Memoirs of a Courtesan in Nineteenth-Century Paris (20 page)

I mounted my horse and entered the arena. My saddle was wobbly.

I stopped in front of the large grandstand. While my horse was being girthed, I heard muffled sounds of compliments, always pleasing to a woman’s ears. I spurred my mare and came in first by half a length.

When I returned to the stables, I saw my admirer, who was very pale.

He came toward me and said, ‘ Oh! You scared me so much! Ten times I thought I saw you falling.’

I had the unfortunate notion to reply that he was too kind.

From that moment on I could not get rid of him. He followed me to the door of my dressing room. I slammed it in his face. He came to see me the next day and finally would not budge. He was so in love that I was tempted to be lenient, in spite of my abhorrence of stupid people.

His name was Léon.

I had become a skillful equestrienne.

I filed a request for my freedom with the prefect. I was summoned and was told that there had not been enough time, and that if the Hippodrome were to close, I had no means of livelihood. Once more women came to me with propositions. I was afraid those women were sent by the police, and so I was even more unpleasant with them than the first ones.

   

One evening I had gone to the Ranelagh with Angèle, one of my companions from the Hippodrome. A flower vendor brought me some magnificent roses.

‘‘From these gentlemen,’ she said, pointing out two men seated a few feet from us; one was blond, with an ordinary face, the other, a handsome fellow, younger and more impudent.

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The Hippodrome

I left the flowers on a chair without looking at those who had sent them.

They approached us. The younger of the two spoke up and was addressing me, ‘‘Do you like flowers? I regret to be offering you such ugly ones. If you would allow me, I shall send you some other ones.’

I responded with a slight nod and a little pout.

‘‘I see, mademoiselle, that you do not like to chat. That is sometimes a sign of intelligence.’

And he came nearer, so near that he set his chair on my dress. I pointed the fact out to him and asked him to back off.

‘‘No,’ he replied, ‘‘I tore it; I shall send you another one. The duke and I saw you riding and we both fell in love. We tossed a coin for you. I lost.

The duke sent you one of his friends but you sent her away. Thinking that he had given up hope, I did as he did. I did not have better luck.

‘And that surprised you?’’

‘ Yes, we had bet fifty gold louis.’

He said all this with such impudence that I took a dislike to him.

‘ There is certainly no more innocent distraction than this one. For the stakes to be interesting for you, you should have confirmed my consent, but that condition was missing from your wager. In fact, I shall admit that, if I had had to make a choice, I would have agreed with chance.’

I did not realize that, in order to tell him something unpleasant, I was making an outright declaration to his friend.

The duke asked if he could come see me. I acquiesced, emphasizing loudly, ‘ That would please me greatly,’ for his benefit, and the other little man left the place saying, ‘ That comes from being a duke and having an allowance of three hundred thousand francs.’

We were left alone, and the duke continued the conversation.

‘‘What a difficult person my friend is! He is charming but a little conceited. He thinks that when I am preferred, it is because of my fortune.

That has made me contentious, and I have come to believe it myself.’

The provocation was direct, and I affably resigned myself to telling the duke that he was wrong to doubt himself this way.

He offered me his arm for a walk around the garden. That flattered my vanity, and it was a way to exasperate his friend, whom I resented for his cruelty.

The thought of revealing my failings makes me happier than I ever was at the thought of experiencing them. There must be some myste-

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The Hippodrome

rious connection between decency and education to awaken a sleeping conscience in this way.

My liaison with the duke placed me in a totally new position.2 . . .

I became too elegant to avoid making enemies. I lacked nothing, not even the envy of my fellow equestriennes.

The duke was still on good terms with his friend, who never lost his self-confidence nor his hopes, and who would say to me, ‘‘You will come back to me!’’

‘‘Never!’’ I would reply.

And I was true to my word.

He consoled himself with Angèle.

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12

o Lise’sYellowDress

To Appease Eulalie—Léon Becomes Bolder, but Moderately—Help for a Despondent Man—Léon’s Duel—

Lagie and Her Englishman—The Jewish Pianist—A Duke Does Not Necessarily Bring Happiness—The Tenor Tormented by Love—Vaudeville and Bel Canto—Flowers on a Cradle

  good or something bad would happen to me, my great comfort was to go see Lise, so I could share with her my joy or my distress. Her landlady gave me her new address under condition of secrecy because Lise still refused to see anyone. Her apartment was on the fifth floor at  Champs-Elysées.

