Miriam's Secret (20 page)

Did the woman actually believe in this? She seemed to, but Laura wasn't given to such superstitions. This was just her way to show her affection for him. She might also wish to give him
a glimpse of the depth of possibility and where she wished their relationship would head.
Marriage!
Ivan stiffened at the thought.

Laura glanced up at him. “You're not afraid of the moon?”

He laughed with effort. “No. I like it here with you. It's a nice moon.”

She leaned tightly against him. “You know, Ivan, I was afraid I was losing you. I don't know why. Please don't be angry with me for doubting. You're the first serious boyfriend I've had. And…” Her voice broke as her hand clung to his. “There's not something wrong is there, Ivan?”

Now was the moment to speak! Ivan tried but the only sound to come out was a croak.

She sighed. “I know how you feel. It must be the jitters of first love. I am your first love, right Ivan?”

“
Yah
,” he managed to squeak out. “I've never really dated before.”

“Not even someone from another community?” Her eyes searched his face in the moonlight.

“You were my first hymn-singing date, Laura. Honest!” He tried to keep the strain out of his voice.

She settled against his shoulder again. “I can't say that I've never dated, but none were like you, Ivan. We'll make a great couple by the time all is said and done. I know I have a lot to learn, and I can be immature at times. But I'm trying. I want to be everything that any
gut
husband would want in a
frau
. I feel so unworthy at times.”

“Someone as beautiful as you will have no problem finding a husband!” The words burst out of Ivan's mouth.

Laura laughed with joy. “Ivan, when you speak like that, you make me feel so
gut
.”

“But you know you're
gut
looking. Surely you do!” He looked down at her in the gentle light.

A smile played on her face. “But I need to hear it, Ivan. And sometimes outward beauty isn't enough, you know. Not for a decent man like you.”

Ivan glanced away. He would never get said what needed saying tonight. Not after words like that. And yet he had to. How could he take Miriam home from the next hymn singing if he didn't terminate his relationship with Laura first?

“You
do
love me, don't you, Ivan?” Her fingers traced his chin and paused near his mouth. He'd shaved this morning, but the stubble had grown enough to reveal where a lengthy beard would one day grow—once he had said the marriage vows and no longer used a razor on his chin.

Ivan forced a chuckle as he said, “I love you a lot!” What else could he say? That he could find no love in his heart for this woman? She would see through that. And he would soon kiss her if they didn't move on. Ivan took up the reins. “We'd best be going, Laura.”

Her laugh was tender. “You don't have to fear, Ivan. I'm just little ole me.”

She was much more than that, and she knew it, Ivan decided. She also knew about Miriam. He was certain of that now. His gumption was frozen in place. Apparently he'd met his match. Laura wouldn't let go easily, that much was plain to see. She'd probably planned this moon thing. Maybe that was why she'd been so slow to leave after the hymn singing tonight.

“I know we haven't known each other for long, Ivan.” Her fingers stroked his face again. “But it feels like we have. Like years, in fact. Like we've always known each other.”

It did indeed, he thought, but he kept his thoughts silent. He'd already said way too much.

“When was the first time you thought of me as…as…you
know what I mean, Ivan. When?” The moonbeams bathed her face now as she looked up at him. “When, Ivan? I'd like to know.”

Her beauty almost choked him, and the charm of her voice pulled his heart in. The ache from earlier had ceased. Ivan let the reins slip from his hands. Why had he even thought to leave this woman for Miriam? Compared to this, Miriam's suspicious nature packed cold ice around his heart. And Miriam had never spoken to him in this tone of voice.

“Your beauty has charmed me plenty.” He kept his voice low to match hers. “Since the beginning of time, I think.”

She laughed. “I knew you had romance in you, Ivan. All you needed was the moon to bring it out.”

“We can't live under the moon though.”

Her face filled with concern. “We'll have each other, Ivan. That will be enough. You know it will.”

“Living on love.” He couldn't keep the sudden bitterness out of his tone.

Her voice was pleading now. “Ivan, it is possible. And it's true, you know. I will
always
love you. Kiss me, Ivan. Kiss me now and see if it isn't true!”

He shouldn't do this, Ivan told himself. Never! And yet his resolution had flown away. What did owning a farm free and clear mean anyway? And what if he was mistaken and Miriam didn't give in? He shouldn't have made that promise yesterday to Miriam. His confidence had carried him away.

“Ivan…” Laura's voice was a husky whisper. “Ivan, you love me. I know you do. Don't do this to us. Whatever you're thinking, don't do it. You'll never love anyone like you love me.”

How could she know this? he wondered. His silence confirmed that she was right. She held his heart in her hand. Resistance seemed out of the question—even if he wished to. He moved one hand at a time and placed them on each side of her face.

She didn't hesitate, her gaze uplifted to his eyes.

He touched her lips with his fingertips before he kissed her. The softness of her lips melted something deep inside of him. Still she was keeping her distance, he noticed. She was chaste even while she was kissing him. And it had the effect she probably knew it would. He drank deeply of her essence and only drew back after a long moment.

Her face beamed up at him. “You love me, don't you?”

“I do.” He bent his head again, and she didn't resist him.

