Mindfulness (3 page)

We all like to think that we are open to new ideas and ways of doing things. Certainly, mindfulness and living in the moment is remarkably easy; the hard part is keeping it up over time. Why? Because it's easy to slip back into old ways of thinking and behaving.

To be more mindful, you first need to recognize unhelpful ways of thinking.

I teach academic study skills at the University of Sussex. When I run classes on essay writing, I use this exercise to emphasize the need to read and answer the
actual
question. Too often, students answer what they
assume
is the question asked rather than what the question
actually
asked.

Why does this happen? It would appear that their minds are on automatic pilot. In the same way that optical illusions work, your brain reverts to familiar ways of “seeing”. When it assumes it knows what it's seeing, or being asked to do, it stops looking for further possibilities.

What's the science behind all this? Well, the core components of the brain are neurons; cells in the nervous system that process and transmit information. Neurons connect to each other to form neural pathways and networks. This means that when you think or do something, your brain activates these neural pathways. Each time you think or behave in a particular way, the more likely your brain will use those neural pathways. These pathways become stronger and stronger. Just like walking through a field of long grass, the more often the path is trodden, the more established the path becomes.

Eventually the pathways become so established that they become habits; habitual ways of doing or thinking. You no longer have to think about what you're doing. You do it mindlessly.

Just like looking both ways before crossing the street; you've done it so often that you don't even have to think about it.

Of course this is helpful – a shortcut to having to think things through every time. Think of the things you do on a daily basis that your brain and body are so used to that they don't even have to think about them – walking, talking, eating, brushing your teeth, driving, texting, etc.

When your brain is exposed to behaviour or thought patterns that it perceives as repeated and unvarying, if your brain is not having to process new information, it reverts to automatic pilot. And because our brains function to a large extent outside your awareness, just like breathing, you're not even aware of how automatic your ways of thinking are.

You become mindless instead of mindful. And before you know it you've fallen into mind traps – habitual ways of thinking and behaving that, like most traps, are easy to fall into.

Being aware of common mind traps is an important first step to becoming more mindful. You'll notice that some of these traps lure you into the future and others trap you in the past.

1. Catastrophizing
: tormenting yourself with disturbing thoughts about future possibilities and worst case scenarios.

For example, if you know you have to drive to somewhere new, you imagine you'll get horribly lost. If your boss didn't look at you during a meeting, you think you're going to get fired, if you have a mole on your skin that you're convinced will be a malignant
melanoma
.

Worry can be a positive response, preventing you from being reckless, or it can be a spur to action – prompting you to take control of a situation. For example you take a map and the Sat Nav with you on that journey; after the meeting, you ask your boss if there's a problem; you make an appointment to see your doctor to get that mole looked at.

As well as worrying about what you do have some control over, you can also worry about what you have little control over – fear of flying, being caught up in a terrorist attack, being burgled, for example.

The more you worry and play the worst-case scenario over in your mind, the more you strengthen those neural pathways and make that way of thinking your default setting. You are allowing negative possibilities in the future to dominate what's happening in the present.

2. Jumping to conclusions
: judging or deciding something before you have all the relevant information or have considered the evidence.

At a meeting, you are introduced to Joel. He comes across as an introverted chap. You know that he is either a librarian or an estate agent. Which one do you think he most probably is?

Were you tempted to think he's a librarian? Why? Is that because you think of estate agents as having outgoing, even over-confident, personalities? It's difficult not to
jump to conclusions
; we're wired for speed that way. Keeping an open mind makes it harder to figure out what's happening. How will you know when you have seen all the evidence? How long are you supposed to wait with an open mind?

Remember, your brain likes to make shortcuts, without you usually being aware of it. But when you jump to conclusions, you are relying on past information or experience to predict a future outcome.

3. Tunnel thinking
: Imagine looking down a cardboard tube. What can you see? More importantly, what can't you see? With tunnel thinking, your mind excludes possibilities and options – hence the tunnel. There's only one way to go and that is down and out of the tunnel.

This is useful in a crisis when you need to focus your attention and ignore trivial or superfluous data. But if, for example, you drive somewhere and just focus on getting there, on the destination, what scenery and places of interest are you missing?

OK, in the greater scheme of things, missing scenery and places of interest is not too disastrous. On the other hand, supposing, instead of considering all possibilities and evidence, a doctor trying to diagnose a health problem or a detective considering a crime suspect focused their attention so narrowly?

Tunnel thinking is also related to future-dependent happiness; for some of us, nothing is ever good enough. Do you ever think things such as: “I'll be happy when I get a partner” or “I'll be happy when I get a new job”? Maybe you feel that the home you live in or the garden you have isn't what you want and you're yearning for something bigger and better.

