“You will shake the tree, duke ?”
“With two hands and three hearts, counters.”
” And the plum was really a Queen Claude ? “
” I am not quite sure of that, countess.*’
” What was it, then ? “
” Do you know it seemed much more like a portfolio dangling from a tree.”
“Then we will divide the portfolio.”
” Oh, no ! for me alone. Do not envy me the morocco, countess. There will fall so many beautiful things from the tree along with the portfolio when I shake it, that you will not know how to choose.”
” Then, marshal, it is a settled affair ?”
” I am to have Monsieur de Choiseul’s place ?”
“If the king consents.”
” Does not the king do all you wish ? “
” You see plainly he does not, since he will not send this Choiseul away.”
” Oh ! I trust the king will gladly recall his old companion.”
” And you ask nothing for the Duke d’Aiguillon ? “
“No, faith. The rascal can ask for himself.”
” Besides, you will be there. And now it is my turn to ask.”
” That is but just.”
” What will you give me ?”
“Whatever you wish.”
” I want everything.”
” That is reasonable.”
” And shall I have it ? “
” What a question ! But will you be satisfied, at least, and ask me for nothing further ?”
” Except the merest trifle. You know Monsieur de Taverney ? “
” He is a friend of forty years’ standing.”
” He has a son ? “
” And a daughter. Well ?”
“That is all.”
” How, all ? “
78 MEMOIRS OF A PHYSICIAN.
” Yes ; the other demand I have to make shall be made in proper time and place. In the meantime, we understand each other, duke ? “
” Yes, countess.”
” Our compact is signed.”
“Nay, more it is sworn.”
” Then shake the tree for me.”
” Oh, rest satisfied ; I have the means.”
” What are they ? “
” My nephew.”
” What else ? “
” The Jesuits ‘
“Oh, ho!”
” I have a very nice little plan cut and dry.”
” May I know it ? “
“Alas! countess “
” Well, you are right. “
“You know, secrecy “
” Is half the battle. I complete your thought for you.”
“You are charming.”
“But I wish to shake the tree also.”
” Oh, very well, shake away, countess ; it can do no harm.”
” But when will you begin to undermine, duke ?” asked the countess.
” To-morrow. And when do you commence to shake ? “
A loud noise of carriages was heard in the courtyard, and almost immediately cries of ” Long live the king ! ” rose on the air.
“I ?” said the countess, glancing at the window, “I shall commence directly.”
“Bravo!”
” Retire by the little staircase, duke, and wait in the courtyard. You shall have my answer in an hour.’ 3
MEMOIRS OF A PHYSICIAN. 79
THE MAKESHIFT OF HIS MAJESTY LOUIS XV.
Louis XV. was not so easy-tempered that one could talk politics with him every day ; for in truth politics were his aversion, and when he was in a bad temper he always escaped from them with this argument, which admitted of no reply :
” Bah ! the machine will last out my time.”
When circumstances were favorable it was necessary to take advantage of them ; but it rarely happened that the king did not retain the advantage which a moment of good humor had caused him to lose.
Mme.
Dubarry knew her king so well that, like fisher-men well skilled in the dangers of the sea, she never attempted to start in bad weather.
Now, the present visit of his majesty to Luciennes was one of the best opportunities possible. The king had done wrong the previous day, and knew beforehand that he should receive a scolding ; he would therefore be an easy prey.
But however confiding the game which the hunter lies in wait for in his lurking-place, it has always a certain instinct which must be guarded against. But this instinct is set at naught if the sportsman knows how to manage it.
The countess managed the royal game she had in view, and which she wished to capture, in the following manner.
“We have said that she was in a most becoming morning-dress, like those in which Boucher represents his shepherdesses. Only she had no rouge on, for Louis XV. had a perfect antipathy to rouge.
The moment his majesty was announced, the countess seized her pot of rouge and began to rub er cheeks with it vigorously.
The king saw what the countess was doing from the anteroom.
80 MEMOIRS OF A PHYSICIAN.
“Fie ! ” said he, as he entered, ” how she daubs herself ! n
” Ah ! good day, sire,” said the countess, without interrupting her occupation even when the king kissed her on the neck.
