Mendacious (20 page)

Tears stream down Libby’s cheeks and a sob rips from the back of her throat. “I don’t deny any of that. But look at me now, Dale.” She tilts her head to him, her eyes wide. “Look at me,” she urges. “I have never moved on following our divorce, and I’m not sure I ever will. We are supposed to be soul-mates.”

My face softens at her confession, but it is short-lived.

“But you hate the bloke!” Dale shouts across the room in my direction. “You hate him for everything he did to you. He wasn’t there for you while—”

Libby emits a high pitched screech and clutches the side of her head in obvious pain. “You don’t say anything else!”

And then I realise what is going on here. She is
still
trying to hide it from me. She doesn’t know that I’ve seen her medical records. She doesn’t know that I’m aware of the miscarriage. But I’m not going to say anything. I want Libby to tell me about it herself. This secret she has been harbouring for so long needs to finally come out.

“He doesn’t know?” Dale offers Libby an incredulous stare. “You never told him?” he asks her quietly.

Libby closes her eyes as silent tears course over her already wet cheeks. “I didn’t tell him ...”

“Tell me what?” I inquire firmly, finding my voice. “What’s going on?” My acting is top notch here. Neither of them suspects a thing from me.

“It’s nothing,” Libby mumbles.

“Like heck it’s nothing,” Dale snaps, rubbing his hand across his forehead. “I can’t believe you never told him. Fucking hell, Libby. What were you thinking?”

“I don’t know,” she confesses with a deep sigh.

“Umm ... what’s going on?” I ask again, stepping closer to the bed. “Is there something I should know?”

“Dale—” Libby starts but doesn’t get to finish.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“Please.”

He remains quiet for a couple of seconds before his shoulders sag and he nods. “I’ll be right outside the door.” He eyes me cautiously when he walks past and heads outside.

“What have you got to tell me?” I repeat yet again, standing at the foot of her bed. My heart rate picks up and a cool shiver slithers across the back of my neck, making me hyper aware of what’s about to happen.

Come on, Libby. Open up to me.

My head urges her to do the right thing, and I find myself waiting with bated breath as she scrunches up her face and finds the courage she needs.

“Alex,” she whispers, trying to catch sight of me. “I probably should have told you, but I had a miscarriage while we were married.” I close my eyes and throw back my head from the pain of the blow she delivers. Her words hurt me far more than the notes I read; they fucking break me apart. “I’m so sorry,” she whimpers.

Her apology feels almost useless as it flies completely over my head.

My body feels numb.

I should be grateful that she finally found the courage to tell me after all this time, but I’m not. She was forced into this because of the situation she’s in, and not because she wanted to tell me.

“Please say something.” Libby’s voice is a minuscule squeak that manages to cut through me with the power of a chainsaw.

“What do you expect me to say?” I shrug, my face now devoid of all emotion. I’m keeping everything inside because I don’t want her to see my vulnerability. I don’t want her to know how much she has split me apart.

I feel my heart hardening as I stare at her. And that is when I know that we are coming to a natural end right now. This must be it. Her secret was the final nail in the coffin on what has been the hardest and shittiest time of my life.

It fucking hurts like hell, but I know we aren’t good for each other, at all. If I’m going to save myself, then I need to push this woman away, no matter how conflicted my heart feels over my decision.

We have come to the point of no return. What we have is irreparable and I know this now. There is no way we could come back from all of the lies and deceit. It has to be over between us for both of our sakes. We both need to move on with our lives. We don’t have the opportunity of a second chance. What’s done is done.

“I want you to say something,” Libby pleads with me. “Please, Alex, say something! Don’t shut me out like you did seven years ago.”

“So that’s why you left? You thought I was shutting you out?” I don’t recognise the raw and croaky sound of my own voice, and I instantly regret showing her how weak I am.

“Yes. You did, Alex,” she sobs. “You didn’t even know I was pregnant, or that I’d had a miscarriage.”

“You didn’t tell me,” I choke out.

“I get that I didn’t tell you, but when did I have chance? You were never there with me. We had sex a couple of times a week when you eventually came home from work, and then you would be asleep soon after, and the whole cycle would start again. I felt trapped in a bubble with no way out. Your life has always been about work, and not me.”

My heart thuds out of my chest and I feel a dry scratchiness in my throat. I had no idea Libby felt like this while we were married. And, honestly, it makes me feel like absolute shit to hear this now, knowing there is nothing I can do to change it.

