Megan Meade's Guide to the McGowan Boys (24 page)

“Oh,” Megan said, surprised at the intensity of her disappointment. She understood that he didn't want to get into even more trouble. She did. It was the last thing she wanted as well. Or maybe the second to last. Because right then she would have risked getting grounded for the rest of the year just to be close to him again. Finn clearly wasn't suffering the same way. Otherwise it wouldn't have been so easy for him to resist.

“Well, anyway, I guess I should go back to my cell.”

Megan stood up. Maybe if she were closer to him. Maybe then he would remember what it had felt like and he would have to reach out and touch her.

“Okay,” she said.

Finn stared into her eyes.
Kiss me,
she thought, trying to force the subliminal message in his direction.
Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me!

“Hey, Finn! I hope you're not anywhere other than your bedroom!” John called from downstairs.

“Okay,” Finn said under his breath. “Well, see ya.”

One second he was there, and then a second later the door to her bedroom slammed and he was gone.

 *  *  *

On Monday morning Megan walked into the school bathroom and saw the last thing she wanted to see first thing in the morning—Hailey. It was clear from her blotchy face that Hailey had been crying. Now she was leaning over the sink, trying to fix her eyeliner in the mirror. Megan stood there for a moment too long, suspended between the urge to flee and not have this conversation and her newfound compulsion to be tough. But before Megan could decide anything, Hailey looked up. She cleared her throat and said, “Hey.”

Megan stepped tentatively into the room. “You okay?” she asked, mostly as a reflex.

“You don't have to act like you care,” Hailey said, dropping her eyeliner back into her little mesh bag. She didn't sound sarcastic or belligerent, just tired and sad.

“I'm not acting . . . I don't think,” Megan said, leaning back against the sink.

“Well, everyone hates me. It's official,” Hailey said with a shrug. She shook her head as she repacked her backpack in a flurry, sweeping a hairbrush and a bottle of spray from the counter. “Even Jessica wouldn't talk to me this morning. She's such a hypocrite. It's not like she didn't know what was going on.”

Hailey met her eye in the mirror and pulled her backpack onto her shoulders. She took a deep breath and turned around.

“Look, I'm not going to even try to explain everything to
you,” she said, looking more fragile than Megan had ever imagined possible. “It's just, I really love him and I really couldn't imagine what it would be like if he . . . if he . . .”

“It's okay. I get it,” Megan said. Except she wasn't entirely sure that she did. After all, she had never been in love herself. Not in a real, requited, relationship love, at least. But the last thing she wanted to do was stand there and watch Hailey totally break down.

“No, you don't. I'm really not like this,” Hailey said. “I'm never this much of a head case. It's just . . . it all made sense at the time, you know? It all made perfect sense. But now everything's just all screwed up.”

“Well, everybody makes mistakes, I guess,” Megan said. She turned and yanked a paper towel out of the dispenser and handed it over to Hailey.

Hailey took it and dabbed a corner under one eye. “Why are you being so nice?” she asked.

Megan blinked. “Honestly, I have no idea.”

And then suddenly a strange thing happened—they both laughed. It was a liberating moment for Megan, standing there laughing with her sworn enemy while the girl tried not to cry. Megan just wanted everything to be simple again. There was just no reason for everyone to be so miserable. Plus, after everything that had happened with Finn, Hailey could have Evan and all their drama. Megan was done.

“Well, I'm sorry. About all of it,” Hailey said, mashing the towel into a ball. “You have no idea how sorry,” she added bitterly, and Megan knew she was thinking about Evan.

Watching Hailey gather her strength, Megan's heart expanded to capacity. She had a feeling that the next few weeks were going to be even worse for Hailey than the last couple had been for Megan.

“Okay,” Megan said with a nod. “Thanks.”

Hailey let out a breath and launched the paper towel at the garbage can. It swished right in.

“Don't tell me you play basketball, too,” Megan said lightly.

Hailey looked at Megan and sighed. “This is going to be one long year.”

