Mini Shopaholic (9 page)

‘My portfolio!’ Reverend Parker rips off his robes and heads for the door of the church.

‘You can’t just
leave
!’ I call after him incredulously. ‘You haven’t christened Minnie yet!’ But he totally ignores me – and to my amazement, Mum is hotfooting it after him.

‘Mum! Come back!’

I grab Minnie’s hand before she legs it too. Everyone’s leaving. Within moments the church is empty, except for me and Minnie, Suze, Tarkie, Jess, Tom and Danny. We all glance at each other – then in silent accord, hurry to the back of the church. We burst out of the big wooden door – and then all just stand there in the porch in shock.

‘Sweet Jesus,’ breathes Danny.

The high street is full of people. There must be two hundred, three hundred, maybe. All streaming the same way along the pavement to the tiny branch of Bank of London, outside which a queue has already formed. I can see Mum anxiously jostling for a place, and Reverend Parker blatantly queue-barging in front of an old lady, while a young, panic-stricken guy in bank-teller’s uniform tries to keep order.

As I’m gaping at the scene, something attracts my attention. Just along from the Bank of London, directly opposite the church, I glimpse a figure in the throng. Dark helmet-like hair, pale skin, Jackie O-type sunglasses, houndstooth suit …

I peer harder in disbelief. Is that …

That can’t be …

Elinor?

But as I’m trying to focus, she – or whoever it was – disappears into the crowd. I rub my eyes and look again, but all I can see now is a policeman who has appeared out of nowhere and is telling people to get off the road.

Weird. I must have imagined it.

‘Look at the cop,’ says Danny in delight. ‘He’s about to lose it. He’s going to start tasering people in a minute.’

‘Oh my God!’ Suze suddenly points upwards with a gasp.

This is unreal. Now there are people climbing on the roof of the bank. I exchange flabbergasted looks with Suze. It’s like aliens have invaded, or war has broken out, or something. I’ve never seen anything like it, my whole entire life.

FIVE

Well, at least it all makes sense now. At least I can forgive Luke. This is about the first time he’s had a so-called ‘major crisis’ at work and it really
is
a proper, genuine crisis. No one can talk about anything else. Every news channel is covering it.

I’ve spoken to Luke on the phone and he’s going to make it home when he can. But there was no way he could have left any earlier. He was at the Bank of England seeing all sorts of top people. And now he’s trying to ‘manage the situation’ and ‘limit the damage’. Every single branch of the Bank of London has been besieged. Apparently the Prime Minister himself is going to make a statement and ask everyone to calm down. (Which if you ask me is a big mistake. Mum’s already convinced the whole thing is a government conspiracy.)

‘Tea?’ Dad comes into the snug, where Danny, Suze, Tarquin, Jess, Tom and I are all sitting, still in a bit of a numb daze. The TV is on Sky News and they keep playing the same clip, the one with a stern-faced Luke with all his equally stern-faced banker clients.

‘So.’ Dad puts the tray down. ‘What a to-do! Are you going to rearrange the christening?’

‘We’ll have to, I suppose.’ I nod, and look around the room. ‘When’s everyone free?’

‘The rest of January’s not great.’ Danny takes out his BlackBerry and squints at it. ‘Although January
next
year is totally clear,’ he adds brightly.

‘We’ve got so many shooting parties …’ Suze fishes for her tiny Smythson diary.

‘And remember our trip to the Lake District,’ Dad chimes in.

God, everyone’s so
busy
. In the end I get everyone to write down when they’re available in the next few months. Jess draws a grid and crosses off all the days and works it all out.

‘There are three possibles,’ she says at last. ‘The eighteenth of February, the eleventh of March or the seventh of April, which is a Friday.’

‘The seventh of April?’ I look up. ‘That’s Luke’s birthday.’

‘I never knew that,’ says Suze curiously. ‘I’ve never even known Luke to
have
a birthday.’

‘He’s not really into birthdays,’ I explain. ‘Every time I organize any celebration for him, he cancels it because of some work thing.’

It’s one of the things about Luke I least understand. He doesn’t get over-excited about his presents; he doesn’t drop little hints about what kind of treat he’d like; he doesn’t do a countdown on the wall calendar. One year he’d actually forgotten it was his birthday when I clattered in with a breakfast tray. How can you
forget
your own birthday?

I glance at the TV screen again. There he is, stepping out of the Bank of England again, his forehead furrowed even more deeply than usual. I feel a rush of fondness for him. He’s had such a shitty year, he deserves a treat. I should throw him a party. Even if he doesn’t want it. Even if he’ll try and cancel it.

