Miller, Raine - The Undoing of a Libertine (Siren Publishing Classic) (12 page)

Carrying her over to the chaise, he laid her down carefully, supporting her neck. He poured water from the pitcher and wet his handkerchief to press against her cheeks and forehead. Her skin looked pale, and she felt thinner to him. She hadn’t weighed enough when he’d lifted her. Please don’t let her be ill, he prayed, feeling himself break into a sweat. He should have never accepted her refusal last time, should have been with her all these weeks.

An errant thought popped into his mind that she looked just like Sleeping Beauty from the fairy tale. Caressing her face, he said, “Wake up, Sleeping Beauty. Georgina, please wake up!” He shook her a little, still calling her name before he couldn’t wait another second. Cupping both sides of her face, he tilted her so he could reach her mouth and brought his own down close. Jeremy’s lips met Georgina’s lips. Velvety. Warm. So sweet.

Time stopped dead, or maybe he’d just died and gone to heaven. He was kissing an angel, and he could smell roses. The touch of her breath brushed into him, the taste of her infused his blood with incredible need. Cradled in his hands, he kissed her over and over. And for a beautiful instant, all was well in the world. It truly felt like it because she opened her eyes just then and spoke to him.

“Is it really you?” Her voice sounded deep and a little rough.

“You fainted,” he said, stupidly. “I kissed you, and you woke up. Are you well?” he croaked, feeling like he might need to lie down himself.

“I—I thought you were going to be—” She shook her head as if to clear it. “I never thought you’d come back here, or want me.”

“I can’t do anything else, and I don’t care about—what has happened in the past, other than you being hurt by it. I
do
want you. I want you, Georgina. Marry me. Be with me.”

Pulling back, he bore his eyes into her, willing her to agree. He watched her amber eyes turn sparkly with tears.

He could resolve himself to begging if he had to. He’d made her cry. “Please?” Bringing his forehead down to rest against hers, his arms wrapped around her back, pulling her close. “Marry me.”

“But why—” She struggled to sit up.

He helped her up to sitting. “No buts! I don’t want to
talk about—”

She stopped him with her fingers pressing down on his lips. “Jeremy, you deserve someone better than I. Someone who can be a true wife and love you in a way I probably cannot.”

He kissed those sweet fingertips before replying. “Better? Better than you? There is no one better! And you don’t have to love me. You just have to put up with me. I’m not very lovable anyway, I don’t think.”
Now that’s an encouraging thing to say to the girl of your dreams. You are such a profound arse!

He took her hand in his and pressed it against his cheek. “I s’pose I’m an idiot for saying such a thing to you. Asking a girl to marry you and then telling her you’re not lovable and won’t she please just say ‘yes’ anyway. It doesn’t really bolster my chances that you’ll accept me, does it? But I am a supreme idiot. I find that has been a common theme whenever I try to talk to you.”

Georgina frowned at him, the space between her eyebrows crinkling. “You’re no idiot, Jeremy.” She shook her head slowly, still with great somberness. “And why do you say you are not lovable?”

“Well, I am selfish and self-indulgent. I have not practiced much restraint in my life, and I am bound to slip up sooner or later. But I am willing to take that chance, and if I have you to help me, Georgina, I am sure I could be a better man than I have been.”

“Your assessment of yourself is an interesting one. I have not seen you behave selfishly or act indulgent ever. As for your lovability, I’m sure you’re wrong there, too, Jeremy.” Her eyes drifted to the side.

“I’d like very much to be wrong about that one,” he told her.

“And so you have come back,” she said.

Georgina moved her fingertips ever so slowly along his jaw, and it took all of his strength to keep still and not devour her with kisses. He wanted to kiss her again. He wanted her safely married to him and in bed where he could kiss her senseless and make love to her for hours and hours.

“As if I have a choice, Georgina. You have wound me into knots. I am so entangled in thoughts of you I could not find my way out if ever I desired.”

“Then why did you leave before?” She dropped her hand and her voice changed. She lifted her chin a bit, her eyes sparking. “You left right after Tom told you what happened to me. You didn’t want me then.”

Jeremy knew shame for his actions before. Georgina was no shrinking violet. Her memory worked just fine. She had not forgotten how he’d run out the night she’d told him.

“I am so profoundly sorry for leaving you then. I made the worst decision—I was a fool, I know. But you’re wrong. I did want you. Have always wanted you. My wanting you was never in question.” He swallowed deeply. “I was afraid—” Jeremy stopped himself and shook his head once. “No. I’ll not say another word until you agree to have me,” he said, feeling his jaw harden.

“Afraid of what, Jeremy?”

“You might not have me if you know the reason. You’ve been traumatized and much harm has been done you.” He reached forward and touched a fingertip to the scar beside her eye. “He did this to you.” He worded it as a statement, needing no confirmation. He knew the scar came from her attack.

Georgina’s eyes flickered away again, but she nodded her head, yes. Her throat pulsed as she swallowed. And he realized something else about her. She felt shame at what had been done to her.
It’s not your fault, sweet Georgina.
It killed Jeremy to know she suffered still, and he wanted nothing more than to erase it from her mind.

“And every time you see the mark, you will remember what was done.” Her voice trembled. “I cannot bear that, Jeremy.”

“No, Georgina.” He pressed his lips to the scar. “I will not. When I see it I will be reminded of your bravery, and be so grateful that you survived such a thing. No shame in that, sweet Georgina. None of what happened to you was your fault.”

