Bellamy took his time about smiling at that, but once he did his smile looked set for a while. "I predict we'll be seeing you up high before long. I'll be bending my efforts towards it," he said, and wrote his address inside one of the restaurant's match-books. "Drop me a line if you think of anything you forgot to say."
As Ben and Mark Matthews walked back to Ember the publicist said "I'll want to use you a lot more next year. We mustn't let all that charm and eloquence go to waste."
"Maybe I should save some for my new editor."
"Maybe."
Without warning Ben felt as if the part of him which talked about writing and which had carried him through the interview had deserted him, exposing him to his impatience with the delay of the next two days. He was afraid he might be rude to Alice Carroll, and then so angry with being afraid that he felt like being yet ruder. But when he saw that she looked even smaller behind Kerys' desk than Kerys had, his anger didn't seem worth sustaining. "He was perfect for Bellamy," the publicist told her. "I've been there when Howard took against someone he was interviewing. Not a pretty sight, I can tell you."
Ben had to admit to himself that Alice Carroll was: the dabs of pink on her marbly cheeks emphasised her delicate bones, her blonde hair cascaded to her waist out of a hairband shaped like a snake. She gave his hand two shakes and said "Anything you can do to maximise sales."
Ben assumed she was talking to Mark Matthews as well, which made him feel only half acknowledged. "I'd like to have our photographer take you before you leave, Ben," the publicist said.
"What about Ellen?"
"Send us one."
"We can take him now," Alice Carroll said, and glanced at Ben. "If you don't mind, of course."
"I'll live."
She acknowledged his response with a terse smile and raised her faint eyebrows at the publicist until he retreated. "Coffee," she said to Ben as if she was advising him to sober up.
While they awaited the coffee she talked to him about the book she referred to as
Snowflakes.
She was pleased with the sales of
Snowflakes,
and sounded surprised as well. There was talk of submitting
Snowflakes
for a children's book award. Perhaps it was because her phone kept interrupting that he didn't find her comments as heartening as she presumably meant him to. Soon the photographer let himself into her glass and plywood booth. "Hold my calls," Alice Carroll told her secretary who brought the coffee, and nodded to the photographer to start whenever he was ready. To Ben she said "You're waiting to hear what I thought of your latest submission."
"Of course," he said graciously.
"I thought you were trying too hard."
The electronic shutter of the camera emitted a sound like a stifled exclamation. The photographer was shooting. Let him, Ben thought furiously; he wouldn't catch Ben unawares, as Alice Carroll had. He was so anxious not to betray she had that his tongue stumbled. "To do, to do what?"
"To produce what you think the market wants."
"Wasn't that what you asked for?"
"True, but my authors don't normally take me so literally. I have to see the finished product before I can judge it, obviously, and in this case I'd say it shows you aren't as good at carrying out instructions as you think you are."
Repeated swiftly several times, the noise of the camera shutter sounded like imperfectly suppressed mirth. "So what are you saying?" Ben said in a tone intended to seem receptive but aloof.
"What I just said." She sat forwards on her high revolving chair, and Ben imagined spinning it until she vanished beneath the desk-top. "If you're asking me what you should do," she said, "I'd say you ought to wag a few less fingers at your readers. Address their concerns but let your story make your points for you. People don't like to be preached at, children least of all."
"Nor do I," Ben retorted — not out loud, but he wondered if the snicker of the shutter meant that the camera had caught him thinking it.
"And you might try injecting more imagination into the rewrite," Alice Carroll said, "since that's what you're good at and it seems to sell. Enough?"
Her last word was meant for the photographer, but Ben was tempted to respond. As the photographer went out she said to Ben, "I hope you didn't mind him taking you while we were talking. I think it makes for a livelier image. We've enough shots of you trying to look like an author."
"So to return to what you were saying ..."
"I meant everything I said, of course."
Had Ben thought or hoped otherwise? "Simple as that," he said, and stood up.
"I'll walk you to the lifts." She held the door of her booth open while he struggled into his coat, which felt like his anger made heavy and hotter and even more frustrating, then she led him along the aisle between the unpartitioned desks. Someone held open a lift for Ben, but she waved it away. "Have your children read this book?" she said.
