Moments In Time: A Collection of Short Fiction (31 page)

“Soph, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

I thought about it, not as long as I probably should have, but long enough to know that I wanted this. For some unknown fucked-up reason, I needed this. Maybe I wanted to feel sexy and young again, or maybe I just needed to feel wanted, desired.

“I want to,” I said softly. “But, Grayson?”

“Yeah?”

“I need to know what you’re going to do with the pictures. I don’t want to see them on the Internet.” I lowered my head. “In fact, I don’t know that I want to see them at all.”

He set the camera on the dresser, then came over to crouch by the bed and lift my chin with his hand. Looking into my eyes, he said asked in a low voice, “Do you honestly think that I would show anyone pictures of you? I’m doing this for you.”

I looked at him and silently arched an eyebrow.

“Okay,” he admitted with a laugh. “I’m doing this for me, too.” He put his hand on mine. “Do you remember when we were young and I kissed you by the tree in your front yard?”

I smiled. “Yes. I actually thought of that when I pulled in today.”

“Do you remember when I would get a new pack of baseball cards and you always took the gum?”

“Yes, I do. But you have to admit, that gum was the best ever.” I giggled a little at the memory and began to relax.

“Well, I wouldn’t know, since you never shared any with me, but I’ll take your word for it.” He looked at me and winked, which made me smile. “Do you remember when I touched you?”

My heart rate sped up again. “Yes.”

“Me, too.” His fingers intertwined with mine.

I looked down and realized I was still naked, but hadn’t given it a second thought. I was so comfortable with Grayson. It was as if no time had passed, that we were still the boy and girl who had played together and been best friends, although I had never been naked while looking at baseball cards with him. When my thoughts immediately returned to the much younger women who had been at his house today, I released his hand and brought both of mine to my breasts and crossed my legs. I was starting to have more than second thoughts.

“What’s wrong? Did you change your mind? You can trust me.”

I closed my eyes and tried to search for the right words without sounding completely insecure. “I’m not like your other models.” I started to get up, but he placed his hand on my shoulder and I stayed still.

“I know,” he said as he cupped my cheek briefly in his hand. “You’re better than they are. They don’t hold a candle to you.”

I shook my head and the ends of my hair grazed the top of my chest. “Can I ask you something?”

He nodded.

“If you’ve been thinking about me for so long, why didn’t you contact me? All you needed to do was ask my aunt.”

Grayson threaded one hand through my hair. “You were married. I didn’t want to see you two together. I assumed you were happy, and had no idea that wasn’t the case. He’s an asshole for cheating on you.” He let out a sigh. “I’m sorry, I should have called or at least texted you. But to tell you the truth, I thought if you wanted to see me, you would come here.” He leaned over and rested his forehead against mine. “I’ve missed you and I’m sorry I didn’t come and find you.”

I put my hand on his. “I have another question. Do you sleep with your models?”

He shook his head. “No, of course not. Why would you think that?”

“Really? You don’t know why I would draw that conclusion?”

His brows drew together and his eyes narrowed. “No. I don’t.”

“I’ve seen three gorgeous women at your place since I’ve been here, and I haven’t even been here a full day. Not to mention, you were half-naked on your porch.”

He stood and looked at me, then hooked his hands on his lean hips. “My shirt was off because it gets really hot under the lights. I use the spare bedroom for my studio. It’s small, and with the lights it feels like a sauna. And the women? Of course they’re gorgeous. They’re models, professionals.”

The condescending tone rolled off his tongue straight into my heart, making me feel stupid. “I’m sorry, of course they are. I didn’t mean to insinuate anything else.”

“Soph,” he said with an exasperated sigh, “I don’t know everything that you’ve been through, but believe me when I tell you that you are much more beautiful than they are. You were always the prettiest girl I knew, and now you’re the most gorgeous woman. But if you don’t want to do this, then that’s fine.”

I shook my head and tried to put on a brave smile. “No, I want to. I just don’t know how.”

A broad smile spread across his face. In the sexiest voice I’d ever heard, he said, “Leave that up to me.” Then his expression turned serious and he said, “Lie back.”

I did, but now my head was on the pillow as if I were going to sleep, but I knew that wasn’t the plan.

Grayson grabbed his camera off the dresser and slipped the strap over his head to lie around his neck. He walked to the umbrella stand and turned the light on. For some reason, I thought it would be brighter, but instead it was muted with a crimson hue. He turned off the bedroom’s overhead light, and my room was transformed into a boudoir.

He lifted the camera, but before bringing it before his face, he said, “I’m going to give you some direction. If at any time you’re uncomfortable, let me know.”

I almost laughed and figured that was my nerves. “Okay, but do you do this with the others or do they know what to do? Have you ever posed with them?”

He shook his head, then reached out to adjust the umbrella slightly. “I prefer to be behind the camera, not in front of it. I’ve never posed with them and I don’t even touch them, except to maybe move an arm or push back their hair. I can’t afford to be sued for harassment.” He stood at the end of the bed and looked through his lens, and before I knew it, I was his model. “Raise your right arm and rest it on the pillow above your head.”

I did and heard the camera’s shutter click. The inside of my chest tightened, as if it were going to explode.

“Do the same with your left, and place your hand on the other.”

I did as he asked, watching him closely for his approval as I followed his orders.

Click.

“Bend your left leg and keep your knee upright.”

Click.

“Look at the camera and do the same with your right leg.”

Click.

“Close your eyes and tilt your head back.”

Click.

Another command was tossed at me. “Drop your knees to the side so I can see all of you.”

I couldn’t believe it, but without hesitation I followed his instructions and felt myself start to throb. I felt totally exposed, especially after I heard the shutter click.

