Midnight Under the Mistletoe (14 page)

“Yes, I will,” she said, hurting, even though she had known
this time was approaching.

“I’ll be in touch with you,” he said. Glancing over his
shoulder, he shifted away to stand and put another log on the fire. He returned
to pull her close against him, warm body against warm body as he wrapped his
legs with hers.

He combed her long hair away from her face with his fingers.
Tingles followed each stroke and she could feel their hearts beating
together.

“This is paradise, Emma.”

How she longed to hear him say words of love. Common sense told
her that would not happen, but wishes and dreams came with his strong arms
holding her and his light kisses making her feel loved.

All were illusions that would disappear with the morning sun.
For now she could pretend, wish, hope, give herself to fantasies that normally
she wouldn’t entertain for a minute.

She kissed him lightly in return.

The fire crackled and burned, causing dancing dark shadows and
bathing Zach’s body in orange.

“You’re very quiet,” he said.

“I’m savoring the moment.”

“I’m savoring holding you close. Sometime tonight we’ll get in
a bed, but not yet.”

Eventually, they gathered their clothing and each went to
shower. They put away the dinner Rosie had cooked and made sandwiches to eat in
front of the fire and sat and talked until Zach stood and took her hand.

“Let’s go upstairs and I’ll build a fire in my room. I can do
stairs now with ease.” He placed his arm across her shoulders as they climbed
the stairs, leading her down the hall to his suite of rooms where he took her
into his arms to kiss her.

* * *

Wednesday, she gave all her time to the letters. Zach’s
work had dwindled as Christmas approached, so since Thanksgiving she had devoted
her time to trying to get through as many of the letters and memorabilia as she
could.

She hoped someone else in the Delaney family wanted the letters
because the few she had read to Zach and the ones he had read himself had not
changed his feelings about them. He always sent them to the discard pile.

By Friday, the tension from being constantly around him—loving
him, but not able to make him truly hers—was greater than ever. Today would
change everything. Today she would return to Dallas, to her life before meeting
Zach. Even though he had talked about seeing her after Christmas, she didn’t
expect to see Zach again.

Early that morning Rosie cooked while Emma ate breakfast.
Halfway through breakfast, Emma felt sick and dashed to the bathroom. When she
returned, she carried what was left of her breakfast back to the kitchen.

“Rosie, I can’t eat any more. I felt sick and now food doesn’t
look good.”

Rosie turned to study her while she dried her hands and took
the dishes from Emma. “You were sick yesterday morning.”

Emma looked at Rosie and met a speculative gaze. “My period is
late,” Emma said, confessing what had been worrying her each day. “I shouldn’t
be sick no matter what, but I am.”

“Bless your heart,” Rosie said, hugging Emma lightly. Emma
stood immobile, stunned. Fear had blossomed earlier over a week ago. She had
pushed away the nagging worry, telling herself it was her imagination. But it
was too many days now for it to be her imagination. Two days in a row, she had
been sick during breakfast and then it was gone.

“Rosie, I have two married sisters and a sister-in-law. They
all have babies. I’ve seen both my sisters have morning sickness.” Emma felt
chilled and trembled. “Rosie, this wasn’t in my plans.”

“You don’t know for certain, do you?”

“No. I’ll get a pregnancy test this weekend when I go to
Dallas. I already have a doctor’s appointment for next week.”

Rosie placed her hands on her hips while she faced Emma. “Then
don’t start worrying now. The stomach upset might be something you ate and your
period could start tomorrow. How late are you?”

“A week now.”

Emma rolled her eyes. “That’s not enough to give you a worry. A
few days is nothing. Wait a few weeks.”

Emma nodded, but she was not reassured. “I’m extremely on time
almost to the hour, so this is unique.” Suddenly, to the depths, she was certain
she was pregnant with Zach’s baby. Her head swam and for an instant she felt
light-headed. She reached out to grasp the kitchen counter to steady herself.
Rosie’s hand closed on her arm.

“Are you all right?”

Rosie’s expression showed concern that threatened panic.
“Rosie, promise me—please don’t say anything yet until I know for sure.”

“I would never. Don’t give it another worry. That’s not my
business and I don’t interfere in something like this. I’ll not say anything.”
Rosie’s brow furrowed and her eyes were filled with concern.

“I don’t panic over things, but I feel panicky over this. I
feel so out of control.”

“Wait until you’ve seen a doctor and know absolutely,” Rosie
said, but her voice held only solicitude.

