
“You are even more beautiful than I remembered.” Slowly, Alex bent down and laid claim to one breast with his mouth. It was Jenna’s turn to groan in ecstasy as Alex lovingly explored her body.
Jenna did not know how long they would have remained in her foyer if Alex had not eventually straightened and moved to pick her up in his arms. She made a slight sound of protest against his mouth but only received a disapproving growl in return before he carried her with stubborn resolve to the bedroom.
With smooth, efficient movements he released each of them from what remained of their clothing before pulling Jenna gently with him under the cool, satin, covers.
As their bodies collided, the feeling of her soft, silken skin exhilarated Jenna as it rubbed against Alex’s firm skin, coarse from years of fighting.
She brazenly ran her hands along the side of his body, while he held her firmly against him. It would have been impossible for Jenna to ignore the impressive erection that pressed against her thigh. She could tell that Alex, with extreme difficulty, was trying to prolong her enjoyment.
Jenna glided her manicured nails, with nonexistent pressure, down the length of his back, eliciting a shudder that ran through Alex’s body. She wanted to tell him that there was no need to prolong the torture as Jenna had secretly been imagining this moment for nearly a month now.
Alex’s hand dipped between them and came to rest at the joining of her legs. There, he rubbed gently, bringing Jenna to the peak of frustration as she gasped with pleasure before he removed his hand. Moving his fingers further toward her center Alex discovered the extent to which Jenna’s desire had truly grown.
With a murmur of satisfaction he rolled her beneath him and placed the heat of his erection against her core.
“You’re sure about this?” He asked. Clearly still in disbelief at the turn the night had taken.
“I’m positive, Alex.” She shifted her hips enticingly against his flesh.
With achingly slow pressure he eased inside of her and began the slow strokes that would bring them both to the peak of ecstasy.
The next morning Jenna awoke in her usual tangle of lingerie. She stretched pleasantly and opened her eyes to witness Alex resting his head against his arm and watching her with a burning look of unadulterated desire. For a quick moment, she thought she might be dreaming. That was, until her brain replayed the memories of their lovemaking. She blushed as she remembered the numerous times that Alex had awoken her in the night to hold her tightly as they talked. Their conversations had flowed almost as if no time apart had passed between them. Each exchange inevitably ended in the passion of another round of lovemaking.
Jenna smiled and rolled into Alex’s waiting embrace.
“I’ll never get enough of this silk and lace that you are wearing.” He nuzzled her neck until she giggled.
With a sigh Alex pulled his face back to stare at her seriously.
“You know, Jen, I never stopped loving you.” He trailed his fingers through her hair with a small smile, as if he could not believe he was lying beside her at this very moment. “There was never anyone for me, but you. I know this is all very sudden, and unexpected, but I just want you to know that you are never getting rid of me this time.”