Misalliance (Death Dwellers MC #4.5) (5 page)

“Wrong.” Christopher stood up and blocked his exit. “You made me leave my girl and now you ain’t got shit to say? If I was your ass, I’d make something the fuck up if you don’t wanna be knocked the fuck out.”

Johnnie glared at Christopher. He still wore his tuxedo, and wasn’t carrying any heat. But he didn’t feel like getting into a fucking fist fight, either. Especially not with the block of kitchen knives nearby.

Besides, he’d stabbed Christopher once. Johnnie knew Christopher wouldn’t make the mistake of trusting Johnnie’s temper again. The moment Johnnie appeared to go for a weapon, Christopher would make a move, and crush Johnnie’s windpipe and crack his skull.

To survive Snake, Meggie’s fuckhead brother, Christopher had had to learn to use his hands and fists. That meant Johnnie had endangered his life even more by his actions.

“It’s Kendall.”

“And?”

“She wants another chance.”

“You want to fuckin’ give her one?”

Yes. “No.”

“Then what the fuck the problem? Seem like you already know what the fuck you wanna do.”

“I love her.”

“Ain’t enough if you ain’t willin’ to give her another fuckin’ chance.”

“I never thought I’d hear you defend her.”

Dragging on the joint and holding the smoke a moment before blowing it out, Christopher shook his head. “Ain’t defendin’ her, Johnnie. I’m makin’ a statement on your behalf.”

“Christopher?”

Holding the weed out to him, Christopher stood. “Ain’t listenin’, Johnnie. You love her? Then take her back. If you love her just a fraction of the amount I hate her, you’ll give her another chance.”

“I wish you’d stop saying you hate her.”

“Can’t change how I feel. And I say it all the time cuz when I say some things, you think I’m takin’ up for her when I’m just fuckin’ lookin’ out for you. That’s two separate fuckin’ things. One ain’t ever fuckin’ happenin’. The other goes on more than you fuckin’ give me credit for.”

“Do you know, I sometimes…” He hated to admit his next words, but, fuck. They were the truth. “I resent her for what happened with Spoon. If she wouldn’t have left the safety of our clubhouse, she wouldn’t have lost my Baby Biker.”

Glancing toward the hallway and then at Johnnie, Christopher reluctantly returned to his seat. He rubbed his neck. “I hated on Megan, too, Johnnie.” He swallowed and shook his head, as if he was denying the bombshell he’d just dropped. “But it wasn’t really hate, because I never stopped lovin’ her. I…Megan…I ain’t ever felt as fuckin’ helpless as I did that day in the hospital. Ain’t no use bringin’ all that shit up or even all my feelins up. We worked through it. Because that’s what the fuck we do. I’ve told this to Mort, Val, and Megan. I might’ve even fuckin’ told your bitch, but in case you missed it? I hate Kendall and I will hate her ‘til the day I fuckin’ die. It’s simple and ain’t no gettin' ‘round it.”

“No matter what she does—“

“She could jump the fuck in front a bullet and save my life and I ain’t gonna give a fuck. I’ll fuckin’ thank her and
still
hate her.”

“You took a bullet for her.”

“I took that bullet for
you
.” He stood up and threw him a disgusted look. “Fat, fuckin’ lotta good that did me. Bitch left. Now she returned and you ain’t takin’ her back. I shoulda saved myself the fuckin’ pain and let her get fucked up. We all woulda been better off.” He nodded to the door. “Now, get the fuck out, so I can lock up. Ain’t trustin’ shit with Digger still on the loose.”

Johnnie rubbed his nape, dreading and anticipating his return to his room, where Kendall awaited him. “Fine, Christopher.”

“We meetin’ up tomorrow. Time for us to discuss gettin’ the deputy who stuck his fingers in Megan’s pussy.”

His orders given, Christopher saw Johnnie out. Once on the trail back to the clubhouse, Johnnie decided to focus on the deputy tomorrow. Tonight, he’d do his best to ignore the relieved happiness he felt that Kendall had finally come back to him. He’d concentrate on keeping a barrier between them, so he’d never fall for her bullshit again.

Dear Diary,

To what lengths will I go to, to win Johnnie back, if I want him?

That’s the question Dr. Stanton posed to me. It’s been one month since I walked away from the clubhouse and three weeks since I checked into this mental health facility with the help of Brooks and Charlotte.

At this point, I don’t know where my greater mistake is: leaving Johnnie or institutionalizing myself with a stern, unsmiling man as my psychiatrist. I miss Dr. Hughes, the psychologist on the club’s payroll. Even Dr. Krauss, the therapist at the wellness retreat, is better than a man who lives by Albert Einstein’s quote:
The difference between genius and stupidity is genius has its limits
.

I take exception to that, but he treats me as if
he
is the genius and
I’m
the dummy, accusing me of not looking at the brighter picture of my life. I have a baby on the way, he says, and it is my responsibility to give this child the best of me.

