Authors: James McLevy
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I
f the Conglomerates of our Old Town are troubled with many miseries, as the consequences of their privations and vices, it is certain the whole
squalid theatre they play their strange parts in, is the scene of more incidents, often humorous, nay romantic—if there can be a romance of low life—than can be found in the quiet
saloons of the higher grades in the New Town. The observation indeed is almost so trite, that I need not mention that while in the one case you have nature over-laid with the art of concealment,
the slave of decorum, in the other you have the old mother, free, fresh, and frisky—her true characters, rapid movements, quiet thoughts, intertwined plots, the jerks of passion, the humorous
and the serious, the comedy and the melodrama of the tale of life—an idiot’s one, if you please, even in the grave ranks of the highest.
In February 1837, as I was on my saunter with my faithful Mulholland among the haunts of the Old Town, we observed our old friends Andrew Ireland, John Templeton, and David Toppen, doubling the
mouth of one of the closes leading to Paul’s Work. These industrious gentry are never idle; as they carry their tools along with them, they can work anywhere; and, like the authors, a species
of vagabonds who live on their wits, and steal one from another, they need no stock in trade. It was clear to me that we were unobserved, and proceeding down another close, I expected to meet them
probably about their scene of action. I may mention that I was somewhat quickened in my movements by some recollections that Ireland had cost me a deal of trouble—the more by token that he
was called “the Climber”, as being the best hand at a scramble, when cats would shudder, in all the city, for which he had refused for sometime to give me even the pledge of his body.
We got down the close and round the corner, just in the nick of time to see the tail of Andrew’s coat disappearing from the top of a pretty high dyke. The two others followed the example of
the Climber, and when they had disappeared, we placed ourselves at the side of the wall to receive them on their descent. The cackling of fowls soon told us the nature of their work, and the
gluggering of choking craigs was a clear indication that the robbers were acting on the old rule that “the dead tell no tales.”
“Sure of the Climber this time,” I said to my assistant. “I will seize Andrew and Templeton, and lay you hold of Toppen.”
And the words were scarcely out of my mouth, when we received gratefully our friends in our arms. The dead hens were flung away, and darting at the throats of my two charges, I secured them on
the instant. Mulholland lost his hold, but so pleased was I at my capture, especially of Andrew, that I could not resist a few words in my old way.
“I was afraid you would fall and break your neck, Andrew,” said I.
“Thank you for the warm reception,” replied the cool rogue, as he recovered breath after the short tussle.
“No apology,” said I. “I have told you by a hundred looks that I wanted you.”
“And sold for a hen at last,” he added, with an oath.
“And not allowed to eat it,” said I. “What a glorious supper you and the old woman would have had!”
The taunt was at least due to his oath.
“Pick up the hens, Mulholland,” said I, “and let us march, we will have a laugh in the High Street.”
And proceeding with my man in each hand till I came to the head of the close, I gave one of them in charge of a constable, retaining the other. Mulholland with the hens brought up the rear, and
I believe we cut a good figure in our march, if I could judge from the shouts of the urchins—tickled with a kind of walking anecdote, that carried its meaning so clearly in the face of it,
for it is seldom that the booty makes its appearance in these processions.
On arriving at the Office, my charges were locked up. Toppen was caught the same evening; and this part of my story of the metamorphosis being so far preclusive, I may just say that my
hen-stealers were forthwith tried by the Sheriff and a jury. Each got the price of his hen even at a higher rate than the present price of a fashionable cockerel—Ireland getting nine months,
Templeton six, and Toppen four. But the Climber vindicated his great reputation in a manner that entitled him to still greater fame. Whether it was that the jailer was not made aware of his
abilities, or that he was placed in a cell which it was held to be impossible for any creature without claws on all the four members to get out of, I cannot say; but true it is that, to the utter
amazement of every one connected with the jail, Andrew Ireland got out by the skylight, and finding his way over ridges and down descents that might have defied an Orkney eagle-hunter, descended at
the north back of the Canongate, and got clear off.
