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The Silver Spoon

I'm here to help you
.

Get out!
This time it was louder and she managed to push me back farther toward the flames, or so it seemed. But when I looked back toward her, or whatever passed for looking in a psychic connection, she was still the same distance from me. However, the flames, visible in their rippling of the otherwise smooth darkness, had dropped closer to us. I understood then. She was using whatever remained of her strength to hold back the flames, and exerting effort against me weakened her wall against them.
You think I want to be here? Let me try to help you, and I
swear I'll get out if it doesn't work.

She laughed a harsh, jittery sound.
You cannot help me. No
one can. No one, No one,
she repeated, now as if to herself, which only confirmed my suspicion that she wasn't altogether coherent. Time for a new tactic. I moved closer to her, more the will of my mind than physical exertion.
I have something that belongs to
you.
At least I thought I did. Whatever it was that had drawn my hand to her earlier was still with me, actively pulling toward her, urging me to close the gap between us.

She quieted suddenly.
You have taken from me.
Now, I had her attention.

Yeah, but I'm returning it to you. You can have it back.
I hoped so, anyway. Suddenly, I was wondering about the wisdom of this particular approach.

You caused this.
She moved closer, and the power I'd taken surged toward her.
You brought the fire, the pain, and the
brokenness.
She was shouting now, bringing the flames down on me again.

I was defending myself against you. Just take this, whatever it
is, and let's get out of here. You can be angry at me outside just as
well as you can inside. But Caelan says you need this power back
to stay alive.

At that, Asha launched herself at me, and hit me with 164

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dizziness and confusion rather than any sense of physical impact. My borrowed power flowed back into her, like water rolling down a drain, and as it did, held us together as one.
If I take her life, this will be over now.
Let go of me.

We end this together.

The words tumbled together and the flames descended.
Caelan!
The cry went out from us, then we were being pulled through the fire again, the flames reluctant to let go before they were finished. And darkness closed over us.

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Chapter 15

Zara.
Caelan's voice sounded in my head.
I'm closing the
connection–open your eyes.

With the abruptness of a lamp being switched on, I felt my knees start aching from pressing against the floor. I opened my eyes and blinked a few times, readjusting to the light. Caelan was still at my side, and Asha was still on the bed, looking as dazed as I felt but a little healthier than when I'd last seen her. Thane and Namere stood behind us, waiting to step in if needed.

"Are you all right?" Caelan frowned. I crawled away from him and Asha, the others scattering as I moved toward the door. "You broke into the connection." Weariness weighted my limbs like wet concrete, and my brain felt too big for my skull. I'd never felt this way after connecting with one of them, so it had to be because I'd connected with two.

"Asha attacked you. If I hadn't intervened, she might have killed you. Your body would have lived on, but your mind would have been destroyed." He moved toward me. "I kept the connection as weak as possible. I didn't pull you into my mind, just reached into hers to pull you out." I tried to curl myself in a ball against him, but my arms and legs wouldn't cooperate. I might have panicked except it required too much effort.

"Zara," he said. "She took from you. You need time to recover." He reached for me.

"Don't touch me," I whispered.

He might have said more to convince me of his good intentions but at that moment, Asha flew off the bed at me, snarling. I watched her come but couldn't work up enough energy 166

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to get out of the way.

The others intervened. Namere lifted a wall of fire up from the floor, and Asha pulled back in mid-leap. Thane stepped forward, and even as Asha struggled to extinguish the flames enough for her passage, he held her in place so she could not move through.

Caelan scooped me off the floor and carried me out of the room.

"I told you not to interfere." My head lolled against his shoulder, despite my best efforts, as he carried me out into the hall and to my room.

"You called out to me." He set me down on the bed, not even breathing hard from the exertion.

"Asha called for you." I tried to scoot away from him, but only the small parts of my body, like my toes, which weren't very helpful for escaping, responded to my commands.

