“Perhaps that’s wise,” he murmured.
He said nothing more.
I continued giving him the cold shoulder,
doing so getting colder and colder myself, standing at the
window.
“Franka.” I heard from closer. “It was only
worry that made me react that way at dinner.”
This was true.
It was also irritating in the extreme mostly
because it
was
true.
“It’s been my whole life you looked after
me,” he went on, his voice quieting. “Now, it’s my turn.”
Even more irritating because he was so bloody
endearing
.
And he always had been.
“I’ve left it too late, but at least now I
have the chance,” he finished, and I finally turned back his
way.
“I don’t need looking after, Kristian.”
“I know, Franka. But I still desire that
privilege.”
I shifted so I was fully facing him.
“Brother, the beauty of what’s happened is that now we can both
live our lives without bothering with such nonsense.”
His face grew hard in a way that most
assuredly did not suit him.
And yet it very much did.
At least it suited the new Kristian.
“As your brother, it’s always been my job to
look after you, it’ll always be my job and it’s not
nonsense
. Until now, I’ve failed. From now I will not. It’s
my time and I’m taking it.”
I studied him but was careful not to show how
intently I was doing so in order not to make him uncomfortable.
I did this for some time before I noted
gently, “You’re much changed.”
“As are you,” he replied.
I nodded my acceptance of that.
“Do you…” I subtly cleared my throat and
started again, “I went to see them in jail.”
His head moved in an abrupt and uncomfortable
manner. “Cousin Frey informed me of this.”
I lifted my chin and carried on, “I found
before doing that I was not quite at peace with how things had
changed.”
Kristian’s expression turned baffled at the
same time concerned. “I cannot imagine how that could be, sister,”
he whispered.
I shook my head and readjusted my position,
turning my gaze back to the window.
In other words, hiding in the only way I
could from my brother even as I gave him everything.
“I did not know who I was without my
existence being the way it was.”
“Franka,” he said quietly in a way I knew he
was no longer baffled.
“I still am uncertain,” I admitted. I looked
over my shoulder at him. “Do you…or perhaps
did
you feel the
same?”
“No, love,” he stated quietly. “When that
witch stripped Mother of her magic and shared with me Father had
been detained by Frey, I felt like great stones had been weighing
me down for centuries and they’d suddenly been lifted so not only
could I take my feet, I could lift my arms and fly.”
This made me feel something I’d never
felt.
My heart taking flight for my brother.
Without thought, my hand darted out to find
his.
Our fingers curled around each other’s.
“I’m happy for that, brother,” I told
him.
“You’ll find your way, sister,” he told
me.
I hoped so.
Though I’d thought my way was an adventure
across the sea, but Kristian had done something about that.
Now I needed to find another way.
Oh well, I would. Eventually my back would be
fully healed and the shocking knowledge of what had been before for
Kristian and I would mean all the attention I was receiving would
fade. People (I assumed) would feel less protective (or, by my way
of thinking,
over
protective). And then I (and Josette, not
to mention Irene), would be at liberty to go about our business
again.
I just needed patience and I’d had that once.
I’d find it again. Utilize it.
And onward we’d go.
“Shit, sorry to interrupt.”
This came from the door, and Kristian let me
go to step aside as we both looked to see Noc backing out of the
space.
“No, Sir Noc, or…um, Master Noc,” Kristian
called clumsily but quickly rallied. “If you seek Franka, you’ve
found her and I’m off to join my wife.” My brother looked to me.
“We’ll breakfast together?”
I nodded. “That would be lovely.”
He smiled and moved toward me leaning in.
He touched his cheek to mine and whispered,
“Goodnight, my valiant.”
I felt my mouth tighten because his words
vexed me. And they vexed me because they meant the world to me and
I found this constant overflowing of feeling decidedly
annoying
.
This meant when he pulled away and looked at
my face, his head jerked before his mouth broke into a wide
smile.
