Something wrong?
No, she said quickly, shaking her head. Its just The telephone interrupted whatever she was going to say, and she practically dove for the thing. Just a minute, Dad, she said, grabbing up the receiver. Hello? she answered breathlessly, but instantly, her face fell. Oh. Yes, hi, Mike Im sorry, Im just sort of rattled. I had a lot of people over today, she said, and turned from Aaron, walked into the kitchen.
A guy. Thats what all the nervousness was about. Aaron hadnt raised three daughters and not learned all the signs of guy anxiety. But hey, it wasnt that idiot professor, so he was happy.
Actually, he was pretty damn happy in general. Rachel was a-okay in his book. A little on the weird side, but nevertheless, he was beginning to appreciate how special she was.
Yep, he thought hed stay overnight and have a nice chat with his daughter. And listen . He could not forget that part; Bonnie would kill him.
AARON might have been happy, but Rachel was one step away from a nervous breakdown, no thanks to Dagne, who had very heatedly insisted in a whisper, on the porch while they froze, that shed worked through it over the course of the afternoon, and figured out that they had cursed themselves the other night when they had cast their goddess moon spell.
Think about it, Rachel. No moon to shine, no fire we did everything the opposite of what the spell said, and now we are getting just the opposite of what we wanted. Havent you noticed that everything is haywire ? she insisted with a punch to Rachels shoulder. Glenn has dumped me, Flynns dumped you, the meal was awful
Rachel didnt really hear the rest of the list, because yes, thank you, shed noticed that everything was upside down and inside out today, most notably in the Flynn category.
And now there was the Mike factor. How in the hell could she have possibly forgotten the astounding fact that she had another date with a different guy? But she had, until the very moment she picked up the phone, and holy shit, there was her Friday night date, sounding very cheerful on his drive back from the shore.
After the usual exchange of Thanksgiving pleasantries, he asked, Want me to pick you up tomorrow?
Oh God, nononono. How about we meet at Fratangelos? she asked, trying her damnedest to sound enthusiastic.
Seven-thirty? I was hoping we could catch the Freemason Mothers, he said. Theyre playing down the street.
She had no idea what a Freemason Mother was, but agreed nonetheless.
Great! Mike said. Im really looking forward to it.
Me, too, she lied, and they chatted a little longer before hanging up. She stood in the kitchen, staring at the phone, thinking not of Mike, but of Flynn.
She had, of course, been through all the standard emotions during the day, as she could hardly think of anything else. Shed run down the full gamut: He was just a little late, to unavoidably detained. Dead on the side of the road where no one could see him or call her to say he wouldnt make it.
Or maybe, she had scared the shit out of him with her declaration of love. Maybe she had never been anything more than a casual fling to him. Maybe hed gotten laid, and now he hated her for being such a pathetic little sap and not understanding grown-up flings and she would never see him again, because, at this very moment, he was on a plane back to London to get as far away from her as he possibly could.
Okay, maybe she was overdoing it a little. It wasnt as if hed behaved as if he hated her, hated her. But then why didnt he come today like he said he would? Or at least call ? Even if he was dumping her, she was pretty sure hed at least call.
Back to dead on the side of the road again. And she couldnt very well go sit in a bathtub with a gallon of ice cream and sort it all out with Dad here, so reluctantly, she returned to the living room, a very thin and very false smile already hurting her face.
Dad had taken off his suit jacket and his shoes, had his feet propped up on the coffee table, a glass of wine dangling from one hand.
Who was that? he asked. That moron who calls himself a professor?
No, Dad, she said with a sigh as she took the chair next to the couch. Just a friend.
Uh-huh, he said. And then he winked at her. Winked at her. Like they shared some little secret.
Jesus, who was this man in her living room? Honestly, hed been remarkably composed all day, had not made even the slightest joke about her students or Dagne or even Myron for that matter, and kept winking and smiling and acting like they were big buds.
Being on the edge of a nervous breakdown as she was, it was about all she could endure. Okay, she said, in all seriousness, wheres my dad?
