Mercy's Angels Box Set (5 page)

              “Come on in before this big oaf eats all your dinner.” Jax had his back to me, but when he heard the stoutly woman’s invite he casually turned around and smiled.

              “Feeling a bit warmer now angel?” Flip went my heart, stupid Ella. He more than likely had pet names for all the women in the shelter and no doubt saved the truly heart melting sentiments for his wife.

              “Does angel have a name?” The woman beside him asked, wiping her hands on a large apron. She gave Jax a curious smirk.

              “Sorry Mary, this is Ella, she just blew in with the storm.” Jax lifted two plates and put them down at a tall bench in the center of the room.

              “It’s nice to meet you Ella. And I mean it, get your skinny backside in here and get some supper before Jax eats it all. I mean look at him, he’s the size of a damn Oak, he needs all the food he can get to fill those long legs.” My eyes automatically went to those impressive legs before my mind caught up and realized what I was doing. Jax grinned, I was totally busted. I knew I blushed and hated it. I put up my shields, my determined pout behind the long veil of hair that shrouded my face falling forward around me. 

              “Here, let me take those for you. We have a laundry room and I’ve got a few things to throw on. You have anything else that needs washing?” I shook my head and hesitantly handed my clothes over to Mary. I didn’t like handing over my possessions to others. I had so few things of my own that I preferred to take care of them myself, that way I could be sure not to lose anything. I know they were only things, material things, but things were harder to replace these days. Money was always scarce which meant being extra careful of what little I did have. Mary winked as if recognizing my hesitance.

“I will take good care of these Ella and make sure you have them back before you go to bed tonight.”

Jax was already sitting down to his own plate of food. He didn’t force me to join him, no expectations, just the silent offer of a meal. My backpack slid from my shoulders and I let it fall to my feet as I climbed onto the tall chair at the counter.

              “I hope you’re not a vegetarian. Not that Mary minds cooking vegetables, but she’s got this thing about fattening everyone up and she seems to think that it’s done with three food groups, pig, beef and lamb.” I took a deep breath and drew in the spicy aroma of what I think was beef casserole, with what looked like real beef and veges.

              “Yep, real beef,” Jax murmured. “Not many shelters offer the real thing, so I’m told. Most the women who stay are surprised with the food. Mary’s husband is a butcher. He provides us with enough meat to feed a small army and trust me, it tastes a hell of a lot better than the food I was forced to eat in the forces.” I cast him a sideways glance.

              “You’re a soldier?” I asked the words so low I wondered if he would even hear me.

              “Was,” Jax wiped his mouth politely with a napkin. “I served for nine years, right out of school. I finished up my last tour a bit over eight months ago.”

              “You didn’t like it?” I was genuinely curious. Even though he was built like a soldier, he didn’t exactly look military. His hair was too long, his eyes too gentle and warm. He nodded towards my food.

              “Tell you what, I’ll talk if you eat.” I glanced at my food; it smelt delicious. He didn’t need to make me a deal to force me to eat it. But the chance to sit and listen to this beautiful man was too much to refuse. I should have been scared of Jax. I was always reluctant and cautious around men and large men like this one usually just freaked me out. However, sitting here alone in this kitchen with Jax felt unusually comfortable and there seemed to be no hostility in him, no hatred or violence. Not like Marcus where the hatred in that man’s stare was almost as punishing as his fists. The violence he had brought to my world not only left me physically scarred but emotionally scarred. All it took was a raised voice for my heart to break into a panicked stutter and the violence of a fight, fists hitting, pushing, screaming all sent me into a full blown panic attack. I had other triggers too. If someone came at me from behind, I would lose my shit, the smell of cigars made my stomach turn, big men dressed in expensive suits sent me into run and flee mode, basically any memory that was associated with Marcus caused me to slip into a panic that would cause my lungs to squeeze close until I either passed out or regained control.

