Authors: Amy Rachiele
“Sommersville has gotten on my last nerve.
I’m done with this shit.” Some nod in agreement. He points to me,
“My Tonio will lead the hit.” His hands gesture as he speaks,
“Tonio has proven his worth.” I am shocked and honored that my
father trusts and believes in me enough for this
responsibility.
All faces turn to me. Admiration is on the
young faces and pride is on the old. I stand to acknowledge my Pop
with a respectful nod letting him know I accept.
Vito nudges me. I can tell he is psyched. I
catch Dino staring at me. I just look away; he is not worth my
time. Louie picks up on it and whispers to me.
“I know why he isn’t at college. He gotten
fuckin’ kicked out for selling drugs.”
“Fuckin’ stunad,” I mutter.
Pop brings up the attack at the restaurant.
“Tonio, selflessly snuck up on the bastards and pumped iron in the
back window till it broke-frightening those fuckers away.” I was
embarrassed by Pop’s accolades. I just reacted. I don’t think it
was selfless. ‘
Don’t think, just do!’
replays in my
head.
A week of doing Donny’s dirty work goes by.
On the days I was close to home, I picked up Megan from school.
Vito offered to take Erin home so Megan and I could be alone for
awhile but Megan always said no. I don’t think Megan trusted Vito
with her sister. It’s okay because just seeing her for a short time
made everything I do worthwhile.
Pop never disclosed at the meeting when the
attack is going to take place. He knows there’s a snitch somewhere.
So he said he’d let me know when the time is right.
Vito, Ronnie, and Louie are pumped up. They
plan on coming. They don’t have to but they want to. Vito says that
he has my back always.
It’s Friday and I really want to pick Megan
up but I have a runner. The guy took off. I chased him and I know
where he’s going. He has a sister who lives about 30 miles away
from Palmetto. I’m going to stake out her house.
Capisce ?(ga-bish): Do you get it?
Megan:
I’m sitting in history class thinking about
Antonio of course. I have a habit now of touching the necklace he
gave me. It’s the nicest gift I have ever received. We made plans
to go to the movies this weekend. I really want to go to the mall
to get some new clothes with the cooler weather starting. It would
be nice to have a new outfit for our date.
“Megan,” my history teacher calls me.
“Yes, Mrs. Touti?”
“You’re needed at the main office.” I pack up
my books and walk down the hall.
As I turn the corner into the office doorway,
I am taken aback. My father standing there.
“Hi Meg,” my father says quietly.
“Uh, hi Dad. What are you doing here?” In all
the years I have been in school, I can’t remember my father ever
coming to school. I had a music recital in which I played the Harp
in middle school and he didn’t even come.
“I signed you out.” I pause while he
continues. “I have somewhere I want to take you.”
“Uh, okay.” The secretary waves to me from
her desk and I say goodbye. Dad and I walk to the mini-van and get
in in silence.
Weird-that is the only word to describe this
moment. We drove for about ten minutes still in complete
silence.
“Where are we going?” I ask.
“You’ll see.”
“Is it a surprise?”
“You’ll see when we get there.” Dad said
stoically.
I wanted to ask more questions but my
father’s demeanor was actually starting to frighten me.
“Did Antonio give you that necklace?” He asks
never taking his eyes off the road.
“Yes.” I immediately touch it and smile.
“Are you going out again?” his voice never
changing.
“Yes, we’re going to the movies. Why?”
My Dad didn’t respond he just kept
driving.
After a while we drove into a neighborhood
with small houses and tiny front lawns. It’s the middle of the
afternoon so there isn’t anyone around; most likely because kids
are at school and parents are at work. My Dad parks in front of
someone’s house. No clue whose house or even where we are.
“Where are we?” I ask.
“Megan...” My father says not looking at me
but at the steering wheel. “This is for your own good. Get
out.”
My heart was racing with worry and a lot of
fear.
What is this all about?
I slowly open my door. My
father comes around the van to stand next to me. He grabs my wrist
and starts pulling me down the sidewalk. He’s not rough but not
gentle either.
“What are we doing Dad?”
“Quiet.” He warns.
I can faintly hear yelling as we walk
farther. Still clutching my wrist, my Dad walks us over to a tree.
