Midnight Surrender (Freedom Fighters Series Book 2) (19 page)

Mal awakened in the tent early. Although it was pleasant in temperature, dry, and fairly comfortable, he was unable to find rest. He tossed and turned. He woke frequently. His mind and spirit were somewhere else, longing to feel the embrace and soft skin of the one he loved.

Lizzie.

He missed her, missed sleeping next to her, missed the soft way she sighed in her sleep, missed the way she would reach for him when she was afraid or needed his touch, and the way her long hair would wrap around him and end up in his face.

Hell, he even missed the cute way she would cover her mouth like she had bad morning breath. Which she did not.

One arm behind his head, he rolled until he faced the front door of the bungalow. Right now, at this moment, there was nothing he wanted more than to run to her. Just once he wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her thoroughly, to undress her slowly, to cover every inch of her body in sweet kisses until she moaned her pleasure, and then make love to her, not as a man in need, but as a man lovingly devoted to her in every way.

He rose slowly, planning to surprise her with breakfast and to be there when Benjamin awakened. Thinking of the little guy made him grin. It always did. He was walking more steadily now and saying more words. Such an adorable and sweet child. Mal loved him like he was his own son. His heart could not help the strong feelings he had. Time and close proximity had deepened his connection to both mother and child.

Outside of the bungalow he reached for the handle of the screen door when the sound of voices made him pause. Frowning he listened for a moment. Lizzie was talking to someone. A man.

Damn.

Alec was home.

He spun on his heel, suddenly frustrated and angry, the peace he felt only seconds ago diminishing so fast he nearly yelled. Heading toward the lake he grabbed a pole and his gear and strode toward the only place that might grant him solitude.

A string of expletives went off in his head. Always too little, too late. Always one step behind. Always just a little short of the goal.

What was he thinking? Did he really believe it was going to change? Did he really think that Lizzie would choose him? That she would give up Alec and the father of her children?

He was delusional.

It was never going to happen. The sooner he accepted that fact, the happier he would be.

Even as he sought to convince himself of the futility of his actions, his heart hammered home the truth. He loved Lizzie. Loved her with his whole heart. Loved her with every breath in his body. Loved her the way two souls attach to each other and never let go.

She told him at the bunker. Lizzie said they were soul mates. They were. And always would be.

How did he reconcile the truth in his heart when he knew she was in love with him too? How did he continue to stay at a distance, to watch her from afar, and never have the luxury of having Lizzie as his own? Mal wasn’t sure if he could do that anymore. It was becoming too much.

Hours later he had not reached any conclusion. His thoughts were chaotic and jumbled, torn between the truth and the reality that was becoming more apparent with every passing minute.

Mal was going to leave. He would have no other choice. Time was speeding him closer and faster to the inevitable conclusion. He clenched his jaw, yanking on the line and reeling it back in.

Footsteps behind him drew his attention. He knew who it was, long before Alec’s voice ever reached him.

“Hey Mal,” Alec greeted him, approaching him with caution.

He mumbled a reply.

“Catch anything yet?”

He shook his head.

“Maybe you should try a different bait. Sometimes that helps,” Alec observed.

He tossed the pole on the ground and turned to him.

“Why the hell are you even here? Why do you bother Alec if you are only going to be leaving your wife and son again?” Mal was angry, frustrated, and ready to punch something. Preferably Alec at the moment.

For a few seconds Alec only stared at him, then a frown appeared on his face.

“Why are you so worried about
my wife
? Can’t you find a woman on your own?” Alec was as angry as he was.

Mal stared him down, refusing to acknowledge his words. “Why did you leave her without making sure she was alright? How could you walk away before she awakened?”

Alec had the decency to look ashamed. Good. He
should
feel like shit about it.

“I fail to see how any of this is your concern,” he finally replied.

Really? “Well, how about this for a reason. I’m the one that has stood by her side and protected her as well as your son, for the last six months, without so much as a thank you on your part. And I saved both of their lives when the bombers nearly killed us,” he was seething in anger, his voice so low it was almost a growl, “so, yes,
it is my concern
Alec.”

He seemed to have struck a nerve. Alec took a few steps until they were only a foot apart.

“Why don’t you tell me what you are really implying Mal?” His hands were clenched at his sides but Mal knew he may raise them at any moment.

Mal was a boxer, with more than his fair share of hours in the ring, so this posturing meant nothing to him. He could defend himself if needed and kick Alec’s ass if he wanted. Right at this moment it was more than appealing.

“You bedded and left her when she needed you the most. You refused to stand by her side in that hospital when she needed you the most. And now you’re going to leave her
again
, right when she needs you. I’m not implying anything. I’m saying it. You’re abandoning her and your children,” Mal grit his teeth, “you’re worthless.”

Alec shook with fury. “What did you just say?”

Mal smiled. “You. Are. Worthless.”

Alec shoved Mal in the chest, sending him flying several feet back. It did nothing but move him really, hardly even knocked him off balance, but it was enough to inflame his ire. He took his fight stance, prepared to teach Alec a lesson. One he had needed for quite some time.

Mal let him throw the first punch. Alec was angry enough that was not an issue. He approached Mal, landing a right hook on his lower jaw. Not bad, he thought grudgingly, but not great either. He jabbed at Alec several times, old south paw that he was, splitting his lip and knocking him off balance with that left hook. Alec doubled over, shaking his head, and stood up.

