Melody (45 page)

How could I refuse? But this, along with my anticipated
visit with Kenneth Childs and my final exams made me more nervous than a flock of hens with a fox at the gate. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. Cary was more excited about my performing than I was. He insisted on watching and listening to me practice. Aunt Sara thought it was wonderful, too, and even Uncle Jacob looked and listened with interest.

I decided I would play one of Papa George's favorites, “Katy Cline,” and a traditional Woody Guthrie folk favorite, “This Land is Your Land.” I sang when I played, of course. Uncle Jacob looked amazed and Aunt Sara had the widest, happiest smile yet on her face. Cary beamed. I felt sorry for May, but she seemed content just feeling the vibrations when I let her or just watching my face and actions. I didn't think I was good enough to actually perform, but even Uncle Jacob said I was. He hinted that he would attend the show, which Cary said would be a first.

“The only community event I've ever seen him attend is the Blessing of the Fleet.”

Cary suggested that on Thursday, after we had brought May home from school, he and I would go to the Point to see if I could speak to Kenneth Childs.

“What are you going to say?” he asked.

I thought a moment. “I'll introduce myself first and then see what he says.”

“What if he says nothing? What if he just nods and walks away?”

“I'll find a way to get him to talk to me,” I said. Actually, I was excited with the idea of just seeing him, seeing if there was anything about him that reminded me of myself. I couldn't really tell much from the few photos I'd seen.

“The last time I saw him, he had a beard,” Cary said. “Laura and I used to go to the beach up there, but I've never been in his house or studio. What excuse are we going to use for driving over to see him?” he asked.

“We'll tell him my mother asked me to stop by to say hello,” I replied. Cary nodded and smiled.

“You've been scheming, haven't you?”

“That's all I've been doing lately,” I admitted.

“Okay, Thursday,” he promised.

My heart was pounding in anticipation.

The night before, I sat at the desk and, after stuffing the envelope with the money Alice had given me, wrapping it carefully so no one would know what it was, I wrote her a letter.

Dear Alice,

You'll be surprised to learn that I didn't go to Los Angeles after all. My cousin Cary was sent by Grandma Olivia to bring me back to Provincetown and he found me at the bus station in Richmond. I agreed to return when he told me he thought he knew who my real father is. He's an artist who lives in Provincetown. Tomorrow, Cary is taking me to his house and studio and for the first time in my life, I will set eyes on the man who could be my father. I have seen pictures of him when he was younger, but seeing pictures is one thing. Standing before him in the flesh will be another.

I am rehearsing what I will say and how I will say it. You'd laugh if you saw how I pose before the mirror in my room and pretend I'm seeing him. Everything I can think to say sounds silly. I'm afraid he will just look at me and shake his head and maybe shut the door in my face. I don't know how I would feel if that happened.

Apparently, he is a man who keeps to himself, so that just might happen. I'll write to tell you all about it afterward.

Speaking of rehearsals, you won't believe this, but I've been talked into performing at the school's annual scholarship variety show. I'll be playing my fiddle—two tunes. I practice and have played for the family. They all seemed impressed, but I'm terrified.

I'm returning all the money you lent me. It was
nice of you to do it and I know now that you are my one true friend. I hope we will always remain friends, no matter how many miles apart we might be.

I still haven't heard from Mommy. When I asked her why she lied to me the last time she called, she sounded frantic and very distant and I have this fear she won't call again. There is a lot she and I have to discuss now, now that I'm old enough to understand. I have heard unpleasant things about her when she was younger—my age and a little older. It saddens and sickens me, but I try not to think about it.

My grandmother has told me that I'm an heiress and that someday I'll have a lot of money. How's that for a surprise? Me, someday rich? Right now, I don't even think about it. It really doesn't seem important.

What's important is that I might be on the verge of learning the whole truth about myself and my family. It frightens me and yet, I know how much I want to know everything.

As I write this letter, I am looking at the watch Papa George gave me. Inside, I placed a blade of grass from Daddy's grave. Even though I was just there, I feel so far away, not only in miles but in time. It makes me feel that I'm about to become someone else, as if I lived a different life, a life that will soon end. After all, this and a few of the things I was able to bring with me are all that I have from my former life. Of course, I have memories, but they're burning down like candles. I'm afraid of being left in the dark.

As soon as I finish this letter, I'm going to practice my fiddle and then I'm going to go to sleep and dream of a new tomorrow, where lies crumble like fallen autumn leaves beneath my feet and where promises of happiness and hope sprout rich and green like our mountains and hills in spring.

Say a prayer for me. And thanks for being my truest friend in all the world.

Love,
Melody

I put the letter in the envelope. I played my fiddle and then I crawled into bed and had the dream I told Alice I would have.

Tomorrow would be a new day.

19
 
Lost and Found

The way to Race Point was along a road so narrow and hidden between two hills of sand, it could easily be overlooked. Cary explained that at Kenneth Childs's request, no sign was posted to designate the road. He was the only one who lived on it and it had become known as Childs Road. After its entrance, protected by the two hills, the road was covered with sand that was six to eight inches deep in spots.

“The best way to navigate this is to let air out of my tires,” Cary explained and stopped the truck to do just that.

It was late afternoon and the powder blue sky was streaked with flat, soft clouds that looked like vanilla icing smeared across it in odd shapes. Cary said it meant it was very windy in the upper atmosphere. We went in about three quarters of a mile before we reached the peak of the incline and were able to see the ocean. It looked a darker metallic blue, making its whitecaps whiter. The beach here was cluttered with twisted seaweed that lay in clumps combed by the fingers of the waves. Terns walked gingerly around and through the
seaweed as if they were part of some bird ballet entitled Searching for Food.