“But you never said anything to me. You left me. And now I know you gave me some bullshit reason as to why. It was never about the money, right?”

She slowly shakes her head. “It was never about the money, Alex. I just wanted you. It was always only you. And then, when I fell pregnant, it was like a glimmer of hope.” Her sobs come thick and fast and I watch her hands drift down to her stomach. “That baby was supposed to bring us together. I’d hoped and prayed so much for that baby to save our marriage. But it didn’t.”

I feel moisture pricking my eyes as Libby rubs her stomach.

“Losing that baby was the final breaking point for me. I knew there was no way we could continue living as we were.”

“So you just left?” I ask quietly.

“I didn’t have a choice, Alex. My mind was a mess. I couldn’t look at you. Or speak to you. I just wanted out of this bubble I’d consumed myself in.”

“When did it happen?”

She looks at me, her face puzzled. “W-What?”

I nod at her hands massaging her middle. “When did you … Um, lose the baby?”

The instant the words leave my lips, I see Libby shutdown. She turns vacant. Empty even. And I sense I’ve pushed her too far.

“Libby?”

Her eyes meet mine, but all I see is instant lifelessness. The sparkling aquamarine I’ve always loved turns dull and grey.

“Libby?”

I step to the side of the bed and touch her stomach. Silently, the tears continue to seep down her tear drenched cheeks, splattering on the pillow.

“It’s okay,” I say softly, “you don’t have to tell me.”

She shakes her head. “It happened not long after we had that big argument and I went to stay with my parents. I just started spotting a little and thought it was fine. But about an hour later, it all just came away from me.” I nod with understanding when she pauses and bites her lip. “Mum called an ambulance, but I already knew I’d lost the baby. And I was right. The doctor confirmed it and told me it was something about the chromosomes during fertility, and to go home and rest.”

“You should have called me.”

“I was upset with you as it was, and I just wanted to be alone. You were always too busy, and I forever wondered if I was bothering you,” she confesses.

“I would have been there in an instant, Libby. You were always my number one. Even if it didn’t come across that way, you were always the top priority in my life. Everything I was doing at work was for us.”

“I didn’t feel it from you, Alex. You submerged into your work and cast me aside,” Libby replies, clearly not getting where I’m coming from.

But it doesn’t matter. Clearly she has her mind made up, and so do I. We are both in the wrong in each other’s eyes, so there is no use in trying to change either of our opinions.

“I’ll go and get Dale,” I suggest, realising we aren’t going to get any further today with our conversation.

Libby whispers a barely audible, “Okay.” And then turns her head away from me to look at the monitor hooked to her finger.

Dismissed, hey?

~

Stepping into the hallway, I spot Dale leaning against a nearby wall, his eyes focused in my direction. I think I’m supposed to feel intimidated by his heated glare, but I’m not.

“You done?” he asks, pushing off the wall and heading for me. “Did she tell you?”

I nod. “She told me everything. I don’t agree with her reasons, but we have our own views on that.” He looks past me to catch a glimpse of Libby through the window. “She’s a bit upset, so you may wanna go and see her,” I finish up.

“And what are you gonna do?”

“Wait outside. I want to know what the doctor says and whether she needs to stay in or not.” I realise once I’ve said it that I’m possibly caring too much.

But it’s Libby.

And it’s not like I didn’t have other ideas on my mind when I left the house earlier this evening. I was coming out on a mission to track her down and convince her that we should be together. But of course it all went down like a lead balloon. I learned that I was, at one point, almost going to be a father.

It’s a hard pill for me to swallow.

“Mr. Lewis?” I look up at the mention of my name and find one of the doctors from earlier holding a clipboard and nodding toward Libby’s door. “I’m going to speak with Mrs. Lewis.”

“Yes, of course. This is Elizabeth’s brother. I’m sure she won’t mind us being in the room with you,” I say, following behind him back into the room.

“Mrs. Lewis?” The doctor steps over to the monitor and checks the readings before turning to her with a smile. “Do you mind your husband and brother being in here?”

Surprisingly, Libby doesn’t pick up on the
husband
comment, and simply nods. Either that or she is choosing to ignore it.