“That's enough.” She finally pulled away from him but stayed close enough to lay her head on his shoulder again. He followed her gaze out over the shadowed landscape to where the woods lay in darkness under the round moon. Maybe there was something to this moon thing, after all. Even though she would have had this effect on him seated on her living room couch with a storm outside. Still, Laura hadn't taken any chances, and she also hadn't failed. There would be no words from him tonight about terminating their relationship. Not after that. He was a fool, but even he wasn't that big a fool.

“We should get back,” she said. “
Mamm
and
Daett
will wonder what's become of us.”

She held his arm while he drove. The buggy bounced across the ditch edge and back onto the blacktop. Ivan had noticed there had been no
Englisha
cars on the street while they'd been parked. Usually there was traffic this time of the evening, even on a Sunday night. Had Laura prayed for and received uninterrupted time alone with him? That wouldn't surprise him. As if to confirm his suspicions, the headlights of a car behind them bounced on the road ahead of the buggy. The vehicle soon passed them.

Ivan watched the red taillights fade into the distance. This was just as well. Perhaps his pursuit of money was foolishness,
and he'd been saved from it—at least for the time being. Miriam wouldn't be disappointed if he never showed up again to speak with her. She would soon hear that his relationship with Laura was continuing. That would doom any chance of getting Miriam's farm, but at the moment he didn't care. Laura's kisses had made him reconsider the whole matter. He'd never kissed a woman before, and if this joy continued, he might never kiss anyone other than Laura.

They soon pulled into the Swartz driveway. Laura stayed beside the buggy while he tied his horse, Billy, to the hitching post. Her smile glowed in the full moon when Ivan approached her. He stepped closer.

Her finger came up to trace his cheek. “No more tonight, Ivan, but I do have pie inside. Your favorite—cherry.”

“
Gut
,” he said, although what he really wanted was to kiss her again. He would always want to. He was certain of that.

Chapter Twenty

O
n Wednesday evening Shirley paced the floor of her upstairs bedroom. She'd changed clothes an hour ago, and Jonas was due at any moment. She wanted as perfect a “last time together” as possible now that the trip to Oklahoma was all planned. A call had been made from the phone shack to Aunt Fannie in Oklahoma. No one had answered, so
Mamm
had left a message stating the time when she'd be back at the phone on Monday evening. Aunt Fannie returned the call as planned, and
Mamm
came back from the phone shack sober-faced but with the plans lined up.

“Fannie was thrilled,”
Mamm
had announced. Clearly
Mamm
wasn't, but that was to be expected.

As for tonight, Shirley was determined that there would be no tears.
Yah
, her heart had grown close to Jonas, yet there had been an inevitability about the eventual outcome of their relationship from the first and, certainly, since the evening they'd
spent together under the stars. That special night their hearts had met and parted ways. Jonas was a
wunderbah
man, but they were worlds apart in ways Shirley couldn't even figure, beginning with their faith, their parents, and their financial statuses. For once she felt practical about it. She glanced out the bedroom window. There was no sign of Jonas yet, but she knew she'd hear his Porsche pull in soon. Since her younger siblings now knew about Jonas, she could go out and wait for him on the front porch—but tonight she didn't feel like it. Perhaps she wanted to act like a true girlfriend who had a real future with her boyfriend. Such a girl could afford to stay inside—and perhaps even cause him to have a short wait before she went down the stairs.

Both
Mamm
and Miriam had been worried when she told them she planned to spend her last evening in Possum Valley with Jonas. They probably thought he would persuade her to stay, but then they didn't really know Jonas. He understood her as she understood him. Hadn't the stars spoken to both of them? But neither
Mamm
nor Miriam would understand that either. She was too young, they'd say. Stars spoke what young people imagined them to speak. Well, she knew what they'd said, and that was that.

There was only one thing Shirley disapproved of about this trip to Oklahoma: Miriam's intention to leave Ivan. Miriam shouldn't do such a thing. She should trust Ivan even if he might have been influenced by the farm in his desire to renew their relationship. What was wrong with that reasoning? Hadn't Shirley first been attracted to Jonas because of his fancy convertible and the knowledge of how rich his family was?

The truth was that
Mamm
and Miriam still hadn't gotten over their shock that she'd so easily agreed to go on the trip to Oklahoma. No doubt they expected she had something up
her sleeve—like an elopement. Shirley laughed at the thought. Jonas hadn't asked to marry her, and he wouldn't. Nor would she agree to it if he did.
Yah
, they did love each other, but didn't she have some sense? And what about her desire to live a decent life among the people of the faith? That hadn't changed. Didn't her intentions count for something?

At least
Daett
still trusted her. “Let Shirley go out with the boy,” he'd said. As if
Daett
could have prevented her from going anyway. But it was
gut
to feel trusted by
Daett
and not to have a fuss with her family the last night before she left Possum Valley for a long time. She was happy tonight, and that was what mattered. Later there might be sorrow, but not tonight.

Shirley peeked out of the bedroom window as the sound of a car pulling into the driveway reached her. Shirley gave out a little squeal and dashed down the stairs. Now that he was here, she wanted to see him. So what if he would notice her eagerness and be pleased with his power of attraction. Right now she didn't care.

“Please be careful and act decent,”
Mamm
told her from the kitchen doorway.