More Flirts! 5 Romantic Short Stories (The Flirts! Short Stories Collections) (2 page)

No, daring would be looking for your own date
, said that nasally voice in her head which sounded a lot like her mother. Plus there was the whole issue of spending time with a PhD when she only had her GED. She had to get over dropping out of school some day, but that voice in her head kept her feeling bad about that, too. When her mother died, she hadn’t left her heirloom jewelry or keepsakes. No, her mother had left her with a nagging voice in her head and a guilty conscience about everything she did—or didn’t do—right. Oh, and a boatload of money Kyla refused to touch. Hopefully, her mom was rolling over in her coffin knowing her daughter was just a perfume counter salesgirl when she could be living off millions instead. Kyla wasn’t going to let her mother control her from the grave. Yet, the memory of her sharp words still rattled around in her brain.

Luckily, she could usually push her mom’s voice away. She slipped into a cute dress, because a flirting teacher should look flirty, right? She was meeting Stone at the Brownstone Bar. Monday was ladies night and there would be plenty of women used to lame pickup lines if that was all Stone could manage.

She put her hair up in a ponytail. Then let it down. Down looked sexier, because if worse came to worse, she’d have to pretend to be interested in Stone to get some of the other ladies looking his way, wondering what he had. And the better she looked, the better he’d look to the rest of the gals in the bar. Not that Stone needed a lot of help looking good. If she could keep him quiet, it just might work. He was the kind of guy who looked like a hot, manly man—until he started talking. Once the words came out of his mouth, his cute quotient fell. It was mean to say, but there it was.

She put on another coat of lip-gloss and smacked her lips together. She certainly hoped she could help him. He seemed sweet enough, and deserved a great gal. Could she find someone in his same intellectual stratosphere? She shrugged. Someone smokin’ hot would do.

Kyla got to the bar, and scanned the room, but she didn’t see Stone. There was no mistaking the time and date, they’d made the plans yesterday for crying out loud. She sat down and ordered a beer. The bartender gave her the look most bartenders gave her when she walked in a bar alone.

“I’ll have one for my friend, too,” she said, when he brought her the beer.

“Is she as hot as you?” the bartender asked.

“Yeah, he is,” she said.

He gave her a nod of understanding, grabbed another beer for her, and made his way down the bar to a blonde with her breasts pressed up against the counter.

Kyla drummed her fingers and checked her phone for the fifth time. It was ten after nine, and Stone was supposed to have been there at nine. Finally–after she finished her beer and shooed away three different guys who’d approached her–Stone walked in, snow flakes sparkling in his hair like stars.

Or dandruff.

He spotted her and shook his head like a dog, and pushed through the crowd to her. She tried not to sigh. This was going to be harder than she’d thought.

“Hi,” he said, sitting next to her. “Sorry I’m late.”

“Mistake number one. Never ever show up after the woman. You should be here first to take charge, to show you’re in control and will take care of her.”

He scratched his head. “What about traffic or wrong turns? There are a lot of variables that could keep a guy from getting there first.”

“Those are the rules.” She handed him a beer. “And that way, you can order drinks first, too.”

“But how will I know what she likes? Isn’t that presumptuous?”

“It shows a woman you’ll take care of her.”

He blew out a breath.

“But you look good.”

He looked down at his fitted long sleeved tee that showed off his lean muscular frame. “Thanks.”

Kyla was impressed that he didn’t even take a moment to ogle the mural of the naked mermaid on the wall across from them. Most guys did. Many even posed for pictures with ‘Naked Nellie,’ as they called her, usually making rude gestures. Her breasts were placed at the right height for a lot of fun. Depending on how busy it was, the bartender might pull out an old Polaroid camera and snap a shot to hang up on the wall by the restrooms. Stone didn’t seem to notice Nellie.

Stone smiled at Kyla. “How should I start?”

“Nice and easy. You want to start nice and easy. Forget everything you did back at the perfume counter. Wipe that right out of your brain.” She rubbed his forehead with two fingers. “You’re going to want to let the woman ask a lot of questions about you. Talk about yourself. Guys like to do that. Let her know all about you, your studies, your earning potential. This is the time to brag about yourself.”

“Don’t I want to break up the conversation and ask about her?”

She shook her head. “No. Women are used to letting men take the lead. All the women’s magazines tell us to. If you don’t, we’ll assume something’s wrong. And that’s what my brothers do. They talk non-stop about themselves while the women just smile and nod. Works every time.”

