Wayne runs into his mother’s bedroom and when he opens the door, she’s naked from the waist down. Feces fill her bed and urine drenches her sheets.
“Why did you shit in my bed?” She asks him. “Ma, what are you talkin’ about?”
“You shit in my bed and put me in it! What the fuck is
“Mama, I don’t live here anymore remember? I just came to visit you because you’re getting sicker. Where is the nurse? I thought she was supposed to stay here.”
He knew that was a lie. He loved his mother dearly and even he couldn’t stand the way her vagina hummed if it wasn’t clean. Times like this made him regret not going to college like his mother begged him to. Marbel knew she was getting worst and before she forgot everything, she begged him to use the money she saved all her life for what it was intended for…his college education. Instead he spent every penny on nurses to take care of her twenty four seven, and now most of it was gone.
“Mama, that can’t be true.”
“Don’t tell me what the fuck is true! And don’t call
me your mama neither! I ain’t your damn mama!” “Mama, please. Calm down.”
Mentally Wayne was finding it hard to deal…Sky was
murdered a month earlier and now his mother’s condition was failing terribly. It was discovered some years back that she suffered from progressive Alzheimer’s disease and each year she got worse.
“I don’t wanna hear that shit, nigga! You ain’t nothin’ but a lazy bastard who wants to kill me! I shoulda neva married you!”
It hurt Wayne that his mother referred to him as his father on a regular basis. It didn’t help that with age, he was starting to look more and more like a man who cheated on her consistently when they were together. He left her many years earlier.
“Mama, let me help you up. I gotta clean your bed linings.” Wayne said walking to her bedside trying to ignore her harsh words.
“I don’t want you to clean shit!” she said striking him on the arm with a closed fist.
“Mama! Stop this! Stop doing this!”
“I want you to leave me the hell alone you black bastard! I shoulda let my sister have you since you liked to fuck her more than me anyways. Just don’t try to take my son! You hear me! Don’t try to take my baby from me!”
Unfortunately Wayne found out more about his father’s infidelities since his mother had been sick than he had when they lived together.
“Okay Marbel,” he said pulling the covers back from her legs, the smell of her own bodily fluids filling the air. “I won’t take your son from you.” It was no use in arguing with her about who he was. He had to face the facts. His mother was going to get worse before she got better.
“Get your hands off me! What are you tryin’ to do?!”
“I’m helpin’ you up so I can clean you.” He said as calmly as possible.
“Well I don’t want you helpin’ me!”
“I’m gonna help you anyway, mama. Because I love you.”
Although he had to manhandle his own mother, he was eventually able to get her into a tub of water, wash her body and replace the bed linens. But it was time to make some decisions regarding her health too. And to do that, he would have to call the one person he didn’t want to ever hear from again. His father.
“Shantay, I need you to sit down for a minute, baby. I have to fix your hair and put your shoes on so you can go to school.”
“But I don’t wanna go back to school.” She says dancing around. “I wanna stay here with you.”
“I understand that but you can’t stay with me today.” I say looking down into her pretty eyes. “You’ve been out of school long enough.”
“Awe, man!”
I laugh and say, “Come sit over here with me on the sofa so I can tie your shoes and do your hair.”
She does and I take the jar of green grease and brush her hair into a pretty ponytail. Then I place a yellow ribbon on her hair to keep it together.
“Are you gonna be gone when I get back?” She asks me.
“Yes…but don’t worry, I’ll be coming back to get you in a few weeks. Okay?”
“I don’t want you to leave.” She says as I put on her shoes. “If you go I won’t have nobody to talk to.”
“Nonsense. You still have Parade, Landon, Logan and the new baby Ella.”
“Ella can’t play with me yet and Landon and Logan are mean to me sometimes.”
I laugh and say, “I’m sure that’s not true because Parade and Jay not havin’ all that carryin’ on.”
“It is true...they don’t like me. They think I’m a baby.”
“How is that when you’re four and they’re three?”
“It’s true.”
“Listen I know you don’t believe me, but when you all get older, trust me, you’ll be friends for the rest of your lives.”
Shantay smiles when I say that and I feel warm inside. She looks so much like Daffany that I can’t love her any more if I tried.
“Okay.” She says doing plane motions with her arms. “Miss Wayne?”
“Yes, baby.”
“Why did mama die? Why did she go to heaven and leave me all alone? Didn’t she know that I need her?”
“You’re not alone. We talked about that just now remember?”
“Well why did she leave me without a mommy? She didn’t love me?”
“Yes, baby. Of course she did. It’s just that God needed her help in heaven. But listen,” I say pulling her to me the way my mama use to do me when we shared a couch, “I don’t want you to worry about stuff like that. I want you to focus on bein’ a kid and enjoyin’ life. Okay?”