Lise was on her bed, a lit candle close by for her cigarette, a book in her hand.

‘ So, it is you! It is sweet of you to come by, but if the other one comes in, she is going to scream, she cannot stand you.’

‘ Whose house is this?’

‘ But of course, you do not know. . . . You can imagine that after my arrest I did not dare go out; then one day I was told that a young woman wanted to speak to me urgently. If I had been standing, I would have fallen flat on my face. It was my sister. I was amazed by her elegance. I asked her,

‘ ‘What do you want from me, Eulalie? My father is behind you, is he not?’

‘ ‘Goodness, how stupid you are! He does not know where I am, so he could not have followed me here.’

‘ ‘What, you mean you ran away?’

‘ ‘Yes. Since your departure, everything has been going from bad to worse. Maxime took me away. Since he does not have much, I went to

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Lise’s Yellow Dress

work at the Hippodrome. I am staying at the Champs-Elysées, number . If you want, you can share my room.’

‘‘Would you believe it? It hurt me terribly to know that my sister was a fallen woman, but I did not have the right to scold her, and in any case, it would have been futile.

‘At the hotel I owed quite a bit of money and had no funds to pay with. In lieu of payment I had to leave my things, and I moved here with two chemises, some slippers, and the dress I have on. I said I was going to the country, not moving.

‘ Still, I must get out of this situation. I am dependent on my sister.

She let me move in with her, but she regrets it. First of all, she is not rich and she is stingy. Yesterday she chastised me for buying a packet of cigarette paper!

‘After every scene I pick up my two chemises and start to pack.

Eulalie starts to laugh, and I stay, promising to be neat, something I cannot get used to. She follows me all day with a towel to wipe even my footprints. And so, as you can see, I stay in bed. . . . That way I do not mess up anything.’

  

I had to stifle a laugh, because the bed, the side table, the whole bedroom was a total wreck. Everywhere books, torn cigarette paper thrown here and there, tobacco, ashes . . .

‘ Oh, my dear,’ I said, ‘ she is seldom pleasant, your Eulalie. I have often seen her at the Hippodrome, unaware that she was your sister, and I have already had one or two squabbles with her.’

‘ Stay a little longer. She is not due home just yet. She is at Maxime’s, and anyway, I know how to put her in a good mood.’

She began to tidy up around her, wiping the table with her only dress.

‘‘Well, my dear Lise, since you are so unhappy here, do you want a way out? I shall lend you all I can. If you want to come live with me—’’

‘‘No,’ she replied, ‘‘I prefer a friend to money. If I were indebted to you, we might have a falling out. . . . I love you very much, but your happiness, if you were happier than I, would end up distressing me.’

The door opened. Eulalie seemed quite surprised to see me. Pomaré lost her composure. I was doubly surprised since I have known few women with as imposing a bearing as Pomaré!

Eulalie was an average-sized girl, plump, with a cold demeanor. Of another I would say she had a look of stupidity, but she was extremely

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Lise’s Yellow Dress

clever. Even though she probably was no more than seventeen years old, she looked twenty-five.

‘‘My dear friend, you seem surprised to find me here, but I had left the Hippodrome and as I walked by, I saw Lise at the window, so I came up.’

She looked at me without greeting me and said to her sister, ‘‘I had forbidden you to open my window.’

Lise was astounded by this autocratic tone. I went on most calmly,

‘‘Had I not seen Lise, I would have come up anyway. I wanted to ask you a favor.’

‘‘Me?’’

‘‘Yes, I heard you complain many times that you were not asked to race.’ She turned purple because I was bringing up a touchy subject.

‘‘Well! If you had the opportunity to be noticed in some steeple-chase, I am sure that you would be allowed to continue in Hermance’s place.’

‘‘I know that well,’ she said, ‘ but they will not let me try.’

‘‘I am offering you a way. I am leaving in a few days. I would like for one of my companions to do my routine for a couple of weeks.’

She was beaming.