” You did not expect me, it seems, countess ? ” asked the king.
” Why do you think so, sire ? “
” Because you soil’ your face in that manner.”
” On the contrary, sire, I was certain that I should have the honor of receiving your majesty in the course of the day.”
“How you say that, countess.”
” Indeed ? “
” Yes, you are as serious as Monsieur Rousseau when he is listening to his own music.”
” That is because I have serious things to say to your majesty.”
” Oh ! I see what is coming, countess reproaches.”
” I reproach you, sire ? And why, pray ? “
” Because I did not come yesterday.”
‘ ‘ Oh, sire, do me the justice not to imagine that I pretend to monopolize your majesty.”
” My little Jeanne, you are getting angry.”
” Oh ! no, sire, I am angry already.”
” But hear me, countess ; 1 assure you I never ceased thinking of you the whole time.”
” Pshaw ! “
te And the evening seemed interminable to me.”
” But once more, sire, I was not speaking of that at all. Your majesty may spend your evenings where you please without consulting any one.”
” Quite a family party, madame ; only my own family.”
“Sire, I did not even inquire.”
“Why not?”
” Dame ! you know it would be very unbecoming for me to do so.”
“Well,” said the king, ” if that is not what yon are displeased with me, for, what is it, then ? We must be just in this world.”
MEMOIRS OF A PHYSICIAN. 81
“I have no complaint to make against you, sire.”
” But since you are angry “
” Yes, I am angry, sire ; that is true, but it is at being made a makeshift.”
“You a makeshift ? Good heavens !”
“Yes, I! The Countess Dubarry ! The beautiful Jeanne, the charming Jeannette, the fascinating Jeanneton, as your majesty calls me ; lama makeshift.”
” But how ? “
(< Because I have my king, my lover, only when Madame de Choiseul and Madame de Grammont do not want him.”
” Oh ! oh ! countess “
” Oh, I give you my honor, sire, I say what I think. But what can you expect from me ? I am an uneducated woman. I am the mistress of Blaise the beautiful Bourbon naise, you know.”
” Countess, the Choiseuls will be revenged.”
” What matter, if they revenge themselves with my vengeance ?”
” They will despise us.”
” You are right. “Well, I have an excellent plan which I shall carry into execution at once.”
” And that is ? ” asked the anxious king.
” Simply to go at once.”
The king shrugged his shoulders.
“Ah ! you do not believe me, sire ?”
” No, indeed ! “
” That is because you do not take the trouble to reason you confound me with others.”
” How so ? “
” Madame de Chateauroux wanted to be a goddess. Madame de Pompadour aimed at being a queen. Others wished to be rich, powerful, or to humiliate the ladies of the court by the weight of their favors. I have none of these defects.”
” That is true.”
” But yet I have many good qualities.”
” That is also true.”
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” Mere words, of course.”
” Oh, countess! no one knows your worth better than I do.”
” Well, but listen. “What I am going to say will not alter your conviction.”
“Speak.”
” In the first place, I am rich and independent of every one.”
” Do you wish to make me regret that, countess ? “
Then I have not the least ambition for all that flatters these ladies, the least desire for what they aim at ; my only wish is to love sincerely him whom I have chosen, whether he be soldier or a king. “When I love him no longer, I care for nothing else.”
” Let me trust you care a little for me yet, countess.”
” I have not finished, sire.”
” Proceed, madame.”
” I am pretty, I am young, and may reasonably hope for ten years more of beauty ; and the moment I cease to be your majesty’s favorite, I shall be the happiest and most honored woman in the world. You smile, sire I am sorry to tell you it is because you do not reflect. “When you had had enough, and your people too much, of your other favorites, you sent them away, and your people blessed you and execrated the disgraced favorite more than ever ; but I shall not wait until I am sent away. I shall leave the place, and make it known publicly that I have left it. I shall give a hundred thousand livres to the poor, I shall retire to a convent for a week, and in less than a month my portrait will be hung up in all the churches as that of a converted sinner.”
” Oh ! countess, you do not speak seriously ? “said the king.