“And with gratitude, some things never
change,” he murmured, still smiling as he moved away.
I watched him leave, hearing him bid
goodnight to Noc as he did so, Noc returning that gesture.
My attention moved to Noc only when my
brother disappeared from view.
Noc was now in the middle of the room,
looking at me, and he didn’t appear to be in a good mood.
“Is aught amiss?” I queried, hoping to sound
innocent of the wrongdoing I knew I’d done, which he knew as well
for it was written all over his face.
“Aught’s definitely amiss,” he stated
shortly. “Babe, we had a date and I’ve been sittin’ in our room for
the last two hours waitin’ on your ass.”
Drat it all, his using the words
our
room
made warmth flood my belly.
“Our room?” I asked even though I knew
precisely what he was referring to.
“Babe,” he growled low, knowing I knew.
All right, onward from that.
“Why didn’t you ask a servant where I was?” I
inquired.
“Why didn’t you come to our room like we
agreed?” he fired back.
“We agreed on an assignation, Noc, we didn’t
agree on a location.”
This, at least, was true.
He tossed an arm out wide. “Have you been
waitin’ in here for me?”
No, guiltily I had not. I had been in that
room somewhat avoiding him but doing it in order to brood and lick
my wounds from dinner, which turned into me madly planning a
variety of elaborate escapes I wouldn’t be able to execute and
losing track of time.
But mostly I was avoiding him, and I was
doing this because he did simple things, like say two innocuous
words, and doing such made warmth flood my belly.
“Well…” I said that word slowly and trailed
off, attempting to find an inoffensive, slightly factual
answer.
“Fucking hell,” he muttered, prowling to the
cord in the room and tugging on it. He then turned again to me and
crossed his arms on his chest. “You gonna get your ass over here
and sit with me by the fire or are you gonna stand in front of that
window until the cold coming through freezes you to death?”
“There’s no need to be surly,” I noted
(although there was), shifting from the window (which was indeed
cold) and moving his way where there were two chairs with a table
between them angled toward a hearty fire.
“Frannie, I waited
two hours for
you
.”
Gods, the guilt assailing me was going to
make me bite my lip!
I managed not to do something so ridiculous
and simply stopped in front of a chair, keeping my gaze on him.
I opened my mouth to say something
flippant.
But, “I’m sorry, Noc, I’ve got much on my
mind,” came out instead.
Some of the ire in his face faded as me moved
toward me.
I expected him to stop in front of his own
chair but he was Noc. He didn’t do the expected.
He did the affectionate.
This meant he stopped half a foot from me so
I could smell his cologne, a fresh, spicy scent I quite liked, his
head tilted down so his eyes could hold mine.
“This gig, you know, the one I’m tryin’ to
help you get used to?” he began.
I nodded.
“Part of it is bein’ in a place where, when
you got shit on your mind and you got someone who cares about you,
they’re there for you to unload it on,” he explained.
“There are things I need to work through
myself.”
“I hear you, sweetheart, but from what
happened at dinner, thinkin’ that you might wanna stop doin’ that
for a while, unload your shit on me, someone who’s thinking a whole
lot clearer, and let me help you work through those things, maybe
give you ideas of where you could go from here.”
I drew in breath to calm the additional
warmth that pronouncement caused in my belly.
One could say that Antoine was many things,
nearly all of them good, and part of those many things was that he
was intelligent and he was strong.
However, he did not have that kind of
strength. There was much he depended upon me to do. His upkeep, for
one, as before he came to be committed only to me, he was a
Fleuridian prostitute. Decisions about our home, servants, travel,
money matters were other matters he looked to me to see to. He had
a good deal saved from his earnings when he’d plied his trade,
something which he was in great demand to do. Earnings I’d demanded
he keep saved for no one knew what the future would bring and I was
capable of taking care of us both, this something he had no qualms
about accepting.
Antoine had been sensitive. He’d been caring.