Right here, baby girl.
No, youre not him. Youve been far too calm today. You havent said a word about my students, or my friends
Nice people, he interjected with a grin. She gasped with surprise. Dad chuckled. Ah, Rachel, he said, pausing momentarily to sip his wine, why dont you have a drink with your old man and relax a bit? You did a lot of work today. Take a load off; tell me whats going on in your life. You know, a little chat among friends.
Now she gaped at him. I will definitely have some wine, because I cant cope with this weird change in you, she said resolutely.
Great. So tell me about your life, he said as she came to her feet.
Dad! she exclaimed, disconcerted. There is nothing going on in my life. Its exactly the same as it has been for years now. And lets please not forget that you havent been a big fan of my life, she said, and walked into the dining room and an open bottle of wine there.
I dont care if theres nothing new. I still want to hear about you, he sunnily insisted.
Fat chance of that happening, a thought she broadcast to him with a look of pure tedium. The last time theyd had a little chat, shed gone running back to Providence.
Hey, its not what you think, he gaily continued. Ive turned over a new leaf. No, really! See, Ive been doing some work with your mother, and I have come to a couple of conclusions about you and me.
Oh great, just great. She already knew what his conclusions were, and this was really not the day she wanted to hear itshe was a tubby with a dead-end degree and a dead-end life and a dead-end boyfriend who wasnt even her boyfriend.
She poured wine to the very rim of the wineglass, pounded the cork back in with her fist, then returned to the living room and glared down at her father on the couch. I thought you and Mom were in marriage counseling, not father counseling.
We are in marriage counseling, he said, completely undaunted by her glare. But part of marriage counseling covers our joint parenting, and before you tune me out, he said in response to her groan, at least hear me out.
I dont want to hear
Sure you do. Like I saida new leaf.
Rachel sighed, sat down, looked at him skeptically.
I promise, no fighting, he added.
Do I have a choice?
Sure! If you dont want to hear me out now, Ill just stay on indefinitely until youre ready.
Rachel took a big gulp of wine and said, Okay, shoot.
Dad chuckled. Let me start with your professor. Hes a dead-end
Da-ad! she cried. I knew you were going to do this!
Rachel, please let me finish, he said calmly.
She bit her tongue. Literallyalmost clean in two.
Believe me, there is no one on the face of this earth who is happier to see there isnt much between you and that jerk. But today I saw that there isnt, and Im happy. Do you understand why thats important to me?
Yes. Hes not good enough for you.
Wrong. Hes not good enough for you . And I think maybe I never made it very clear that you are too damn good for a man like him.
Rachel snorted into her wineglass. No, you never made that clear. Maybe because you were too busy getting across that I was too heavy and too long in school, and too whatever.
Yeah, he said, and sighed heavily. I know I did that and Im really sorry.
He could not have shocked her more if he had socked her in the mouth. She peered closely at him, had the unsettling idea that perhaps his prognosis had worsened and now he was going to try and make amends for all the things hed ever said to her over the years. Ye old deathbed amends.
But Dad sighed with enough exasperation for her to know that wasnt it, then suddenly sat up, bracing his arms on his legs so that he could focus on her, his eyes narrowing as he studied her. Let me get something off my chest, will you? The thing is, Rachel, of my three girls, you are the one who has always had the biggest heart and the biggest dreams. You were always taking in stray animals and lonely little kids, and youre so damned creative. Id give my right arm to have a tenth of your natural talent. Ive always thought that of all my daughters, you had the greatest potential to really be someone.
Drugs. He was obviously taking some sort of drug cocktail for cancer that was making him crazy. Youre kidding, she said flatly.
Nope. Not kidding, he said, looking pretty serious. I have never never wanted anything but the very best for you, Rachel. That is the Gods honest truth. Now I know sometimes it didnt seem that way. I know I harped on you about your weight, but not because I thought you were any less beautiful than your sisters. Because I thoughtand I think nowthat you are far more beautiful than they are. You have that glow that comes from somewhere inside you. But over the years, Ive seen you on a path of self-destruction that I couldnt abide.