"Yes, but so did you, and I came for you." His eyes were too intense on me, reminding me of that moment when they'd all looked at me with such greed, the latest and greatest weapon against Nevan and anybody else who happened to get in their way. I looked away.

"Whatever. The situation's over, and you've justified your actions. Now, get out." I attempted to push myself into a sitting position on the bed. My side was killing me where Asha had lashed out at me, albeit inside her head. She'd hit the side with the broken ribs. Apparently, even in her mind that blow still packed some kind of physical wallop.

"You're in pain." He lifted a hand toward me. I turned away. "That's new and different how?"

"Let me help you."

"Don't touch me." I scooted away from him, but my slow-torespond limbs twisted in the bed covers, preventing a clean getaway. "You're just looking for another opportunity to tap into 167

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more firepower. You want me to break a few more bones for you–get them all to declare you leader instead of me?" He moved too fast for me, grabbing my arm before I was free from the bed. "You called to me for help, and I came because I did not want to see your body falling to the floor, alive but not living." The silver in his eyes glowed in the dim light, fierce, foreign, and cold.

"What do you want–a gold star? You did it for yourself," I said. "You think you need me for Nevan." He gripped my arm tighter, almost to the point of pain for me.

"Denying your abilities will not make them any less a reality. You, uncontrolled, are far more dangerous to us than Nevan." I stared up at him, and an absurd bubble in my chest that felt like waiting tears started to break open. "I have to get out of here." I tried to pull away from him.

"Why?"

The bubble in my chest burst, releasing a hiccupping sob.

"Haven't you been paying attention? I almost killed Asha, your...friend." I wasn't quite brave enough to finish that sentence the way I wanted to.

He loosened his grip on my arm, sliding his hand up to my shoulder to comfort me. "But you saved her." A small smile pulled at his mouth, like I'd missed the joke.

I shook my head, something between a scream and a laugh escaping my throat. "You don't get it. After I tried the first time, there was a moment when I was glad that it didn't work. Caelan, I wanted her to die." Sweat, cold and slippery, broke out on my face.

"It is understandable. She abused you sorely and–"

"No," I shouted at him. "Don't you see? For a moment there, I wanted her dead because that meant this would all be over." He shook his head. "You would still be leader. Nevan would still pursue you–"

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"Tell me this, wasn't Asha in that little vision of yours?

Standing up, alive and free, not cold and dead?" Realization spread across his face.

"If I'd followed that impulse and let her die, the vision couldn't have been true anymore, could it?" He remained silent for a long moment, while I tried to regain control over my tears.

"But you didn't."

"What?"

"You didn't let her die."

I threw my hands up in exasperation. "No, but I could have, just as easily. There was a moment there, Caelan, when I was truly on the fence."

"But you didn't. As always, it is your actions that speak to your character, not your consideration of the possibilities." I made a frustrated noise. He still didn't get it. "Forget it. I have to get out of here." I crawled over to the foot of the bed and lowered my feet to the floor, keeping my hand on the mattress until I was sure my balance would hold.

"Are you running from what you nearly did, or are you running because of what you didn't do and the destiny that leaves you with?" He made no move to stop me.

"Both," I snapped. An odd lethargy pinned my feet to the floor, making it difficult to escape in any form of a hurry.

"Where will you go? You know you cannot return home." He watched me as I rounded the edge of the bed, preparing to take my first step away from the support of the mattress. "You will bring danger to yourself and to all those innocents around you."

"No. I got these nifty powers, remember?"

"Until someone else notices them or sees you fighting against Nevan. Do you think the humans will lock you away or the Observers?" The coldness in his voice raised goosebumps on my skin. But I kept going. "You don't belong there anymore, Zara." 169

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I halted, his words turning over in my mind. He was right, in more ways than he'd meant. The diner, the house, even Scott, none of that was truly mine anymore. I mean, even best case scenario, that my parents knew who and what I was when they took me in, everything still belonged more to Scott than it did to me. Worstcase scenario, some Observer had messed with their minds and not even allowed them a choice about taking me in. Well, then Caelan was right again. I couldn't go back there again.