“Okay.”
“Well, let me take you to school,” I say staring down at her.
“Miss Wayne,” Shantay pauses, “can I call you Mama Wayne instead?”
“Sure you can, honey. But understand that you only have one real mommy. And even if she’s not here, she’s still shinin’ down on you from heaven.”
Shantay looks up to the ceiling and waves. “Hi, mommy. I love you.”
Wayne was uneasy as he waited for his father to come over the apartment he shared with his lover of the moment. He couldn’t believe he was inviting him into his home, after all the things he put him through.
Because he didn’t want to be subjected to his father’s ridicule about his clothes, earlier in the day he purchased a pair of blue slacks along with a white men’s dress shirt. Had he not, he would’ve worn one of the many too tight outfits he kept in the closet.
“What are you wearing?” his lover asked examining his apparel. He was on his way to work.
“What you mean?”
“You look like a…well…man.”
“Newsflash, I know I may tuck myself pretty good to the back honey, but at the end of the day, I’m all man.”
“You know what I mean.”
“I do…and I decided to change it up a bit. My father’s comin’ over and I’m not tryin’ to upset him.”
“Well I don’t like it.”
“And why not?” He asked putting his hands on his hips.
“Because it’s not you, Wayne. Why would you allow him come into our home and make you feel indifferent? He doesn’t deserve that kind of power, sweetheart.”
“I know.” He said with his head hung low. “But what else can I do?”
“You can remember who you are and let him worry about the rest.”
“I do know who I am! Trust me honey, nobody knows who they are more than me.”
“Good…because I’ll fuck him up if he makes you feel bad for it,” he said, grabbing his black Louis Vuitton briefcase, which Wayne bought for him during one of his credit card schemes. “When I get home tonight, I expect my baby to be here and not whoever stands before me now.”
When he left, Wayne walked into his bedroom and looked at himself in the full-length mirror. He looked bad pretending but more importantly he felt uncomfortable. Taking off the new clothes and throwing them into the trashcan, he chose to wear a pair of tight stretch jeans and a fitted white t-shirt which read, ‘Cuter than a newborn baby’, instead. Then he waited for his father to arrive.
Five minutes later, Bells knocked on the door and Wayne allowed him inside. Bells looked thin and frail and walked slower than Wayne remembered. But what Wayne couldn’t get over was the fact that they looked so much alike. It was like looking into a mirror.
“Why are you dressed like that?” Bells asked sitting on the sofa. “You look like a fucking sissy.”
“I’m dressed like this because this is me and it’s none of your fuckin’ business.”
“I don’t believe it…after all this time Marbel still didn’t do a good job of raising you. A grown ass man dressed like a ten year old chick. You’re a disgrace.”
“Look, your slights won’t hurt me anymore. Gone are the days in which I need your acceptance. I know what I am and afraid of you is not one of them.”
“You know what,” he said getting up to leave before the meeting even began, “I’m out of here. I don’t have to listen to this shit from a child I disowned a long time ago.”
Wayne felt awful because he’d hoped their meeting wouldn’t end that way. Right before Bells reached the door he said, “Dad, I need your help.”
Bells stopped but his back remained toward Wayne and his hand rested on the doorknob.
“You need help alright, but I don’t know how I can help you.”
“Well you can. Mom is sick…really sick and I don’t know what to do anymore. On paper, you both are still married and I need permission to put her in a hospital that can help her. She has Alzheimer’s.”
“Alzheimer’s?” He laughed. “Well I don’t believe any of that shit She’s probably just faking to get some attention as usual. I wouldn’t be surprised if that was her way to sit on her fat ass all day and not work.”
“Maybe that’s true,” Wayne said biting his tongue, “but she also thinks I’m you whenever she sees my face. And considering I’m wearing a pair of stretch jeans and tight t-shirt, I think she’s far off. If that doesn’t prove she’s sick I don’t know what does.”
Silence.
“Marbel ain’t hardly my problem nomore. I gots me a young girlfriend to take care of now. What I care about an old dried up ass bitch for?”
Wayne swallowed hard. It took everything in his power not to tackle him and kick his ass. Because unlike when he was a kid, he was positive he could take him now.
“If you ever loved her, if you ever loved me, you’d help us. I don’t know what to do dad…and I need you. I’m not what you hoped for, but I’m still your son.” He continued tears rolling down his face. “She’s at the same place she was when you two last seen each other. Please go to her. Just see her and you’ll know what I’m saying is true.”
Silence.
“I’m gone. Bye, Wayne.”
Wayne didn’t know what his father would do but he certainly hoped it would be the right thing. He was his last hope.
Kevin walked into the living room to see two police officers just leaving and his heart dropped.
