Midnight (McKenna Chronicles Book 1) (25 page)

“Charlie?”
Colin’s voice is shocked, not expecting to see me here. My heart falls,
breaking at his expression; I watch his dark eyes quickly assess my baggage and
me.

“What’s
going on?” I hear the dread lacing the edges of his words. I can’t look at him
anymore so I hang my head in my hands, hiding from his pain, because I don’t
want to leave him, because I know my flight will hurt him. Colin strips my
bags, the weight of them lifted from me, but the burden I’m holding remains.
Leaning into me, he runs his nose along my temple, breathing in deeply before
bending to scoop me in his arms. I hold on tight, burying my face against him
as he carries me back to his room, clutching me to his chest.

Setting
me on the couch, he leaves without a word, refusing to sit with me. His voice
is hesitant when he begins speaking. “Why are you leaving me?”

I
hear the anger now. With chin to my chest, I cover my eyes in the scarf so he
can’t see my shame. I don’t want to hurt him; I want to save him from me. I
won’t tell him this though, too ashamed to admit my past.

I
try desperately to get my emotions in check, but for the first time in fifteen
years I fear the tears will come. This is too much to control; the thought of
leaving him, and the hurt I’ve already caused is too much pain to control with
my normal physical reaction. I begin to breathe deeply to stave off the
hyperventilation that is a clear possibility. He allows the silence for a few
more minutes, not touching me. I can tell by the direction of his voice he’s
across the room, and I imagine his arms are crossed in front of his chest,
waiting impatiently for me to speak. “Talk to me,” he demands.

Taking
long, deep breaths I try again to get my breathing under control before I
respond. Eventually, I lift my head from my hands to look into his eyes for the
first time since he found me with my bags. There is hurt there, pain,
frustration and disbelief. Tears threaten again, blurring my eyes, but I stave
them away.

“I
don’t belong here, Colin.” I decide to blame Ella, as there’s truth there.

“I
don’t understand. Why do you believe you don’t belong here?” He stares,
open-mouthed.

 “We
come from very different worlds. You’re Ivy League, and I’m bowling league.”
I’m not trying to be funny; I put it in the easiest terms I can. “I can’t
compete with women like Ella. I’m not good enough for you, Colin. Don’t you see
that?”

His
face is raw, eyes burning a fierce emblazoned blue. I keep going, to make my
point. “I’m not strong enough to do this, be with you without caring about you,
to give you my nights but not my heart. I thought I could.” I pause, my voice
quivering. “I was wrong.”

I’m
not lying. All of this is true; it just isn’t the main reason why I need to
run. “If I stay I'll get hurt, and so will you.” I end on a whisper. “I can’t
take that chance.”

“You
believe I'll hurt you?” He’s quick to ask, his tone holding an air of disbelief
as his brow furrows, building three distinct lines between them.

I
shake my head emphatically. “No, I don’t think you would intentionally hurt me,
Colin. You’re the kindest, most gentle man I’ve ever met.” I hold my hand over
my heart as if I’m pledging it to him. “This morning with Ella, I realized I
will always be the woman hiding in the bedroom you have to explain away to
someone who has been in your life forever, the people who belong there. I
don’t. I’m a girl from Michigan playing mistress with a powerful man. I don’t
have the wherewithal, the assurance needed to survive in your world.”

“Do
you trust me, Charlie?” he asks simply as he walks forward.

“Yes,
Colin I trust you.” I don’t hesitate to answer.

Kneeling
in front of me, he grabs my hands in my lap, gripping them tightly in his. “I
don’t want to lose you, baby,” he begins an impassioned plea. “I promise you I
want less Ivy League in my life.” He tries to smile, but it doesn’t reach his
eyes. “I don’t want a woman like Ella. I’ve had that, and it’s absolutely not
right for me.” I close my eyes as I listen to his voice resonate deeply within
my chest. “I’m asking you to give me time.” One of his hands leaves mine to
grab my chin, forcing me to look at him. “I will always protect you. I won’t
let anyone hurt you. I won’t hurt you.” He cups my cheek, looking deeply into
my eyes. “You asked me last night to take a leap of faith, and today I’m asking
for you to do the same. Stay.” It’s a question and a demand, as if he's willing
me not to leave.