              “Hey,” Jax’s gentle voice bought me straight back to Mercy’s kitchen where I realized I was rubbing my wrists as the memories threatened to drag me away from this moment. “Lost you there for a minute,” he noted. Letting my hair fall forward again, protecting me from his knowing gaze I scooped up some beef and put it in my mouth. Delicious!

              “I didn’t hate the army. I was good at it. Moved my way up the ladder quickly, but in the end I was more interested in saving lives, rather than taking them. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in what our soldiers are doing for our country and others, but it just wasn’t for me.” I nodded as I greedily shoved food in my mouth.  

              “I like to build things. I’ve built a lot of the furniture here in the shelter. I’ve set myself up a small construction company. Little jobs, sometimes sheds, shop fit outs. I’ve helped build a couple of homes for friends, for Mercy, even my own.” I glanced at his hands, big, strong, calloused hands. They were nothing like Marcus’s soft hands that only knew violence and hate. Jax’s hands were made to create and protect. I looked at my own hands. A little soft from my last job, eight weeks washing dishes, easy work, crap money. It had been a long time since charcoal had colored my fingers. Almost twelve months to be exact and over the last four years there were only four portraits that had I sketched and they currently lay safely folded at the bottom of my backpack. Sketching brought me painful memories of what could have been. However much I loved to do it, I just couldn’t bring myself to keep it up.

              “There you go again.” Jax was watching me carefully. “Am I boring you?” He teased. I blushed like a school girl and rolled my eyes at my ridiculous bashfulness. We finished up our meals. Jax talked, I listened. I enjoyed his voice, it was strong yet gentle and always enthusiastic, like even the most insignificant moment was important. He told me all about the shelter and a little more about his business. He never asked questions, never pried, not once. I wasn’t sure if I was relieved or disappointed. When I realized we had sat talking for over an hour I was stunned that the time had passed so quickly and easily. I followed Jax back out into the common room, noticing the lights had been dimmed and most of the women had gone to bed. Eli sat at a table with an array of crayons and paper. A woman sat quietly at his side reading, his mother I assumed. I quickly made my way over to my new friend and slid into the free chair at his other side, placing my backpack safely at my feet.

              “Mind if I join you?” Eli smiled and pushed a piece of paper my way. I could see he had drawn a very impressive looking bus. “The bus I came in on was red,” I offered. Without hesitation Eli grabbed a red crayon and started coloring. I thumbed the crayon for a long time until eventually picking it up, my fingers caressing it almost nervously like it might be a live missile or something. Then, with great hesitation I pressed it to the page. After a few testing lines my hand took over. The worry in my mind seemed to disappear, the tension in my body lost. The world around me ceased to exist. I didn’t even notice that I had reached for another piece of paper, nor had I noticed when Eli was dragged off to bed by his mother. I especially did not notice Jax sitting across the table from me, staring at me like I was some sort of mutant freak.

              “Un-fucken-believable,” he gasped when I glanced his way. My body tensed. It sounded like something Marcus would say when he was pissed off, right before he would hit me. I reached for my backpack, flight imminent. I didn’t care that we were in the middle of a snow storm. Then I forced myself to be still and watch his eyes. No anger, just something akin to wonder. “Angel, that there,” he pointed at the scattered drawings before me. “Is fucking incredible.” The Tension began to recede and I gave myself a quiet reprimand for the haste with which my body turned to fight and flee mode. As I stared at those incredible grey eyes I realized I could easily fall for a man like Jax Carter and that scared me to death. I didn’t do relationships, I didn’t even do friendships. There was no room in my life for commitments; in fact I had never once in my life developed what one might call a close relationship, other than with my dad of course. I had some friends, before Marcus. They disappeared about the time my bad behavior reared its ugly head and then my acceptable friends were replaced with completely unacceptable ones, like my drug dealer and his stoner friends. There were boys who easily took what I offered, sex, no strings attached, simple yet unsatisfying sex. Moments where I could embrace the fact that someone wanted me, if only for a short time and it didn’t involve violence or pain. Rita was the closest thing to a friend now and she was a five minute phone call of reassurance every few months. She deserved so much more than that, after everything she had done but it was all I could offer. Jax Carter couldn’t and wouldn’t be more than a man who gave me shelter and the sooner I got out of here and away from him, the better.