“Oh my gawd! What did Betty Badge want with you? I mean, why are they interrogating us?” She asks staring out at the window watching them get into their unmarked squad car.
“You need to calm down, Kevin!” Paul says walking to his office. Then he takes a seat in his chair. “You bein’ real paranoid when you don’t need to be. Everything is under control.”
“But you say they wouldn’t think it was us. And that they’d think it was the drag queen slayer instead if we killed her in the same way. If that’s the case, why were they here?”
“Since you wanna be all loud and stupid, bitch, let’s talk about why they were here. He does think I had something to do with Big Boody Brandy’s death but not you. They don’t even suspect that you were there. And if they question you, act like you don’t know nothin’. All you gotta do is stay calm because it’s not even that deep. We just have to remain cool.”
“But…I don’t know…I mean…how did they know it was you?”
“They don’t
know
anything for sure,” Paul corrects him. “If they did I wouldn’t be talking to you right now.”
“Well what happened? We covered our tracks. We did everything like we planned including puttin’ on gloves. We even cut her penis off and put it in her mouth like the slayer does.”
Queen Paul starts to bore with Kevin’s anxiousness. So he ignores him and as if a light goes off in Kevin’s head he says, “Unless…unless you’re really behind all the shit that’s been happening in the news to begin with.” He says staring down at him. “Queen Paul, I asked you before, but I’ma just ask you again, are you behind all those other murders too?”
“And like you asked me before, I told you it wasn’t me. And if you don’t believe me, then that’s on you.” Paul rises from her chair and struts toward her bedroom.
“I got your number, bitch!” He says to himself. “And I’m not goin’ down with you either.”
Kevin waltz’s into a Washington DC police department wearing a cute black dress and ugly orange shoes. Sure her massive neck and head on top of her body made her look like Wesley Snipes in drag…but as far as she was concerned, she was beautiful.
At first she considered turning around and going home, after all, she also participated in the murder of Brandon Bar. Instead of incriminating herself, she had plans to remix things in her favor.
Walking up to the counter she says, “I’d like to speak to a detective please.”
“And what is this in reference to?” An officer asks looking Kevin up and down.
“I’d like to report a murder.”
The fried fish was done and I just finished making a fresh salad with leafy greens, tomatoes, onions and shredded cheddar cheese. I walk the bowl over to the table, dish out two plates and sit next to Parade. She’s staring at her food but isn’t eating a bite.
“It looks good,” she says moving the meal around in her plate. “And the fish smells great.”
“Baby…You ‘sposed to eat it you know.” I joke.
The kids were at school and baby Ella was at the daycare center because Parade and me really needed this time alone.
“What time does your flight leave?”
“At 6:00 PM…I wanna show Ryan LA and then we headed back home.”
Parade is quiet for about two minutes and she forces some food down and says, “So…when are you coming back? To LA?”
“I’ll be back in a few weeks to get Shantay after this ball I’m walkin’ in is over. Hopefully I’ll win and can earn some money. Then I’m gonna settle down and raise Shantay and I was thinkin’ about buying a house.”
“Really,” she asks with hopefulness in her eyes, “Where you want to buy your house?”
“In Accokeek, Maryland or somethin’. I want to be closer to trees and serenity. And I still haven’t seen my mother. I’m thinkin’ it’s time.”
She smiles and says, “You know it’s been years since you said her name?”
“That’s because it hurts too much to be around her right now. You know her memory is fucked up, but for some reason, she remembers to think that I’m my father. A man she hates.”
“Oh…I’m sorry, Wayne.” She says touching my hand. “I didn’t know it was that bad because you never talk about her.”
“Don’t be sorry, honey. After all the death and despair around me recently, I’m startin’ to realize I can handle anything.”
She sighs.
“But when your mother passes…or if she passes, are you gonna come back to LA then?”
“No, Parade. I don’t think I will. There isn’t anything here for me anymore, girl.”
She slams her fork down on her plate and yells, “Why do you wanna hurt me?! You know I want you and Shantay to be here with me! Daffany is gone and you’re taking yourself and her away from me too? Those faggies mean more to you than I do? I thought I was your family?”
“Parade, this is why I asked Ryan to do some shoppin’ without me today. I wanted to talk to you alone.” I say in a low voice. “Look, I know things have been crazy around here and trust me when I say it’s been hard on me too. I’m so use to cryin’ when I lay down that I haven’t slept in days.”
“I know…I mean…I do understand you lost her too and that you have a life. It’s just that this whole thing is bothering me more. You’re stronger than me, Miss Wayne. You’ve always been.”