“Well, I have your results back,” the doctor starts, flipping open his file and scanning his eyes down the reports. “I’m going to prescribe you some painkillers, and you’ll need to take it easy over the next few days while you recover. These falls can really knock you about, and it will take a good few weeks for the bruising and swelling to go down. But the good news is that the wound on your head isn’t too deep, so you won’t need stitches for it. Just keep the bandages on for now and change them every twenty-four hours. I guarantee you’ll be back to normal in a couple of weeks.”

“Thank you,” Libby mumbles quietly.

I turn to the doctor and stretch out my hand. “Thank you. That’s great news to hear.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Dale agrees, but I notice the doctor isn’t making any effort to leave just yet. He watches us but his eyes occasionally drift down to his report.

“Is that everything?” I ask, raising an eyebrow.

The doctor clears his throat. “Actually ... I do have something else to discuss with Mr. and Mrs. Lewis.” He motions toward Dale and subtly suggests for him to leave the room.

“I’m going nowhere,” he mutters, folding his arms over his chest. “You got something to say then you say it in front of me as well.”

“Mrs. Lewis,” the doctor asks, “do you want me to continue?”

“Yes,” she answers.

He nods and looks between us. “We have the results from your bloods, and everything came back normal—”

“Why do I think there is going to be a
but
here?” Dale interrupts, fixing the doctor with a glare.

“Shut it.” My mouth opens and I snap without thinking. Thankfully, Dale doesn’t react like I expect, and he just stands there. Waiting.

We are all waiting.

“As I was saying, the blood results have come back clear, but there was something else that came to our attention.”

I find myself leaning forward at this point, not sure of what I’m about to be told. It could be something bad. I mean, what if something’s happened?

“You’re pregnant, Mrs. Lewis.”

Blinking rapidly, I try and digest the news. But it isn’t sinking in. I’m still teetering on that fine line between denial and realisation, and I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be feeling.

Lifting my hand to my face, I rub across my jaw to try encouraging my stagnant blood to flow. Everything in my body appears to have stopped dead in its tracks. My heart feels as if it is beating a million miles an hour, and I’m struggling to suck oxygen into my lungs.

“P-Pregnant?” I utter the words with amazement, and look over at Libby’s frozen body. Her eyes are wide and fearful as if she too can’t fathom what the doctor has just told us. “She’s pregnant?” I ask again, wanting to make sure I heard him correctly.

“Congratulations,” the doctor says with a smile. “She isn’t far along, but I would suggest an appointment with your midwife. It doesn’t look as if the fall harmed the baby, which is surprising. But I would recommend a quick check-up for any abnormalities.” He scribbles a note down on his report and then pulls the folder up to his chest. “I’ll leave you guys alone. One of the nurses on duty will provide you with the painkillers and ask you to sign a couple of forms before they can discharge you.”

And with that, he turns and leaves.

When the sound of the door shutting fills the room, I finally risk a glance at Dale and find him shaking his head from side to side.

“Tell me it isn’t his?” he demands to Libby, forking his thumb in my direction. “I don’t care if it’s from some random one night stand, but please tell me this isn’t his baby?”

I’m suddenly nauseas waiting for her answer. A million questions rush my mind all at once. Do I want this baby to be mine? What about Daniel? Is she sleeping with him? My hands curl into fists. Did that fucker
actually
knock her up?

“I’ve only been with Alex, so it can only be his baby,” she confirms quietly.

We both look at her simultaneously before I sag against the wall and emit a bout of shaky laughter, the shock playing havoc on my body. “I’m going to be a father?”

“You’re lying,” Dale spits, holding his chin high. “He can’t be the father. I don’t believe you, Libby.” Then, he turns to me with cold and hardened eyes. “You slept with my fucking sister
again
, after all this time?” His breaths turn rough and ragged.

A slow smile creeps over my lips, and I can’t hide the amusement in my voice. “She couldn’t resist it. Not that I’d blame her anyway.”

“Alex!” Libby warns.

But it’s too late. Dale reacts and launches himself across the room at me, his fists flying through the air, but none of them actually connecting with my body. He’s hurling the vilest abuse from his mouth. But that’s all it ever is with this douchebag. He’s all talk and no action. Even his puny little punches aren’t doing anything to me as I block each strike easily.

“You’ve trapped my sister yet again. You bastard! I’ll fucking kill you for this.” He manages to land one punch to the side of my face that I don’t block quickly enough, and the metallic taste of blood trickles onto my lips.

