Miriam's Secret (39 page)

The desk where Wayne had sat stood askew, so Miriam straightened it. Her hand moved over the surface where moments before his arms had rested. Wayne, the man of her dreams. And what a man he was—able to handle her secret and still focus on and love only her. What a great gift the Lord had given her! In a thousand years she'd never be able to thank Him enough.

If Wayne asked her to marry him on any Sunday evening, she would say
yah
without hesitation
.
It was a little too soon to expect that, and Wayne would do what was appropriate. She could wait. She could wait for a year, or two years, or three years. She'd wait until Wayne thought the time was right. And then she would wed him back in Possum Valley. They would live together for whatever time the Lord saw fit to give them, and they would be thankful the whole time—in sickness, in health, in the
gut
times and the bad.

Miriam took a deep breath and focused. She had to stop thinking about Wayne so she could prepare the school lessons. With great effort Miriam forced herself to get out the tablet she'd found in a desk drawer and start writing. She wrote the first sentence in bold letters: “Lesson plans for the new term.” But where to go from here? What she needed was something fresh and imaginative to grab the students' attention. She'd want their full cooperation, and that meant not having any boring, dull moments. Already she could envision the students with their heads bent over their desks busily doing their schoolwork. She'd teach like Alma Beachy had done back in Possum Valley. How Miriam had loved those student days. Now she was the teacher!

With a sigh, Miriam swiveled in the teacher's chair behind the front desk. The truth was that she was sure she wouldn't be half the teacher Alma Beachy had been or even Sarah Mullet. Maybe after many years she could be, but the first year she shouldn't expect to do too much innovation. In fact, she would primarily use the outline Sarah had left her. She retrieved Sarah's lesson plan and schedule from the bottom desk drawer and scanned the pages.
Yah
, this would work fine.

Now she could finish and go home to catch another glimpse of Wayne out in the greenhouse. There might even be time this afternoon to help out a little. Perhaps they could speak a few words together. She was hopelessly in love, Miriam admitted with a smile. And she was so very happy about it.

Chapter Forty

A
unt Fannie came into the living room with baby Jonathon in her arms. “Any news from Possum Valley I should know about?”

Miriam glanced up from the letter that had come this morning. “Not really, but you're welcome to read it when I'm done. And you could have opened the envelope when it arrived, you know. You didn't have to wait for me to get home from teaching school.” She handed over the handwritten pages from
Mamm
.

Aunt Fannie placed Jonathon on his blanket on the floor and settled in her rocker, but not before giving Miriam a stern look. “One should never open anyone else's mail. You know that.”

“But it's okay with me,” Miriam protested. “
Mamm
is your sister, and I'm staying at your place.”

Aunt Fannie just shook her head and then read the letter silently.
Mamm
had written news about baby Anna. The baby had developed colic, which
Mamm
hadn't expected. Colic mostly
occurred in first or second born, she said. Not an eleventh child. Aunt Fannie nodded. She was of the same opinion. Amish women generally agreed on such common ideas. Yet here was baby Jonathon, their first child, sleeping through the night with hardly a peep, while
Mamm
wrote of hours spent walking the floor with baby Anna.
Mamm
also mentioned she was thrilled to have Shirley home—that the Lord must have moved on Shirley's heart to return.

Miriam wasn't so sure about that. Still,
Mamm
wouldn't say something she didn't believe. So perhaps it had been for the best. Maybe Shirley had retained the lessons she learned here in the Clarita community. Hopefully she was now putting them to
gut
use at home. From what
Mamm
wrote, Shirley was taking her turns caring for Anna right along with fourteen-year-old Naomi.

Miriam turned her attention to the other letter that had arrived in the day's mail. It was from Shirley and would likely be more forthcoming about news than
Mamm
's letter had been. But did Miriam really want to know what troubles Shirley might be in already? There might be news of her renewing contact with Jonas Beachy. That would definitely put a damper on Miriam's good mood.

So far the day had been a good one—as had all three days of the new school term. That left only one more day this week, and what could go wrong in that amount of time? Didn't the rough things come to pass on the first day of school or maybe the following one? Friday should be a breeze. She'd survived so far with no calamities. Teaching school suited her much more than she'd imagined.

Only Wayne brought her more happiness right now—and the Lord, of course. She couldn't live without Him and His blessings. She wouldn't even be in Oklahoma to experience Wayne's
love and the community's acceptance if the Lord hadn't led her here. Wayne was going to pick her up later tonight for a young folks' gathering—sweet-corn husking at Deacon Phillip's place. She didn't want anything to spoil her evening. Especially something Shirley might have written in her letter. Perhaps she should put the letter away until she got home tonight?
Nee
, Shirley might have
gut
news to share. Miriam mentally shook herself. Why did she always expect the worst? She glanced at Aunt Fannie, who still had her head bent over
Mamm
's letter. Miriam picked up the envelope. A quick cut with the letter opener was all it took, and the letter was in her hand. She unfolded the first of two pages.

Dear Miriam,
 

I know you already know I'm at home, and that we are in the midst of dealing with a colicky baby Anna. She's the sweetest thing, but I sometimes have serious doubts at midnight when she's crying full bore on my shoulder. I suppose it's for the best, and trials come as we need to grow. I know I need plenty, as they say, since temptations abound on all sides of me.