And all at once the idea hits me.

‘Hey! What about if I throw Luke a surprise party?’ I look around in excitement. ‘He’ll think we’re just having Minnie’s christening, reorganized … but actually, it’s his birthday party too!’

I have a sudden vision of Luke walking into a darkened room and a whole crowd yelling ‘Happy birthday!’ And Luke’s jaw dropping, and him being absolutely speechless with surprise …

Oh God. I have to do this. I
have
to.

‘Good one, Bex!’ Suze’s eyes light up.

‘Awesome idea.’ Danny looks up from his texting. ‘What theme?’

‘I dunno. But something really cool. Something Luke would like.’

I’ve never thrown a surprise party before, but it can’t be that hard, can it? I mean, it’s just like a normal party except you keep it secret. Easy.

‘Becky, are you sure it’s a good time to be throwing a party?’ says Jess with a frown. ‘I mean, what if what they say is true?’ She gestures at the TV, which is still on the Bank of London story. ‘What if we’re at the beginning of a financial catastrophe?’

Trust Jess. Trust her to bring ‘financial catastrophe’ into a nice talk about a party.

‘Well, then everyone will need cheering up, won’t they?’ I say defiantly. ‘All the better.’

Jess doesn’t flicker. ‘All I’m saying is, you have to be prudent, especially at a time like this. Do you have the money to hold a party?’

Honestly. What is this, ‘Who Wants To Be A Nosy Elder Sister?’

‘Maybe I do.’ I shrug carelessly. ‘Maybe I’ve been saving up a special fund for just such an event.’

There’s silence in the room, apart from a little snort from Danny. Tom is smirking, and I glower back at him. Have I ever smirked at any of his projects? Did I smirk when he built his ridiculous two-storey summerhouse in Janice’s garden? (Well, actually, maybe I did. But that’s not the point. Summerhouses and parties are completely different.)

Worst of all, even Suze is looking a bit pained, as if she doesn’t want to laugh, but won’t be able to help it. She sees me looking at her and flushes guiltily.

‘The thing is, it doesn’t have to be an expensive party, does it?’ she says hurriedly. ‘You could throw a restrained party, Bex. A thrifty party!’

‘That’s true.’ Jess nods. ‘Tom can make home-made peach wine. It’s not bad at all. And I’m happy to cook.’

Home-made –peach wine?

‘
And you could have music off an iPod …’ suggests Tom.

‘I’m
in charge of the iPod,’ chips in Danny.

‘We could make paper chains …’

I’m staring at them all in horror. One tiny little bank goes bust and suddenly we’re having to act like it’s the war and make Spam fritters and stain our legs because we can’t afford stockings?

‘I don’t want to throw Luke some crappy party with homemade peach wine and an iPod!’ I exclaim. ‘I want a
fabulous
party! I want a marquee and a band, and caterers, and amazing lights everywhere … and entertainment! Jugglers and fire-eaters and stuff.’

‘But you can throw a nice party without fire-eaters—’ begins Suze.

‘I don’t want something
“nice”
,’ I say disparagingly. ‘If I throw Luke a surprise party, I want it to blow him away. I want to knock his socks off. I want him to walk in and be utterly speechless for … a whole minute. At least.’

All my friends are exchanging looks.

‘What?’ I’m looking from face to face. ‘What’s wrong?’

‘Come on, Becky. It would cost a fortune,’ says Jess bluntly. ‘Where would you get the money?’

‘I … don’t know,’ I say defiantly. ‘Work extra hard, maybe.’

‘You’ll never keep it secret from Luke,’ chips in Tom. ‘Not in a million years.’

I feel a surge of indignation at him; in fact, at all of them, even Suze. Why do they have to pour cold water on everything?

‘Yes I will!’ I retort furiously. ‘You watch. I’ll organize a fabulous party and I’ll totally keep it a secret from Luke—’

‘Keep what a secret from Luke?’ His deep voice resounds from the hall and I nearly jump a mile. Bloody hell, how did that happen? I’ve only been planning this party for two minutes and already I’ve nearly given it away. I just have time to shoot an anguished look at Suze before Luke appears through the door. He’s holding Minnie and looks surprisingly cheerful.

‘How come you’re back?’ I ask, as he kisses me. ‘Is it all over?’

‘Just grabbing some clean clothes, I’m afraid,’ he says wryly. ‘This isn’t going to be over any time soon.’

‘Um, Luke, that comment you just heard me say about keeping something secret from Luke?’ I clear my throat. ‘You’re probably wondering what I meant.’