He’d been decent and kind to all, not only me. He’d had a flippant
sense of humor I relished. And he, like Noc, had a way of seeing
deeper inside me than I’d wished (at first) for him to see.
And he was exceptional in bed
(obviously).
But he was not that man. He was not Frey to
my Finnie, Lahn to my Circe, Tor to my Cora, Apollo to my
Madeleine.
He might listen to my problems, but then he’d
ask, “So what do you intend to do,
mon ange
?”
He would never say, “This is what you should
think about doing.” And definitely never, “This is what you’re
going to do because this is what’s best for you.”
Living my life, I would never admit, even to
myself, that I found making every decision—from the small to the
grand—draining, and the very idea of living the whole of my life
with that burden mine alone was exhausting.
To share a burden not simply with someone to
listen to it, but to assist me in seeing past it, felt like a gift
so precious, it outshone chests five times as large as the one I
owned filled with Sjofn diamonds.
“Frannie,” Noc called and I focused on his
face.
“I had my plans,” I blurted, “and now they’re
thwarted.”
His expression grew understanding as he
gently commanded, “Sit down, baby, I’ll order some whiskey and tell
you my idea.”
He had an idea, and I assumed it was not
aiding me in an intricate scheme to spirit Josette, Irene and I
into the night taking us someplace no one would find us (until Frey
found us, of course).
I sat.
Noc, bizarrely determined to carry on doing
mundane things I suspected he had to do in his world but he didn’t
have to do in mine, went to the windows and drew the drapes. He
then stirred the fire, added a couple of logs on it, and whilst
doing this, ordered our whiskey from the servant who’d arrived.
I understood why he went about these efforts
when the warm glow of the fire became a radiating blaze, taking
away any chill, enveloping us in snug intimacy in a way neither of
us would have to call for a servant (or in Noc’s case, get up and
do it himself) to add more fuel to the fire for some time.
The decanter of whiskey came quickly and the
servant had barely laid the tray on the table between our chairs
before Noc thanked him and started pouring.
“And close the door behind you, would you?”
he called.
“Yes, sir.” We heard murmured and the door
clicked.
Noc handed me my cut crystal glass filled
with two fingers of whiskey.
Quite a dose.
And it was a dose that made me wonder with
even more curiosity about his idea.
“All right, Noc, you stated you had an idea,
so perhaps you’ll break the suspense and share,” I prompted as he
took a sip from his own glass.
I did the same as he lowered his and started
speaking.
“Finnie and Frey have a few things they gotta
sort out here before we take off, which I think is mostly her way
of delaying ’cause she likes spending time with her mom,” he
declared.
“This doesn’t exactly end the suspense,” I
replied when he shared no further.
He grinned at me. “What I’m sayin’ is, we’re
probably gonna be around awhile and that while will take us until
at least the time your brother leaves.”
This meant five more days of being able to
spend time with Noc.
I found it alarming just how much this
pleased me.
Really, did I not adore my Antoine
at
all
?
I fought shifting uncomfortably in my chair
as Noc continued talking.
“And you’ve got another choice other than
going with your brother or going with the queen,” he said then
promptly announced, “You can come with us.”
I felt my body start in surprise at this
offer.
“I—” I began.
“Givin’ you this idea to think on, Frannie,”
he interrupted me to say. “Not make a decision right here and
now.”
I took a sip of whiskey to sort my
thoughts.
After I’d swallowed, carefully, I shared,
“Noc, this is a kind offer and I’m glad for it. But my plan of
going across the Green Sea was not as foolhardy as people believe.
There was a reason I made that choice and I did so even
understanding the risks it brought. Josette chose to accompany me
understanding those same risks.”
“You wanna get away from anything that
reminds you of your parents or Antoine.”
I closed my mouth, astonished he’d guessed so
accurately.
I opened it to say, “I’ve been to Bellebryn
and I’ve been with Antoine. We took a holiday there once. He’d
never been. He enjoyed it greatly.”