Miss Wrong and Mr Right (8 page)

‘Yes, and I will…’

‘Do I ever ask you for anything?’
 

‘Yes. You asked me for ketchup when we had chips the other night…’

‘I’m not in the mood for your childish silliness,’ he said. ‘I need to prepare for class. Go through.’ He waved me away with the back of his hand. I went to say something, but he’d sat back in his chair and closed his eyes.
 

I got up and went through to the studio. I was furious. I hadn’t expected him to be such an idiot. I found my usual place at the front and unrolled my mat. The studio soon filled up, and by two minutes to nine we were packed in like sardines. Just before the class began, two very pretty girls, who can’t have been more than twenty, came in and put their mats right at the front. One was blonde, and one dark. They were stripping down to little string bikinis just as Benjamin came in.
 

‘Welcome ladies,’ he said his eyes lighting up. ‘I see you’re newbies, I’ll keep my eye on you both.’

They giggled and flicked their hair. He stood at the front and shrugged off his robe. Underneath he was wearing a tiny black thong.

Benjamin usually wears sports gear to teach his class… And so do all his pupils. But a
thong
!

I was in shock, but felt unable to say anything as the class began. I kept trying to catch his eye and give him a look, asking what the hell he was doing strutting about in a thong which clearly showed the outline of everything in front, and, when he turned to open a window with the long window pole, the little string vanishing between his bare backside!

However, Benjamin ignored me for the whole class. Several times he went to the two girls in the skimpy bikinis and adjusted their yoga positions, placing his hand on an upper thigh.

After the class I took a shower, fuming under the water as I listened to the two girls giggling in the changing room, saying how hot they thought the yoga teacher was… I waited until they’d left the changing room before I came out of the shower.
 

When I’d changed, I found Benjamin in his office. He had his robe back on and was tapping away at his computer.

‘Natalie, you’re still here?’ he said. I sat down opposite.

‘Benjamin. What was with the thong?’ I asked.

‘What?’
 

‘The tiny posing pouch. The floss up your arse!’

‘What?’ he said seeming genuinely confused.

‘What do you mean what? You might as well have been naked!’

‘Natalie. In many cultures yoga is practised naked…’

‘But this is London. And you were kitted out like one of the guys from
Magic Mike
. Which is fine for strippers, but…’

‘The sports shorts were inhibiting my movement,’ he said.

‘And why didn’t you correct any of my postures?’ I asked.

‘Your postures were fine.’

‘No, they weren’t. I deliberately hunched my back during downward facing dog.’

‘Did you?’

‘So you weren’t even looking at me! Obviously those two girls in bikinis were more important…’

‘Natalie, they were new. Do you remember what it was like when you first started? I had to adjust your postures.’

‘Yes. And that’s how it began with us, isn’t it? And I fell for it hook line and sinker… Are you a proper yoga teacher, or is this just a pickup joint for you?’

Benjamin sat back and regarded me.

‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. You are a very good yoga teacher,’ I said.

‘I think you should go home Natalie. I don’t like your energy right now,’ he said.
 

‘I’m sorry. Look, let’s go and get a coffee. I have loads to tell you. Our tickets have…’

‘Natalie. I have another class.’

‘Do you want to come with me for lunch at Sharon’s?’ I said. He shook his head. ‘How about coming over tonight then?’ He didn’t say anything.

‘You’ll give me a call, yeah?’

He nodded his head. I picked up my bag and left his office.
 

On my way out Laura flashed me a horrible smile. She had big chunks of pickled onion crisps between her teeth.

‘Nata-lee-a,’ said Sharon’s husband Fred when he opened their front door. He is quite short and dark with scruffy hair and warm caramel-coloured eyes. He’s Italian, his grandparents came over to London after the war. He doesn’t have an accent like his father, but he still cries ‘
Nata-lee-a’
whenever he sees me. I gave him a kiss on the cheek and followed him through to the kitchen. The French doors had been thrown open and a warm breeze wafted through the kitchen. Sharon was buzzing about laying the table for lunch.
 

‘Hey Nat,’ she said swooping in for a kiss on her way to the fridge. ‘You want a glass of rosé?’

‘More than anything else right now…’ I said.

‘Oh dear,’ said Fred taking a chilled bottle of New Zealand rosé from her and grabbing the cork screw.
 