"Not yet."
"Don't you usually let them?"
"There hasn't been time."
"Maybe you should turn them loose on it and see if they're of my mind." When he didn't speak, she pressed the button between the lifts. "There wasn't any call to rush the book, you know," she said. "I appreciate your doing your best to please me, but I didn't need to see it so soon. If I were vou I'd relax over Christmas and see how the story stands up in the new year."
"Thanks for making yourself clear," Ben said, and watched the doors of the lift close over her face. His rage seemed to have crystallised into a single thought: she was going to wish she hadn't been so smug about the new year. He wasn't quite sure what he meant by it, and its lack of definition aggravated his nervousness. When the lift touched bottom he hurried across the car park, where the chill was some relief, and drove the Volkswagen up the ramp.
Before he was out of the one-way maze he found that his instincts were leading him north. "Not yet," he muttered, and blundered more or less eastwards until he saw a sign for Cambridge. By the time he reached the motorway it was a stream of light and fumes. He carne off it at Stump Cross and headed for Six Mile Bottom, a name which had given Johnny a fit of the giggles. The memory made Ben feel unexpectedly lonely in the midst of the flat landscape where headlamps passed like comets drawn by their tails into the dark. He'd call home once he arrived at Dominic's, he promised himself.
Most of the shops were closed when he drove into Norwich. As he parked beneath the only tree in the narrow side street, a gaunt metallic shape which he remembered bearing cherry blossoms, Dominic's father hopped off the Milligans' front doorstep and trotted over, leaning on a gnarled stick. "Here he is. Put the kettle on," he shouted, and to Ben in the same tone: "Let's have your bag."
Dominic hurried out of the house. "Hello, Ben. I'll take it, Father. We don't want you overexerting yourself."
"It isn't worth arguing over," Ben said, and carried his overnight bag into the hall, where Dominic's mother met him. "That's right, Ben, don't let them boss you about. What can 1 offer you after your travels? There's tea or coffee, and a snack to keep you going until dinnertime."
"I'm not hungry just now," he said, anxious to bypass her disordered cuisine as far as he decently could. "I hope Dominic told you I'm taking you all out to dinner."
The rooms with which the house was crammed were even smaller than he remembered, but brighter. The interior had been repainted — yellow in the hall and up the stairs, blue walls and one green in each of the rooms — until the house seemed almost to be turning into a cartoon of itself. It was no longer scattered with books, though there was a tottering pile of them beside the front-room chair into which Dominic's father subsided; Ben saw that he was doing his best to be tidy in his old age. "I read your new book," the old man told him. "It took me back to that time you told us a story. I said then you ought to see about finding a publisher."
"So you did," Ben said, and retreated to the spare bedroom. He'd forgotten the incident until now; what else might he have forgotten? He dropped his bag on the bed, which was surrounded by bookcases occupying all the space between the furniture against the walls, and went downstairs. "Would it be all right if I were to phone Ellen?"
"I should jolly well think it would," Mrs Milligan declared, drawing the heavy curtain over the front door to keep out draughts, and shut all the doors to the hall as she returned to the kitchen. "You'll want some privacy while you're talking to your lady love."
Margaret answered the phone. "Is that Ramona?"
"Not unless her voice has broken."
"Oh, it's you. Did you sign lots of books?"
"Maybe tomorrow."
"Mummy says did you drink lots of drinks. I'll get her."
He listened for her footsteps hurrying away or her calling to Ellen, but the silence was so total he began to wonder if he'd been cut off. He was suddenly aware of the expanse of night which separated them under the infinite dark. Ellen's voice made him start nervously. "What timing," she said. "I was taking dinner out of the oven."
"I just wanted to say hello."
"Hello. Were we a success? How did Alice Carroll turn out to be?"
"Unenthusiastic. She's decided she likes me better the way I was."
"She can keep her hands off. Or are you talking about the new book?"
"She thought it was all message and no magic."
"Shall I look at it again and see what I think?"
"It's your book."
"It'll keep me company when the children are in bed. Must go now before dinner gets cold. Drive carefully on Saturday but don't be too late, will you? I love you." The silence closed in so immediately that he thought she'd gone, but as he murmured "I love you" he heard her last words to him. "It's colder when you're not here," she said.