 *  *  *

Megan placed her lunch tray down on the table and looked over at the courtyard. Miller was sitting at his old table with his headphones on, his eyes narrowed in concentration. Megan had been surprised when he hadn't met her by the door like he had all last week, but now she was even more confused. It was like all their progress had been forgotten.

“What's up with Miller?” Ria asked, lifting her messenger bag over her head as she sat down.

“I was just wondering the same thing,” Megan said.

“Actually, he said something about not being allowed to sit with you,” Aimee said, shaking her apple juice as she looked up at Megan. “What's that about?”

“Not being
allowed
to sit with me?” Megan asked, confused. “That's weird. I'm gonna go talk to him.”

“Tell him we miss him!” Pearl said as she popped open her box of beads.

Megan was about to head outside when Hailey appeared, tray in hands, at the end of their table.

“Hi,” she said with an overly bright smile.

“Uh . . . hi,” Megan replied.

“What's up?” Aimee asked, her brow creased.

“Jessica and those guys are acting all menstrual, so I was wondering if I could sit with you for a few days,” Hailey said.

Everyone at the table looked at Megan and she hesitated. Random apologies in the bathroom she could handle. Sitting with the girl at lunch all week seemed like a bit too much to ask. But one glimpse of the almost desperate hope in Hailey's eyes and Megan felt her resolve crumbling. One could only imagine how mortifying it would be for a girl like Hailey to be seen sitting alone in the cafeteria. It was probably her worst fear.

“Sure, I guess,” Megan said finally.

Aimee let out a breath. For a few moments, no one spoke. Megan twirled her fork in her spaghetti. The table was so silent it sounded like no one was breathing. Someone was going to have to say something soon or they were all going to suffocate.

“So, everybody ready for our first game?” Aimee said finally.

“You know it,” Ria put in.

“They've got a new goalie this year,” Hailey said. “She's green, but she's good.”

“Coach said she's a lefty, so she's weak to her right side,” Megan put in. “We have to go that way as much as possible.”

“It must be nice when you guys know their weaknesses,” Jenna said, her eyes gleaming behind her glasses.

“Hey, Hailey, want a bracelet?” Pearl asked.

Everyone turned to look at her. Stilted conversation was one thing. Gifts were quite another.

“Uh . . . sure,” Hailey said.

She turned and unzipped the small pouch on her backpack. As she dug through it, Ria whacked Pearl on the arm.

“You're gonna make her jewelry?” Ria whispered.

“Ow! What's the big deal?” Pearl whispered back.

“That girl does not deserve presents,” Ria replied.

“Well, I can't take it back now,” Pearl said, looking miserable.

Megan watched Hailey as her search intensified. There was no doubt she was listening to every hushed word that was being said.

“You know what, you guys? It's okay. I don't need any more jewelry,” Hailey declared, whipping out a tube of lip gloss. Something fell out of her backpack with it and landed directly in the center of the table, facing Megan. It was a little patch with burgundy letters and gold piping. It read
CAPT
.

Everyone at the table turned to stone. Megan couldn't have torn her eyes away if she tried.

“What's that?” she said finally.

“Oh, it's just—my mom had it made for me before—you know,” Hailey stammered as she picked it up. “It's for my varsity jacket.”

She paused and Aimee shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Megan felt like disappearing.

“Whatever, I guess you can have it now,” Hailey said, dropping it on the table in front of Megan's tray.

Megan didn't even want to touch it. She thought of her team
back in Texas and how devastated she had been when she realized she was never going to be their captain. She could only imagine what it would have felt like for her to actually have to hand over her captain's badge to someone else. It would have torn her heart out.

“So, did you guys hear that Mr. McKenna is dating Marcy Sherman?” Ria said out of nowhere.

“Ew! Gross!” Pearl exclaimed.

“Who's Marcy Sherman?” Megan asked, glancing at Hailey, who looked up from the captain's patch.

“She used to go here,” Hailey said, picking up her water bottle. “She's only two years older than me.”

“Ugh! That's just so wrong,” Jenna said. “Mr. McKenna is ancient.”