‘AMY! FELIX! Lunch is in ten minutes,’ yelled Sharon. From the depths of the living room I could hear the sound of a computer game being played and grunts of acknowledgement.

‘Benjamin not coming?’ asked Sharon.

‘Um, no,’ I said. I’ve given up making excuses, and Fred and Sharon don’t expect them. I noticed that the table was set for five. They’d guessed correctly he wouldn’t show.
 

There was a lovely clean sounding pop as Fred opened the wine. He poured three glasses and handed one each to me and Sharon.

‘Cheers,’ he said and we clinked. After I’d taken a good gulp I told them about the launch party, and about seeing Jamie.
 

‘Jamie Dawson?’ asked Sharon.

‘Yes,’ I said.

‘And he’s dating Tuppence Halfpenny… She’s like the British…’

‘Dita Von Teese, yes,’ I finished.

‘God I picked a right night to get nits…’ said Sharon.

‘She’s pretty nice stuff that Tuppence Halfpenny. All that lace, and those suspenders,’ grinned Fred.

‘Steady on mister,’ said Sharon tossing a salad briskly with two long plastic spoons.

‘What? You can have pictures of Ryan Harrison in the pantry, and I can’t appreciate the curves of Miss Halfpenny?’ grinned Fred.

‘No. Is the simple answer,’ said Sharon. ‘The crushes women experience are so much more elegant and romantic. If Ryan Harrison walked in here right now, I would offer him some salad and a glass of fine wine… If Tuppence walked in right now, your eyes would go all glassy, you’d drool, and no doubt have to adjust your trousers…’

‘No, no. I’m class all the way,’ protested Fred. ‘The only trouser adjusting I do is for you.’ He leant in and kissed her. I looked at them, they are still so in love after all these years. Sharon gave me a grin and took the salad over to the table.

‘So how did Jamie look after all these years?’ she asked.
 

‘He still looks so good. He’s like a fine wine, he's aged well,’ I said.

‘Like Fred. He’s a vintage,’ laughed Sharon rubbing the balding patch in Fred’s dark hair.

‘Hey! She was lucky to marry me, wasn’t she?’ he smiled. I grinned and nodded.

‘Do you ever wish you’d married Jamie?’ asked Sharon.
 

‘God no! No… No, no, no, no, no…’ I said. I took a gulp of wine. There was an awkward pause.

‘Okay, I think we’re ready to eat,’ said Sharon.

I loved going for lunch at Sharon’s, but today I felt out of sorts. All the talk of Jamie and what might have been made me see their happy family in a different light. They were such a tight, loving little unit. They never make me feel out of place, but today I did.

After we’d eaten the first course of cold meats, cheese and salad, I excused myself and went upstairs to the bathroom. I turned on the taps and tried Benjamin on my mobile, to my surprise he answered.
 

‘Benjamin hi,’ I said cupping my hand around the phone.

‘Are you by the sea?’ he asked. I turned off the taps.

‘No. I’m at Sharon’s. In the bathroom.’

‘Are you on the toilet? Because Natalie, that’s just disrespectful.’

‘I’m not on the toilet. I’m sitting on the edge of the bath, running the taps,’ I regretted saying this because it hinted that I had somehow hidden myself away to phone him. ‘I called to see what you’re doing later?’ I added.

‘Nothing,’ he said.

‘Great. So do you want to come round? We can order some sushi, and we can put on a film you like. I’ve got
Ghandi
on DVD…’

‘No, I’m planning on doing nothing. I need to think. Meditate.’

‘About what?’ I said hopefully.

‘Natalie, what is this Western obsession with
doing things
and filling up your time with tasks?’

‘But you said…’

‘Natalie, I’m a free spirit, you knew this when you entered into a relationship with me…’

‘I was going to ask you tonight, but because you’re busy doing nothing, I have to ask you now. How would you like to come to my sister Micky’s christening?’ I asked.

‘I thought your sister was in her late twenties?’
 

‘It’s her son Dexter’s christening,’ I clarified.

There was a pause.

‘Natalie, you know I despise organised religion.’

‘There’s nothing really religious about it, it’ll just be a load of middle-class people showing off their children.’

‘Fine,’ he said.

‘Fine what?’

‘I’ll come to the christening.’

‘Really?’ I said, shocked.

‘Of course, Natalie. We’re in an adult relationship. This is what adults do.’

