Memoirs Found In a Bathtub (5 page)

“Mission?”

His smile, humble and hesitant, was altogether too sweet. “The Special Mission assigned to me by—but I told you that at the very beginning, didn’t I? Our Commander in Chief, General Kashenblade.”

“Kashenblade?”

“Surely you know the name of your own Chief!”

“Excuse me,” he whispered after a long silence, “would you mind if I … if I leave you for a moment? I won’t be long…”

“I’m sorry,” I said, politely but firmly holding his arm when he attempted to get up. “You are not going anywhere until we settle this. I came for instructions, I am waiting to receive them.”

The old man trembled.

“But … but, my dear man … how am I to understand this?…”

“Cause and Effect,” I said crisply. “My assignment, if you please!”

He paled, but was silent.

“I am waiting.”

No answer.

“Why did you tell me about the millions of plans? Or perhaps I should ask
who
told you to tell me? You don’t feel like talking? Very well. I have time, I can wait.”

He only clasped his palsied hands and lowered his head.

“What are you doing?” I shouted and grabbed his arm. The face twisted in a hideous grimace and the eyes bulged in terror; he was sucking the ring on his finger. There was a faint click, metal on metal, and I felt the rigid muscles turn to water. A second later I was holding a corpse. I let it fall to the floor. The spectacles came off and with them a fold of silver hair and baby pink skin, revealing a shock of jet-black hair underneath. I stood there, the dead man at my feet, and listened to the pounding of my heart. I looked around frantically—I had to escape, any moment now someone could come in and find me with the body of a man who had held some important post. Underdecoder? Eavesdropper? It didn’t matter now. I made for the door, but stopped halfway. I couldn’t possibly get through, they would recognize me for sure. And then how would I explain? An alibi…

I went back and lifted the body; the wig slid off—how much younger he looked in death! Carefully, I put the wig back on, fought down a wave of revulsion, gripped the body under the arms and dragged it to the door. I could say he had a fainting spell—that would have to do.

The office was empty. There were two doors: one led to the secretaries, the other probably led to the hall. I sat him in his chair behind the desk. He slumped. I tried to make him sit up. Impossible—the left arm dangled over the chair. I left the body as it was and ran out the second door. I didn’t care what happened now!

It looked like the lunch hour—officers, clerks, secretaries, everyone flocked to the elevators. I fell in with the largest group and was soon riding down—away from the scene of the crime, the farther the better!

Lunch wasn’t very good: a limp salad, leathery roast beef, the usual mashed potatoes, vile coffee as black as tar. No one paid. Fortunately there was no conversation, not even about the food; they were all busy solving puzzles instead—crosswords and word ladders, anagrams and cryptograms, brain teasers and riddles. To avoid calling attention to myself, I scribbled something on a scrap of paper I found in my pocket. After an hour of this, I elbowed my way back to the hall. Now people were returning to work, taking the elevators up. The crowd was thinning fast, I had to find someplace to go, so I jumped on one of the last elevators and got out at the first stop. The hall here, like all the others I had seen so far, had no windows. Rows of gleaming white doors stretched out on either side, with milky globes over the door signs: 76/947, 76/948, 76/950…

I stopped. That number, that same number! How did I, wandering aimlessly, happen to return exactly to this spot? Behind that door—if they hadn’t discovered it yet—was a body propped up at a desk, a pair of twisted gold spectacles perched on its nose…

Someone was coming. It took considerable effort not to break into a run. A tall officer without a cap came around the corner. I stepped aside to let him pass, but he walked up to me with a vague smile.

“Step this way, please,” he said in a lowered voice, indicating the door next to the one with the body.

“I don’t understand,” I said, also lowering my voice. “There must be some mistake.”

“Oh no, there’s no mistake. In here, please.”

He opened the door and I found myself in a bright yellow office. Other than a desk and a few telephones and chairs, there was no office equipment. I stayed near the door. The officer closed it quietly and walked around me.

“Won’t you have a seat?”

“You know who I am?” I asked slowly.

“Of course.” He nodded, bringing me a chair.

“What is there to talk about?”