Once more “done” by my agile friend, my pride was up, and I must have him by hook or by crook. I knew he was one of those enchanted beings whose love to the Old Town prevents them
from leaving it. It has such a charm for them that they will stick to it at all hazards, even when, day by day, and night by night, they are hounded through closes and alleys like wild beasts, and
have, as it were, nowhere to lay their heads. I have known them sleep on the tops of houses, and in crannies of old buildings, half-starved and half-clothed, in all weathers, summer or winter,
rather than seek rest by leaving the scenes of their wild infancy. And all this they will do in the almost dead certainty that ultimately they will be seized. I was thus satisfied that Andrew was
about the town; and even when, after the lapse of months, I could get no trace of him, I still retained my conviction that he was in hiding.
That conviction was destined to receive a grotesque and grim verification. I was one day at the top of Leith Wynd. A number of people were looking at the slow march of some poor wretch’s
funeral, the coffin borne by some ragged Irishmen, a few others going behind. As I stood looking at the solemn affair—more solemn and impressive to right minds than the plumed pageant that
leaves the mansion with the inverted shield, and goes to the vault where are conserved, with the care of sacred relics, the remains of proud ancestors—a poor woman, who seemed to have been
among the mourners, came up to me.
“And do you see your work, now?” quoth she, in a true Irish accent. “Do you know who is in that white coffin there, wid the bit black cloth over it?”
“No,” said I.
“And you don’t know the darling you murthered for stealing a hen at Paul’s Work?”
“You don’t mean to say,” replied I, “that that’s the funeral of your son, Mrs Ireland?”
“Ay, and, by my soul, I do, and murthered by you. He never lifted up his head agin, but pined and dwined like a heart-broken cratur as he was; and now he’s there going as fast as the
boys can carry him to his grave.”
“Well,” said I, “I am sorry for it.”
“The devil a bit of you, you vagabond! It’s all sham and blarney, and a burning shame to you, to boot.”
“Peace, Janet,” said I; “he’s perhaps happier now than he was here stealing and drinking. There are no sky-lights in the Canongate graves, and he’ll not climb out
to do any more evil.”
“Sky-lights!” cried Janet; “ay, but there is, and Andrew Ireland will climb out and get to heaven, while you, you varmint, will be breaking firewood in h— to roast their
honours the judges who condemned my innocent darling.”
“Quiet, Janet.”
“Well, thin, to roast yourself; will that plaise ye?”
“Yes, yes,” said I.
And fearing the woman’s passions, inflamed by her grief, might reach the height of a howl, I moved away, while she, muttering words of wrath, proceeded after the white coffin. Nor can I
say I was altogether comfortable as I proceeded to the Office, for there is something in the wild, moving yet miserable lives of these Arabs of the wynds when wound up by death that is really
touching. Nay, it is scarcely possible to avoid the thought that they are not free agents, if they do not claim from our sympathy the character of victims. In truth I was getting muffish, if I did
not soliloquise a bit about other climbers whose feet rested on the backs of such poor wretches, and who, by means not very different, get into high places, where they join the fashionable cry
about philanthropy—yes, a philanthropy that helps the devil, by allowing him to brain the objects they attempt to benefit.
But a police-office soon takes the softness out of a man. I had scarcely entered when I got notice of a robbery, committed on the prior night at the workshop of Messrs Robb and Whittens, working
silversmiths in Thistle Street. On repairing to the spot, I ascertained that the robber had made off with a number of silver articles, sugar-tongs, spoons, and other valuables; among the rest a
number of silver screws. I particularly notice these, because they served my purpose in quite another way than that for which they were originally intended. But as to the manner of the robbery, I
could get no satisfactory information beyond the fact that a suspicion attached to two chimney-sweeps, who had been passing in the morning, and had been employed to sweep the vents of the workshop;
nor was my disappointment lessened by finding that the sweeps were utterly unknown to the parties connected with the shop. They could not even tell whether they came from the New Town or the Old.
