Authors: Goldman,Kate
“That’s much better,” he said with a broad smile as he pulled away.
“Certainly is,” she replied, looking up into his bright green eyes.
“I ordered us some dinner. It should be here soon,” he told her.
“Pizza?” she laughed.
“No, not pizza!” he laughed. “I ordered from that Chinese place that everyone talks about being so good.”
“Sounds good. How do you think the delivery guy will fare against the reporters?” she asked, wondering if he had thought it through.
“Won’t have to. I told my goon squad to retrieve it outside the gate and walk it in,” he said.
“A man with a plan. Lovely,” she replied.
“Of course. I can play this game with them if they insist,” he told her. “Let’s sit down and relax while we wait. How is the game coming along?”
“Not much progress today. My mind didn’t seem to be on it like it should be,” she said.
“What was your mind on, if not your work?”
“I was just concerned for you and what you had to do today. Then, I admit, I was a bit worried when I didn’t hear from you for so long.”
“I’m sorry for that. Still, I’m glad that you were thinking about me. I like knowing that I’m not that far from your thoughts when we are apart,” he told her softly.
“Do you?” she said, feeling a flutter that she tried desperately to push away.
“I do,” he said.
He was about to say something else when the doorbell rang and he went to answer it. She recognized the guy as one of the men that had pushed the reporters away so that she could get in the gate earlier. There was a bit of a hushed conversation and then he left. Shane came back with several bags in hand and began spreading containers out on the island in his kitchen.
“I wasn’t sure what you wanted, so I ordered a bit of everything,” he said.
“I’ll say you did. There is enough here to feed a small army,” she told him.
“Whatever we don’t eat, I’ll nibble on tomorrow. Lord knows I’m not going to cook and it’s not exactly easy to go out for food. I need to make a grocery list for Monte and he is going to go shopping for me tomorrow,” he said.
“You best be careful. You’ll get spoiled having minions at your fingertips,” she laughed.
“I know, right? It is nice to have people to depend on, though I think I’d prefer to just be able to leave my own house,” he grimaced.
Leslie grabbed a couple of plates from his cabinet and they filled them with a bit of everything, then adjourned to the kitchen table to eat their dinner. Shane began to tell her about the events of the day between bites and she listened intently, wondering what it all must have felt like for him. Not only did it have to be a bit daunting just to have to go through that, but being in a foreign land must add a whole new element of concern for him.
“I have to admit that I felt very nervous going in there. I’ve never been arrested in my entire life. I know everyone has this mental image of hockey players being in fights off the rink as much as on or in bar rows, especially an Irish player. Everyone thinks of the Irish as drunken brawlers in their spare time. That’s just never been my style. I’m aggressive on the ice, but just a kitten off of it,” he smiled at her.
“A kitten? I wouldn’t go quite that far,” she laughed.
“Okay. A big kitten. Maybe a puma,” he joked.
“Unh-huh,” she agreed, taking a bite of a fried wonton and nodding.
“You don’t sound like you agree,” he said.
“If you want to be a puma, you can be a puma. Who am I to tell you otherwise?” she laughed.
“Purrrrrr,” he said with a laugh, taking a few bites of food as he looked at her across the table.
“So, things went pretty smoothly then?” she asked.
“As much as possible when you are being booked, photographed and fingerprinted. Hey, I bet my mugshot is already up on the internet!” he said with a chuckle that was accompanied by a scowl.
“I’m sure that is just a dream come true,” she told him.
“You know it. Anyway, I was in and out pretty quickly once they got to me. I had to sit and wait for quite a while. Cops were everywhere outside, keeping the reporters out and protecting me so I could get back to my lawyer’s car. Plus, my attorney had already hired the guys outside to accompany us back and forth because he knew the reporters would follow us once they saw who he was and did a quick search for his office location. He suggested I keep them on for as long as I need to in order to keep my distance from the tabloids and local gossip rags.”
“Probably a good idea. I couldn’t believe how many were out there when I came in,” she told him.
“Yeah, I can see them through the security cameras. This whole place is covered with them. It’s how we located the ones coming over the fence so quickly. Usually, I don’t have a need to even review the footage, but now I have one of the guys watching the monitors in live time for any breaches,” he said.
“Oh? Where is he at? In the house with us somewhere?” she asked, not sure why it unnerved her a little to think of one of those goons nearby like some sort of ghost.