“Jeremy, it is my visible scar, but I fear there are more, worse ones in here—” She clutched at her heart. “And here as well.” She touched her forehead.

“Then let me be the one to help you put them away. Let me comfort and protect you. I want to so badly. And none of what happened in your past alters my affection for you. Know that, Georgina. My affections for you are unchanging in spite of that knowledge. I only wish to keep you from hurt.”

“Then why did you leave before, Jeremy?” she fired back.

Georgina wasn’t going to take him without an explanation. He realized she was demanding to hear the “why” behind his hasty departure of a month ago. And he was going to have to tell her.
Damn me.

“You
will
promise to marry me first. I can be stubborn, too!” Jeremy declared, supposing he might as well go in up to his neck. He set his jaw and leaned forward quickly, figuring if he had to impel her, he would use every wile he could muster to further his cause. He took her sweet lips again and not very gently this time. This time he gave her a kiss of claiming.

Rapture, pure and simple, was all he felt. That hot jolt at his groin fired right up the second he touched her mouth. His lips moved over her softer ones, and he nudged with just the tip of his tongue, trying to get inside her, if even in only a very small way.

Her lips parted to let him in, and when his tongue met her lips he didn’t know how he’d ever be able to stop. The firm exploration of her lips dragged on, for he was unable to pull back. She melted right into him, taking his tongue in, letting him know her.

Georgina was made for kissing, for loving. If he could just get her to accept him, he could make it right with her. He knew he could.

Jeremy had gone over and over his position in his mind the whole way here. Yes, there were hurdles to cross, but he didn’t see any other option for them. He wanted Georgina. He had to have her now. Protecting her from Pellton and his nephew wasn’t even in question anymore. Georgina was going to marry him and be safeguarded from those depraved monsters. They’d never get within shouting distance of his wife ever again. Jeremy could make that much happen at least.

He kept telling himself he could be patient with her. He could be so gentle and careful Georgina would be eased into bearing all that dutiful, heir-producing shagging. Lots and lots of shagging. An area in which he excelled. He could be a gentle lover for her. He could be that man.

Jeremy kept his mouth close to her lips. “Georgina Russell, you will not deny this sentiment between us. I know you feel it, too. I know, because you would not let me kiss you like this if you didn’t feel something. I don’t want to live regretting you for the rest of my life. You are the woman I want. Honor me. Be my wife and belong to me. Let me care for you. It is all that I want—to take care of you. I want you for the mother of my children—our children that will be cherished and beautiful.”

She held his gaze for a long time. Such a solemn expression she wore, telling of ancient wisdoms and womanly secrets as she sized up his offer, like she was peering into the future.

“You have to trust me,” he coaxed. “I want you, Georgina. The past is only that—behind us—over and done with. We can start a new life and forget about what came before. Don’t be afraid to trust me.”

She blinked slowly and then said the words he most wanted to hear. “All right, Jeremy. I will marry you.”

His mouth went forward again, a celebration of sorts—another kiss. A kiss to seal their bargain. This time he was just a bit more demanding of her than before.

Her lips parted and took in his tongue. He swirled it over the perfect smoothness of the inside of her sweet lips. He nibbled on her lower lip, grazing with just the lightest touch of teeth, thinking he could kiss her for hours. If she stayed soft like this, he could. She let him in so sweetly, and her scent stirred him in a remarkably familiar way, but he couldn’t understand how. Like he could lose himself to abandon but understanding that she controlled him utterly.

She pulled back, flushed and glowing. Taking a deep breath, she commanded, “Now you’ll tell me. You gave your word. Why did you leave before? I have to know the reason.” Her breath was a little heavy and got that husky sound he adored.

A glimpse of the spark of her fiery spirit returned as she eyed him. He loved when she was feisty, loved her strength and independence.

“Georgina, it was because I was afraid you’d be unable to bear my—my touch—the touch of any man because of what happened to you. And you would have to bear my touching you.” He lowered his voice to a whisper and spoke gently. “For I must get an heir. Ours must be a real marriage…in every way.”

She didn’t say anything, just looked at him with those serious, amber eyes.

“You know, when I take you to bed, and we are together as a man and a woman,” he prompted, knowing she must hear the truth.

“I—I understand. I know what you mean, and I am still afraid of just that.” She blushed but didn’t look away.

He watched her golden eyes get sparkly again. God, she had such bravery in her! It must be very hard to speak of this with him, but she did it with such genuine dignity, he was humbled.

Coming in very close, he gave a gentle kiss right below her left eye, atop her scar. He kept his lips near and spoke the rest. “But I was miserable when I left, and without any hope of you. I—I will never hurt you like that. I’ll be so very careful when we are together. I know it’ll be all right. It’ll be something good between us.” He kissed below her right eye. “If the way you let me kiss you is any indication, I think we’ve got nothing to worry about.”

“What if I cannot—” Georgina touched his lips a second time, probably to make him focus on her words, but she needn’t have worried for he was taking in every word and gesture. Jeremy couldn’t get enough of her and probably wouldn’t ever get enough, rejoicing in simply being close to her and knowing he could protect her and keep her safe.

“You can,” he assured, unable to refrain from kissing her fingertips, nibbling and pulling them partway into his mouth. She tasted divine to him. “I
know
you can.”