Such a narrow focus can help you work towards a goal. It can, however, prevent you being mindful because you are over-focused on the future to the exclusion of what's happening, your surroundings and what you are feeling and experiencing right now. Focusing your happiness on something in the future means you miss out on happiness now.

Tunnel thinking can also work in reverse – focusing on the past. It might be that you're unable to accept that a relationship didn't work out. Or maybe you didn't get that job/place on a course a while back and, if only you had, your life would be so much better. You're stuck in the past – the past is dominating your present.

4. The confirmation trap:
seeking information that supports your existing way of thinking.

Consider this situation: Lauren feels it would be right to exclude Paul – who has recently had mental health difficulties – from being part of a team that will be working on a new project. Just to reassure herself, Lauren calls a colleague who has also excluded Paul, in the expectation that he will confirm her thinking.

It's clear that Lauren has already made a decision (based on the past). She is now looking for evidence that will support her thinking, while avoiding current information that challenges it. (In this case, it turns out that Paul had a breakdown 18 months ago and is now fully recovered.)

Drawing on past experience can help inform decisions, but this is not always helpful. The confirmation trap prevents you from being mindful because you may be misled by out of date information or ideas; unable see things according to current information.

Be aware too, that the confirmation trap is also the basis for prejudice – pre-judging a situation or person based on a fixed opinion or feeling formed beforehand, without full reasoning or knowledge.

5. The conformity trap:
falling in with other people's way of thinking.

Do you know the story of the emperor's new clothes? The emperor loved to dress up in fashionable clothes and parade around his kingdom so that people could admire him.

One day, two scoundrels told the emperor that they were expert tailors and could sew a lovely new suit for him. It would be so light and fine that it would seem invisible. Only those who were stupid could not see it. The emperor was excited and ordered the “tailors” to begin their work.

Eventually, the emperor's new suit was ready. He could see nothing but he did not want to appear stupid. He admired the suit and thanked the tailors. He paraded down the street for all to see the new clothes. The people could only see a naked emperor but no one admitted it for fear of being thought stupid.

They foolishly praised the invisible fabric and the colours. The emperor was very happy.

At last, a child cried out, “The emperor is naked!”

Soon everyone began to murmur the same thing and very soon they were all exclaiming, “The emperor is not wearing anything!”

For most of us, questioning what we are told feels rude and intrusive. And, because we are discouraged from questioning what we are told, we suppress the instinct to question our own thinking.

To a greater or lesser extent, we simply accept the beliefs and ways of thinking of other people, even if this produces feelings and behaviours that are self-defeating, even destructive.

Certainly, going along with what everyone else thinks can make social relations run smoothly, but it's easy to become trapped into a single understanding of information; to only see things from one perspective.

6. The sunk costs trap:
the time and effort you have already put into a situation and can never get back.

Sunk costs can fool you into sticking with something you would be best off ending, so you continue to put more time, effort or money into someone or something even though it's plainly not doing you any good.

Maybe you're in a new job, but you hate it, it's making you miserable. But because of the changes you made in your life so that you could take up the new job – you've moved home, for example – you refuse to throw in the towel thinking “I've screwed up. It's too late to go back now” and push on in the hope that things will get better.

Sure, you mustn't give up too easily on your commitments, otherwise nothing would get achieved. But refusing to let go means you are allowing the past to dictate the present rather than recognizing that all that matters is what happens from now on.

7. The blame trap:
placing all responsibility for something that's gone wrong on someone or something else.

Here's what happened to Melinda: “I'd driven a few miles out of town when I saw it; the red light on the fuel gauge told me I was nearly out of petrol. There wasn't a service station for miles. My next thoughts were of my son: “Why does he
always
drive it until it's nearly empty? Why didn't he fill up when he drove the car last night? He knew I was going to need it today. He's so thoughtless. Why does this sort of thing always happen to me?”

And there she was, in the midst of the blame game. How often have you done something like this where you instantly look for someone to blame for the unfortunate situation you find yourself in? There are no benefits to the blame trap. Once something has already happened, there's often nothing you can do to alter it.

But, because you are unable to accept what has happened, you're also unable to focus and manage what's happening right now. You're trapped in the blame game!

Like all traps, mind traps catch you unawares and are difficult to escape from. Much of the time people are mindless; they are unaware when they are in that state of mind because they are “not there” to notice. But once you are aware of them, you'll see that they are not impossible to escape from.

Just being aware of mind traps is mindful. The moment you realize you've been trapped by your thoughts, you are free to step out of that trap.