Midnight Mystery: 4 (Winnie the Horse Gentler) (16 page)

“You never wanted me to have a chance with the big circus! And you knew how much it meant to me! That my mother—” Ramon broke off, choked with tears.

“No,” the Colonel muttered, not looking up. “You don’t understand. If I could take it back, I would!”

“Well you can’t!” Ramon cried. “And here’s a news flash for you! I quit!”

“Ramon, you can’t quit yet!” roared the Colonel. “You have to ride tonight! The scout will—”

“Don’t tell me what to do!” screamed Ramon. “Not anymore! Not ever!”

Catman ran his fingers through his hair. “Colonel, why did you do it? I know it’s not just losing the act.”

Someone knocked. We ignored it, but it got louder. Finally Gabrielle opened the door.

Dad stuck his head in. “Winnie! I want to talk to you!”

“Not now, Dad!” I whispered. The arguing had started back up, Ramon and the Colonel hurling words around the trailer so hard I wanted to duck.

“Come out, or I’m coming in,” Dad said quietly. But I knew he meant it.

Gabrielle stepped aside, and I went out to Dad, pulling the door behind me. The angry voices leaked out, filling the air around us. “What?” I knew I sounded mean and hateful, but I didn’t care. I peered behind him for the tall woman, but only Lizzy stood there, her eyes filled with tears.

“What’s the matter with you, Winnie?” Dad asked. “I came back early to surprise you!”

I snorted. “I’m surprised all right! Who is she?”

“She?
You mean Madeline? Is that what this is about?” He bit his cheek and got the look he gets when one of his inventions finally kicks in. “Winnie! You mean . . . you thought . . . ? Madeline’s an inventor. I met her in Chicago. She lives in Loudonville! She had to leave the convention early, too. We agreed to meet here. I wanted her to meet you girls.”

Dad sighed and scratched his head, like he was as mixed up about it as I was. Softly, he admitted, maybe just now admitting it to himself, “She makes me laugh, Winnie. It’s been a long time since that happened.”

Lizzy sniffled, still shaking from crying.

Dad leaned down and hugged me, but I couldn’t hug him back. My arms and legs felt like tree trunks. I wanted to run away, to escape inside the warmth of my barn, where none of this could touch me.

Are you listening, God?
I prayed. I closed my eyes and waited.
I need you! I don’t know what to do or think. I want things to be the way they used to be.
Everything faded—the shouting inside the trailer, the noise of the midway, Lizzy’s crying. It felt like I’d stepped inside a safe place, like Pat’s Pets on a cold day or the corner of the Coolidge roof, where storms were applauded and not feared. A shelter. A refuge.

In my mind, I could see my mom holding her birthday cake, the green letters spelling out her verse from Hebrews. I read it again, and this time the beginning jumped at me: Jesus Christ
is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

I let the words soak into my veins and travel to my heart.
Is that it, Lord?
You’re
the same! Even if nothing else is, you are?
I wanted to stay angry. It wasn’t enough. But I thought about how many times in the last few days I’d felt like I was losing it. And each time I’d remembered to duck in and pray, God had been there waiting—in Coolidge Castle, in school, in the circus.

I still wanted things to be the same. I wanted Mom back. I didn’t want Dad to go to conventions or meet women inventors. But no matter what happened, I’d always have this refuge to come to. And I had a feeling that would be enough.

My arms were thawing, melting into my dad. I hugged him back. “I’m sorry, Dad.”

Lizzy threw her arms around my neck. “Winnie, I’ve been so worried about you!”

I smiled at my sister and turned back to Dad. “I didn’t want you to go to Chicago, Dad. I was afraid something would happen to you, that you wouldn’t come home.”

“Winnie! I couldn’t stand spending another day away from you girls!”

I laughed. “I think I would have done anything to keep you home. . . .” I stopped. I could almost feel my brain cells piecing things together. “That’s it! I get it now! Dad, Lizzy, we’re okay, really! I have to talk to the Colonel.”

“Can we do anything, honey?” Dad asked.

I hugged him again. “Go get a good seat! I’ll see you in the Big Top!”

They left, and I went back inside the trailer. Gabrielle was still standing by the door. “Gabrielle, I’m sorry I thought you were the one doing everything,” I whispered.

The Colonel was sitting by the canteens, his head in his hands. Ramon towered over him, looking like he’d moved right past anger and straight into hurt.

Everybody, even Gabrielle, turned to stare at me. I cleared my throat. “Colonel, I understand why you did what you did.”

Ramon glared at me. “How can you say that? He’s a selfish old man who doesn’t care about anything except his circus!”

I shook my head. “He just didn’t want things to change.”