“This wasn’t supposed to happen,” Emma whispered, more to
herself than Rosie.

“Some things are just out of our hands,” Rosie declared. “Go
back to your room and lie down if you need to.” She took Emma’s icy hand in her
soft, warm hands, briefly and then released her. “You have a big, loving family.
They’ll take care of you and a little one.”

A little one.
Emma shook and
clenched her hands. Rosie hadn’t said a word about Zach being helpful. Was this
going to be a huge shock—and an unpleasant one for him? Would it be a
responsibility he didn’t want? He had talked about how unprepared Will had been
for Caroline. On the other hand, Zach seemed to truly care for Caroline and he
had been a wreck when they couldn’t find her. Of all men on earth— “I’m going to
my room if he comes asking for me,” she said, suddenly wanting to get behind
closed doors and adjust to what was happening before she faced another person.
“This is my last day. He doesn’t need to know until I’m sure.”

“I promise. You have your secret,” Rosie said, nodding and
going back to doing dishes.

Emma hurried out and raced out of sight, rushing to her room
where she crossed the room to place her hands on her flat middle. “I can’t be,”
she whispered.

In her dressing room she studied herself in the mirror, turning
first one way and another. She had watched two sisters and a sister-in-law go
through pregnancies. She looked in the mirror, running her hands over her flat
stomach. There were no single mothers in her family.

Zach. How could she ever tell a man who wouldn’t even spend
Christmas with his family that he was about to become a father?

Eight

S
he was staring at her stomach in the
dressing room of her suite when her stomach rolled and she ran for the bathroom.
She was sick again and this time she knew it was partly with worry.

She thought of her brother, Connor. Connor was strong-willed,
the take-charge oldest sibling, a total alpha male who would want to make Zach
marry her. He wouldn’t want to marry or he already would have talked about it.
Zach would rebel and probably disappear to another country.

She shook again, chilled on the warm day. She ran a cold cloth
over her face and went back to sit, knotting her fists and trying to think what
to do, praying she was wrong.

She could leave, slip out without Zach even knowing and then
say goodbye with a call from Dallas.

Too many things were so wrong. She had just tossed her future
into uncertainty and chaos. Why had she ever stayed and worked for him? Why had
she made love with him? Fallen in love with him when she had known it would be
disastrous and hopeless? Why hadn’t the protection worked?

The Dallas job would go, too. If she stayed there, word would
get right back to him. Just quit the company and go somewhere else, she told
herself. By the time she was ready to tell Zach, he would probably be halfway
around the world, far from Texas and from her. Soon she would be only a memory
to him.

Standing in front of the mirror, she inspected her figure. She
could get through Christmas without anyone knowing. Common sense said to stop
worrying until she was certain, but that was impossible. All her positive
reactions to past upheavals were gone now. She couldn’t hold the same cheerful
certainty for herself and she needed to get a grip. This worry was not like her
and there was a bright side. If she could just focus on the baby and try to
avoid thinking about Zach. A total impossibility.

In her heart, there were no doubts. Because of their loving,
she would become the mother of a Delaney. It seemed likely that Zach would help
support his child, but that was all. A man whose heart was already given to
traveling and his job would never be tied down by a family.

Feeling an ache of worry increasing, she rubbed her neck. Mary
Kate was her closest sibling and she could tell her. The thought of Mary Kate’s
support lifted Emma’s spirits slightly. Her sister would be a staunch ally and
Emma was certain she could always count on her mother’s acceptance. If she could
just keep Connor from doing something wild like wanting to punch out Zach.

She remembered Will and Ava and Caroline and the love that
shone between Will and Ava, plus their eagerness when they had announced a baby
on the way. Emma hurt, her insides twisting into a knot while tears threatened.
She wouldn’t have that shared joy and love. This wasn’t the way she had always
dreamed about having a family. The love she had wished for was what she had
witnessed between Will and Ava.

Emma wiped her eyes and got up, walking restlessly, wishing she
could undo what had been done. She had no one to blame but herself. How she
wished she could back up and relive her life.

Then Emma thought about the baby and put her hand protectively
on her stomach.
Her
baby. Her family would be
shocked, upset, angry, probably even with her, but when the baby arrived, they
would all accept and love the tyke.

This baby would fit into her family and they would shower the
baby and her with love. Her brothers would be dads for the baby. Her child would
not come into the world unloved or unwanted.