Enough of this shit.

I use the back of my hand to wipe away the blood and then push Dale back with as much force as I can muster. He staggers back, his mouth hanging open with surprise, before he regains his stability and lunges for me again.

I dodge out of the way and let him fly into the wall behind me with a loud crack. He crumples to the floor in a heap and I stand over him smugly.

“I didn’t even need my fists,” I chuckle, watching him bend over and rest his weight on his forearms, clearly winded from the impact of the hit.

“Go to hell,” he grumbles.

I kick his arms out from underneath him and he lands face first on the floor. “You’ve just learned that your sister is pregnant. Do you think she needs this bollocks from you? I mean, trying to start a brawl in the middle of a hospital? You need to grow up and have a little more respect for people.”

Dale coughs, rolls onto his back, and then leans against the wall. His face is red, but he isn’t bleeding. He just looks a little flustered.

I hear Libby shuffling in the bed and then her soft whimpers when she spots the two of us. She’s managed to sit herself up, but she isn’t amused by what she sees.

“I’ve had it with the pair of you,” she cries, her eyes flicking between the two of us. “I’m a grown woman for crying out loud. I make my own decisions and they have nothing to do with either of you, alright?” She cradles her stomach as if in pain, which triggers something unnatural in me, and I find myself rushing to the side of the bed.

“What is it?” I ask, putting my hand on her stomach, which she quickly bats away. “Are you in pain?”

“I’m just bruised.”

“You worried me.” Both our eyes widen as if we’re surprised by what just came out of my mouth. Libby gives me a weak smile that tells me she appreciates the concern.

“I’m fine, Alex. Don’t worry.”

But I still am. Regardless of her telling me to stop, I have a building fear in the pit of my stomach, and a growing need to now protect her and our baby.

Baby ...

I’m still amazed at what I’ve learned tonight.

Finding out that Libby had a miscarriage, which fuelled our divorce, hurt like fucking hell and I was ready to throw in the towel on everything. But now, with this, this feels like I’m being handed the second chance I asked for. I’ve got the opportunity to try and put things right, and to be there for her this time. But I’m not sure if it’s the right thing for me to be doing.

She’s carrying my child. I guess that should be as good of a reason as any for me to try and put the past behind us. But I don’t know if I can.

I’m conflicted.

My heart squeezes in my chest, but I ignore it. I’m not ready to make this decision just yet. The first step is getting Libby discharged and then we work from there.

“The nurse will be in here soon to let you leave.” I cast a hasty glance at Dale and turn back to Libby. “How would you feel about coming back to my place and resting?”

“Not a fucking chance,” Dale spits, bracing his hand on the wall and standing. “She’s coming home with me, and that’s the end of it. She needs to admit to our parents what the fuck she’s been up to over the last few months.” He shakes his head. “How the hell are we going to tell them about this baby? They are gonna be fuming.”

“You’re like a little dog with a bone.” I sigh and arch an eyebrow. “Are you going to argue over everything I say?”

Dale walks over to the opposite side of the bed and holds onto his sister’s hand. “Let me take you back home to mum. We’ll look after you Libby and help you decide what you’re going to do about this baby.”

“I’m keeping it, if that’s what you are trying to imply,” she snaps, pulling her hand away. “This is none of your business, Dale.”

“You can come home with me and we’ll discuss this later.”

My blood starts to boil. “Like hell she’s going home with you,” I mutter, keeping my voice low. “Libby, you’re coming home with me. That’s that.”

“I won’t allow it—”

“Well that’s tough shit, isn’t it?”

“You both need to cut this out,” Libby demands when a nurse pops her head round the door.

“Would you like me to come back?” she asks, clearly sensing the tension in the room.

We all turn to face her and she immediately flushes.

“No, it’s fine.” Libby beckons the nurse into the room and smiles. “They both want to look after me, but I’m going home to my own house instead.”

“I don’t—”

“You aren’t—”

Dale and I both object while the nurse simply smiles and passes Libby a couple of forms for her to fill out. She takes the clipboard after and detaches the monitor from her arm. “I’ll be back with your tablets in a few minutes. You’re lucky those wounds are superficial and you can go home. I’ve seen people kept in for a lot less.”

“Thank you,” Libby nods. “Do you have something I can wear? They cut my clothes off when I came in the ambulance.”