“You haven’t been yourself for awhile, Miss Parade. Before Miss Daffany passed you were actin’ like somethin’ heavy was on your mind. You’re angry all the time and you lash out for no reason! Not to mention the fact that you’re so concerned with holdin’ on to me, that you’re destroyin’ your marriage! What the fuck is really goin’ on with you? Talk to me!”
“I don’t know what I’m feeling! I’m confused,” she sobs. “I have a man who couldn’t love me more yet every time I look at him, he reminds me of Sky and I feel like I’m betraying her since she was with him first. And then…and then…” She hesitates.
“What is it, baby? Don’t hold back. Get it out, tell me what’s up!”
“I’ve done something I’m not proud of.” She sobs heavier. “I never shared this with anyone because I forgot all about it until recently. When I found out I was pregnant with Ella…I started having nightmares about my past again. It was like I was remembering things I suppressed deep in my mind that I never wanted to know.”
She pauses and I say, “Go ahead, Parade. Please.”
“I…I…use to sleep with my father, Wayne. When I was younger.” She pauses and wipes her tears. “It stopped when I got into high school but it went on for a long time before that. I think that’s one of the reasons my mother hates me…I wonder…I wonder if she knows. I wonder if she ever walked in on us having sex before.”
“I don’t understand. What do you mean you use to sleep with your father? Do you mean Mr. Knight, raped you?”
“No. I mean…I don’t think so.”
“I’m confused. Did he have a sexual relationship with you or not, Parade?”
“Yes!” she cries. “And I liked it. I liked how he made me tingle and I liked the attention he gave me. I heard of molestation but my father wasn’t the monster I thought molesters were. He was good to me when we were good. But now I’m afraid that the same thing will happen between Ella and Jay. And I’m realizing what we shared was not right.”
Wow.
This explains everything.
Now I understand why she is so clingy and has been rejecting her husband…she’s been a victim of molestation. I put my arms around her and we’re both crying so hard it’s difficult to understand one another.
Somehow I manage to pull away from her grasp and say, “Parade, I don’t care how good it felt, your father took advantage of you. He raped you! He is a fuckin’ bum bitch who took advantage of your sadness. He knew you didn’t have anybody and he used you for your body. And just because it felt good, doesn’t mean you weren’t raped. Some rapes do feel good which is why you’re so fucked up afterwards.”
“No…no,” she said shaking her head. “I said he wasn’t like that.”
“Yes it was like that, baby! You were failed by a man who was supposed to protect you, just like my father failed me. Do you understand that?”
“I…I don’t want that to happen to Ella. I don’t want Jay to hurt my baby girl like my father did me.”
“I’ve looked into Jay’s eyes, Parade. I’ve seen how he looks at you and how he gloats over those kids. That man would never do no shit like that. Give him a chance and let him be there for you and his family.”
She wraps her arms around me tighter. “I thank God for you every time I close my eyes…and this is why.”
“I finally understand why you’re so hurt but I have to tell you somethin’. Parade, you have to realize that real friends don’t grow a part, they just take different paths in life. We aren’t kids anymore on the stoops of our apartment building. You have a beautiful family and I’m tryin’ to get one started of my own one day. But it doesn’t mean I don’t love you.”
“I understand.”
We hug again.
“I can’t believe Miss Daffany is gone,” I say remembering what was more important. “I can’t believe I won’t see her face anymore.”
“Me too. She drove herself to sickness because of worrying about that IRS shit! And a day after she dies, we get the information from your lawyer that we can be put on a payment plan to save our businesses. Had she just held on, things would have been okay.”
“I know but you have to remember, Daffany went from havin’ nothin’ to havin’ everything…and then the IRS came and threatened all that shit. Let’s not forget that just before Shantay was born, she was sellin’ her body for drugs, food and shelter. She was scared of goin’ back to that again. ”
“You’re right,” she says softly. “I guess I never thought about it like that.”
“I understood her reasoning, just wish she understood I had her back, and that it was okay to be loved.”
“What are you going to do with the boutique?”
I sigh and say, “Well, right now the staff is running it pretty well, but when someone makes me an offer I can’t refuse, I’m gonna take it. It reminds me too much of Daffany and I don’t think I can keep it.”
“Let me have it!” Parade suggests.
“You can’t run the apartment building, your houses, the make-up store and my boutique.”
“Sure I can! I can buy it from you by the end of next week. I’ll have my attorney put the paperwork together and everything. Our funds are free now so it’s not a problem anymore.”
“Oh Mercy…Listen at you. You’ll have your attorney put the paperwork together.” I laugh.
“I’m serious.”
“Why do you want to keep the shop?”
“For the opposite reason you want to sell it. Because it reminds me of Daffany and I kinda want to hold on to it.”
When I think of her reasoning, without question, I take the offer.
And then, a totally irrelevant flash of Tyrone being behind me enters my mind again. And then I remember.
Everything.