“Bring your right hand between your legs.”

My eyes flew open. “You want me to touch myself?”

“Yes.”

“I’ve never done that.”

He walked toward me, then took my hand. With his hand over mine, he placed my middle finger on my slit and slowly moved it up and down so I could feel my own wetness. I hoped he would dip his finger inside me, but he didn’t. Instead, he let go of my hand. “Leave your hand there.”

My entire body burned with sudden heat, and I never heard the camera click. I looked at him as he brought the camera to his face and looked through the viewfinder. He was silent. I brought my hand to my side and propped myself up to look at him. “Grayson? Don’t I look okay?”

He pulled the camera from his face. “No, you don’t look okay, you look gorgeous. I always thought you were beautiful, but do you realize how sexy you are? I have dreamed of you doing this with me, and now here you are and I’m so overwhelmed, I can’t get my finger to press the shutter button anymore.” His gaze was glued to mine as he removed the camera from around his neck.

“Then don’t.” I took my bottom lip lightly between my teeth, then said, “Lie next to me instead.” I wanted to be close to him, and if he didn’t want to take any more photographs, that was fine.

Looking at me, he unbuttoned his jeans, then took off his T-shirt and tossed it at me. “Put that on. I don’t think I can do this if you’re totally naked.”

I smiled. “Just hand me my clothes and I’ll wear those.”

“No. I want to smell you on my shirt when you’re done with it.”

I sat up and pulled his shirt over my head, then looked at him. He was beautiful. His muscles were perfect, and he looked hot as hell in his black boxer briefs. I slid under the covers and made room for him. Since this was a twin bed, there wasn’t much room, so I scooted all the way to one side and shifted to lie on my right side. I slid one hand under my head and rested on the pillow.

Grayson slipped into bed, facing me. For a moment, we just stared at each other, our legs entwined and our breaths commingling. I was so content. Nothing felt forced with him. It was like being fifteen again and hanging out with my best friend, except now I was half-naked.

He tucked some strands of loose hair behind my ear and his fingers lingered on my neck. “I want to know about your life. If you want to tell me what happened with Jake, I’ll listen.”

I looked away for a moment and quickly thought about whether this was something I wanted to share with him. But I also was curious why he would want to talk about another man while he was lying in bed with me. In the end, I decided that if he wanted to hear it, then I could do this. The look I saw when I gazed up into his deep brown eyes told me that he truly cared, so I relaxed and decided to share with him.

“Jake and I had it really good for a long time,” I said, then glanced away as I searched for the right words. “We started trying for a family and it was stressful.” Pressure built behind my eyes, but I refused to let a tear fall. I’d probably shed a million over the years for a baby that would never be, and I didn’t want to shed more. “So, he started working later and I started working out more, and our paths rarely crossed even though we lived in the same house.”

He took my hand in his, brought it to his lips, and kissed it. “I’m so sorry . . . I don’t know what else to say, but that.”

I forced a smile and shrugged one shoulder. “You don’t need to say anything. This went on for the last three years of our marriage. Finally, last year I suggested we go and see a counselor, but he didn’t want to. He said we could work it out ourselves.” I chuckled. “What he meant was, we can keep doing what we’re doing, because he had been with other women so he was sexually satisfied, but in the meantime, I wasn’t.”

Grayson had a shocked expression on his face that made my stomach roll. Did I just admit that I hadn’t had sex in over a year? Shit.

He frowned as he asked slowly, “Are you telling me you haven’t had sex in a year?”

Yup, that’s what I did. I had totally admitted that; so why stop there?

“No, I actually haven’t had sex in about two years. I was a married woman with a husband who didn’t want to make love to her. I asked him about it and he said that it wasn’t me, it was him.”

“He gave you the old ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ speech? What an asshole.”

I’d never thought about it that way, but Grayson was right. “Yeah, I guess he did. Ha! Oh well, that is the past. It was good for a while, but then it dawned on me that men can’t go long periods of time without sex, and since he didn’t have it with me, I figured he was getting it on the side. When I questioned him about it, he didn’t hesitate to tell me the truth.” A tear escaped my eye, and Grayson wiped it away.

“I’m sorry, Soph. I would have never cheated on you. I would have made love to you every chance I had. If we couldn’t have kids, then we would have tried adoption. Or maybe it would have been just you and me, and that would have been fine, too.”

I smiled and leaned in to give him a soft kiss. “What about you? You never got married?”

“Me?” He let out a little snort. “Nah.”

“Why?”

“I lost my girl. I really didn’t lose her since I never had her, but I wanted her. And then she got married and I never found anyone like her, so I decided I’d be better off on my own.”

“Grayson.” At that point I was so sad for us both. He
was
talking about me, wasn’t he? How conceited to think that and not know for certain. “Who was she?” I couldn’t help but suck in my lip in anticipation of his answer.

He smiled and ran his knuckles from my temple to my jaw, and rested the palm of his hand on my cheek. “You. I’m thirty-nine years old and I’ve never made love to a woman because I’ve never had you.”

Okay. Now I was totally confused. “But you’ve had sex, right?” I asked, and almost laughed.

“Oh, I’ve had sex plenty of times, I didn’t say I didn’t. What I said was, I’ve never made love. I didn’t love them, so it was just sex.”

I almost asked if he still felt that way, but restrained myself.

Maybe he anticipated my question, because he softly confessed, “I’ve never stopped loving you. You are Sophie DeMarco, the only girl that I would put on a tiara for.” He smiled and gave a slight chuckle.

I was trying to keep us grounded, and I definitely wasn’t ready for all these feelings that were beginning to stir in my heart. I had just closed the door on one relationship, and wasn’t ready to start up another one. So I offered this tidbit of wisdom.