Moon Shadow: The Totally True Love Adventure Series (Volume 1) (17 page)

“Oh, yes, my dear?”

“Do you remember seeing my mom’s diary, when you were here for the funeral?”

“Yes, well, no, I don’t believe so. Your father sent me jewelry and photographs and ... Oh, yes, just a minute ... yes, I do recall seeing a white diary and it was locked. That Julie and I looked for a key. Didn’t find one. The diary was included with a few other personal effects that were placed in the casket with your mother before the burial. Julie was in charge ... such memories fail me, I suppose it’s that I don’t want to think about all the dreadful ... She’s a strange woman, that Julie, and I told your mother when yourselves came back here in two thousand nine that I had a bad feeling about Julie, I knew something was in the wind ... Hello, Danny?”

“I’m listening, Grandma.”

“She’s a wicked one that Julie ... I told your mother. How’s that wonderful schoolteacher, Jonathan? Mary adored him. He’s a sensible, caring man, unlike your father, who ruined their friendship, you know.”

“Grandma, are you all right?”

“Your mother was a beautiful woman, wanted to study acting, you know, like you, Danny, in all those plays, but we couldn’t afford it ... She played the lead in
Noblesse Oblige
her senior year ... Danny I don’t know why I’m telling you all this ... I know you miss your mother, dear ... and by the way I’m sending a lot of money to you soon, care of Mr. Bingham ... I don’t trust your father ... a certified check ... my life’s savings ... you’ve always been my favorite ... I’m sending it now because I want to see you flourish ... before I go to my grave ... you can split it equally with Michael ... Call me again ... when you’re into the apartment ... I give you my love, Danny—”

She breaks the connection, and suddenly I’m overcome with nostalgia, for something lost, something I now realize I’ve missed severely since early childhood: my grandma’s presence, her daily nurturing of me, her warmth, her unwavering love. The feeling seems to bring me closer to an understanding of my mother’s experience when my father in 2001 uprooted her, moving our family from Boston to San Diego. Contrary to her wishes, my mother was taken out of her zone of comfort and dragged thousands of miles away from her mother and her lifelong friends.

Nonetheless, I’ve learned from my grandma that my mother’s diary may have been buried with her remains. Julie was in charge of that.

Lucid images of a nocturnal visit to El Cajon Cemetery flash through my mind: I’m standing by my mother’s casket, at midnight, my kerosene lantern aglow next to the open grave, a shovel in my hand ...

As I know already, anything I might learn about my mother and her death will come only from the diary or from those who knew her.

What am I to think of my grandma’s comments about the money? Is it only her senility at play? I hope not, for I am living on broke street, without any other relief in sight.

I tap into the phone Mr. Christie’s number.

“Christie residence.”

“Mr. Christie, it’s Daniel.”

“Daniel, my boy, where’ve you been hiding? I’ve missed our discussions regarding the future of the human race.”

“I’m not very good at keeping in touch.”

“Think nothing of it. I’ve heard regularly from David, but I haven’t spoken with Devon, or Liz.”

“How is David?” I feel a genuine desire to know. I picture Mr. Christie, his dark brown eyes, his face illumined by a beneficent smile, drawing reflectively on his pipe before offering a reply.

“Well, David and Devon had a spat veiled in secrecy. I guess Devon left home. She’s staying with a friend at the beach, J-man. I’m a bit worried. She’s not yet sixteen.”

He goes on, “Liz isn’t well. Very unhappy that girl. It seems Peter, the professor, bounced her out on her you know what, and she’s taken a scandalous job, dancing nude, of all things—she’s only eighteen, as you know. She needs the money, I’m told. Staying with the guy who owns the club. ‘The Bodyshop’ it’s called.”

Regarding Devon, I’m thinking, it’s clearly my fault, and I hate myself for doing it, want to put myself down until nothing remains but a hole where time is blowing.

“My father wants me to study business administration at SDSU,” I say.

“Your father, yes, I see.”

“Mr. Christie, may I ask you something about my mother?”

“Of course.”

“Did she ever mention her diary?”

“Heavens, yes. I gave her the red diary when she could no longer teach. My thinking was that keeping a journal would help her. She needed an outlet for the confused days and nights she had begun to experience. She was afraid of losing your father.”

“Did you say
red
diary, Mr. Christie?”

“Nothing fancy. Wasn’t lockable. I had her name put on the cover, in gilt letters. I believe it was placed with her remains, that’s why I didn’t mention the diary before.”

“Thanks, Mr. Christie.”

“I do wish you’d stay in touch, Daniel. Come see me.”

“Sure, Mr. Christie. Will you tell me more about my mother?”

“Yes, son. And we can discuss your college plans as well.”

The time to speak with Julie about the diary is long overdue, I tell myself. I’ll try to catch her alone as soon as possible. In the meantime I’ll drive to the beach and check on Devon. I feel a burning obligation to do so. But first I’ll pay a visit to Mr. Bingham and get the key to my grandma’s apartment.

Next, I phone Sarah.

“Hello?”

Mrs. Hartford’s soft, cultivated “Hello” is alive and attentive. I like Sarah’s mother; she seems nice. But I find disagreeable the idea of my father with her. I’m definitely against their getting married, if it ever comes to that, because I want Sarah, not as my sister, but as my girlfriend.

“It’s Daniel Rosen, Mrs. Hartford. May I speak with Sarah, please?”

“Hello, Dan. How are you?”

Before I can reply, Mrs. Hartford says, “Just a moment. Sarah’s upstairs.”

A few seconds pass and Sarah says, “Hold on, Daniel.” Her tone of voice seems different, a trifle dispirited, unlike her usual bubbly, joyful voice and that sends shivers through me.