As if I didn’t know that.

Brooks held nothing back from him, so my life is an open book. I wonder what this is costing him to keep Dr. Stanton quiet about all the blood and death and illegal activity associated with me and the man I love.

Charlotte had a long talk with me, two days ago. She begged me to cooperate, so, for her, I will. I’ll stick it out for the next nine weeks, and do my best to ignore Stanton’s self-righteousness, as I work to heal, once and for all.

Chapter 3: So Much More

Kendall curled up on the bed she’d shared with Johnnie, awaiting the moment he walked through the door with her food. Though not particularly hungry, she’d seized the offer, if that’s what it took for him to return.

He’d been gone for a couple of hours and she didn’t want to consider what he might’ve been up to in that time. Maybe, her confession about Christopher had driven him to sleep with his date. Certainly, it hadn’t garnered the outward reaction she’d expected, a hint of jealousy, any indication that he cared about her and their baby.

Kendall laid her hand against her belly. It was a habit she’d developed weeks ago when the baby had first moved. As time passed, she’d touched her stomach to reassure herself that her baby was safe and with her.

Now, as she tried not to allow her thoughts about Johnnie’s whereabouts to get the best of her, she adjusted herself, attempting to find a comfortable position. That was a useless endeavor. She growled in frustration, staring at the ceiling and blinking back tears.

Would Johnnie bring her food and then leave again, and stay out all night? Had he already slept with his date? The thought of him with another woman devastated her.

The door opened and she sniffled, not bothering to look up. Only Johnnie walked into his room without knocking.

“Kendall?”

He hadn’t referred to her as gorgeous or sweetheart not once since she’d returned. The lack of intimacy hurt her. The faint aroma of food hitting her nostrils made her queasy. She wasn’t hungry at all, anymore. Whatever faint pangs had hit her disappeared altogether as she imagined him turning around and leaving her to have sex with someone else.

“Why are you crying?”

Neither concern nor anger filled his voice. He hadn’t sat next to her on the bed, hadn’t commented that she’d changed out of her dress and now wore one of his dress shirts. The buttons strained over her belly. Because he had a few inches on her and more muscles, she’d managed to close up most of them.

Instead of speaking again, Johnnie moved around. She waited for his announcement that he was leaving again. Barely looking her way, he sat the plate on his desk before taking his jacket off and flinging it over the footboard, startling her. Next came the bow tie and realization dawned. He was undressing.

Relief settled into her and she couldn’t stop her smile. Not that he noticed. All the better for her. His inattention allowed her to shamelessly ogle him.

Silently, she watched, enjoying each inch of hard, male body he bared. His broad chest, his arms threaded with power and definition. The ridges of his ripped stomach, and thighs dusted with hair. His huge cock made her mouth water and her pussy throb.

Heat swept through Kendall and her nipples ached for him to suck them. Averting her eyes, she cleared her throat, anticipating the moment he noticed the effect he still had on her.

Finally, he sat on the edge of the bed. Smoke from the cigarette he held curled around them as he tipped his head back to drink from the bottle of scotch in his other hand.

The sleekness of his unclothed back brought to mind their earlier kissing. She missed his lovemaking so much. He focused on every inch of her body, made her feel like no man ever had.

Had she lost it all? Was he giving another woman what she felt belonged to her?

“How was your date?” she asked, venom in her voice.

He shrugged. “Demanding.”

She turned to her side, facing away from him, so he wouldn’t see her anger and hurt. He’d removed the painting she’d put up, turning the wall back into its former dull, depressing glory. “You slept with her.”

“Not tonight.”

Huffing out a breath, she sat up, unable to keep her back to him, when she needed to effectively glare at him and appreciate his fine physique. “Is that supposed to make me feel better? I haven’t slept with anyone since I left.”

“Does it matter how you feel?
You
left, which we’ve already covered. It wouldn’t have surprised me if you had fucked another motherfucker.”

“Would
that
matter?” she spat, not wanting to go down this road with him. They needed to heal, not hurl accusations and insults to one another. They didn’t need to work to make the other jealous. Not that the green eyed monster invaded Johnnie. Her revelation about Christopher hadn’t fazed him at all. Frustrating man! “Does it matter that I made a play for Christopher?”

He drank again. “As he says all the time, we’re even. Megan jerked me off and I rubbed her clit until she came. You offered Christopher pussy.” He gave her a vicious smile. “Even.”

The words hit her dead center, playing on all her fears and jealousies. She widened her eyes, flinching at his lack of remorse. He continued to calmly drink and smoke while Kendall drew in deep, agonizing, little breaths. She’d never known precisely what had gone on between Meggie and Johnnie. Now, he imparted the details with cool calmness. She covered her mouth in an attempt to suck back a big sob.

