Midnight Heat (Firework Girls #2) (13 page)

There’s only the one State room on this level, the master, and I go straight to it. By the time I’m in the room and heading for the bed, my vision is too blurry to appreciate the view from the wall of windows facing the sea.

I collapse on the bed and curl on my side, helpless to stop the sobs tearing out of me. Nine months of not crying over Grayson is coming back to me with a vengeance. I should’ve just let myself cry over him instead of trying to be strong because then I wouldn’t be falling apart now. Now, at the most inopportune time. As a reward for my stubbornness, I not only get to cry nine months of tears in one fell swoop, I get to feel like an idiot for running out of dinner.

As hard as I’ve tried not to be a hopeless, fucked up mess, I’ve managed to pull it off anyway.

When Brad ran out on me a year ago, I thought I knew what heartbreak was.

I was wrong.

I’m not sure how long it’s been, but my tears have dried up and I’m resting in that post-cry numbness. Grateful for the reprieve, I’m lying on the bed and staring at the windows. It’s dark outside, so the room is reflected back at me. I hear the lulling of the ship’s engines humming through the floor.

There’s a quiet knock and the door behind me cracks open. I knew it would only be a matter of time before Ashley or Jack or someone came to check on me. Prepared for this eventuality, I’ve already wiped my face and have my headache excuse at the ready. I’m about to sit up and rejoin the world like a normal human, when I see who it is.

Grayson steps in, glances at me lying on the bed, and silently closes the door behind him.

I’m frozen. My heart pounds painfully in my chest. As he quietly makes his way around the corner of the bed, I turn slightly to look at him full on. The man I love.

“If you’ve come to tell me that night meant nothing to you,” I say, “then don’t.”

He stops short, staring at me.

“Seriously, Grayson. I can’t listen to that again, okay? Just...” I look back to the glass. “Go away.”

He hovers there for a moment. I can’t stand him seeing me like this. Instead of going away like I need him to, he comes up and sits on the edge of the bed, right next to me.

I turn to him, ready to be firm.

I don’t remember what I was going to say, though, because I’m struck by the pained expression on his face.

“I lied to you, Chloe,” he says, a quiet kind of agony in his voice.

I furrow my brows at him and open my mouth to speak, but he pushes ahead.

“I’ve been telling myself you weren’t who I thought, because the person I thought you were wouldn’t just walk out like that.”

His words cut me to the quick. I start to sit up, wanting to apologize again, but he rushes on.

“I thought it proved everything. You know? It proved that it was stupid to think I love you. I don’t even know you. It makes no sense. You can’t really fall in love like that. I know that. But still you came along... and you fucked me all up, Chloe... because I
did
fall in love with you and I’m
still
in love with you and I know that makes no sense but it’s true.”

My heart is pounding. I don’t think I’m breathing.

His hands cup my face and my hands grip his arms in desperation. The tears start flowing freely again and it feels like some sort of knot has come undone in my heart.

“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you,” he says thickly. “Not for a single day. Please,” he breathes, “tell me it wasn’t just me.”

He looks at me desperately and my heart is breaking wide open with relief and desire and agony. I wish I could turn back time and stay. Just
stay.
“It wasn’t just you,” I whisper. “It wasn’t.”

He exhales sharply.

“I’m so sorry for leaving you like that, Grayson. It was too soon and you were just
so much.”

Still looking in pain, he rubs my tears off first one cheek, then the other. “I came on too strong. I know it. I couldn’t help it. Everything about you had me breaking every rule in the book. The more we talked and the more we were together, the more I thought, ‘I can’t let this one go.’ It was the most impulsive, all-in feeling I’ve ever had. The fact that it was supposed to be your wedding night and it had only been a few months since you ended this really long relationship... those alarm bells were going off in the back of my head and I just ignored them. Because that’s what people do and that’s when they get in trouble. That’s why I had the Rule. But that night I didn’t care and god help me I still don’t. But when I came out and you were gone.” Tears are running down my cheeks. “Just... gone. No note. Not a word.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“I thought it meant nothing to you.”