‘Well that’s fab, thank you, I mean that’s great. And if you want to do some adult stuff, I can come over after all… Before you do nothing, we could do somethi…’

‘Natalie, please give me some space.
Namaste
.
’ And then he hung up.
 

I turned off the taps. I quickly wrote a triumphant text message to my mother:

I WILL BE COMING TO THE CHRISTENING WITH BENJAMIN
 

CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOU ALL & FOR U TO MEET HIM :) NAT x

P.S FORGOT TO ASK ABOUT TRIFLE. WILL FIND OUT.

 
I heard Sharon from downstairs asking one of the kids to come and get me for dessert. I washed my hands and came out of the bathroom. Amy and Felix leapt back from where they had been listening outside the door.
 

‘Hello, what are you two up to?’ I asked. Amy threw her arms around my waist and gave me a huge hug.

‘WE love you Aunt Nat… don’t we Felix?’ she said. He nodded sagely beside her.

‘And I love you both too,’ I said.

‘Benjamin doesn’t deserve you,’ Amy added. ‘We just heard you on the phone.’

‘He does sound like a commitment probe,’ said Felix nodding.

‘Not a
probe
Felix, Mum said commitment
phobe
,
’ corrected Amy.

‘What’s a probe?’ asked Felix.

‘That’s the thing they put up daddy’s bottom, when he had the health check… A ‘phobe’ is someone who is scared of something…’ said Amy. ‘Benjamin is scared to commit to Aunt Nat, and that’s not her fault, he’s just making her feel that it is. That’s what commitment phobes do.’
 

I looked at her, shocked at her insight and maturity.

‘He’s just agreed to come to a christening with me,’ I said, realising I was seeking the approval of an eight and ten year old.

‘Mum thinks Benjamin is a wanker,’ said Felix. ‘We overheard her saying that to Daddy. And she said that you think you're not good enough for him, but actually you are way better…’

‘And Mummy said you shouldn’t be afraid to be single and stay in the relationship just because you don’t want to be alone…’ added Amy.
 

Sharon appeared at the bottom of the stairs.

‘There you all are. Who wants pavlova?’

‘Yayyayayayayayyy!’ The kids screamed and ran down the stairs.

‘Nat?’

‘I’d love some, and some more of that wine,’ I said.

I left mid-afternoon, and after saying bye to the kids and Fred, Sharon came with me to the front door.

‘Thanks again for lunch,’ I said giving her a hug. ‘Benjamin has agreed to come to Dexter’s christening. He’s going to meet my family.’

‘That’s nice,’ she said. ‘It’s only taken him a year, is it?’

‘Eleven and a half months… Do you like Benjamin?’ Sharon opened her mouth then closed it. ‘Be honest, please,’ I added.

She came out onto the front step and pulled the door closed behind her.

‘Nat. Whoever you love, I will love, or I will try my best to… I just think that Benjamin, I think he…’

‘Is a commitment phobe and a wanker?’

‘I may have said that off the record…’ said Sharon uncomfortably. ‘But seriously, I think you are a catch Nat. You’re clever, and funny and so loyal. You are my best friend who I want the best for. And I don’t know if Benjamin is the best.’

‘He can be different when I get him on his own… And he sees the world differently…’
 

‘Look, Nat. If you can make it work with Benjamin, then I support you all the way, and I will love him because you love him. Hell, he can even babysit!’

I smiled.

‘So on another subject,’ she said. ‘When do I get to meet Ryan Harrison?’

‘We start rehearsals tomorrow,’ I said. ‘Let me get the first day over with and then I’ll sort something. I promise.’

‘Love you,’ she said giving me a big hug. As I made my way to the train station it kept going round in my head what, Sharon had said…
 

If you can make it work with Benjamin, then I support you all the way…

Maybe it was simple. I just had to make it work. Maybe I just needed to go with it, take risks. Benjamin agreeing to come to the christening was a real breakthrough. If that went well I could bring him to Sharon’s for Sunday lunch, and we could babysit!
 

When I got home I made a decision. I had a shower, shaved my legs, straightened my hair and made myself look irresistible, best underwear and all. I packed my toothbrush and spare underwear in case things went very well and I stayed over. I then took the tube down to Benjamin’s.
 

I spent the tube journey thinking what I would say. I’d tell him I was being spontaneous – that would be a word to appeal to Benjamin. I’d say that I’d come all the way for one kiss, and after that kiss I’d be on my way. He’d be unable to resist and pull me indoors.