The conversation continued to swirl around them and the patch just sat there on the table, seeming to grow larger with every passing second. Megan waited for Hailey to take it back, but she knew that if the roles were reversed, she wouldn't want that thing hanging around in her bag, reminding her of the captainship she had always wanted and almost had. She hadn't forgiven Hailey for everything she had done, but still, her heart went out to the girl. She couldn't believe it was possible to be so angry at someone and feel so badly for them at the same time.

Why did life have to be so complicated?

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Re: OMG OMG OMG

you kissed FINN??? not evan . . . FINN??? WHEN? WHY? FOR HOW LONG? HOW CAN YOU E-MAIL ME WITH THIS NEWS AND NOT ELABORATE AT ALL? And forget me, where the hell are YOU!!???

———Original Message——-

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: OMG OMG OMG

I KISSED FINN! I KISSED FINN! OMG I KISSED FINN. WHERE ARE YOU!!!???

“You sure about this, Meade?” Coach Leonard asked.

“Yeah, Coach. I know it sounds crazy, but I'm doing the right thing.”

There was a quick knock on the office door before it opened. Megan turned around as Hailey stuck her head inside.

“Hey, Coach. Vithya said you wanted to see me?” Hailey said. Then she saw Megan and paused.

“Yeah, Farmer. Have a seat,” Coach Leonard said.

Hailey dropped into the chair next to Megan's and carefully placed her jacket and her two bags on the floor. She suddenly looked small and scared, like a kid waiting to get a tetanus shot.

“Okay, Farmer, let me get you up to speed. Meade has just told me that the voting for captain may not have been exactly fair,” Coach Leonard said, leaning forward in her chair and resting her thick forearms on the desk.

“What do you mean?” Hailey asked carefully.

“I understand that the two of you tied in the first vote and that some kind of gossip affected the second vote,” Coach said, looking directly at Hailey. “Would you say that's about right?”

Megan and Hailey looked at each other. Hailey still looked confused.

“Yeah,” Hailey said.

Coach Leonard tapped a pencil on the edge of the desk. “Well, I'm sorry to say this has happened before—factors unrelated to our team affecting the vote, that is,” Coach said, leaning back in her chair. “But this is the first time in my twelve years here that a captain has ever asked if she could hand over her title to another player.”

“What?” Hailey blurted, sitting forward, then turning to look back at Megan. “Are you kidding me?”

“It doesn't make sense for me to be captain,” Megan explained, pushing herself up in her seat. “You've been here longer and you've always been the leader of this team. . . . If I hadn't transferred here, you definitely would have won that vote.”

“Do you even hear yourself? Do you realize what you're doing?” Hailey asked.

“Yeah, I do,” Megan said.

“I don't get it,” Hailey said. “I've been so . . .”

She trailed off and they both looked at Coach Leonard, who appeared to be hanging on their every word.

“So what? You've been so what?” Leonard asked.

“Nothing,” Megan replied. “Look, Hailey, I'm not saying I want to be best friends or anything, but I just think you should be captain. Besides, you're a senior and I'm a junior. This is your last chance.”

Hailey sat back in her chair, dumbstruck. Megan glanced at Coach Leonard. It seemed about time for the authority figure in the room to chime in.

“Well, as much as I love a little drama in the afternoon, we have a game to play, so I'm going to make an executive decision here,” Coach Leonard said, pushing some papers together. “Meade, as honorable as this idea of yours is, we can't completely ignore the team's vote, so I propose a compromise. As of right now, the two of you are co-captains. Think you can handle it?”

Megan looked at Hailey. Working side by side with her to lead the team all season? She wasn't entirely sure they could do it without killing each other.

“Sounds fair,” Hailey said tentatively.

“We did tie the first time,” Megan added.

“All right, it's settled,” Coach said. “Now go get into your uniforms and let's kick a little Black Bear butt.”

Megan picked up her stuff and opened the door, Hailey trailing behind her. As they walked to the locker room, Hailey took a few extra steps to catch up with Megan and walk by her side.

“You better be ready for this game, newbie,” Hailey said, opening the locker room door for Megan and letting the sounds of adrenaline-hyped conversation spill out. She gave Megan a small smile.