Monsters of Men (50 page)

“Todd!”
he calls after me, real shock in his voice, real
pain
that I’m running from him–

But I’m running–

There ain’t nothing gonna stop me from running–

“MOVE!”
I shout–

And the soldiers and men in front of me move right outta the way, like they didn’t even decide to themselves–

Cuz they didn’t–

“Todd!” I hear behind me still, the Mayor, but getting farther behind–

Cuz up ahead–

Oh, Jesus, I don’t believe it I don’t believe it–

“MOVE IT!”

And I’m trying to listen, trying to listen for the sound again, trying to listen for the
song–

And the crowd keeps moving, getting outta my way like I’m a fire come to burn ’em–

And the Spackle’s coming thru their Noise, too–

It’s 1017–

The Spackle is
1017–

“NO!” I call and run even harder–

Cuz I don’t know what it means that 1017 is here–

But there he is in the Noise of the crowd–

Getting brighter and clearer as I get closer–

Way clearer than Noise usually is–

“Todd!” I hear behind me–

But I don’t stop–

Cuz as I’m getting closer even the rising Noise of the crowd can’t cover it up–

The song–

Clear as the air–

Ripping my heart right in two–

The song,
my
song–

Early one mo-o-rning, just as the sun was rising . . .

And my eyes are wetting and the crowd is thinning and the path they’re clearing for me is meeting the path they’re clearing for the Spackle–

And just a few more people–

Just a few more–

And the crowd opens up–

And there he is–

There he is in front of my eyes–

And I have to stop–

I have to stop cuz it feels like I can’t even stand up–

And when I say his name, it barely comes out as more than a whisper–

But he hears it–

I know he hears it–

“Ben.”

{VIOLA}

It’s
Ben
.

I can see him as clearly in the Noise of the crowd as if he were standing right in front of me. There’s the Spackle that tried to kill me, 1017, riding a battlemore, and Ben’s sitting behind him on another one, the song he’s singing coming clear,
I heard a maiden call from the valley below–

But his mouth isn’t moving–

Which must be a mistake of the crowd Noise–

But he’s there, riding up the road, and since no one here can know him, his face must be accurate, it must really be Ben–

And I can feel the Mayor’s medicine surging through me and I use my new strength to start shoving people out of the way even harder–

Because in their Noise, I can see the Mayor pushing forward ahead of me, too–

And I see that Todd’s reached Ben–

See it like I’m right there–

Feel
it like I’m right there because Todd’s own Noise has opened, as he’s got farther away from the Mayor and closer to Ben, his own Noise is opening as wide as it used to be, opening with astonishment and joy and so much love you can hardly bear to look at it and those feelings are surging back along the crowd like a wave and the crowd is staggering under it, staggering under the feeling that Todd’s transmitting to them–

Transmitting it just like the Mayor can–

[T
ODD
]

I can’t even say nothing, I just can’t, there ain’t no words for it as I’m running to him, running right past 1017, and Ben’s coming down off his battlemore and his Noise is rising to greet me with everything I know about him, everything since I was a baby, everything that means he’s really Ben–

And he ain’t quite saying it in words–

And he’s opening up his arms and I’m throwing myself into ’em and I’m hitting him so hard we fall back against the beast he was riding and–

How big you’ve gotten,
he says–

“Ben!”
I say, gasping the words, “Aw, Jesus,
Ben–
”

You’re as tall as me,
he says.
Big as a man.

And I’m barely noticing that he says it a bit strange cuz I’m just holding him tight and my eyes are leaking water and I can barely speak as I feel him here, right
here,
right
here
in the flesh, alive and alive and alive–

“How?” I finally say, pulling back a little but still holding onto him and I can’t say no more but he knows what I mean–

The Spackle found me,
he says.
Davy Prentiss shot me–

“I know,” I say and my chest gets heavier, my chest weighing down and my Noise feeling heavier, too, heavy like it ain’t felt in a good long while, and Ben can see it and he says–

Show me.

And I do, right there before I can even get any proper words out, I show him the whole terrible story of what happened after we left him and I’d swear he was helping me do it, helping me show him the death of Aaron, the wounding of Viola, our separation, the attacks by the Answer, the banding of the Spackle, the banding of the women, the
deaths
of the Spackle, and I look over to 1017 still up on his battlemore and I show Ben all about that, too, and everything that followed, Davy Prentiss coming round to being human and then dying at the Mayor’s hand and the war and more deaths–

It’s all right, Todd,
he says.
It’s all over. The war is over.

And I can tell–

I can tell he forgives me.

He forgives me for all of it, tells me I don’t even need to be forgiven, tells me I did the best I could, that I made mistakes but that’s what makes me human and that it’s not the mistakes I made but how I responded to ’em and I can feel it from him, feel it from his Noise, telling me how I can stop now, how everything’s gonna be all right–

And I realize he ain’t telling me with words. He’s sending it right into the middle of my head, actually, no, he
ain’t,
he’s
surrounding
me with it, letting me sit in the middle of it, knowing it to be true, the forgiveness, the – and here’s a word I don’t even know but suddenly do–
absolushun,
absolushun from him if I want it, absolushun for everything–

“Ben?” I say, feeling puzzled, feeling
more
than puzzled. “What’s going on? Yer
Noise–
”

There’s a lot we need to talk about,
he says, again not with his mouth, and I start to feel weird about it but the warmth of it is all round me, the
Ben
of it’s all there, and my heart just breaks open again and I smile back at the smile he’s giving me–

“Todd?” I hear behind us.