“Bye, Mom,” I hear. Then, “I’m back.”

“My grandma in Boston has paid for an apartment in Pacific Beach, where she used to stay when she visited in summers past, but she’s not coming this year. She said I could use the apartment until the end of September.”

“That’s great, perfect. I’ve missed you.”

“There’s a lot on my mind. I’m going to see the apartment tonight, moving to the beach actually.”

“I want to go with you, Daniel,” Sarah says determinably.

“All right. Tomorrow. Ask your mother and I’ll call back.”

“No, you don’t understand, I’m running away and it was hard to decide before, but just now when you told me you were going to live by yourself something happened inside of me and I can’t stand the thought of being without you much longer.”

“Sarah, you’re fifteen. That’s crazy. What about your mother?”

“I care about my mother. But I’m confused, Daniel. I need you with me. I need your help, as my closest friend. My mom will be back in a few minutes, but yes, the day after tomorrow, Friday, she’ll be gone all afternoon.”

“What if I pick you up then, we go someplace, talk, and I take you home again?”

“That won’t work, Daniel. I told you, I’m running away and you can’t stop me. I have enough money to stay in a motel. If you won’t help me, I’ll just take the bus to the beach, Mission Beach, by myself and see what’s—”

“All right, all right. I’ll pick you up Friday afternoon, one o’clock. But we’ll have to figure something out. You can’t simply run away. There’s the police and—”

“Oh, yes I can, you just watch me. I’ll be waiting on the front lawn, with Manny. I love you, Daniel. Bye.”

I walk outside, into the front yard and sit down on the porch steps. The air is warm. To the northeast, a few thunderheads converge over the mountain.

Sarah’s words, “I love you, Daniel,” gnaw at me, sort of like the words of the drunken man that troubled Oedipus, drove him to consult the Delphic Oracle.

I have no oracle to consult, but I decide as I drink in the beauty of the limitless blue sky, to confide in Sarah, to tell her the truth about my father.

Then I whisper to myself, “I love you too, Sarah,” and I begin to sing, softly, “I’m Yours,” by Jason Mraz.

“I
sure wish my dad was here,” I tell Manny. “Just as everything in my life is getting better, like Daniel kissing me, and having my period after waiting so long, I have to find out that my mother has betrayed me for my entire life. Have you ever felt like you’re running very fast, just to stay in the same place, Manny?”

Manny stops pacing back and forth across the pink quilt on my bed. He cocks his head and looks at me with one eye. “If you’re going to run away, kid, take me with you.”

I’m sitting up in bed, my head resting on a pillow against the headboard. I’ve been writing things about Daniel in my diary. “If my dad were here,” I explain to Manny, “I might not have to run away. He would know how to fix things. As it is, though, it’s hard to believe the foundation of trust with my mom that I’ve been building since infancy has suddenly crumbled into dust.”

“You’d better tell your dad about this, kid. Running away from home is no small thing.” Manny begins to pace again.

“I have to be with Daniel, I just have to,” I say. “I’ll be counting the hours until he picks me up tomorrow. And yes, of course, Manny, I’ll take you with me.”

I pick up my diary and start to write. “Dear Dad, I have so much to tell you. First, guess what!?!? Daniel kissed me. What a strange feeling!! Don’t worry, he’s very chivalrous. He would never take advantage of me. Anyway, Mom and I went to visit Frank and Daniel, and Daniel and I went hiking on Rattlesnake Mountain. He showed me the yoni stone of the Kumeyaay Indians, which was once used for their fertility rituals. We went to Daniel’s hiding place, his cave, and I read him a poem. Then he kissed me. He’s a marvelous kisser, by the way.

“And guess what else!! I finally got my period. Yes, I’m using Kotex pads and everything. It’s wonderful. I suppose I’m well on my way to becoming a woman now. I emailed all my friends from school right away.

“Are you ready for the bad news, Dad? I found out today that Mom has betrayed me since before I was born. I mean she intended to betray me but she really hasn’t. Let me explain. Today Mom told me (and don’t take this wrong, Dad, because I know it’s not true, well, not all of it) that Frank is really my father, that she had an affair with him the night before you guys got married.

“I am aware that you already know about this, Dad, but what you don’t know is that it isn’t true. I mean the affair part is true, but not the part about Frank being my father. I feel it inside, intuitively that you are my father and Daniel is not my brother. That’s what I believe, and that’s what I’m going with. But it was kind of a shock to know that Mom betrayed me for all these years on purpose.

“The last thing I have to tell you today, Dad, is that I’m running away from home, with Daniel. He’s moving into his grandma’s vacant apartment at the beach, and I’m going with him. He’ll pick me up tomorrow. Daniel is reluctant to help me run away, but I sort of forced him into it. So please don’t think unkindly of him. I’m pretty sure Mom didn’t intend to introduce me to Frank when I came home early from school last Friday. Maybe she would have wanted to later, but not then. There was that betrayal, and now this. I have to get out of this house, Dad, for a while at least, to think. After that, I don’t know.

“On the bright side, I’ll be with Daniel. He’ll help me get through this, I’m sure. I have to go now, because I think I’m going to cry. I miss you, Dad. Love, Sarah

“P.S. I’m taking Manny with me.”

I close my diary, look at Manny, and the teardrops begin to roll down my cheeks. But then I tell myself, C’mon, there’s no use in crying like this. Stop it this minute.

And I do.

I
t’s close to eight p.m. when I arrive at the two-story, twelve-unit apartment complex on Turqoise Street in Pacific Beach. The small parking lot is full; I park my Mazda on a side street.