“Why?” she managed. The lump in her throat made it hard to speak. She opened and closed her mouth several times, before she finally asked, “How could you tell me this? I’ll bet Christopher doesn’t know that, otherwise…”

“Otherwise, fuck all,” Johnnie snapped. “He knows. You know
why
he knows? Because that’s the type of relationship he has with Megan. They don’t keep secrets and they trust each other to know they’d never do anything for spite or for harm or
any
reason but love.”

Kendall thought about the little blonde.
Two-faced little bitch
. “If Meggie were really my friend, she wouldn’t be smiling in my face knowing that you two slept together.”

Bitter laughter escaped him. “We didn’t sleep together. I stood on my aunt’s porch, attempting to get into her panties, and she almost gave in. The farthest I got was my fingers inside her pussy.” He finished the bottle and stood to place it on the night stand before tamping out his cigarette.

She glared at his hard cock. “Is that for me or for Megan?”

Cold anger hardened his eyes. “Neither.” He went to his chest of drawers and found a pair of pajama bottoms. “Before I ask why the fuck you were crying
again
, let me remind you that you smiled in Megan’s face after you’d propositioned her husband. Don’t bring your fucking bullshit back to this club, Kendall.”

“It isn’t bullshit. You love her,” she shouted.

“I
loved
her,” he corrected.

“Love or loved, I have to see her every day, knowing…” She dissolved into sobs.

“You don’t have to see her ever again.” He nodded towards the door. “Get the fuck out anytime you choose.”

Picking up a pillow, she threw it in his direction. It bounced off of him and fell to the floor, so she tossed another one towards him. It was just as ineffective.

She wouldn’t be able to take this war between them. If they couldn’t find common ground, she was out of there, just as he suggested. “Is that what you want?” she cried, not wanting to walk away after it had taken her weeks to find the courage to return. “You want me to leave? Are we really over?”

His nostrils flared and he scrubbed a hand over his face. He looked tired and sad. “Christopher suggested if I love you even a fraction of the amount that he despises you, I should give you another chance.”

She didn’t know how to take that statement, whether she should be insulted or relieved. Instead, she hiccupped.

Johnnie frowned at her and, once again, she saw the brutal, ice-cold killer, whom she’d heard about. The man in front of her wasn’t
her
Johnnie.
Her
Johnnie bent over backwards to protect her and make her happy…

The thought trailed off and her heart shattered because she hadn’t appreciated him when she had the chance. She’d refused to recognize his efforts,
any
of them.

She’d made him miserable and she’d made Meggie miserable. No matter what
had
happened between Johnnie and Meggie…no matter what lingering feelings
Johnnie
harbored for Meggie, the girl had always adored Christopher and saw Johnnie as just a friend.

From the moment Meggie had walked up to Kendall, she’d hated her. Somehow, they’d forged a friendship—more because of Meggie than Kendall—and still, it wasn't enough.

She’d continued to crucify Johnnie.

The baby moved again. Perhaps, it sensed Kendall’s despair and distress. Or, maybe, it was attempting to remind her that she wasn’t alone. She had it to love and to look forward to holding and caring for. Patting her stomach to console herself, she cried uncontrollably. Johnnie gathered her into his arms, the last thing she expected after his cruel words and bitter accusations. He stroked her hair, not moving away when she laid her head on his chest.

His lips pressed against her forehead then he slowly moved one of his hands to her stomach and rested it there. The baby kicked. His body tensed and he tightened his hold on her as he drew in a deep breath, not speaking, just feeling their baby moving.

Kendall froze, sucking back her cries and allowing silent tears to fall.

He kissed the top of her head and sighed. “I’ll make a deal with you.”

She nodded. If she spoke, her voice might ruin this moment. He was very, very angry with her. She buried her face in the crook of his shoulder, smelling his cologne, the cigarette smoke, and the alcohol. She even detected marijuana, but it didn’t matter to her. Only his warmth, his scent, and his touch mattered.

“If you really want to come back to the club until the baby is born, I won’t stop you.” He caressed her belly. “You can stay in here with me. But I don’t want to talk about reconciliation between us, Kendall. At least, not now. Maybe, not ever. I want to be here for you and the baby, though. If you can agree that you’re here until only after the baby is born and you want me to be a part of its life, then you’re welcomed to stay.”

Licking her lips, Kendall considered Johnnie’s words. She had to play this very carefully. If she pushed him for too much too soon, she’d lose him completely. His concession worked for her and served as a step in the right direction.

By the look on his face, Kendall knew he took her silence to mean she’d agreed to his terms. The baby had him distracted. Later, she could argue that she’d never gave a yea or a nay.

At the moment, she basked in their peace.

He guided her to his pillow. She’d thrown both of hers at him. He stared at her lips and she thought he’d kiss her, but he covered her up, slid her and the pillow further to her side then turned his back on her.