“I was only making a true statement.” Her mother laughed.
“Keefe is not pompous. And of course he’s giving me away.”
“Keefe’s your brother, not your father. Even if he thinks he is. He isn’t. I ought to know. Why don’t you ask someone else?”
“Why don’t you tell me who my father is? Maybe I’ll ask him.”
“How the hell would I know? Pick one, I gave you enough choices.”
“Keefe’s giving me away. He may be my brother but he also played the role of father for me,” Mia paused, “and he was also my mother.”
“Do you think that’s going to hurt me? You’re both adults. Do you think I’m going to beat myself up over every little thing I did wrong in my life? No, Mia, I’ll tell you, I’m not.”
“Little thing? You abandoned us. We went to foster care.”
“And you got out. It’s over, let it go. God, you’re the one who’s going to be a psychologist. Didn’t any of your teachers ever teach you that?”
Mia couldn’t believe the conversation she was having with her mother. She shook her head. It felt as if she’d just dropped down in the middle of some horror flick. Her mother had never talked to her in that manner before
. Because I gave her money.
Keefe was right. He’d always been right. Their mother was a narcissistic, self-centered woman who didn’t care. In a rare moment she’d reached out a helping hand and Mia had allowed that to make her think there might yet be hope. Probably the best thing her mother had ever done for them was to ditch them.
“Listen,” Mia said, intending to end the conversation. “I’ll let you know when everything’s settled.” She wondered if she really would bother calling her mother again.
“When are you going to stop taking advantage of your brother?”
Wham! That came out of nowhere. The moment when Mia had been able to disconnect the phone vanished. “What are you talking about?”
“You. It’s time you let him go. Start now. You’re making a new life for yourself. Start with that. Pick someone else to walk you down the aisle.”
“Why? Keefe wants to…”
“How do you know that? Have you ever given him a choice? I’ll bet if you did he’d take it.”
She knew she should hang up the phone and not allow her mother to get to her, but she had to ask. “What makes you think Keefe doesn’t want to walk me down the aisle?”
“Mia, you’re either stupid or truly naive. Your brother is in love with Ashleigh. Get the picture?”
“What does that have to do with him giving me away?”
“Duhhh. You’re marrying the man who was engaged to the woman your brother is now in love with. Use your brain, girl. Do you really think your brother will be comfortable doing that? No. You’re taking advantage of him, just like you always have.”
Mia winced. “Keefe loves me. He wants to do it,” she repeated, hating the fact that her mother had reduced her to feeling as if she were still a little girl. Mia could feel the pressure building in her. She shook her head, ordering herself to not allow the words inside.
“That’s just it, Mia. He’s not your father and you’ve asked too much of him already. He’s given up everything for you. Now you want to put him in a position where he’s bound to be uncomfortable. Why don’t you ask him? Tell him you’re going to ask someone else. See if he puts up a fight or if he’s relieved.”
“I can’t do that to Keefe. He’s looking forward to this.”
“Is he? Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure,” Mia answered, not feeling sure at all. “I want him to…”
“See? There it is. It’s what
you
want. And you two have the nerve to call me selfish. I’m realistic, Mia, I don’t use rose-colored glasses to look at the world as you do. I see very well without them. I was there. I heard Keefe tell you it was time the two of you let each other go.”
“He didn’t mean it like that. He just thought we depended on each other too much. He would be hurt if I asked someone else. You don’t know him and you don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Ahh, you’re getting angry.” Her mother laughed at her. “Are you afraid to know that your brother has gotten tired of you? Wake up, Mia, and grow up. It’s time you let your brother get on with his life. If I’m wrong, he’ll tell you. But for heaven’s sake, you owe him that much. Just tell him you’re going to ask someone else. You’ll see how relieved he is.”
“I’ll talk to you later, Mom,” Mia said, this time more than ready to hang up.
“Mia,” her mother called out before she could hang up. “About that other thing. I wasn’t kidding you. You’d better get some experience before your wedding night or Damien’s going back to his old ways real quick. Hell, the first woman that he sees he’s going to want to screw if you don’t know what you’re doing.”
“You’re wrong.”
“Am I? Hey, I just thought of something. I know why Damien wants to marry you in such an all-fired hurry. You won’t give it up and he wants the drawers. God, how I wish I could be in the room with you on your wedding night. What a joke that’s going to be.”
Mia hung up the phone, her mother’s vulgar words and cruel laughter ringing inside her head. All of the joy she’d felt when she’d called her mother was now gone. She looked down at her hands. They were trembling. She wanted to talk to her brother, tell Keefe what their mother had said to her. She wanted to hear him tell her that the whole thing was ridiculous, that of course he wanted to walk her down the aisle, that she was not being selfish in asking him, that he loved her. But she didn’t call him. She’d deal with this as she had every problem in her life, only not right now. She didn’t want to relive the conversation so soon. Her process would work when she was ready. It always had.
As for Damien, a lump formed in her throat. He’d been teasing her about giving it up. That wasn’t why he wanted to marry her. She refused to entertain that thought. Mia hated her mother for planting the seeds of doubts. She knew her life with Damien would be what they made it. It still remained in her control. She was determined not to allow the seeds to take root.
Mia fell asleep knowing that her mother might be right about Keefe. He would do anything to make her happy, even if it made him miserable. He’d proven that over and over. God, she prayed, let her mother be wrong. She wanted him to be the one to give her away.
Mia’s hand shook as she applied her lipstick. Three days had passed since she’d talked to her mother. At the oddest times her mother’s words would jump out at Mia, making her doubt, reminding her of things she’d rather keep hidden. Her mother’s words had restarted the prickly sensation that crawled over Mia’s skin when she’d been hurt.