The yelling is getting louder. My Dad moves us slowly to the edge
of some house. I still have no clue what we’re doing or whose house
this is.
Are we trespassing?
One of the voices is familiar
and the tones are sharp and mean.
“I told you to never fuckin’ run from me!” I
hear as my father pushes me a little to see around the corner of
the house. He is right behind me. Two men are standing and
struggling in the backyard. The smaller man is in a headlock. He is
reaching behind him to try and grab his assailant. I put my hand on
the house to steady myself and bits of peeling paint crumble in my
hand.
“Where’s the money? I’m not asking again.”
Those words help me to understand the horror I’m witnessing.
It’s Antonio!
Within seconds Antonio gives two kicks to the
man’s kidneys. The guy yells and falls to the ground. Antonio
reaches for the man’s leg and with a quick twist snaps his left
leg. My body jolts and cringes with the break and snap. The man
screams and so do I. But my scream is muffled by my father’s hand
over my mouth. Hot tears burn my eyes as I watch Antonio’s face.
It’s full of rage and hatred. It is an expression that I can’t even
imagine on the most infamous criminal-heartless and cold. Tears
continue to flood my eyes and roll down my face and slide down my
father’s hand.
As the man is writhing on the ground, Antonio
punches him twice in the face and says, “Shut the fuck up!” He
rifles through the man’s pockets and finds a wad of cash.
I feel the scratch of vomit welling up in the
back of my throat. My body convulses with panic.
Antonio kicks the guy hard in the leg he
broke, shoves the money in his pocket and says, “Next time if you
run I won’t be so fuckin’ nice.”
That’s it. I lose it. I wriggle to get away
from my father and push off from the house. I vomit into the
bushes. My father grabs my hand and starts jerking on me to run.
But I can’t see through the tears, and I collapse with more dry
heaves wracking my body. My father reaches down and picks me up
slinging my arm over his shoulder but he doesn’t stop moving. I am
so afraid and my body just doesn’t work. He handles me like a rag
doll.
My father gruffly says, “Keep moving Megan.”
Keep moving where?
There is nowhere to go that can save me
from this. The man I love dishes out merciless and unfeeling
beatings.
Oh God! The man I love.
And I vomit all over the
street.
I’ve heard of people blacking out when they
witness something horrific. So that is the only explanation I can
figure out when I wake up on my bed with a cold facecloth on my
head. My throat stings from vomit and screaming. My face is achy
and my legs are numb. My mother is sitting on a chair in my room
watching me.
“You knew, didn’t you?” I ask in a raspy
voice.
She nods yes. Her face is blank except for
her pursed lips. I take her expression to be righteous and I lose
it again.
“Get out of my room!” I scream, “I hate you!”
I throw the facecloth at her. She stands; she is acting all high
and mighty. Shouldn’t a mother be sympathetic when her daughter
learns her boyfriend is psychotic? “Get out!” I say again.
“We were just doing what is best for you,”
she humphs as she leaves the room. The river of tears I cried comes
back in shuddering waves. I can’t stop them. The pain is so intense
it’s like someone stabbed a knife through my sternum and into my
heart.
I don’t know how long I was crying but a soft
knock sounded on my door and a whisper. “It’s Erin.”
The door opens quietly, I hear her through my
sobs gently pad in the room. She sits on the bed and rubs my back.
I look over at her. There are tears in her eyes too. Exhaustion
overtakes me and I fall asleep.
Antonio:
I didn’t make it to pick up Megan. That
pissed me off. So I called her. I couldn’t reach her. I called and
texted her all afternoon. She didn’t respond. That’s not like
her.
My phone buzzes and I pray that it’s Megan.
It’s Vito.
“Hey what’s up?”
“We’re headed for the docks. You in?”
“Yeah, I guess so.” I say. “I don’t have
plans with Megan or anything.”
“Is Red okay? She left school early
today.”
“What? I’ve been trying to call her.”
“Yeah Paesan, she left early. Her father
picked her up.”
“Thanks. I’ll catch up with you later.” I
hang up and drive to her house.
I knock on the door but no one comes. Their
van is in the yard. Someone has to be home. Maybe she’s sick.
Did she go to the hospital?