I snuck out to call Jonas the other evening. I suspect you already figured I would, so there's no sense in keeping it from you. I also trust that you won't tell anyone. I know I shouldn't keep secrets from Mamm and Daett, but I can't seem to help myself. And I've told you now.

All the gut things I learned in Oklahoma now seem faraway and unreal. Why I didn't stay out there, I don't know. Well, that's not entirely true. I intended to stick it out there,
and many things had been going so well. Maybe that's why it caught me by surprise—the sudden urge to go home. So when the face-saving opportunity of baby Anna's birth came, I jumped at the chance. I probably shouldn't have left, but that's always been one of my problems—wanting to look good to others and win their praise, which wasn't going so well in Clarita.

So now I'm back in Possum Valley, and everything's the same again. I still have “the touch,” shall we say? Is it my fault that unmarried Ohio men pay me attention? I don't think so. They're supposed to, and I like it. But I'm not the happiest, to tell you the truth. Sure, while I'm with the Possum Valley youth group and everyone's having a good time, I'm happy, but afterward I feel kind of empty inside. The trial of baby Anna's health is my saving grace, I think. It keeps me occupied and tired out. I sure hope I didn't bring this on the family because of faults and sins. Maybe they need cleansing? I wonder sometimes, and I feel horrible about it. But what can I do? I had my chance in Oklahoma but couldn't stick it out. Oh, for resolutions that could be kept! I think I'd be in heaven itself if such a thing would happen. Truthfully, though, I think at times it will never happen until I get there…which I'm hoping to make it to after a very long life lived with this sorrow and pain.

But I suppose you're busting with impatience on how the phone call went with Jonas. He was sweet like usual, but he didn't invite me over or anything. I didn't bring it up either. I didn't want to stoop that low. Jonas wasn't offended that I
called out of the blue. I wonder if he's dating someone else? There was a girl's voice in the background, but he has sisters so I'm hoping it was one of them. Why I care, I don't know. I realize I can't date him again. We're not made for each other. I don't fit into his world. Not really. Nor do I want to. I will just have to do better and remember the lessons I learned in Oklahoma.

Oh, here's some news you might find interesting since things are going well with Wayne and you. And speaking of Wayne, let me say this first. I don't know for sure, but I'm going to take a guess. And not a big one I suppose from how things had been going before I left. Has Wayne asked you to be his frau yet? I don't know why I brought that up, but…

Anyway, Ivan and Laura are quite serious about each other. Laura hangs on to Ivan at every youth gathering like she's afraid he'll get away from her. All they do is smile and gaze into each other's eyes all evening. It's sickening, if you ask me. I wouldn't be surprised if there's a wedding this fall for those two. Laura's a little young, but why not? From the way she acts, a wedding seems quite probable.

I was curious enough to hint at the matter with Laura's older sister Esther. The girl sputtered around, so I'm sure it's the truth. Why should I care about them—other than the connection with you? I'm not sure. I still think Ivan was mighty stupid to let you get away from him. But then again, I have to admit again that you were probably right.

So pray for me, Miriam. I want so to do what is right, but temptations are strong around me. Daett prayed for each of
us children last night in such tender tones. He broke my heart all over again. I told the Lord I was so sorry for calling Jonas, but you know how that goes. I still want to talk to Jonas, and probably would if I ran into him downtown. That's why, I think, Mamm hasn't mentioned anything about me looking for a job in Berlin. I know the family could use the money. Things aren't quite as poverty stricken around here what with the income from your farm, but a little extra cash is always welcome in the Yoder family.

But on to happier subjects…

There are whispers of other weddings in the area this fall. Our cousin Ben Yoder and his girlfriend, Sharon…

Miriam looked up when Aunt Fannie interrupted her.

“Does Shirley have any
gut
news?”

Miriam smiled. “Cousin Ben and Sharon might have a wedding planned.”

Aunt Fannie laughed. “Now that's gossip of the first order. I thought it was going to happen this fall, but, on the other hand, what would I know way out here?”

“Your guess is probably as
gut
as Shirley's.” Miriam lay the letter down and stood up. “It's about time to prepare supper, isn't it?”

She'd finish the letter later in the evening, perhaps after Wayne dropped her off after the youth gathering. Shirley probably didn't have much else of importance to share, and there was supper to prepare and eat before Wayne picked her up. Thankfully Aunt Fannie didn't ask to read Shirley's letter. She must understand that sisters tell each other things not meant for their older relatives' ears.

Aunt Fannie left Jonathon squirming on the rug in front of the stove and joined her in the kitchen. That wouldn't be possible once the baby learned how to crawl, Miriam knew. But for now Aunt Fannie could help because she could watch him through the kitchen doorway. When they finished dinner preparations thirty minutes later, Aunt Fannie pointed toward the upstairs. “Go get ready for your evening. Then you can eat before we do, so you'll be finished before your beau arrives.”

Miriam didn't protest. This had become their routine on the evenings when the community's young folks had planned activities. Miriam hurried to her room. She paused in front of the closet. What should she wear? The work in the cornfield tonight would get dirt all over her dress, but everyday clothes didn't feel quite right. Better to wash the stains out later than be uncomfortable. Why not wear the dark-blue dress she'd made for the opening day of school? The dress had been a little present to herself in celebration of the great honor the community had given her. Still, she must not hold any occasion or the dress too highly. A corn husking would keep her estimation of the dress in its proper place.