“This is one of the best places to find driftwood,” Cary said. “Laura and I spent hours gathering strangely shaped pieces. Local artists will buy them from you. Seashells too,” he added.

“Where's Kenneth's home?”

“Just to the right here,” he explained and we made a turn. Ahead was a smoke-gray cedar saltbox house. The sea air, sun, and rain had faded its black shutters to a light charcoal. Behind the house was another small structure that looked like a barn.

“That's his studio,” Cary explained.

I saw no one. The front of the house was spotted with pink wild beach grass, no flowers, no trees. On the side of the house facing us was an upside-down row boat, its hull sun-bleached. There was a dark blue jeep in what served as a driveway. An inky black Labrador was lying on the rear seat and lifted his head with curiosity as we approached.

“That's his dog, Ulysses. He's fifteen years old, half blind and deaf,” Cary said. “At least that's what the judge says. His jeep's here, so Kenneth must be home,” Cary muttered with some anxiety.

From the moment we had left the house, a small, but persistent trembling vibrated through every bone and muscle in my body. My heart was in a continual drum beat. Cary tried to keep up some conversation, but I could only smile or nod.

“You sure you want to do this?” he asked one final time before turning into the driveway. I nodded and took a deep breath.

Ulysses rose on his legs as if he had to lift three times his weight, but once he was on his feet, he hopped out of the jeep and began barking. It was a friendly bark, not a growl.

“Whenever Laura and I stopped by here, we had the feeling we were being watched, but Kenneth didn't come
out but one or two times and then it was just a quick hello and some comment about the weather.”

“I'm going to do this,” I said firmly. I opened the truck door and stepped out. Ulysses came to me first, his tail wagging. “Hello,” I said and patted him. The sight of company excited him and he was licking my hand and rushing back and forth between Cary and me for our strokes and words.

“Some watchdog, huh?” Cary said with a laugh.

I looked at the front door. It was gray and weather-beaten, with no knocker, no buzzer, no indication the inhabitant of this house wanted anyone coming to it.

“You wouldn't think he had any money the way he lives,” Cary muttered. “That jeep's about ten, twelve years old, and the furniture in the house looks as if he got it all at a thrift shop. We were never inside,” he quickly added, “but Laura and I once peeked through the window. There aren't even any pictures on the walls. All his art is in his studio, I guess. We never got close enough to look in there.

“Kenneth has eyes that can scare you.”

“What do you mean?”

“You'll see,” he said. “I think. He might not answer the door.”

We stared at it. I could see Cary wasn't going to be the one to knock, so I stepped forward slowly over the walkway, which consisted of small rocks. Ulysses stayed at my side, Cary remained a foot or so behind. I knocked and waited.

The roar of the ocean, the waves breaking on the beach, the cry of the terns, and the whistle the sea breeze made was all we heard. I knocked again, louder.

“What'dya want?” Both of us nearly jumped out of our sneakers. We turned to see Kenneth Childs standing at the corner of the house. He wore a pair of jeans, no shoes or socks, and a faded brown T-shirt. He was long-legged and slim. His hair, a little darker than mine, was,
as Cary had described, tied in a pony tail, the end of which reached the base of his neck. His full-face beard was even a little darker. He had a wide forehead with deep-set dark eyes and a long, straight nose, under which his strong, firm lips stretched to dip at the corners. I couldn't help staring at his face, looking for more evidence of my own, but it was hard because of that thick beard. To me it was like a mask.

“She wanted to come see you,” Cary said quickly, embarrassed and made more nervous by the long silence.

“What for?” Kenneth asked, his eyes on me.

“My mother told me to say hello,” I said.

“Who's your mother?” he asked, without softening his face. He was miles from smiling.

“Haille,” I said. “Haille Logan.”

He stared for a moment longer and then he drew closer. Ulysses went to his side immediately.

“You're Haille's daughter?”

“Yes.”

“Haille sent you?” he asked with skepticism. I nodded, positive he could see through my fabrication. “Why didn't she come herself?” he asked me.

“She's not here. I'm here, living with my uncle and aunt,” I explained and tried to swallow so my words wouldn't sound so tiny. I couldn't take my eyes off him. His eyes were so hard, as if made of stone. This was what Cary meant, I thought.

“What's your name?” he asked.

“Melody.”

His lips softened just a bit. He looked at Cary and then he looked at me.

“I'm going to school here now,” I said, too nervous to permit any long silences. “For a while.”

“Where's your mother then?”

“She's in California,” I said. “She's auditioning to be an actress or a model.”

His face finally relaxed.

“That figures,” he said. He looked as if he was going to turn and walk away.

“I met your father at my grandmother and grandfather's house,” I said quickly. He raised his eyebrows.

“And what did he say when he found out who you were?” he asked.

“He was . . . nice,” I replied, not sure what he meant.

“Dad's the most charming man on the Cape,” Kenneth said as if it were a basic fact everyone knew. He looked at Cary. “You're Jacob's boy?”

“Yes sir.”

“Sorry about your sister. I don't get to hear much news out here, but I heard about that.”

Cary nodded, biting down on his lower lip, his eyes glassy.

Kenneth turned back to me. “Are you a good student?”

“Yes, sir.”