‘It did cross my mind.’ Luke raises his eyebrows quizzically.

‘Well, it’s just that … um … I didn’t want to tell you how crazy it was earlier. At the Bank of London. It was mayhem. I thought it might stress you out. So I was just telling everyone to keep quiet about it.
Wasn’t
I?’

I glare around the table and Suze dutifully says, ‘Absolutely!’

‘Don’t worry,’ Luke says wryly. ‘I’ve already seen the worst.’ He reaches up and ruffles Minnie’s hair. ‘I gather she missed out on her big moment?’

‘The vicar just ran off to the bank with everyone else! But it’s OK,’ I add carefully. ‘Because we’re planning to reschedule the christening. For a future date.’

I won’t mention the exact date at this point.

‘Good.’ Luke nods without great interest. ‘Is there any food left?’

‘Loads.’ I nod. I’m about to get up and find him some blinis when Mum comes into the snug, slightly flushed from all the sake she’s been drinking.

‘Listen, loves,’ she says to me and Luke. ‘Reverend Parker’s here. He wants to see you. Shall I send him in here?’

‘Oh, right,’ I say in surprise. ‘Of course!’

I’ve never seen Reverend Parker look sheepish before. As he comes into the snug, his dazzling smile is missing and he can’t quite look either of us in the eyes.

‘Rebecca and Luke, I
do
apologize,’ he says. ‘Never before have I abandoned a service mid-flow. I can’t think what came over me.’

‘Don’t worry,’ I say magnanimously. ‘We’ve got over it.’

‘I assume you would still like your daughter baptized?’

‘Of course we would!’ I say eagerly. ‘In fact, we were just talking about it. We’ve got it all planned.’

‘I’m so glad.’ He looks around the room. ‘Well, you’re all present and correct, so …’ Before I know what’s going on, he produces a little bottle, unscrews it, and sprinkles some kind of water on Minnie’s forehead. ‘Minnie, I baptize you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.’

‘What?’ I say feebly, but he doesn’t listen. Now he’s making the sign of the cross on her forehead in oil.

‘Welcome to the church, my child. The Lord bless you and keep you.’ He feels in his pocket and produces a candle, which he gives to me. ‘Congratulations, Rebecca.’ Then he turns to Mum. ‘Did you say there was sushi?’

I can’t speak for shock.

Minnie? Just
Minnie?

‘You mean she’s christened now?’ I find my voice. ‘She’s
done?’

‘Indeed,’ Reverend Parker says smugly. ‘Having started a job, I do like to finish it. Again, I do apologize for the slight hiatus. Good afternoon, everyone.’

He sweeps out before I can even draw breath, and I stare after him, outraged. He didn’t even
ask
about middle names. And I’d almost decided!

‘Minnie Brandon.’ Luke hoists her up cheerfully on to his shoulders. ‘A fine name.’ I shoot him a baleful look. ‘I’m going to a grab a bite,’ he adds. ‘See you in a sec.’

As Luke closes the door behind him, I exhale like a deflating balloon. The others seem a bit shell-shocked too.

‘Well, that was a bit sudden,’ says Tom.

‘So we don’t need to hold 7 April any more?’ says Danny.

‘Probably for the best,’ says Jess. ‘Becky, I hate to say it, but you would never have pulled that party off.’

‘Yes I
would.’
I glower at her.

‘Well anyway!’ says Suze hastily. ‘It doesn’t matter now, because it’s not going to happen. It’s irrelevant.’

I feel a pang of resentment. Everyone’s just assuming I’ll give up on the idea, aren’t they? Everyone’s assuming I can’t do it. These are supposed to be my friends. They’re supposed to believe in me.

Well, I’ll show them.

‘It’s not irrelevant. And it
is
going to happen.’ I look around the room, feeling my resolve grow. ‘I’m not going to let that stupid vicar ruin my plans. I’m still going to throw Luke a surprise birthday party. And I’ll do it on a budget, and I’ll keep it totally secret from Luke
and
I’ll blow his socks off.’

I just about manage to stop myself adding,
So there
.

‘Bex …’ Suze glances around at the others. ‘It’s not that we think you
can’t
do it—’

‘Yes it is!’ I say indignantly. ‘That’s exactly what you said! Well, you’ll all be eating your words.’

‘So what’s going on?’ Danny looks up from his BlackBerry, which he’s been tapping at yet again. ‘Is the party on or off?’

‘On,’ I say resolutely. ‘Definitely on.’