“It meant
everything
to me,” I say. “You had me. You had me. I ran because I was so, so scared of what that meant. I’m sorry I wasn’t ready then. I wish I could go back—”

But I can’t finish because he leans in and kisses me hard.

My heart stops and for half a second I’m frozen, inside and out. Everything I thought was true about our situation has been turned completely on its head. All my mind can think now is,
He’s mine, he’s mine, he’s mine.

My heart begins to pound and I throw my arms around his neck and kiss him back. Our mouths open to each other and our grips on each other become vice-like. As our tongues search each other frantically, our whimpers float in my ears. Now that I have him in my arms I’m terrified to let go, and he seems to feel the same way.

He pulls back slightly, one hand on my face. “I tried to make myself move on,” he says, looking positively tortured. “But I’ve just been going through the motions.” His breath is shaky. “It didn’t help because even before I got here, everything around me was
you.
All I want...” he says, his voice husky, his hot breath on my lips, “is to be with you. It’s all I’ve wanted since the day I met you.”

I kiss him again. I kiss him with a depth of passion and love I didn’t know it was possible to feel. I want him. I want this man. And he wants me too. As I fall into his kiss and his embrace, it’s all I can think about. All I’m aware of.

Mad with longing, I taste him deeply and clutch him to me. I can’t let go. I can’t do it. I can’t lose him again. He holds me fiercely too, our tongues hungry for each other.

He leans me back and falls on top of me, holding me tight. I wrap myself around him, needing him. My legs tighten around his waist. My hands rub his back and shoulders and go up into his hair. I can’t get enough.

Wait,
a voice in the back of my head whispers.

His whole body presses against me. We angle our hips toward one another and his hard shaft digs against me. I feel his desire for me, there and everywhere. I can’t touch him enough or hold him tightly enough. My whole heart and body has caught fire.

Wait.

He kisses my neck hungrily, pulling my shirt off my shoulder and frantically working his way along my bare skin. Panting, I arch my head back, wanting more of him. His hand reaches up my top and squeezes my breast. With his hardness against my crotch, I squeeze my legs tighter, pressing into him.

Wait. Sam.

And then I realize what I’m doing. And where I am. And who else is on this ship with me. And I’m mortified.

I’m so in the grips of wanting him I don’t even pause. I dip my mouth toward his, asking for him, and he returns to me, kissing me eagerly.

But now that I’ve remembered, I can’t unremember. My thoughts catch up with my body and I pull back slightly.

“Wait”, I say weakly, not meaning it like I should.

Then I’m kissing him with even more urgency because I know I have to stop and I don’t want to. God, he’s right here in my arms and I’m in his. I’m nearly dizzy with the relief of holding him again.

But Sam.

She would definitely, definitely not be okay with this.

Then I really and truly am mortified and break away, catching his eyes with mine.

“Oh god,” I say. “Sam.”

He blinks at me. “No, honey, I don’t love Sam. That’s what I was trying to tell you. It’s not like that—”

I shake my head. He doesn’t understand. I don’t even know what to do with what he just said. I already know he doesn’t love Sam. That’s not the point. “
I
love Sam,” I say.

He pulls back a bit and looks at me.

“Oh god, what am I doing?” I say. “She’s my friend. I can’t—”

We hear the door knob rattle and our eyes fly wide. He scrambles off me as the door swings open. He’s still leaning over me slightly and I’m still yanking my shirt back onto my shoulder when Jack clears the door, takes one look at us, and halts.

My hands fly to my eyes.

As if I could hide from this.

I’m only like that for a second, but that second feels like a lifetime. My body is throbbing with horror.

“What the fuck?” Jack says softly.

I drop my hands and look at him. His eyes are darting back and forth between us. He doesn’t look shocked. At least, he doesn’t
just
look shocked. Jack looks pissed.