Can
I risk it? Should I stay and chance hurting him and his career? I don’t know
what the right thing to do is. I do know he’s the only man I have ever cared
about. I feel safe and happier than I’ve ever dreamed possible when I’m with
him. For the first time in years a lone tear, a symbol of the enormity of
feeling that already exists between us, slides out of my eye falling into our
joined hands on my lap. Sighing, I loosen them so I can hold his dear, precious
face, gazing into his earnest blue eyes. How can this work? How can we work?

As
if he’s reading my mind, Colin’s voice is firm, convincing because he believes
it. “We’ll find a way.”

“Oh,
Colin.” I bring his lips to mine, kissing him with all of the passion I feel,
my heart falling out of my chest as he crushes me. I want so badly to believe
him. The fervor in his kiss is overwhelming, consuming and I respond in kind,
taking everything he's willing to share and giving him everything I have. In a
moment I push away to breathe, gasping for breath our foreheads leaning
together.

“Don’t
walk away from me, Charlie.” It’s almost a plea. “Promise me.”

I
think for a moment before nodding. If I need to leave I’ll talk to him. I owe
him that. “I promise.”

He
lifts his lips to my forehead, pressing a kiss against me, breathing deeply
into my hair. Standing, he holds his hands out for mine. Lifting me from the
couch he wraps his arms around my waist, and sinks his head into the crook of
my neck. I grip him to me.

Shit;
it’s already too late. I want to be with him more than anything in this world.

May

THE SNOW SERIOUSLY
impacted our
trip to New York; two of Colin’s speaking engagements were canceled as
traveling was dangerous in the city. It snowed heavily for twenty-four hours
straight, the roads and sidewalks impossible to keep clear from the relentless
deluge of flakes falling from the sky.  

I
love the snow. Giggling, I lounge lazily in one of the plane’s recliners,
remembering the blissful weekend spent alone with Colin in his hotel suite. He
did get work done, many of his meetings transitioning to conference calls, and
he met with the Montgomerys and Evan, always planning their next move. It was
the moments when he was alone with me that heated my cheeks and had my heart
constricting wildly. Colin is a passionate man and he likes to spoil me with
his unending desire to bring me pleasure.

The
New York weekend changed our relationship. Beginning as new lovers learning
the flavor of each other, we talked and talked, getting to know each other
sometimes after making love passionately or having mind-blowing sex throughout
the suite. We left with a growing need to be together, passion joining us at
first, our inconceivable connection holding us firmly in place.

That
was more than a month ago. Just as I had hoped, our days are filled with
fundraisers, speaking engagements, tours, meetings and occasionally a private
moment. Our nights are filled with each other, reveling in passion and learning
more about each other. I have been forthright with information from my time
after I came to be with the Carters and hidden my time before then, pretending
my first fourteen years didn’t exist.

Our
affection for one another is hard to hide when we’re with our small traveling
party; to that, Ella Montgomery has not warmed up, in fact she's downright
frigid. Speaking to me curtly only when absolutely necessary, she ignores me
the rest of the time. John has learned a respectful tolerance; he at least
engages in conversation without spewing venom, as his daughter does. Colin has
asked me to ignore it, as Ella’s anger is with him and not me. It doesn’t feel
like it to me, but he assures me he'll manage her.

The
Montgomerys haven’t been around as much as they were the first week; most of
my time is spent with Evan and Colin.

I
have not received any more frightening messages alluding to a past I wish I
could forget. I’m thankful for that, lulled by the days and nights with Colin.
I would have completely forgotten about the first one if I hadn’t copied it to
my own e-mail account.

Colin
has found a certain level of peace with his grief for his family, and his
desire to be with me. Abby very rarely comes into conversation, and hasn’t
visited the bedroom since our first night in New York. There's another reason
to be thankful. His newfound peace has allowed us to learn of one another
without a weight pulling him away from me. How long it will last is unknown,
and again I take it day by day, trying never to envision a future with Colin in
it. That’s becoming harder and harder to do as each day passes into darkness,
another night to lie connected with him.  