I knock again and slowly the
door opens. Mr. O’Neill is standing soundlessly and looking his
usual somber self.
“Hello.” He doesn’t say anything, “Is Megan
okay? I tried calling her but she didn’t answer. Vito told me she
left school early today.” Mr. O’Neill just let me ramble on and on.
He didn’t take his eyes off me. “Can I come in? Is she here?” The
expression on Mr. O’Neill’s face makes me feel anxious.
“I don’t think she wants to see you.” Mr.
O’Neill says indifferent. He starts to close the door. I wedge my
foot in between the threshold and door.
“Wait!” I say. “Is she okay?”
“She’s not your concern.” He says ominously.
He crushes my foot with the door.
No way!
I push the door open and Mr. O’Neill stumbles
back. “What’s going on?” Megan’s mother appears. She glares at
me.
“She doesn’t want you anymore.” Mrs. O’Neill
says sternly with her hands folded across her chest. I am
dumbfounded. I can only hope that I heard her wrong.
“What?”
“You heard me, she doesn’t want you anymore.
She knows what you’re like now.”
I walk into the room, astonished, “What do
you mean?”
Mrs. O’Neill gestures to her husband. “Megan
went on a little field trip today.” I want to knock the smirk off
her face. “She’s seen you in action now.”
“What?!” I yell, “What do you mean?” Fear and
anger surge through me like a missle.
Mr. O’Neill shoots his wife a warning glance.
“Antonio, I don’t think it’s going to work out between the two of
you,” he says
I clench my fists, “What do you mean she’s
seen me in action?”
“I think you better leave,” Mr. O’Neill
says.
“No! I want to know.” I stamp my foot-the
tips of my fingers digging into my palms. Icy cold realization
slithers down my back, “You!” I point at Megan’s father, “You!”
It’s getting hard for me to breathe. My chest is closing up at the
comprehension that Megan must have seen me today. She must have
seen me break Scott’s leg; beat the shit out of him.
“I want you to stay away from her.” He says,
“This is as far as the relationship is going.”
“No,” I rush out, the words stinging, “I just
got her... Don’t do this.” I see Erin sitting at the top of the
stairs holding her legs and rocking back and forth. She’s silently
crying.
My brain wants me to yell,
Where’s
Megan?
I want to take her away from here. Just run. Go
somewhere together-leave. I feel sick. The air is too thin in this
small room. The hurt is so intense-more than any fight I have ever
been in. My eyes tingle with an unfamiliar sensation.
A knock sounds on the front door. The person
just walks in. It’s my father. Mrs. O’Neill must have called him
when she left the room. I am stuck, frozen.
I look at Pop and he is sympathetic. I rub my
eyes unsure of what to do. I need to see Megan but I don’t think
anyone is going to let me. Part of me feels that this is a
conspiracy-that this was planned all along. It was too easy to
convince my Pop and Megan’s father to allow us a relationship-even
one that barely got started.
I’ve been betrayed-set up. Megan seeing me
taking care of business for my Dad would do her in-make her hate me
and be afraid. They knew it. I should have told her when she asked.
I should have confided in her to make this less of a blow. Maybe I
could have made her understand-help her to deal with that side of
myself that I don’t even like to think about. I would never hurt
her.
EVER!
I’m a monster-bred, raised, and trained right
here in Palmetto by the best, my father.
“Tonio,” Pop says quietly, “I think we better
go.”
“I want to see her.” I choke out, “I want her
to tell me that she doesn’t want me anymore.” I plead, “Let me just
talk to her.”
Megan’s mother leaves the room and her father
just shakes his head no as he opens the door for Pop and
I-motioning for us to leave. I shoot a glance at Erin who is still
sitting at the top of the stairs hugging herself. I drag my feet to
move towards the door.
At the sidewalk, Pop clasps me on the back.
“I’m sorry. It really is for the best.” I throw my shoulder back
and push my father’s hand away. “Come on, we gotta get ready for
the hit,” he says quietly. I don’t say anything. I don’t want to do
anything that I’ll regret later. I jump in my car, rev the engine,
and shoot off down the street.
Vito, Ronnie, and Louie are at the docks
drinking. Beer just isn’t going to cut it for me tonight so I stop
and grab a bottle of vodka.