              I couldn’t take my eyes off her. There was something about this girl that just drew me in. Physically she didn’t look anything like Sarah, but the fight and determination I knew she had inside was one and the same. Only Sarah had reached the point of no return, she had reached the bottom and I had failed to see it.  Perhaps my attraction to Ella was an unconscious attempt to make up for my mistake with Sarah, but as a man I certainly did not miss the way my body responded to her, the want and need were undeniable. If she were another girl in another place I wouldn’t hesitate in making a move on her, but here in the shelter was a completely different story. My position was clear, keep the women safe, keep them warm and fed, talk and listen and that’s what I would do for Ella, talk and listen, earn her trust.

I stared at the array of magnificent drawings before me. She had drawn Eli and Annie and a woman who I did not recognize and lastly me. Perfect, each and every one of them, such incredible detail. While she had been busy drawing I was able to admire her closely without scaring her off. She was so consumed with the sketching she didn’t seem to notice anything around her. She barely acknowledged Eli heading off to bed. Her fingers were small and slender, everything about her was petite and fragile, but her eyes were fierce. At one point her sleeve had slipped up and I got a quick glimpse of a deep scar on her wrist. It made my stomach twist with horror at the site. Suddenly all I saw was Sarah slumped on the stark white tiles, blood oozing from deep ugly slits in her wrists. I shook off the image that would send me into a shivering mess and focused on the little Angel before me. Ella’s scars didn’t look fresh, but they bothered me. She had at some time in her precious life sunk so deep she wanted to end it. To think a beauty like Ella had almost been lost bothered me far too much. In the short few hours I had known this angel I had become a little obsessed.  I couldn’t get involved with one of Mercy’s girls. Not only was it forbidden, but the women who came through the doors had too much baggage for romantic entanglements and to be honest, I carried too much baggage for them. Most of the girls were passing through, rarely staying in town long enough for a date let-a-lone a relationship. And I didn’t do one night stands, not anymore. I couldn’t really call Selena a girlfriend, what we had going was mutually beneficial, more like I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine. Then once the itch was scratched, we both went our own ways. Not exactly a relationship but I wasn’t screwing anyone else. The thing about war and death, it really fucks with your mind. For a short time I thought losing myself in the body of a warm willing woman would fix all my problems. All it did was give me a few minutes, maybe a couple of hours if I was really lucky, of blissful oblivion. No thoughts of blood, guns, explosions or fucking hot deserts. But when it was over I was right back at the start and the ridiculous game would begin again. When Sarah died I realized how disrespectful my life had become. Perhaps if I hadn’t been so preoccupied with getting laid I might have noticed Sarah slipping, I might have been able to save her. I had stopped with all the women right then, Selena being the only one I allowed to return.

              Rubbing my tired eyes I gave Ella one last glance. No, I would not betray her trust, or that of any woman in Mercy’s shelter. I had learnt to zip it up and keep my shit together. I gathered the pictures and took them with me while I went to fix myself a coffee. I don’t know why I took them, some primitive part of me seemed to think they were mine. As I walked by Ella I caught her scent, a subtle blend of coconut and soap. Damn she smelt good, too good. I glanced at my watch. Three hours before I could wake Beth up for her shift. It was going to be a long night.

Even though my eyes were closed I knew the sun was bathed across my face and I squeezed my eyes closed tighter in a futile attempt to block it out. With a blink I quickly realized the blinds were drawn open and the sun was shining through in all its unholy glory. Mercy was hovering over her desk rummaging through paperwork.

              “Shut the fucking blinds,” I grumbled, rubbing my eyes. My stomach growled, acknowledging my brain was now awake and demanding food. First stop this morning would be The Pit Stop for a world famous all-day-breakfast. 

              “No, it’s after ten, time to get up.” Mercy’s gaze never left her desk. “You know, if this place burns down the insurance won’t cover us if we’re over our quota and if my memory serves me correct, last night was a full house. So how did we end up with a plus one?” I rolled over to look at my mother. She still had her head buried in that damn paperwork.