“Okay.”

“Oh, and touch her.”

He looked panicked. “What? That’s legal?”

She held up a hand. “Don’t grope her. I’m talking about grazing her arm, her shoulder. Just a quick gesture.”

“Okay. You’re sure?” He narrowed one eye at her.

“Yep. It’s flirty. Now you’re going to want to ask for her number, but don’t call for several days.”

His big hand wrapped around the beer mug, and Kyla gave him a few more points because those hands looked promising.

He took a swig of beer. “But what if I want to make a date for the weekend? Don’t we need time to plan?”

She twirled a strand of hair around her finger. “Too bad. You wait at least three days. Make her think you’ve got other things going on and you’re going to squeeze her in. Like she’s lucky to have you.”

He cocked his head. “Where did you get this information from again?”

“Three brothers who have dated numerous beauty queens, flight attendants and models between them.”

“Any astronomers or mathematicians?”

Yeah, I’m definitely not his type
. “I seriously doubt it. But the rules are the same for all women.”

“I wish I could take a quiz on this to make sure I’ve got it right.” He blew out a breath. “So, how do I start?”

Leaning forward, she laughed and ran her hand through his hair. His eyes widened and he froze as she caressed him. She smiled and talked through clenched teeth like a ventriloquist. “I’m fawning over you to make you seem attractive to the other women. Now, you go to the restroom, then approach a woman you like.”

“I don’t have to go to the bathroom.”

She rolled her eyes. “It’s just an excuse to walk away from me.”

“Fine. If I have to.”

“You sound like you’re ten years old.”

Stone grinned. “I wish I was still ten. It’s a lot more fun than being twenty-six. When you’re ten, girls are easy.”

“Excuse me? Easy?”

He rolled his eyes. “I don’t mean like trampy. When you’re ten, all girls have cooties, so dealing with them is easy—you just avoid them.”

She stifled a laugh. “You’re stalling, aren’t you?”

“Totally.”

She fished around for a piece of gum in her clutch. “You were fine playing peeping tom in the ladies evening wear section but you can’t approach a girl in a bar?”

He grunted something then walked to the restroom.

Kyla watched him approach the blonde with the boobs. He was saying something to her, and she blinked up at him. Then she slapped him. Kyla flinched. What the hell did he say now?

She expected him to slink back over to Kyla—or run out the door, but instead, he bounced on his toes, rolled his neck and headed for the other side of the bar. This time, he approached a cute Hispanic woman—who threw a drink in his face thirty seconds later.

He looked at Kyla, totally dumbfounded. She waved him over and he made a beeline for her.

“What the hell happened?” Kyla asked.

Rubbing the cheek where he’d been slapped, he groaned. “Blondie didn’t think the ten-year-old-girl joke was as funny as you did.”

“I didn’t think it was funny.”

He looked hurt. “You laughed.”

“I didn’t laugh; I smirked. At you. I was smirking at you not the joke. And what about the other gal?”

“I said, ‘Hey, pretty lady. I’ll do whatever it takes to get you into my car.’ I was playing off a car commercial I heard the other day. I wanted to be original.”

Kyla groaned. “That would be original for a kidnapper. Not a guy looking for a decent date.” Kyla let out a long sigh. “Okay. New rule. No lines, no jokes. Just walk up to a woman, say, ‘Hey, how you doing? I’m Stone. Can I get you a drink?’ Can you handle that?”

“Absolutely.”

She stared at him for a moment, uncertain. Then she shooed him away.

Stone wandered around the room, before finally approaching a brunette sitting by herself in the back. He sat down next to her, said a few words, and then promptly came back to Kyla.

“What did you do this time?”

“Nothing. I said hello, introduced myself and asked if I could buy her a drink. Then I touched her.”

Kyla gulped. “Where?”

“Her humeral head.”

She felt her eyes widen. “What? What is that?
Where
is that? And why would an astrophysicist know that?”

“I considered pre-med for a while. And the humeral head is here.” Stone touched the area above his armpit.

“I said her arm or shoulder.”

“That was nearly her arm or shoulder. My aim was off.”

“That was almost groping her chest!” Kyla ran her hands through her hair. “What did she say?”

“She shooed me away and told me she’s a lesbian. And the designated driver. And that she doesn’t speak English.”