“I understand you perfectly. Let me assure you that I’ll do all in my power to keep this strictly confidential.”

“Confidential? What do you mean?”

He came so close that I could feel his breath on my face. Our eyes met.

“You see, you are working … how should I put it?… outside the plan,” he said in a barely audible whisper. “Actually, I should keep out of your way, not interfere. On the other hand, it might be better if I give you some … that is, if I tell you, in private, of course … well, it might avoid needless complications.”

“I have nothing to say,” I replied, on my guard.

It wasn’t the tone of his voice or what he said that gave me hope, but his strikingly unmilitary manner. Unless this was a plan to allay my suspicions, in which case…

“I see,” he said after a long pause. There was a note of desperation in the voice. He ran a hand through his hair. “Under similar circumstances, on such an assignment … every officer would do the same. Yet sometimes, for the sake of the Service of course, one may make an exception…”

I looked him in the eye. He winced.

“Very well,” I said, taking a seat and resting my fingertips, on the desk. “Tell me what you think I ought to know.”

“Thank you, thank you! I won’t beat around the bush. Your orders come from high up. Now, I am not supposed to know about any change in those orders, not officially. But—well, you know how it is—there are always leaks! Why, you yourself…” He waited for some word from me, a sign, a wink, anything. But I sat there like a statue. Finally he blurted out, his face pale and eyes shining feverishly:

“Listen! That old man had been working for
them
for some time. When I unmasked him and he confessed, instead of turning him over to D.S. according to the rules, I decided to keep him in the same position.
They
still considered him their agent, but he was really working for us. One of their couriers was recently sent to meet him, so I laid a trap. Except that instead of the courier, you showed up and…” He shrugged.

“Wait a minute! He was working for
us?
”

“Of course! Thanks to me! D.S. would have done the same of course, but that way the matter would have gone out of our hands, I mean my department, though it was I who unmasked him, and someone else would have gotten the credit! Of course, that’s not why I did it, don’t misunderstand me, I only wanted to expedite matters … for the sake of the Service, of course.”

“Of course. But why did he—”

“Poison himself? He took you for that courier, he thought you knew about his betrayal. He was only a pawn, after all.”

“Yes…”

“Yes, it’s really quite simple. I went beyond the limits of my authority when I made the decision to keep him. So they sent you to the old man, to get back at me. A typical ploy…”

“But wait, I stumbled into that room by accident!”

The officer shook his head and gave a sad smile.

“How could you have known what waited in the other rooms?…”

“You mean?—”

His words conjured up an image of a long line of identical old men, each with white hair, pink scalp and gold spectacles, each waiting patiently at his desk, smiling … an endless gallery of neat, brightly lit rooms… I shuddered.

“Then—it wasn’t only in that room?”

“Naturally, we cannot afford to take risks—”

“Then in the other rooms—the same thing?”

He nodded.

“And all those others?”

“Substitutes, of course.”

“Working for—?”

“For us, and for them. You know how it is. But we keep a close watch; for us they work harder.”

“Wait a minute—what was it the old man was babbling about?—operational plans, millions of variants of the original?”

“A password. You didn’t recognize it because it was
their
code; he thought you were pretending not to understand, which would mean you knew all about his defection. After all, everyone wears portable decoders.”

He unbuttoned his shirt and showed me a flat device strapped to his chest. Now I remembered how one officer who had talked with me in an elevator suddenly pressed his hand to his heart.

“You mentioned a ploy. Whose ploy?”

He turned pale. The eyelids flickered and fell. For a few minutes he sat with his eyes shut.

“Someone high up,” he whispered. “Someone very high up aimed at me, but I swear I am innocent. If you could use your influence and…”

“And what?”

“Get them to drop this matter. I would be glad to…”

He didn’t finish. He made a careful examination of my face. The whites of those staring eyes were wide and glassy. His nervous fingers pulled at his uniform.

“Nine hundred sixty-seven by eighteen by four hundred thirty-nine,” he pleaded with me.

I was silent.