‘‘I would like that,’ she said. ‘‘Just make sure they will consent.’

‘ Oh, I have a way of forcing them. I shall not notify them. One day I shall not be there and you will be ready. They will have no choice.’

‘ Oh my!’’ she said. ‘‘I must go see Maxime, who was not home earlier.’

When Eulalie was gone, Lise told me, ‘‘You were saying a while ago that when she was on horseback you thought she looked like a water pitcher!’’

‘‘My dear, this was the only way. If I suggested her to them, they would laugh in my face. There is one hitch, however: I am not leaving.

But I hope that in ten days you will not be here anymore.’

  ,  

Once I was back home, I sent a note to the Hotel des Princes for a young man named Manby with whom I had spent several evenings at Lise’s.

He came right away.

‘‘You are very kind to have come, my dear friend; I need to ask you a favor.’

‘Anything you wish, just so you let me kiss you.’

‘‘Now, now, no silliness! Lise is miserable. She wants nothing from me, but from you, she will accept everything. She must not continue to live with her sister who treats her like a dog.’

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Lise’s Yellow Dress

‘‘My dear,’ he said, ‘‘I surrender my fortune to you. I only have ten louis on me, and here they are. . . .’

The next day I ran over to Lise’s full of joy. I was telling myself, ‘ She is going to rent a room, give one hundred francs to her hotel, and she will be out of difficulties.’

I told her what I had done. She seemed glad.

‘‘Let us go do some shopping,’ she told me. ‘‘I have a lot of little things to buy.’

I wanted to say ‘ Go slow!’’

We stopped at the Bayadères, on the boulevard. I waited for her in the carriage. She returned an hour later with a package.

‘ Oh! Look at the pretty color.’

And she showed me some taffeta the color of corn.

‘‘What is this?’’

‘ It is a dress.’

‘‘Yes, and how much did it cost?’’

‘ One hundred and sixty francs.’

I thought she was totally mad. I decided that I was not going to take care of her anymore. I leaned back in the carriage.

Our cab was not going fast and we were renting it by the hour. I went to Faubourg Saint-Honoré and she to the Champs-Elysées.

‘Are you going to leave angry at me,’ said Lise, ‘ because I bought an apricot dress? I could not resist. I want to go to the Ranelagh Thursday. I am going to wear a short cape to match my dress and a straw hat.

Everyone will think I have become rich. If I do not put on something flashy, I shall not be asked to dance.’

I could not forgive her this extravagance, since until now, when I was ahead by twenty francs, I would buy ten yards of calico at twelve sous to sew some chemises.

‘‘Now, let us make peace,’ she said as she was leaving. ‘ Give me your hand and promise me to come by for me Thursday at eight.’

‘ That means I have to go pick you up in a carriage. Well! We shall go, but do not get used to this.’

I entered my alleyway and was about to go up my five flights of stairs when my doorman handed me a large bouquet of extremely rare flowers.

‘ Some people came asking for you, then someone came from the police.’

I hid my face in the bouquet as if I were smelling it. He lifted his glasses and said to his wife, ‘‘How did he put it, the policeman?’’

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Lise’s Yellow Dress

‘ He said that if by tomorrow you have not removed the flowers from your window, you will be fined.’

I flew up the stairs like a bird. I wanted nothing to do with the police.

I opened my window, looked at my little flowers growing so pretty.

‘‘Dear sweet pea, nasturtium, and morning glory, must I destroy you?’’ I placed my beautiful bouquet next to them and it seemed ugly to me. I threw it in the bedroom and I kissed my mignonette and my pansies. The doorbell startled me. I threw myself on my garden and frantically ripped everything out.

The doorbell rang louder. I went to open the door.

It was Léon. The duke had forbidden me to see him, but in the spirit of independence, I did not comply.

‘ Oh,’ he said, picking up my bouquet, ‘‘I understand why you are plucking your garden; it is no longer worthy of you. Is it your duke who sent you this?’’

And the bouquet went rolling once more. That did not please me. I picked it up. I have always taken up for those who are not present.

‘‘I told you I wanted to be free, that I was not attached to anyone.’

‘‘You are mean, Céleste. Hermance asked me to go see her. . . .’