“Hmm.”

“It might’ve been the truth; it did look like she was drinking a coke.” Stone’s brow wrinkled and he looked around the room. “I think that big naked mermaid is making me nervous. I’m trying so hard not to look at her, but it’s a very lifelike painting.”

Kyla clapped her hands together. “Okay. Plan B. We’re going to take things down a notch and get around a lot of women in a less stressful environment. I’m going to a Tupperware party on Wednesday. Lots of ladies, and it’ll be very casual. You can come with me. I’ll say you’re a friend who’s hopelessly disorganized and looking for some good storage solutions.”

“But that’s not true. I’m very well organized.”

“Pretend you’re not.”

He shrugged. “Do I have to buy Tupperware?”

“At least some modular mates. I’m sure you don’t have those. And remember everything that I’ve taught you tonight.”

***

Kyla was flat ironing her hair, when her phone rang. It was her friend Maureen, who was hosting the Tupperware party. “What’s up Mo? Need me to pick up something from the store?”

“No! I need you to get your behind over here. There’s a guy here named Stone who showed up twenty minutes early asking if he can get me a drink. He’s looking in our liquor cabinet right now! He says he’s a friend of yours?”

Kyla slapped her head. “I’m sorry. I was going to introduce you when I got there. I didn’t think he’d be there so early. Don’t worry, he’s a nice guy.”

“Is he like, your date or something?” Maureen asked.

“Uh, no. Not a date. Don’t I get a free mini-grater for bringing a guest? I needed a grater, so I’m bringing him. He’s my guest.”

Maureen sucked in a breath. “Oh, he just bent over. His butt is cute. He can stay. He’s kinda hot.”

“Yeah, he is,” Kyla said.

“But a little strange…”

“Yeah, that too.” But that was growing on Kyla. Despite his best intentions to be someone he wasn’t, he had a genuine quality about him that she liked. Hopefully, she’d find someone else who’d like it, too. Someone else who was smart, like him. “Hang on, I’ll be right there.”

But by the time she got changed and stopped for gas, she was fifteen minutes late. She walked into Mo’s living room where twelve women sat laughing. And not just laughing-about-a-funny-joke laughing, laughing in that flirty way where breasts are shoved forward and fingers graze necks. A little higher pitched than usual. Ugh. The laughter of women who hadn’t been flirted with in a while.

“Oh, Kyla! You missed it. Our new friend Stone just ordered each of us a mega tumbler,” said Kyla’s sister, Aubrey. Her hands were clasped in her lap like she was about to sigh dramatically. Aubrey batted her lashes, instead.

That was followed by a roomful of giggles, the likes of which she hadn’t heard since junior high.

Stone shrugged. “Drinkware’s on me!”

The ladies clapped and hooted. Stone grinned. Kyla’s friend, Stephanie, popped up and squeezed his bicep, the newlywed floozy. “We just love your friend, Kyla.”

Kyla walked over and forced a smile, grabbing Stone’s other bicep. She yanked him into the front entryway, pushing aside the jumble of boots and high heels. “What are you doing?” she asked. “You totally freaked out Maureen by showing up early without me. And you’re flirting with married women! Can’t you see their rings?”

He scratched his head. “Hey, you invited me here. And you told me to always get to a place before the woman does. So I showed up early. I offered to make cocktails because you told me I should have a drink waiting, but Maureen had two boxes of wine all set up, so I couldn’t do that. And I couldn’t buy anyone a drink, so I brought them a drink…cup.” He wrinkled his nose. “Stupid, huh?”

“A little. And expensive.”

“Hey, I got a free microwave rice steamer for ordering twelve tumblers.”

Kyla spun her finger in the air and said, “Woo-hoo. Now get in there, pick a woman without a wedding ring and start flirting. Get them talking about you.” She poked him in the chest. His impressively hard chest.

He sucked in a breath and squared his shoulders. “Okay boss, I’m on it.”

Stone didn’t have to work too hard. The minute he marched back into the room, Mo’s cousin, Maria, a cute redhead, patted the seat next to her. Kyla couldn’t concentrate on the salad spinner demonstration with all the whispering and giggling from Stone and his new friend. Kyla took a long swig of her wine. After the disaster at the bar, she hadn’t expected him to regroup so quickly. Maybe the mermaid really had made him nervous.