She stretched on the bed, staring into space while her mind
raced over problems and solutions.

The first hurdle was to get through today with Zach. She was
already packed, ready to go home. How was she going to be able to tell Zach
goodbye?

An hour later she went down to work. Zach sat stretched out,
his feet on a window ledge while he talked on the phone. She sat at her desk,
unable to work, looking at him and thinking about the future.

She could tell he was getting ready to end the call, so she
returned to the box of letters where she had spent all of her time lately.

As she picked up a letter something rattled inside the
envelope. Turning the envelope over, she shook it. A golden heart locket on a
chain fell into her palm. Glittering brightly in the center of the heart was a
brilliant green stone.

She withdrew the fragile letter and read, looking up to
interrupt Zach. “Listen to this letter: ‘…this was my grandmother’s locket with
my great-grandmother’s and my great-grandparents’ pictures. I want you to have
it because it should remain in the family to be passed to each generation.’ This
letter is signed by your great-grandfather, so this locket must be incredibly
old if it belonged to his grandmother.” Pausing, she put aside the letter. “Look
at this beautiful locket. There are two tiny paintings inside with pictures, I
suppose, of two more Delaneys, an even more distant generation.” She carried the
locket across the office to hand it to Zach.

Standing, he took the locket to turn it in his hand and inspect
it.

Finally he looked up and held it out. “Emma, you take this. I
want you to have it.”

“Zach, I can’t do that! You have a family and some of your
relatives may want it. You should keep that jewelry. It’s an heirloom and your
great-grandfather wanted it to stay in the Delaney family.”

“You said you feel as if you are part of the Delaneys when you
read those old letters. I want you to have it as a bonus for your work and to
give you a tangible memory of all this history you waded through. Here,” he
said, taking it from her and stepping behind her to fasten it around her
neck.

“I really think you should keep this in your family,” she said
and then realized part of her would become part of his family. She placed her
fist protectively against her stomach.

“I want you to have it,” he insisted, taking her shoulders to
turn her to face him as he judged how it looked on her. “It is pretty,” he
added, his voice deepening while it thickened with desire. He looked into her
eyes. She met his blue ones, her heart beating faster. She wanted his strong
arms around her. She wanted to hold him while she kissed him. As if he could
read her thoughts, he drew her to him and placed his mouth on hers.

Her heart slammed against her ribs. Zach pulled her close,
holding her tightly while he kissed her hard and possessively.

Her pounding heart should indicate her feelings as she held him
tightly in return. She let go all restraint, kissing him, her deepest love, the
father of her baby. And she was certain she was pregnant. How she wished she
didn’t ever have to tell him.

“Zach,” she said, on the verge of saying she would miss him.
“Thank you for the necklace. Your brothers and your half sister may not be happy
with you for giving away this heirloom.”

“My brothers would definitely want you to have it. Sophia, I
don’t know. I want you to have it. Actually, I don’t think I’m making you much
of a gift except I suspect you think so.”

She looked at the locket in her hand and got a knot in her
throat as emotions choked her. “I do think so,” she whispered, knowing it would
go to a Delaney heir.

Zach put his finger beneath her chin to raise her face.
Embarrassed because she couldn’t hide her emotional reaction, she stood on
tiptoe and kissed him quickly.

As their kiss became passionate, her emotions shifted. When she
ended their kiss, they both were breathless and she suspected Zach had forgotten
about her reaction to the locket.

“I’m going to miss you, Emma.”

“You can still come spend Christmas with us,” she said, certain
of his answer.

He smiled. “Thanks, but I’ve already made arrangements. I’ll be
at an Italian villa I inherited. Dad always referred to it as his ‘summer
home.’”

His answer stung and made her leaving a reality. Yet it was for
the best because now her emotions were on a rocky edge. They needed to part even
though she felt as if her heart were breaking.

She placed her hand against his cheek. “I’ll think about you on
Christmas in your Italian villa.”

“You are probably the one person in the entire world who feels
sorry for me spending Christmas that way,” he said, smiling at her.

“I know what you’re missing.”

“We can both say that. You could come with me and let me show
you that Italian villa and see how you like spending Christmas in Italy. Live a
little, you have next Christmas with your family.”

“Thank you, but I’ll stay in Texas and you go to Italy. Zach,
you get along with your family—your brothers and Caroline mean a lot to you.
Realize what a treasure they are. Love and enjoy them. I think you shut yourself
off in defense when you were hurt as a child. You have a wonderful family and
your ancestors are fascinating. Don’t sell them short. Try a Christmas with Will
and family sometime, get Ryan, Sophia and Garrett there, too.”