She chewed on her lips, hating the way her mother always threw her a little off kilter. Every time she took two steps forward, boom, her mother would do or say something, and Mia would be back at the beginning. She hated the power her mother had over her; she hated the fact that in spite of all the woman had done she still wanted her mother to love her and Keefe.
Give Keefe a chance to say no. Tell him you’re going to ask someone else to walk you down the aisle. Are you afraid
?
A shiver traveled from the crown of her head to her back and hovered around her hips. Mia blew out a breath, determined to let go of her mother’s hateful words. It had always been Mia and Keefe against the world. Nothing had changed. Her emotions began to thunder through her faster than she could keep pace, faster than even her deep breathing could handle.
Later
, she thought.
I’ll deal with it later
.
With an even shakier hand Mia finished applying her makeup rushing out to answer the door when she heard Damien calling her name. Tonight they would meet with Keefe and Ashleigh. The four of them would mend their fences and attempt to become a family. She would forget her past; she would forget everything but her future happiness.
* * *
Keefe sat next to Ashleigh, smiling at his baby sister. She was beaming and he was happy for her, thrilled that she was getting what she wanted. Still, there was doubt that clawed at him, fear that she was rushing things.
“A month, Mia? Why the rush?” he asked at last, watching as Mia’s face became red.
“Damien and I talked. It’s going to be closer to two months.”
“That’s still a very short time. What’s the rush?” Keefe turned as he heard a snicker from Ashleigh and glanced at her, then at Damien before he understood. “Oh, I get it,” he said softly, not wanting to carry that part of the conversation farther. “Okay, tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it.”
“When are you going to stop taking advantage of your brother? He’s not your father and you’ve asked too much of him already.” Her mother’s words were hammering away at her
. Not now
, she thought, balling her hand in her lap and wishing she’d examined her feelings earlier.
She shook her head slightly before looking at the way Keefe was holding Ashleigh’s hand. Could her mother be right? She didn’t want to think it, but the notion refused to budge. Maybe she should offer him an out and see if he’d take it.
“Mia, snap out of it. There’s a lot to be done in two months, but between the two of us I’m sure we can handle it. Now what do you want me to do?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing?” Keefe laughed and shook his head, grinning at his sister. She was kidding, she had to be. This was Mia. Not want him to do anything? No way was that possible. “Mia, come on, we don’t have time for us to pretend you don’t need my help. I’m willing to give it. Now tell me what you need.”
“I’m serious. I don’t need you to do anything. I’m going to handle everything on my own.”
“I can help,” Damien offered.
“So can I,” Ashleigh chimed in. “Four people working will take a lot of the pressure off you, Mia.”
“Thanks,” Mia said slowly, “but I don’t need any help. I want to do this, Keefe. Alone,” she said for emphasis.
Keefe tried smiling but he couldn’t, so he licked his lips instead. “You don’t need me?” he asked.
“I don’t need you.” Mia answered.
A lump was forming in his throat. He must be saying it wrong. He decided to try again. He smiled, trying not to show that he was hurt. “You need me to walk you down the aisle,” he said, hoping that by repeating the word ‘
need
’ Mia would look up at him and realize what she’d said. Instead, she smiled at Damien before answering him.
“I was thinking of asking someone else to walk me.” ‘Give him a choice, leave it up to Keefe.’ Heat flooded her face and her palms turned sweaty.
This is crazy
, Mia thought. Why should she even think about the nonsense her mother had said? She should not doubt her brother. If she were going to doubt anyone, it should be her mother, not Keefe.
“Who’s going to walk you down the aisle?” Keefe was pissed. It wasn’t like Mia to shut him out of the most important day of her life.
“I was thinking of asking Jerry.”
Keefe swallowed and rubbed his chin, wondering what was going on. When he finally looked up, Damien was staring at him with that damn compassion in his eyes, making Keefe forget that he’d decided to bury the hatchet. He felt the fingers of Ashleigh’s hand gently caress his thigh, trying to offer him comfort.
This was too much. He’d planed forever to walk Mia down the aisle. Just in the past year he had been the one who was going to give her away when she was supposed to marry James. What had changed? He glared at Damien, returning his look of compassion with one of anger. He didn’t want compassion from the man. Suddenly he knew what was different. It had to be Damien who didn’t want him involved in Mia’s life.
Keefe didn’t answer Mia. He couldn’t. How could she sit there so casually talking about shutting him out of her life? He couldn’t believe it.
“Did he put you up to this?” Keefe hissed between clenched teeth, jerking his thumb in Damien’s direction. “Is this some kind of payback for my initial reaction to your being with Mia? Is it the job,” he asked, turning toward Damien.
“I had nothing to do with this,” Damien said, defending himself.
“Leave him alone, Keefe. This was my decision. It’s what I want to do.”
“Then by all means do it,” Keefe sputtered. “I wouldn’t dream of stopping you. In fact that should be one of the first things you take care of. You want to make sure he’s not busy.”
“I know what I need to do and when I need to do it. You’re not my father, Kee. Stop acting like you are.”
Suddenly Keefe was finding it difficult to breathe. He put his hand on his chest and saw the concern in Ashleigh’s eyes. She handed him a glass of water and he took a sip, knowing that it would take a lot more than water to get past the hurt.
“I just want Jerry’s number.” Inside she was praying,
Please, Kee, just tell me, no way, no how, is Jerry going to walk you down the aisle. Tell me that you want to do it. Tell me that Mom’s wrong. Please, Keefe.
Keefe stood and reached in his back pocket for his wallet. He rifled angrily through the assorted cards, then threw one down on the table.
Mia watched her brother, her vision clouded by memories of not being wanted by her aunts, her cousins, and her mother. But she could only continue on the path she’d started.