“I’ll never win this fight,” he admitted, “and it’s not what I wanted anyway.”

He wiped the blood from his mouth and spit, staining the dirt crimson.

Mal straightened. “Me either.” Fighting Alec was not the solution. It felt good, but hell, it was not going to solve a damn thing.

“What I really wanted to say, wanted to ask…is if you thought you could lead the freedom fighters,” he saw Mal’s look of surprise and continued, “I think you would be amazing.”

Mal’s eyes narrowed. Yes, and conveniently gone from Lizzie’s side. Was that the plan? To get rid of him? To separate them permanently? He refused to do that. No way.

“It’s not going to be that easy to get rid of me.”

Alec looked angry again. “Is that what you think? That I only seek to remove you and keep you from Lizzie?”

“Yes and no. I think it crossed your mind,” Mal told him truthfully.

He must have been correct because Alec did not refute it. “I really thought you would be an excellent leader.”

“I’m not going anywhere, not unless she asks me or tells me to, and you and I both know that is not going to happen,” he looked right into his eyes and smiled, “and I’m not going to lead the freedom fighters either. That’s your call, not mine.”

Alec ran his hand through his hair, clearly frustrated. “I see.”

“Get used to it Alec. She loves me and I’m as important as you are.”

Alec took a step forward, thought better of it, and walked away. Mal let him go, knowing he was neither a coward nor a fool. It took guts to walk away just now, especially when Mal had goaded him, more than a little. But he had also spoken the truth and Alec needed to hear it.

He gathered up his pole and fishing equipment and trudged back up to his tent. Alec was talking with Sam, Lizzie watching from the screen door. She seemed sad, worried, and confused by his demeanor.

“Mal,” she called, “come talk to me for a minute.”

Ah, so she figured out they had a discussion. “Coming,” he answered.

He entered the bungalow and leaned against the door jamb.

“What happened? What is he so upset about?” She demanded, not angry, just curious.

“More than I can get into at the moment.”

She arched a brow. “Are you refusing to tell me?”

Dammit. “No, Lizzie, I am not. Alec asked me to become the leader of the refugees.”

She paled. “What?”

“Yes,” he pushed off the door and walked closer to her, “he did.”

“Why?”

“Why do you think?” He asked, slightly sarcastic.

“So he can stay here? Permanently?”

Of course that would be her first thought. Not that Mal would leave but that Alec would stay. His heart wrenched painfully in his chest. A brutal and acute pain that caused him to realize the error of his continued presence.

Mal decided at that moment to leave. It was true that leading the Freedom Fighters was not his calling or his desire. But he had to go, had to leave before he became an even bigger fool. The only way he would stay was if she begged him and gave him a reason.

Mal needed Lizzie to make the ultimate choice, even if he had to force her to do it.

“I’m leaving Lizzie,” Mal told her, watching her face closely.

“Leaving?” She repeated, confusion on her beautiful face.

He nodded. “Yes, there is no point in staying any longer.”

“Forever?” She asked, her voice small.

“Forever,” he confirmed, and turned to walk away.

Lizzie’s hand shot out and grabbed his arm. “Why?”

“You know why. Don’t pretend that you don’t,” he told her curtly.

Why was she asking so many questions? The answers did not matter. He was still leaving.

“I really don’t understand Mal. You promised to stay.”

He ignored the promise part. He had promised and he was going to break that promise, for both of their hearts and sanity, he had to.

“It’s simple really. You are married to Alec and I have to leave,” he replied bitterly.

Anger crept into her eyes. “You never left before. Why is it different now?”

Damn her logic. Just let him go already. He twisted his arm free and took another few steps away.

“Mal! Why dammit? Tell me!” She cried, panic in her voice.

She was afraid of losing him. He knew it but she would never admit it.

He turned around abruptly and walked right up to her, staring into those big brown eyes, backing her into the kitchen counter. Hot throbbing need pulsed in his belly. The temptation to pick her up, place her on that countertop, and make love to her filled his head until all he wanted to do was make her forget the reasons that kept them apart.

The tension in the room stretched between them. An electric current that vibrated in the air, sizzling, humming, but held back, ready to explode at a moment’s notice. His fingers twitched with the effort to hold himself in check. He only wanted to feel the softness of her lips pressed against his own…

No, not like this.

“Because you can’t make love to your husband and fuck me at the same time.” His voice was harsh, anger and hurt building into something more than he could stand.

Shock made her gasp and she hit him in the chest, a sob rising to her throat.

“Why? Why would you say something like that to me?” She cried, tears falling down her flushed cheeks.

“Because it’s true,” he stated coldly.

She shook her head. “No, it isn’t.”

She was never going to admit that either but she wanted him as much as he wanted her. It left them without a choice. If he stayed he would make love to her and it would ruin any chance he had with her at all. She would never forgive herself. No, she had to choose Mal. It was the only way.

“I’m leaving Lizzie. I can’t do this anymore.”

“Why now?”

“It’s too hard,” he whispered.

She shook her head. “It doesn’t have to be.”

Did she really not understand? Or was she refusing to see how close they both were to the edge? If either one of them fell, they would take them both down. He could not let that happen. She must choose and end the agony of his torment.

“There is no other choice,” he told her, waiting for her reaction.

She did not disappoint. “No Mal. You can’t. There’s always a choice.”

He laughed bitterly. “What choice is there for me?”

She opened her mouth to answer and none came. This was where they always got stuck, where he knew he had her.