Then as to identification, even had I been angel enough to bring so unrecognisable a creature before them, who ever heard of any distinctive features in a chimney-sweep, if he has not a hump on his
back or wants a nose on his face! Even I, who have seen through all manner of disguises, am often at fault with them until I almost rub noses with them—a process in which I would catch a
“devilish sight” more than I wanted.
Notwithstanding these difficulties, I did not altogether despair, insomuch as I at least became pretty well satisfied that it really was the gentlemen in black who had done the deed. So wherever
there was smoke to be cured and vents sweeped, I considered it my duty to call and try if I could find, not the features of my men, but some trace of the tongs and screws; for in many cases where I
have had right to search, I have got my pipe lighted at a fire, the light of which has shown me what I wanted. Yet all wouldn’t do; nor was I a whit more lucky among the brokers and
pawn-shops. Nay, although I
screwed
my ingenuity to the last turn, could I trace anything of the stolen silver screws. It was no go, as the lovers of slang say; and if it had not been that
I was born never to know the meaning of “Give it up,” I would have renounced the pursuit of men who are beyond the landmarks of society.
Not altogether without a result, however, these vain searches. I was impressed with a curiosity about chimney-sweeps, and I never eyed one without a wish to know something about him. They had
formerly interested me very little; for, to do them justice, though they have means of entering houses seldom in the power of others, and which none but fiery lovers ever think of, they have seldom
qualified themselves for my attentions. They have no likings for the whitewashing processes of jails. At the same time, however, as cleanliness is next to godliness, they seldom appear in church;
the grace would not pay the soap.
With this affection for the tribe still hanging about me, I was one day, a considerable period after the robbery, going along the Pleasance, in an expedition connected with the house called the
Castle of Clouts, where I expected to find some remnants not left by the builder of that famous pile. I was not looking for sweeps, and yet my pipe was not out. I had been blowing some puffs, when,
on turning round, I saw two of my black gentlemen standing smoking loungingly, with their backs to the wall. “Ah, some of the bright creatures of my fancy,” thought I; “yea, those
aerial beings who for months have been hovering over me in my dreams, yet altogether without wings.” My first act was to put that same pipe out, my next to watch their movements. They were
very busy talking to each other; but what interested me most was the curiosity with which they were contemplating some articles which one of them was showing to the other,—nay, there seemed
to be a silvery look about the things, which was the more apparent that they were a contrast to the hands that held them.
So straightway my pipe, which I had extinguished, required a light, and these curers of smoke could even produce that which they professed to banish. In a moment I was standing before them.
“Well, lads,” said I, “can you give me a light?”
One of them recoiled a little as he caught my eye. He seemed to know me, though I am free to confess I did not know him.
“To be sure,” said the other.
And striking a match upon the wall he handed me a light, whereupon I began to puff away; and as smoking is a social act, I found myself irresistibly attracted by my friend, who in my first going
up appeared to be so shy.
“Do you know where the Castle of Clouts is?” said I, as I peered and peered into the dark face of him who tried to avoid my gaze.
But I was still at fault. His features were familiar to me, but the soot still came between me and my identification. At length I got my clue.
“Andrew Ireland,” said I, “when did you come out of the Canongate churchyard? Was there a skylight in the top of the coffin?”
“Andrew Stewart is my name,” replied the black ghost.
“And when did you turn sweep, Andrew?”
“When seven years old,” said he; “but I tell you my name is Stewart, and be d——d to you.”
“Well, I don’t apprehend names,” said I, “only bodies. Then I’m not sure if you are not a spirit, for Janet showed me your coffin on its way to the
Canongate.”
“Perhaps it was Andrew Ireland’s coffin you saw,” said he. “It wasn’t mine, anyhow.”
“Oh, I see,” said I, “it would be Andrew Stewart’s, and I have committed a mistake. No matter; I want to know what you have in your right coat-pocket.”
And at the same instant I held up my hand. My assistant was presently at my side. I saw by the fire of his eye—something like a chimney on fire—that he was bent on resistance, and
instantly taking him by the neckcloth with my right hand, I was proceeding to plunge my left into his pocket, when he seized me with his wonted ferocity, and for his pains got himself laid on his
back.