The
website and social media campaign are doing exceptionally well, garnering new
support for Colin daily. More and more people want a glimpse at the intriguing
and beguiling presidential candidate Colin McKenna, and the sites are drawing a
large audience. He’s doing exceptionally well in the polls and is now pushing
forward strongly to secure the Republican nomination, and then on to campaign
for the presidency, which everyone believes will happen at the Republican
Convention in early June. 

On
one hand it’s hard for me to believe I’m sleeping with a man who could one day
be the president of the United States. Colin is unbelievably sweet, showering
me with kindness, slipping into his schoolboy charm and smile, treating me like
a college sweetheart. When we’re together I forget about the campaign; it’s
just Colin and me. Whatever state we’re in, he finds something special for the
two us to do together, whether it’s a quiet dinner at an out-of-the-way
restaurant where he won’t be recognized, or a walk in a park in the evening,
sneaking off to the show, or making out at the show. I giggle at the memory.

On
the other hand, I very much can see him leading this country past its current
troubles and into a new age of prosperity. Colin is wicked smart, his mind
calculating at every turn, knowing immediately the right decision to make. He
researches so he understands his opponents, what their positions are and if he
disagrees he knows exactly why so he can communicate his thoughts clearly. His
charm also translates into this category. He can win over even the most
opposing figure, finding some commonality to connect with and then moving them
to first understand and then accept his point of view. Colin is good at what he
does.

We’re
on our way back to New Jersey for Blake and Carla’s fundraiser. I have a
certain level of excitement for this event. These last weeks, as wonderful as
they’ve been, have brought about a certain amount of melancholy. I miss my
family and being
home
.

Although
my time in New Jersey was very short and I barely know Blake, Carla or Aiden, I
felt wonderfully comfortable with them. I’m looking forward to seeing them and
meeting more of the Kellys. According to Colin’s stories, Blake and Aiden are
the third and fourth of four brothers with three sisters mixed in the large
brood, a proud Irish Catholic family. The Kellys were born in Ireland and came
to the States shortly before the birth of their oldest son, eventually settling
along the Jersey shore. Evan and Colin were ‘adopted’ into the Kelly clan when
they met Blake first and then Aiden during their first and second years of
college, the four becoming close friends.

Colin
is working on a speech for an upcoming stop in Missouri. My mood sours at the
thought of the week ahead. I haven’t told him I plan to visit my family after
the Florida campaign stop, leaving on a flight to Detroit as he continues on to
Georgia and Alabama. It’s my grandmother’s seventieth birthday and my parents
are throwing a surprise party for her. I won’t miss it. Pushing the thought to
the back of my mind, I turn to Colin as he moves into the main cabin of the
plane.

Even
now, after I’ve been with him for weeks, I’m stricken by his beauty. I’ve seen
and touched the naked contours of his entire body and his elegance still
catches me off guard, his chiseled jaw and cheeks, straight nose, full lips,
bright burning eyes and glorious tousled hair. My heart beats double time as he
scans the room quickly, eyes connecting with mine as he saunters to the front.
Gracefully sitting on the couch, he holds his hand out for me to join him. It
amazes me every day his smile is for me.

I
stand from my chair and sink down next to him on the couch, my shoulder
touching the side of his chest. Wrapping his arm around me he pulls my body
closer into his side, pressing his nose into my hair, inhaling deeply as his
lips kiss lightly into my temple. Closing my eyes, I relax completely against
him, replete with just his company.

We
sit for a few minutes, enjoying the simple blissful moment. His other hand is
resting still in his lap so I pick it up in mine, tracing the lines of his
fingernails and knuckles, and savoring his strong hand in mine.

I
haven’t gone with Colin to most of the fundraising events because of my desire
to keep our relationship, whatever it is, away from public scrutiny. Our heated
stares are a sure give away to a flaming-hot affair, and I don’t want the press
to connect us personally.

Tonight
is different: an event purely to surround Colin with friends and family. His
mother and father have flown in to see him—
that
makes me nervous.
Pushing it aside I look up to Colin’s face, his eyes alight with longing as his
hand caresses the side of my breast through my thin sweater. My stomach free
falls; just his look can start my blood pounding. His touch on top of it and
I’m lost.