              “Eli and Sam put us over capacity weeks ago. And since when do you care about that shit anyway?” Finally she looked up and smiled. My mum was beautiful. She had blonde hair and grey eyes just like me, but she was tiny, like a doll, a defiant and determined doll. Nobody crossed Mercy. The fact that her heart was bigger than Texas made her as damn near perfection as anyone could get. I threw my legs over the side of the couch. I was way too big for it and the bed that I had dragged up from the basement for Ella wasn’t much better, but I rarely worked the night shifts anymore so when it came to uncomfortable sleeping arrangements, I dealt. My bed at home was a King, enormous and comfortable. I sighed just thinking about it and found myself wondering if Ella ever had a nice big comfy bed like that.

              “You’ve been holding out on me Jax.” Curiosity got the better of me and I glanced over at my mother. She was holding the pictures that Ella had drawn last night.               “If I had of known I would have put you to work years ago. These would be hanging in galleries all over the world and we would be rich.” I couldn’t help but laugh. More likely they would be stuck to the front of her fridge, along with all the other pictures the kids who crossed our threshold gave her.

              “Our plus one did them, pretty impressive huh?” The need to check on Ella was all consuming as I pulled on my boots.

              “Impressive is one word. She’s talented. She shouldn’t be in here drawing with children’s crayons, that’s for sure.” I ran my hands threw my messy hair and tried to subtly check my morning breath.

              “Yeah, you stink. I can smell you from over here.”

              “I should, I lost my toothbrush again.” I grabbed a warm can of coke off the desk and had a swig.

              “How the hell did you lose your toothbrush, again? And that’s disgusting Jax. Go home and cook yourself a decent breakfast.” I belched loudly. Yep, I was quite the catch.

              “Now that’s impressive.” Mercy grunted. I made for the door.

              “Body percussion, it’s an art form. I’m thinking of taking it up as a profession and my toothbrush, beats me. One minute it’s in my locker, then it’s gone, vanished, disappeared into thin air.” Mercy scrunched up a letter and threw it in the bin.

              “I know you were in my files again. Keep out or I will toss you out of here.” I couldn’t help but laugh again. My mother, all bark but no bite. “And no point in rushing out, she’s gone already.” Was I really that transparent? Was she really gone already?

              “When?” I didn’t even bother refuting the fact I was in a hurry to check on Ella. Mercy looked up and smiled, that all knowing smile that infuriated me. I couldn’t keep a damn thing from the woman.

              “She was at the door ready to leave when I got here. Something about working, finding share room accommodation.” I know the disappointment was written all over my face and right then I didn’t care who saw it. “She’s pretty,” Mercy noted. My mother was far too perceptive for her own good. “She needs a bed and food Jax, not a date.” Did she really think I would go there? It pissed me off a little.

              “I’m not a greenhorn Mercy. I know how to do my job and I’ve never gone there before, I wouldn’t.” Mercy smiled.

              “I know honey. She was very pretty though and you would have to be blind not to see the eager look in your eyes just now.” I shook my head, still incensed that she would suggest I would try something inappropriate with Ella. I left her office. I needed a greasy breakfast, a toothbrush and a shave.

              The previous night’s storm had left a thick cover of snow. Thankfully Dave had already shoveled the footpath and the entrance into the parking bay out back. I headed straight for The Pit Stop for a breakfast that would contain enough oil to grease your motor or in my case my stomach wall. Benny was behind the counter arguing with someone about the price of milk. Benny always found someone willing to gripe about inflation to. I took a seat at the counter as a steaming mug of coffee was pushed my way. Man I loved The Pit Stop. I didn’t even have to open my mouth unless it was to eat or drink.             

              “Damn Jax, I’ve been looking everywhere for you,” came a familiar sultry voice behind me. For some reason today that voice rubbed me up the wrong way.