"But I don't belong here, either."

Caelan moved up behind me, sliding his arms around me.

"None of us belong here, Zara. But with your help, we will find the truth and find a place to belong, even if it is of our own making."

He turned me around to face him, brushing the tear and sweat-dampened hair from my face. "Human or Observer, you are who you have always been. Good, despite what you might think of yourself." He pressed his mouth to my forehead lightly. "And I have loved only you from the beginning." Before I could respond, before I could even think to respond, a wave of exhaustion swept over me and nearly pulled me under where I stood. Caelan ushered me back to the bed and sat me on the edge, then lifted my feet up and tucked the covers over me. Though weariness tugged at every inch of me, the sense of comfort, something I hadn't felt in so long, warmed me, made me feel safe.

"Rest now. Your efforts of the last hour have drained your energy. We will come for you when you have had time to recover." He started to walk toward the door. I caught at his hand. "Stay with me." The words bubbled out before I had time to stop them.

He hesitated, his eyes glowing bright silver in the light of the bedside lamp. Then he said, his voice sounding rough, "I would like nothing more, Zara." He squeezed my hand, his thumb 170

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rubbing gently over my skin. "But I fear that you have had enough unrest for one day." A small smile appeared. "And if everything is as I believe, I may only be a small portion human, but sometimes it is that which controls me. So I cannot stay." He leaned down and brushed his mouth across mine, a brief taste of heat and him. Then he released my hand and strode out of the room, closing the door behind him.

I stared up at the water-stained ceiling above me, the feel of his lips still on mine, a phantom sensation, but one that warmed my blood nonetheless.

"Right," I muttered. "Like I can sleep after that. 171

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Chapter 16

But I did. Sleep, that is. I must have dozed off, though I didn't remember falling asleep. I woke suddenly, my heart jumping into my throat. I sat up and looked around for whatever had startled me into opening my eyes. Night blanketed the outdoors, leaving the bedside lamp in here the only bit of visible light. I frowned, looking for a clock, but there was none to be found in the room. It had been early afternoon when Caelan brought me in here. I must have slept a good four or five hours. I stretched my arms overhead, careful of my ribs. That much sleep must have been why I felt so much better, so rested. I hadn't felt like this in...years. A knock at the door sounded at the same time the ramifications of that thought clicked through. I stared back at my pillow, as if expecting to find the answers there. I hadn't had a nightmare this time. I'd never managed to sleep and then awaken without it happening, not once in the last two years.

"Zara, are you all right?" Namere's voice sounded muffled by the closed door, but I could still hear the worry in it.

"Yeah, I'm fine." My heart lifted at the idea of sleeping freely once again. But that benefit had consequences as well. If I no longer had the dream, then that must mean I'd uncovered whatever had caused it in the first place. Whatever microscopic bit of doubt I'd felt about Caelan's theories disappeared with the gift of those beautiful hours of sleep.

"May I come in?" Namere sounded hesitant.

"Oh, yeah, come in, come in." I shifted my legs over the side of the bed and stood up, my energy and balance restored. No, revitalized.

The door opened. "Are you all right?" Namere asked again. I grinned at her. "No more dreams. I'm not crazy, I'm just part 172

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alien."

Namere's eyes went wide and silver. "Perhaps I should call Caelan."

"No, no." I shook my head. "I'm fine." More than fine. There was so much more relief knowing the answers, even if they weren't the ones I might have hoped for. "Did you need me for something?"

She hesitated, as if still not certain whether or not to call for help. "Yes," she said finally. "Dinner. It is ready to eat if you are hungry."

My stomach moaned at the mention of food. I couldn't remember the last time I'd eaten a meal instead of repetitive snacking. I slid my shoes back on and followed Namere out of the room, practically bounding down the stairs. She kept watching me over her shoulder, like a mother evaluating a child for illness. She led me into the dining area, the trestle table already set for five.