We turn to look.

The Mayor stands at the edge of the crowd, watching us.

{VIOLA}

“Todd?” I hear the Mayor say as I stop right beside him–

Because it
is
Ben, it
is,
I don’t know how, but it really is him–

And he and Todd turn to look, a dazed cloud of happy Noise swirling round them, expanding over everything, including the Spackle still up on the battlemore next to them and I move toward Ben, my own heart surging–

But I glance at the Mayor’s face as I run past–

And I see
pain
there, just for a second, fleeting across his gel-shiny features, and then it’s gone, replaced with the face we know so well, the face of the Mayor, bemused and in charge–

“Ben!” I call and he opens an arm to receive me. Todd steps back but the feelings from Ben are so good, so strong that after a second Todd embraces both of us together and I feel so happy about it I start to cry.

“Mr Moore,” the Mayor calls from a distance away. “Reports of your death seem to have been exaggerated.”

As have reports of yours
,
Ben says, but in the strangest way, not using his mouth, using his Noise more directly than I’ve ever heard–

“This is most unexpected,” the Mayor says, glancing at Todd, “but joyful of course. Very joyful indeed.”

But I don’t see much joy behind the smile he’s giving.

Todd doesn’t seem to notice, though. “What’s with yer Noise?” he says to Ben. “Why are you talking like that?”

“I believe I have an idea,” the Mayor says.

But Todd isn’t listening.

“I’ll explain everything,” Ben says, using his mouth for the first time, though his voice is scratchy and clogged, as if he hasn’t used it in ages.
But let me say first,
he says, back through his Noise, reaching up to the Mayor and the crowd behind him,
that peace is still with us. The Land still wants it. A real new world is still open to all of us. That’s what I came to tell you.

“Is that so?” the Mayor says, still smiling his cold smile.

“Then what’s
he
doing here?” Todd says, nodding at 1017. “He tried to kill Viola. He don’t care about peace.”

The Return made a mistake,
Ben says,
for which we must forgive him.

“The who did what now?” Todd says, perplexed.

But 1017 is already turning his battlemore back towards the road without acknowledging us, riding back through the crowds on his way out of the city.

“Well, now,” the Mayor says, his smile still stuck there. Ben and Todd lean into each other, the feelings rolling off them in waves, waves that make me feel great in spite of all my worries. “Well, now,” the Mayor says again, a little louder, trying to make sure he has all our attention. “I would very, very much like to hear what Ben has to say.”

I’m sure you would, David,
Ben says in that weird Noise way.
But first I’ve got a lot of catching up to do with my son.

And there’s a surge of feeling from Todd–

And he doesn’t see the glimmer of pain flash again on the face of the Mayor.

[T
ODD
]

“But I don’t unnerstand,” I say, not for the first time. “Does that make you Spackle now or something?”

No,
Ben says, thru his Noise, but way clearer than Noise speech ever usually is.
The Spackle speak the voice of this planet. They live within it. And now, because of how long I was immersed in that voice, I do, too. I’ve connected with them.

And there’s that
connected
word again.

We’re in my tent, just me and him, Angharrad tied outside in a way that blocks the opening. I know the Mayor and Viola and Bradley and all them are out there waiting for us to come out to tell ’em what the hell’s going on.

But let ’em wait.

I got Ben back and I ain’t letting him outta my sight.

I swallow and think for a minute. “I don’t unnerstand,” I say again.

“I think it could be the way forward for all of us,” he says with his mouth, croaky and crackling. He coughs and lets his Noise take over again.
If we can
all
learn to speak this way, then there won’t be any more division twixt us and the Spackle, there won’t be any division twixt
humans
.
That’s the secret of this planet, Todd. Communication, real and open, so we can finally understand each other for once.

I clear my throat. “Women don’t got Noise,” I say. “What’ll happen to them?”

He stops.
I’d forgotten,
he says.
It’s been so long since I’ve really been around them.
He brightens again.
Spackle women have Noise. And if there’s a way for men to
stop
having Noise
– he looks at me –
There must be a way for women to start.

“The way things’ve gone round here,” I say, “I don’t know that yer gonna have much success with that kinda talk.”

We sit quietly for a moment. Well, not quietly, cuz Ben’s Noise churns around us constantly, taking my own Noise and mixing it in like the most natural thing in the world, and in any instant I can know anything and everything about him. Like how, after Davy shot him, he stumbled into the undergrowth to die and lay there for a day and a night before he was found by a hunting party of Spackle and then what followed was months of dreaming where he was nearly dead, months away in a world of strange voices, learning all the knowledges and histories of everything the Spackle know, learning new names and feelings and unnerstandings.

And then he woke up and was changed.

But was still Ben, too.

And I tell him, thru the best use of my Noise, which feels open and free again like it ain’t done for months, about everything that happened here and how I still don’t quite unnerstand how I ended up wearing this uniform–

But all he asks is,
Why isn’t Viola in here with us?