Colonel Coolidge glanced up at me, and I knew I was right. “You couldn’t stand the thought of losing Ramon, could you, Colonel? You did all those things to Ramon and Midnight because you wanted things to stay the same. Tell him.”

He nodded.

“Of course he didn’t want things to change!” shouted Ramon. “He had to keep the cossack act for his own circus.”

I shook my head. “Ramon, the Colonel wasn’t afraid of losing your act. He was afraid of losing
you!”

Ramon studied the Colonel. “Me?”

The Colonel’s voice shook when he finally spoke. “I like homeschooling you. I like having breakfast together. Talking about the circus. Watching how you are with people. Ramon, I
 am
a selfish old man. I didn’t want to lose you. But after tonight . . . you have to believe me. I wouldn’t have done anything to hurt your chances with the Beatty scout! Can you forgive me?”

“He did tell you to go ahead with the act. Remember, Ramon?” Catman said.

Ramon hadn’t moved.

Tears filled the Colonel’s eyes. “I’m an old fool, Ramon.”

I walked over to them. “Ramon, the Colonel was scared. He loves you so much. He was afraid you’d leave and forget about him.”

Ramon gazed out the window as if he were watching a whole circus perform outside. Then he stared down at the Colonel. “How could anybody forget Colonel Coolidge?” Ramon asked. A hint of a smile flashed in his eyes. “Better men than I have tried.” He held out his hand, and the Colonel took it.

Gabrielle turned toward the door. “This is all very touching. But we have a show to put on!” Some of the bite had gone out of her, and I thought I saw her wipe away a tear.

“Wait!” commanded the Colonel. “Gabrielle, we need a little something extra for our final performance. I don’t suppose you could pull together that dancing-horse act?”

“Are you kidding?” she shouted, a smile breaking over her whole face. “I’ve been ready my whole life!”

The Colonel jumped to his feet. “Ramon, get a move on! You have to get ready!”

“Colonel!” Ramon held up his hand. For a minute I was afraid he was really quitting. “We have a toast to perform first. The show can wait.”

Ramon poured Kool-Aid into the Colonel’s canteen while Catman and I turned the other three canteens upside down. Then Colonel Coolidge drank a solemn toast to his men.

When he set down his canteen, the Colonel turned to Ramon. “On with the show!”

Pat Haven and Hawk had Nickers ready for me under the Big Top. Lizzy had told them at least part of what was going on. She and Dad were waiting at the entrance with the tall woman.

Dad’s eyebrows arched like they do when he’s afraid I’m going to go crazy. “Winnie, this is Madeline Edison, just about the best inventor at the convention.”

“Hardly,” she said. “Glad to meet you, Winnie. Your dad talks about you all the time.”

I nodded, trying to think of something to say. But I couldn’t. Poor Dad would have to settle for my attempt at a smile.

The whistle blew, and they left for the bleachers.

Hawk and I stayed together for the little bit of greeting time left. In between greetings, I filled Hawk in. She didn’t say much, didn’t judge me or tell me I was stupid for worrying about losing my dad. It made me wish I’d talked to her sooner.

The Colonel dedicated the last performance to the men of the Fighting 44th, and it was the best show ever. Ramon’s cossack act brought the crowd to its feet, cheering wildly as Ramon performed every stunt to perfection. Midnight had never looked more beautiful.

At the end of the act, the Colonel shouted into the microphone, “You have just seen Ramon and the Magnificent Midnight Mystery! They are undoubtedly the finest cossack act in the business! Any circus would be lucky to have this dynamic duo!”

I had no doubts that the Clyde Beatty Cole Brothers Circus would agree. I didn’t know if Ramon would take the job or stay with the Colonel. But I knew they’d both be okay. They loved each other, and that wasn’t about to change.

After the last act, the Colonel asked the crowd to applaud and bring back the performers for a final bow. Hawk and I grabbed Towaco and Nickers and ran to the ring.

I hugged Nickers, feeling safe, loving her so much it hurt. I swung up on her back and stared at the crowd. Pat waved at us. And so did the Barkers and Coolidges. Catman stood ringside, his fingers forming a
V
for victory. Seeing these friends I hadn’t even met six months before made me think that maybe some changes
were
okay.

I swept my arm in front of me and gave Nickers the cue to bow. And as if she’d been doing it her whole life, she tucked her leg under her and lowered her head, making the most beautiful bow any horse had ever made.

Ramon gave me a thumbs-up. I grinned at Lizzy and Dad, who were on their feet, cheering.

And as Nickers bowed low, something inside of me bowed too.

The whole circus felt better than the greatest show on earth. It was a giant birthday party for my mother.

I bowed my head and closed my eyes. “Happy birthday, Mom!”