I turn away and swing my feet over the edge of the bed. I grip the edge of the mattress with both hands.

I glance at Grayson. I can’t begin to guess what he’s thinking. His face is a mask, but his eyes have that hard look that men’s eyes get when they’re facing off with one another. Even though neither one of them is moving, I get the sense that’s exactly what’s happening. I’m not even sure I understand why.

“This doesn’t concern you,” Grayson says.

“I’m not so sure about that,” Jack says in a hard voice.

“Just go,” I say miserably, looking at Grayson, then away to the darkened windows. The horrible scene is reflected back at me. I can see Jack’s face plainly. His body is framed by the open door.

In the window’s reflection, I catch a glimpse of Grayson’s profile as he glances at me, then back at Jack. He doesn’t move. His stance has not relaxed at all.

“Please,” I say. This is just making everything worse. “Just go.”

In the glass, I see Grayson look at me. He keeps looking at me, but I won’t return his gaze. I don’t move. There’s no undoing this.

He exhales sharply then heads for the door. I see Jack take one step to the side, blocking Grayson’s path. Grayson straightens, not intimidated. God, the last thing I need is these two going at each other.

“Jack,” I say.

He looks at me, then catches my eye in the window. He’s never looked at me like that before, with such sternness.

A heartbeat goes by and, still holding my eye, Jack steps aside and Grayson storms past.

I drop my eyes to my lap, but don’t move. Jack doesn’t move either.

“What the hell was going on?”

I hear the condemnation in his voice. It’s the same contempt I feel for myself.

“You don’t understand, Jack,” I say.

“No,” he says quietly. “I don’t.”

“I’ll tell Sam,” I say dully, “but after the wedding. For Isabella’s sake.”

He doesn’t respond to this.

I don’t hear him go, but I sense it. Minutes later I look up to see the doorway behind me is empty and I’m alone in a strange room, looking at a reflection of myself I don’t recognize.

I locate Ashley by the bar, getting a refill on her champagne. I walk up to her and, without a word, grab her wrist and drag her away toward the hall.

“What’s going on?” she asks.

“Hang on,” I say, not slowing and still hanging on to her wrist. We go into the same room I just left and I close the door behind us. Before she can say a word I tell her everything, hardly stopping for a breath. When I tell her how Grayson and I kissed, her eyes grow wide. When I tell her Jack caught us, her mouth drops.

That’s still how she’s still looking at me when I finish my story and lean back against the wall in exhaustion. She finally closes her mouth, but continues to stare at me. “I’m going to tell Sam,” I say dully, “but not until after the wedding.”

Ashley blinks. “Tell her... what exactly?”

“Everything.” I know have to come clean, all the way. I’m going to tell Sam I’m in love with Grayson and then... all I can do is hope to god I didn’t just lose one of my best friends. But I’m definitely
not
going to unleash all this right now and risk upsetting Isabella. The last thing anyone needs is Sam going nuclear on me in the middle of the celebrations. That means I still have two more days to get through somehow.

Fuck. What a week.

“Will you do me a favor?” I ask.

Ashley’s eyes are still wide. She nods mutely.

“Will you please tell Grayson I can’t talk to him until after the reception? I don’t trust myself around him and I
definitely
don’t want to be alone with him again until I’ve talked to Sam.”

“Um. Okay.”

I exhale, walk heavily to the Bed of Betrayal, and plop onto it. God, I’m a horrible, horrible person. I never knew what a horrible person I am.

Ashley watches me in silence, then says, “Are you guys... together now?”

“I...” I don’t know. Part of me feels like we are, but we didn’t exactly have a chance to discuss it. But if there’s any question, I’ll do everything I can to make it happen.

In two days.

I close my eyes with dread. In two days I’ll likely be finding out if I still have a friendship with Sam or not. After betraying her like this, I can only imagine the shit storm that’s coming my way. I’ve seen it with Sam before, but I’ve never been the target of it.