“I have your gym stuff in the boot of the car. Let me go and get it.”

Dale leaves with the nurse and I’m left alone with Libby who throws off the covers almost immediately and swings her legs off the bed. She’s wearing a pale mint coloured hospital gown that clips around the back of her neck and exposes the slight curvature of her spine, but that’s all I glimpse before I’m holding her hand and helping her to stand on shaky legs.

She puts most of her weight on me and I feel how weak she is. Her face displays the genuine pain she feels with each step, and it winds me up knowing she won’t come home with me. “Will you reconsider my offer? Not just for you, but for the baby?”

She shakes her head and points to the sink. “I want to wash my hands.”

“So that’s no, then?”

“Yes.”

“Yes, you’ll stay?”

“No,” she sighs. “Stop tricking me, Alex.”

“But what about the baby—”

The baby.

I can’t believe I’m going to be a father. It doesn’t seem real at all. “I still can’t get my head around all this, and me being a potential father,” I confess.

“We had unprotected sex, Alex, and I told you I haven’t slept with anybody else. There isn’t any
potential
about it. You are going to be a father.”

“So naturally, I want to make sure you’re both alright. You can’t blame a bloke for trying to do the right thing. Let me look after you, Libby.” I’m hoping to press her until she changes her mind.

“He or she will be fine ... don’t worry, please. I know you are obviously feeling guilty right now.”

Her words are like a slap across my face, and I flinch. “Ouch ...”

She flushes when she realises what she’s said. “Alex, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Yes, you did.”

“Okay,” she nods. “Maybe I did, a little. But you can’t blame me, right? And you can’t expect me to undo the last seven years we’ve been apart and sweep it all under the carpet. It doesn’t work like that.”

She’s right.

I won’t be sweeping anything away anytime soon. We are both going to need the time to get over tonight and decide what we want to do moving forward, because my earlier reasons were selfish. I wanted to just give-up and push her away because it was the easiest thing to do. But now we have somebody else to think about. And that little person needs more than a five minute decision made about their future.

I don’t know how Libby is feeling or if she wants to give us another go, but I’m prepared to give it my all this time if she agrees. I know it won’t be all love and giggles at first, but patience and understanding; something I’ve clearly lacked in the past.

Things will take time.

It isn’t something we are going to be able to rush.

“I understand,” I tell her, wrapping my arm around her waist and helping her back over to the bed after she has washed her hands.

She sits down on the edge of the bed as Dale comes back through the door with a gym bag in his hand. He rummages around and pulls out a slim-fitting yoga vest and matching leggings which he throws on the bed.

“Do you want help getting dressed?” I notice she is simply staring at the clothes and making no effort to move, so I’m wondering if she is in too much pain to move.

“I don’t think that’s appropriate. I’ll get the nurse,” Dale mutters, backing through the door.

“For fuck’s sake,” I curse under my breath, rolling my eyes at this bloke. He’s purposely pushing my buttons.

“Calm down.” Libby murmurs softly to me as she gently eases her arm out of the gown. “Pass me that top please,” she asks, pointing behind her, like I didn’t just watch that dickhead put it there.

I reach over and snatch it. “Here,” I say, rolling it up in my hands and putting it over her head. “Now pop your arms through.” I slide the gown from her other arm and it falls to her waist, baring her breasts to my eyes. But I don’t take any notice.

Libby on the other hand, flushes a deep scarlet when she puts her arms through the top and watches me gently pulling it over her chest.

I know she is expecting me to come out with some sort of reaction, but I’m resisting with everything I’ve got. She’s beautiful as always, but her brother is right, it isn’t appropriate in her current state.

“Let me take this away so I can put your leggings on,” I say, gathering the flimsy hospital gown and chucking it on the bed. “Can you lift up your leg?”

Libby complies and raises one leg. She’s clad in just her thong and a skin-tight yoga vest, and it takes everything I have to stop my mind from wandering.

“Other leg, please.” I tap her ankle and she lifts compliantly, her eyes burning a hole in the top of my head as she watches my every move. I pull them up as far as I can with her sitting down and offer to hold her up while she does the rest; however, as soon as she bends to grab the waistband, I spot the immediate grimace on her face.

“Here,” I say, kneeling down in front of her. She puts her hands on my shoulders to steady her balance while I pull her leggings up, but I realise I’m virtually eye-level with her crotch.