TWENTY-NINE
"It's colder when you're not here," Ellen said, and kissed the chilly mouthpiece. "Here you are, Johnny, if you want to say hello."
The boy ran out of the dining-room, brandishing a handful of the cutlery he was placing on the table, and she took the dessert spoons from him to distribute them herself. She was touched and amused by how carefully he'd set the table; he'd already placed the knives and forks, and the settings on the round table were exactly equidistant, or as near to it as her eyes could judge. Children and their rituals, she thought, smiling. She closed the heavy floor-length curtains, shutting out the lights of Stargrave. "Hurry up with those plates, Peg," she called.
By the time Margaret had brought the plates and Ellen had ladled beef in red wine out of the casserole, Johnny was saying goodbye to his father. "Daddy says it hasn't snowed much there," he told them as he wriggled onto his chair. "When are we going to have more snow?"
"Johnny would like it to snow in his room," Margaret said.
"I would not," Johnny said indignantly, then admitted "Actually, I wouldn't mind."
"You'd feel it kiss you to sleep."
"That'd be good."
"It would feel like the heaviest blanket in the world," Ellen put in.
"It'd be so cold you wouldn't know you were."
"You'd be able to have snowmen around your bed," Johnny said. "If you woke up in the night you'd see them all there."
Ellen was unable to find that idea appealing; indeed, it made her shiver. After dinner, as she carried casserole and plates into the kitchen, she noticed snow in the air beyond the window, motes dancing in a wind which hissed down from the forest.
"You've made it snow, Johnny," she was about to call, but the thinness of the snow would only disappoint him. Besides, she found the sight of the faint icy auras sparkling around the snow figures oddly disturbing. She let the blind down and lifted the apple pie out of the oven, and felt grateful for its warmth.
Johnny saw off more than half the pie. Feeding him was like feeding a black hole, she often told him. The children were helping her at the sink when she said "Would you like me to read you the new book?"
"Yes please," Johnny cried, but Margaret hesitated. "Won't Daddy mind?" she said.
"I'm sure he'd want to hear what you think of it," Ellen said, and fetched the typescript from the workroom. Snow, or the imminence of it, whispered at the windows of the darkened rooms. As she crossed to the desk, a wind so large and cold it felt like a breath of the forest came to meet her at the window. Despite the wind, the trees appeared to be quite still. She thought the forest resembled an immense insect, its body hidden under a glimmering carapace and supported by countless thousands of legs. For a moment she imagined it moving all at once, but how would it move or change? "Just you stay where you are," she told it with a nervous giggle at herself.
The children snuggled against her legs while she sat on the front-room sofa and read
The Lady Of The Heights
aloud. Ben had joked about writing a version Alice Carroll would find acceptable, but it seemed to Ellen that he'd forgotten he had been joking; the more she read, the more the book read like a handbook for young climbers, a collection of do's and mostly don'ts rather thinly disguised as fiction. As for the spirit who saved climbers lost on the heights, she never quite came to life, and each reappearance of her made Ellen feel sadder. "And they lived happily for a while," she read at last, the spirit having fallen in love with a mortal and set up house with him where they could keep an eye on inexperienced climbers. She let the last page fall face down beside her on the sofa. "Is that the end?" Johnny said.
"Shouldn't it be?"
"S'pose so," Johnny said, clearly dissatisfied.
"So what did you think of the rest of it?"
"Good," Johnny said, so automatically that he contradicted himself.
"I don't think it'll mean as much to anyone but us," Margaret said.
That seemed so perceptive it stayed in Ellen's mind after she had put the children to bed. Rather than feel cold and lonely at the workroom desk she took the typescript to the dining-table and read through it again. Before long she found herself visualising the lady of the heights: eyes grey and bright as sunlit slate, pale skin smooth as untrodden snow, a long dress which looked intricately woven out of heather but which didn't hinder her barefoot climbing. She thought of sketching the images, but scribbled them down instead for Ben to consider, together with a few ideas for bringing the character alive in prose. That done, she felt ready for bed.