The truth is, I’ll take every ounce she gives me if she’ll only forgive me at the end of it. But will she?

As for Grayson, I don’t know what he’s going through right now and wish to God I could talk to him about it. But I don’t intend on losing him again. Not if I can help it.

“I hope so,” I finally answer Ashley. “I’ll have to wait to find out.”

I don’t ask what she thinks Sam will say. She doesn’t ask me either. We linger there in quiet acknowledgement of one simple fact: no matter what happens next, this is one, big, fucking disaster.

The next morning, while I’m still in my room getting ready, I get a text from Jack.

Jack:
Ashley talked to me.

Great.

Me:
Okay.

I look in the mirror. The wedding isn’t until tomorrow, but pictures are this morning. I’m in my bridal dress—a gorgeous teal strapless number with a knee-length, flowing skirt—and am putting the final touches on my makeup. My appointment with the resort’s hair stylist is in fifteen minutes. I’m not sure what the rest of the guests are doing today, but between pictures, the rehearsal, and the rehearsal dinner, my day is pretty much spoken for. I don’t expect I’ll see much of Grayson, and that’s a good thing.

Sort of. I miss him horribly. Traitorous person that I am.

Jack:
Do you love him?

Me:
Yes.

Jack never responds. I don’t even know what to think about that.

I honestly don’t know what to think about anything.

We’re on the grand balcony at the resort, where the wedding will be held at three o’clock tomorrow afternoon. The stone balcony holds two hundred people, with the capability of completely opening the rear to allow for overflow for another four hundred. It’s an elegant, beautiful space facing the sea and will be, as I understand it, completely packed for the ceremony tomorrow.

At the front, the elaborate platform and arch under which Isabella and Shane will be married is already decorated with vines, flowers, and twinkle lights. We’ve already taken the group picture with the bridal party, as well as the group picture with the bridal party and all the immediate family.

We’re currently scattered about the balcony in small groups, chatting and waiting to be called up by the photographer. He’s taking pictures with the happy couple and their parents. Isabella is positively radiant, and her happiness is a welcome distraction from my own selfish worries.

As for Sam, I’ve kind of been soaking up this time with my friend. You know, just in case...

She, Ashley, and I are sitting near the rear of the balcony, out of the sun.

“What do you think about Shane’s best man?” Sam asks calmly.

We both look across the way to where the best man is hanging out with the other groomsmen.

“He’s kinda cute,” Sam says, “right?”

“Not interested,” I say.

“Not for you,” she says, “for me.”

Ashley and I both look at her with wide eyes. She glances at us and shrugs. “I think the thing with Grayson has run its course. Not that I ever got a full run in to start with.”

Ashley glances at me—I’m just trying to make my face look normal—and asks, “What do you mean?”

Sam sighs. “We had an interesting talk last night. It kind of explained a lot.”

My heart is pounding and I’m terrified Grayson’s already told her everything. But part of me knows if she knew she wouldn’t be sitting here calmly like this, instead of getting ready to claw my eyes out.

“What’s going on?” Ashley presses.

“Well, I’ve been a little frustrated with him because...”

Ashley and I exchange nervous glances.

“Well... we haven’t exactly had the roaring good time I was hoping for.”

We both furrow our brows at her.

She rolls her eyes. “We haven’t had sex,” she clarifies.

“What?!” Ashley and I exclaim together.

“Shh!” Sam says, glancing around. “It’s not exactly something I want to advertise. I have my reputation to think about.”

My head’s spinning, but I’m not thinking about Sam’s reputation.

“Wait,” Ashley says. “You’ve been... sharing the same room right? And how long did you know him before, again?”

Sam shrugs. “Not that long. The way I picked him up was kind of funny, actually. We made out and stuff when we first met, but I wasn’t that worried that it didn’t go further because we just went out once and only texted in between. I figured once we got here it’d be different. But... it’s been so fucking
weird
with him ever since we got here.”