              “Mornin’ Selena.” I took a long sip of my coffee, hoping to infuse some life into my bone tired body. She slipped onto the seat beside me and I chanced a quick look. As usual, she was stunning. Blonde hair in a perfect pony tail, makeup flawless, wearing a knock out dress that enhanced her assets flawlessly, but today, it didn’t make my blood boil with lust.

              “I caught Beth downtown and she told me you were at home and when I couldn’t find you there I went by the warehouse and Mercy said you’d just left. I saw your car out front. Pure luck I found you.” She was smiling those deep red lips at me, looking through those thick lashes and seductive eyes and I didn’t want her. I hated how she referred to the shelter as a warehouse. Sure it was in fact a warehouse, a nicely converted warehouse that I had worked on for months. But she had no respect for what it represented or the women who took refuge there.

              “I’m on my way home just stopped for some fuel.” A plate of greasy bacon, sausages, eggs and hash brown’s slid my way. “Supremely perfect as usual Benny,” I ginned.  He nodded my way as he continued his pointless argument with some old guy at the end of the counter. I stabbed some bacon, sausage and egg and then lined it up for my mouth. When a soft hand stopped my progress I was more than a little irritated.

              “Jax, that is so bad for you. It will clog your arteries and give you a heart attack.” That got Benny’s attention. How many times had Benny had the grease and heart attack argument?

              “Or I could just get hit by a bus as I leave. At least if that happens, I will die a happy man with a full stomach.” The hand was nudged aside, the food and grease promptly shoved in my mouth. Benny was back to arguing inflation and Selena pouted. It was supposed to be cute, but to be honest it just pissed me off. She had nothing to pout about. She had it good, family, money, education and a nice little job as a legal secretary. Sure, her mother and father were a little hard on her sometimes, pushed her, but she needed that push to even attempt to do something with her life. She could do or be anything and I was pretty confident that without the nudge from her family she would be a professional shop-a-holic. A fucking spoiled brat. I was in a mood today and if Selena wasn’t careful, she would be on the receiving end of some snarky man-grump.

              “I thought we should catch up tonight. I could bring around some Indian, wine, maybe a movie?” This was code for I’ll bring dinner and alcohol if you fuck me senseless. And usually I would be right on board. Not today though and I hated Indian. I hated wine even more.

              “I’m working tonight.” I managed between mouthfuls.

              “You don’t do night shifts anymore,” she grumbled.

“Volunteers are sick and Blue took a couple of days off.” I kept shoveling food in my mouth in an attempt to not have to talk to her.

“Maybe I could stop by the warehouse?” Selena suggested. I clenched the fork with a little more gusto than needed. If she referred to Mercy’s shelter as ‘the warehouse’ one more time I would throw my greasy breakfast in her damned lap. Well, no I wouldn’t, it tasted too good to waste like that. But I would definitely shout, then she would cry and I would feel like shit for yelling and making her cry.

              “Sorry Selena, not tonight.” This was code for fuck off and Selena didn’t get it.

              “Jax, I haven’t seen you in over two weeks,” she leaned in, her whispering voice a seductive breath on my ear. Okay, maybe that stirred something, but a moment later a girl walked up to the counter with long black hair and my thoughts suddenly detoured to another girl with long dark hair and beautiful brown eyes.

              “I saw you out the front of your office last week. I can’t tonight, I’m busy,” I said with a little more force. Shit, now she was pouting again. I finished my breakfast; actually, I pretty much inhaled it without a thought other than this was the best greasy breakfast on the face of the earth. I threw some money on the counter, leaving a substantial tip and was surprised that I had all but forgotten Selena who still sat by my side. She looked a little taken back and I felt guilty.

              “Sorry babe, maybe later in the week? Give me a call.” This was code too. I really didn’t want to catch up, but if she pushed, I might eventually give in. I gave her a quick peck on the cheek and left The Pit Stop. I had to drop into the office and make sure everything there was being handled and then I would go home for a couple of hours shut eye before heading back to Mercy’s. And I had to admit, my heart did some crazy lurching shit at the thought of seeing Ella again.