” Look at me, sire, and see if I am serious or not. 1 swear to you that I never was more serious in my life.”
” Then you will commit this folly, Jeanne ? But do you not see that by so doing you place yourself at the mercy of my whim, my lady the countess ? “
MEMOIRS OF A PHYSICIAN. 83
” No, sire ; to do so would be to say, * choose between this and that ; ‘ whereas I say, ‘ adieu, sire ! ‘ nothing more.”
The king turned pale, but this time with anger.
” If you forget yourself so far, madame, take care.”
” Of what, sire ?”
” I shall send you to the Bastile, and you will find the Bastile rather more tiresome than a convent.”
” Oh, sire ! ” said the countess, clasping her hands. ” if you would but do me that favor it would delight me ! “
” Delight you ? How so ? “
” Yes, indeed. My secret ambition has always been to be popular like Monsieur de la Chalotais or Monsieur de Voltaire. I only want the Bastile for that. A little of the Bastile, and I shall be the happiest of women. I can then write memoirs of myself, of your ministers, of your daughters, of yourself and transmit the virtues of Louis the Well-beloved to the remotest posterity. Give me the lettre de cachet, sire. Here, I will provide the pen and ink.”
And she pushed a pen and inkstand which were upon the work-table toward the king.
The king, thus braved, reflected a moment ; then, rising :
” Very well, madame,” said he. “Adieu.”
” My horses,” cried the countess. ” Adieu, sire.”
The king made a step toward the door.
” Chon ! ” said the countess.
Chon entered.
” My trunks, my traveling equipage, and post-horses,” said she, ” quick ! lose no time ! “
” Post-horses ! ” said Chon, startled. ” Good heavens ! what is the matter ? “
” We must leave this as quickly as possible, my dear, else the king will send us to the Bastile. There is no time to be lost. Make haste, Chon, make haste.”
This reproach stung Louis to the heart. He approached the countess and took her hand.
84 MEMOIRS OF A PHYSICIAN.
” Forgive my warmth, countess,” said he.
” lu truth, sire, I am surprised you did not threaten me with the gibbet.”
” Oh ! countess ! “
” Of course. Thieves are always hung.”
”Thieves ?”
” Yes ; do I not steal the Countess de Grammont’s place ? “
” Countess ! “
” Dame ! that is my crime, sire.
” Be just, .countess, you irritated me.”
“And how ?”
The king took her hands.
“We were both wrong. Let us forgive each other.”
” Are you serious in your wish for a reconciliation, uire ? “
” On my honor.”
” Go, Chon.”
” Without ordering anything ? ” asked Chon.
” No ; order what I told you.”
” Countess ! “
” But let them wait for fresh orders ‘ . ” All ! “
Chon left the room.
” Then you wish me to remain ? ” said the countess.
” Above all things.”
” Keflect on what you say, sire.”
The king reflected, but he could not retract ; besides, she wanted to see how far the requirements of the victor would go.
” Go,” said he.
” Immediately. Mark, sire ! I go without saying anything.”
“I observed it.”
” But if I remain, I shall ask for something.”
” Well, what is it ? I merely ask for information ‘
” Ah ! you know very well.”
“No.”
” Yes, for you wiuke a grimace.”
MEMOIRS OF A PHYSICIAN. 85
‘ Monsieur cle Choiseul’s dismissal, is it ? “
” Exactly.”
” It is impossible, countess.”
” My horses, then.”
” But, ill-natured creature that yon are “
” Sign my lettre-de-cachet for the Bastile, c v the letter which dismisses the minister.”
” There is an alternative,” said the king.
” Thanks for your clemency, sire ; it seems I shall be permitted to go without being arrested.”
” Countess, you are a woman.”
” Fortunately I am.”
“And you, talk politics like an angry, rebellious woman. I have no grounds for dismissing Monsieur de Choiseul.”
” I understand he is the idol of the parliament ; ha encourages them in their revolt.”
” But there must be some pretext ‘
“A pretext is the reason of the weak.”
“Countess, Monsieur de Choiseul is an honest man, and honest men are rare.”
” Honest ! he sells you to the gentlemen of the black robe, who swallow up all the gold in the kingdom.”