“Four hundred, four hundred eleven, six thousand eight hundred ninety-four by three… How about it? No? Forty-five? All right, seventy!” He was on his knees, his voice shook. I said nothing. White as a sheet, he got up. “Nine … nineteen…” One last try. It sounded like a moan. But I said nothing. Slowly, he buttoned his jacket.

“So that’s how it is,” he said. “I understand. Sixteen. Very well. In accordance with … you’ll excuse me…”

He went to the next room.

“Wait!” I shouted. “You’re not going to—?”

A shot, the thud of a body. I froze, my hair stood on end, something urged me to leave at once, to run for my life. There were sounds from the next room, a faint knocking, like a heel tapping the floor, then a rustling—then silence. A dead silence. Through the open door I saw a trouser leg; not taking my eyes off it, I backed towards the exit, groped for the doorknob…

The hall was empty. I shut the door, pressed my back against it—there, directly across the hall, standing casually in an open doorway, a fat officer was watching me. My heart skipped a beat. That bored, indifferent expression on his face—it overwhelmed me. He took something out of his pocket—a penknife?—tossed it up and caught it, once, twice, a third time, then held it in his fist, turned his wrist—the blade sprang open with a click. He tested the edge with his thumbnail and grinned. Then he closed his eyes, nodded, stepped back into the room and shut the door. I waited. There was the whine of an elevator, then nothing. I listened to the blood hum in my ears, and I watched the door. Was there someone behind the keyhole?

Cautiously, I started to walk. Once again I was walking alone down endless corridors, corridors that continually branched out and converged, corridors with dazzling walls and rows of white, gleaming doors. I was exhausted, too weak to make another attempt at breaking in somewhere, finding some point of entry into the system. Now and then I leaned against a wall to catch my breath. But they were all too slippery, too perpendicular to rest on. My watch had stopped long ago; I no longer knew whether it was day or night. Sometimes I seemed to fall asleep on my feet, then the slamming of a door somewhere or the whir of a passing elevator would wake me up. I stepped aside for people with briefcases. Now the halls were empty, now they swarmed with officers all heading in the same direction. Work went on around the clock here; one shift left, another took its place. I remember little of the following hours: I was walking, getting on and off elevators, even holding my own in casual conversations—didn’t somebody wish me “good night”? But nothing made an impression on me, my mind was like a mirror, or rather like the glazed surface of porcelain.

Then somehow I was outside a bathroom. I entered. Everything was bright and gleaming like an operating room in a hospital. The marble bathtub was like a sarcophagus. I sat down on the edge of it and began to doze. I made one feeble attempt to turn off the blinding light, but there was no switch. The glare from the nickel-plated fixtures was painful, bore into my eyes like fire through the lids, like needles. But I sank into that hard bed, covered my face with an arm, and drifted off. My head struck something sharp, but the pain couldn’t wake me.

How long I slept I don’t know. It took a while to wake up, to overcome the formless obstacles that haunted my dreams. After a struggle I awoke and was immediately assaulted by a blast of light. A naked bulb hung high on the white ceiling.

My bones felt like they had taken a bad fall. I got up, stripped, had a quick shower. On the wall was a silver dispenser of some fragrant liquid soap, and I found towels embroidered with staring eyes. I dried myself briskly, restoring the circulation, then hurriedly dressed. For the first time in a long time I felt fresh and confident. It was only when my hand touched the door that I remembered where I was. The realization hit me like an electric shock. An endless white labyrinth lay in wait out there, I knew, and an equally endless wandering. The net of corridors, halls and soundproof rooms, each ready to swallow me up … the thought made me break out in a cold sweat. For one mad moment I was ready to run out screaming, screaming for help, or for a quick and merciful end. But this weakness passed; I took a deep breath, lifted my head, straightened my clothes, and calmly walked out, my step firm, purposeful, in time to the rhythm of the Building.

I set my watch at eight, picking the hour at random, in order to keep track of at least the relative passage of time. The little-frequented passageway in which I found myself soon led into the usual traffic. Around me the office work continued. I took an elevator down, on the chance it might be breakfast time. But the cafeteria doors were shut; a cleaning crew was at work inside. I turned back and rode up to the third level—the third only because that button looked more worn than the others. The corridor there was empty.