Ashley and I are holding each other’s gaze. He didn’t sleep with Sam. Oh god, he didn’t sleep with Sam. I want to laugh with relief, but my mortification at the entire situation I’m in successfully prevents it.

“How did you guys share a bed and not sleep together?” Ashley asks. She seems kinda disbelieving, and knowing Sam the way I do, I’d probably be disbelieving too if I weren’t so fucking happy my Sam has never had sex with my Grayson.

Sam raises a hand dismissively. “I don’t want to lay out all the details. Let’s just say I’m not going to force myself on someone who’s not interested, I don’t care how hot he is. Not that I haven’t pulled out every trick in the book. Seducing someone is fair game, as far as I’m concerned.”

Okay, I don’t think I want to hear all this.

“I was...” Sam stops and gets a slightly pained look on her face.

“What?” I ask, concerned.

“I was kinda feeling bad. Like, maybe I’d lost my touch. I’ve never really had to worry about this before. I think I’m pretty good at screening people to start with. I know how to find guys who are willing... I just couldn’t figure out where I got my signals mixed up. I mean, if he’s the kind of guy who likes to wait, that’s fine by me, but then what was he doing agreeing to share a hotel room with me for five nights, you know? What did he think was going to happen? It was kinda freaking me out. And I was none too happy about joining Chloe in the ‘I desperately need a screaming orgasm’ club, I can tell you that right now. He was just so hot and cold about things, you know? I couldn’t figure it out.”

Sam shrugs then. “He finally explained it all last night, though. Apparently, he’s in love with some girl and he thought he was over her but he’s not.”

I look at Ashley urgently.

“So at least I know it’s not me,” Sam continues. “But, I gotta say, I would’ve liked him to figure out he was still hung up on this girl a little later because Grayson’s fucking hot and unless I’m wrong, he would’ve been awesome in the sack.”

God, Sam.

“He was actually really sweet about the whole thing once he finally came out with it, though. I couldn’t really be too irritated.”

“But a little irritated?” Ashley asks.

“Well, not with him. He’s a good guy. But
yeah
I was hoping for more action this week, that’s for damned sure. He offered to go home last night but I decided I didn’t want him to. I mean, we cleared each other to, you know, pursue other options. But I’d rather not throw a kink in things for Isabella. He’ll come to the dinner tonight since it’s assigned seating. I don’t want her worrying if no one’s next to me or feeling like she has to shuffle things around or whatever. It’s not a big deal. But he’ll go home after that.”

“You don’t mind him being there?” Ashley asks.

Sam shrugs. “Nah. He’s cool. It’s not like there’s any hard feelings. I don’t mind if he comes, and he’s willing to go along with it. I think he feels he owes me a favor. Anyway, now that I don’t have to worry about trying to seduce him, I think we’ll get along fine.” Sam gets a devilish grin on her face. “I told him he was totally missing out, though.”

I blink. I’m trying to wrap my head around the idea of Grayson and Sam joking around about the fact that they’re not sleeping together.

“So he’s not coming to the reception?” I ask.

Ashley mouths at me, “Tell her.” I give a subtle but firm head shake
no.

“I don’t think he needs to,” Sam answers, “and why would he want to? I’d rather he not be there anyway. It’ll be easier to kinda do my thing, you know? I doubt Isabella will notice his absence and if she does I won’t mind telling her at that point. I just don’t want her worrying about me before then. It’s really fine. Honestly, I’m glad it’s over. I’ve had my eye on a few people since I’ve been here and since
Chloe
won’t take any of them...”

Wanna trade?
I think, but I keep my mouth shut.

God, if only I hadn’t kissed Grayson last night. I could totally fess up right now. But what is she going to think when she finds out I kissed him behind her back like that?

“Maid of Honor!” the photographer calls out. Shane and the parents are exiting the platform, leaving just Isabella. “Then all the bridesmaids.”