Oh Dad , she said, disbelieving, shaking her head at this bizarre conversation.
And I harped on you about school, he said, undeterred, not because I think you dont deserve to achieve the highest levels of education, but because you were letting that idiot guide your thinking.
That, unfortunately, was something she could hardly argue, given that she had come to the same conclusion herself several months ago.
I want you out of school because I know your future is bright and I dont want you to squander it. You have to seize it, Rachel, and you cant be afraid to do it. I dont know why you aremaybe I made you afraid, but if you will just step out into the world, it is yours for the taking, he said, sweeping his arms wide. You have everything going for youlooks, brains, sense of humor, a huge heart, an ability to connect with the people most of us cant tolerate, as you proved to me today
Dad, what has happened to you? she cried. Youre like someone else entirely!
I dont know, he said, shrugging lightly. Maybe I should have gone to therapy a long time ago. Maybe I should have gotten cancer a long time ago, because that sure has made me smarter about some things. But enough of that, he said, waving his hand dismissively. What about you? Whats going on in your life? I really, truly want to know, he said, and looked so sincere that Rachel almost had to pinch herself to see if she wasnt having one of her very vivid dreams.
Well, she said cautiously, youre right that Im not seeing Myron and I havent in a long time.
Good news. Dad grinned.
But hes remained my friend. Sort of. He was, she said, feeling terribly confused, and pressed her palm to her forehead. Actually, I dont know what he is anymore, she said truthfully, and considered there had been some sort of cosmic rift in the universe, because she was talking to her dad about Myron .
I really dont want him around, but I dont know how to say it. And then theres Dagne. I know shes out there, but shes also genuine, she said, and went on to talk about Dagne, and school, and the things she had considered for her dissertation, and the topic she thought she might have settled on.
As the night progressed and they drank more wine, Rachel told her father about her financial situation, how she had loaned money to her friends, then waived fees and class costs for people who really wanted to learn weaving, and how Mr. Valicielo wanted to sue her, how she hadnt been able to find a teaching job like she wanted, so she had to take a job with a temp agency that was sending her on some really bizarre assignments.
Dad took it all in stride, she had to admit. There had been an initial burst of fatherly outrage about her finances, but then hed laughed at some of her jobs, nodded his agreement that she was doing the right thing.
I dont mind the struggle, she said, voicing aloud a feeling shed had for a while. All my life Ive had whatever I wantedI never had to really think about it. But most people I know go through life like I am right now, working to make ends meet. Im really learning a lot, she said, realizing just how much for the first time.
Yeah, Dad responded with a world-weary sigh. Its a different world than you girls were raised in. But I know what youre talking about. There was a time your mother was pregnant and I worried about putting food on the table. Jesus, its been so long I hardly remember what its like anymore. He paused, looked into space, seeing something in the distant past, she thought.
So, good for you, Rachel, he at last said with a smile. Good for you for willing to learn that important lesson. Most kids who come from your kind of money couldnt be bothered.
She hadnt set out to learn a lesson. But shed set out to crawl out from beneath her fathers long shadow, she realized.
Dad asked about the phone call and she told him about Mike, how theyd met, about their date tomorrow. Good, good. But hes not the one on your mind.
His rare perception on that front completely unnerved her. What? Theres no one on my mind, she started, but Dads chuckling silenced her.
So all those trips to the window and staring off into space and not hearing people talk to you was just what?
Rachel cleared her throat, tried to think of a good excuse. Flynn seemed too huge, too important to share just yet. But Dad was smiling kindly, and she couldnt help herself. She started with a bit of a stammering, Ah well, now that you m-mention it, and proceeded to tell him, in spite of an inner voice screaming at her to stop, about Flynn. How theyd first met, how she kept running into him, how he had enrolled in her class, and how she hadnt believed a guy like him would be interested in a woman like her (that made Dad mad, and she had to endure his lecture on how she was really too good for any guy). She even told him, in a moment of sheer madness, how shed said some things to Flynn she shouldnt have and sent him running.