“You are a dreamer and a romantic,” he said patiently. “I will
enjoy my Italian villa immensely. It will be sunny, beautiful with no crowds, no
schedules. You really should try it.”

She shook her head. “Thank you. We’ll each go where our hearts
are, only I think yours is there out of an old habit more than because you
really enjoy it.”

“I suppose I never stopped to think about it.”

She stepped away and glanced at her watch. “I need to get on
the road now. The job has been wonderful.” She tried to hold back tears as she
stood on tiptoe to kiss him.

He held her tightly, kissing her fiercely. Finally, he paused.
“You can stay this weekend if you want.”

“I have plans in Dallas,” she said, knowing it would be
heartbreaking to spend the weekend and go through this last day again.

She stepped out of his embrace. It was time to go. She’d
already said her goodbyes to Rosie and Nigel, and Nigel had already placed her
things in her car.

Zach headed out with her, reaching around her to open the car
door.

“You’ll hear from me,” he said.

“Maybe I’ll see you at headquarters someday,” she replied
lightly, sliding behind the wheel. Closing the door, he stepped back and she
started the car. As she waved and drove away, she glanced in the rearview mirror
to see him standing in the drive, watching her.

She would tell her mother and sisters she had been invited to
Zach’s Italian villa. Connor didn’t need to hear about it. An Italian villa
sounded like paradise, but not at Christmas. That was definitely family
time.

Family time. Worry and heartbreak stung. She couldn’t keep from
crying until she thought about the baby and making plans. How and when would she
tell her family? She’d wait until after Christmas because she had no idea how
they would receive the news.

Zach had seemed good with Caroline and interested in her. How
would he be with his own child? He had told her how they had struggled to get
Sophia into the family and how much they wanted to know her. Surely, if he
wanted to know his half sister, he would want to know his child.

The first thing was to get a pregnancy test kit. If she wasn’t
pregnant, then all these worries would seem ridiculous.

Pregnant—it was a shock she couldn’t absorb. It was so totally
unexpected because they had always used protection. Something she had never
thought would happen to her until after she was married. She had always looked
forward to her own family, but in her mind, it had included a husband who was an
active family man. A reassuring thought now was the knowledge she would never be
alone raising this baby because her family would all participate. Clinging to
that, she tried to ignore the steady hurt squeezing her heart.

Christmas with a baby on the way. Would she have to give up
college and her hope of teaching? Christmas had always been filled with magic
for her, the best time of the year, and this Christmas would be so different.
She would have to be responsible for someone else. It was an awesome task. She
would get a present for her baby this week. And think of baby names. Her baby
would not have the Delaney name. Another Hillman.

She missed Zach. As mismatched as they were, she liked being
with him. He had been easy to work for. When she decided what and how she would
tell him about the baby, she would get in touch with him. In the meantime, this
break was as inevitable as it was necessary.

She fingered the locket around her neck. She thought it was a
beautiful heirloom and she would take very good care of it. It would go into
safekeeping for her baby soon.

She hoped Will prevailed on Zach to keep the letters. It would
be sad to see them destroyed. Since she would be mother of a Delaney, if they
decided to shred the letters, she intended to ask Zach for them.

She missed Zach badly and each mile between them increased her
longing to be with him. She could have prolonged the separation, but there was
no point and her emotions were on a raw edge. In a few hours she would be home
and her family would keep her busy enough that the pain over parting with Zach
should be alleviated.

* * *

By Monday, Zach missed Emma more than he had thought
possible. He was planning to leave for Italy on Tuesday, but he had lost his
enthusiasm for the trip. Should he do something else this Christmas? That was
Emma’s influence. He recalled times as a child that he had wanted to be with his
family, but then he and his brothers had been left at their schools for the
holidays. Eating at the home of an indifferent headmaster had never been fun and
Zach began to count only on his own company. He would be happy in Italy once he
was there.

Earlier that morning Will had called his brothers and Sophia,
and the entire family was coming for lunch today to bring their Christmas
presents to him, so he was having a little Christmas celebration with his
family. Emma would have been relieved to hear it, but now she was wrapped up in
her own family’s activities. When he first was injured, Zach had given his
secretary at headquarters a list of gifts to purchase for each member of his
family. They’d been wrapped and delivered to the ranch.