“No. You probably never noticed the little house that sits by the front gate. It is completely covered by vines. He had to chop through a few of them to even get inside the door they had grown over. The prior owners had a guard stationed there at all times, but I never have. I never really needed to before. I wasn’t that well-known and even those who did know me, didn’t really know where I lived. The crew I hired did a little work in there to get things back up to speed so they could monitor things from afar,” he said
“Well, you should feel safer with them out there. The way they dispatched the masses outside your gate was very efficient. I was impressed, though it was a bit crazy to watch,” she told him.
“Oh, I know. It was the same when I left for the lawyer’s office and when I returned. It’s bizarre, isn’t it?”
“Yes, to put it mildly.”
“The good news is that my attorney says they can’t make this stick. He’s reviewed the footage of the game and it clearly shows that I was fouled several times without it being called and that the last instance during which the injury occurred was instigated by him. You can see that he caused me to fall and that I wasn’t in enough control of myself as I fell to have any intent in harming him. In short, it was an obvious accident that he caused himself.”
“If it is so obvious, I don’t understand why the district attorney would even file a case against you.”
“Publicity. I’m told that he’s an attention hound. He loves being in the limelight. Prosecuting me, even if he loses, gets him out there in the public eye.”
“But if it is a losing case, I don’t see how that doesn’t just make him look bad in the public eye,” she said.
“Me either, but maybe he’s just so egotistical that he thinks he can make it stick,” he said.
“Let’s hope he is wrong,” she scowled.
“Yes, let’s do hope that,” he added.
“So, what happens next?” she asked.
“Nothing for now. We work on my defense details and wait. The preliminary hearing is set for two weeks from now. The district attorney will present the evidence against me to a judge, who will decide if there is enough to even continue to trial,” he said.
“So, the D.A. doesn’t have the final say-so whether you go to trial then?” she asked.
“No. He still has to show a judge that he has a strong enough case that it warrants the court’s time. There is a chance that it might end there. That’s what we are hoping for,” he said.
“Surely the footage your attorney reviewed will be enough,” she said.
“It may not even be reviewed at that point. It is up to the D.A. to submit proof I committed a crime. That evidence only shows that I didn’t, so it is likely that he won’t bring it forth as evidence since it doesn’t support his case. He’ll just introduce what he feels proves his case and we will have a chance to see what he plans to present so we can further prepare my defense if the case proceeds to trial. My lawyer had to explain it all to me. It’s a strange system you have here.”
“I’ve never had to endure it, first-hand. I’ve heard that it can be quite frustrating and confusing,” she told him.
“There’s something else and if you tell me no, I will tell him no. It may not even be necessary.”
“What’s that?” she asked.
“You might be asked to testify on my behalf.”
“Testify to what? I’m hardly an expert on the matter. I saw what everyone else saw and what can be seen on the videotape of the incident,” she said, puzzled.
“No. You would be testifying as a character witness. What I’m like as a person. My demeanor after the incident. You were with me the night it happened,” he said.
“Of course. I hadn’t considered that. Absolutely, Shane. I’ll do whatever I can if you need me to,” she told him.
“Thank you,” he said, obviously not happy that he had to ask her to do something that he knew would push her out into the public eye.
“No need to thank me, Shane. You’ve done so much to help me. It’s the least I can do,” she said.
“You don’t owe me anything for my help with the game. It’s been my pleasure since the moment I laid eyes on you,” he told her.
“I don’t know what to say to that. I do enjoy spending time with you too,” she said.
“That seemed like a very formal response. Are you sure you are okay with what I asked? I will completely understand if you don’t want to do it.”
“What? No. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound that way. Of course I will help you if you need me.”
“Then what is it? There is something you are holding back. I can feel it, but I don’t know if it has to do with me or with you.”
“It’s nothing. Just something I need to work through on my own.”
“Nothing has to be on your own, Leslie. Look, I don’t want to push anything too hard, especially not now, when I’m not sure what tomorrow will bring, but I really like you. I enjoy being with you. I’d like to continue doing so as much as possible.”
“Me too,” she said evenly, looking him in the eye.
“Then we will just play things by ear and see where they lead us. Perhaps once all of this is over, we’ll find that we are on the same page, whatever it might be.”
“Okay,” she managed, not sure what she was supposed to say.
She felt flushed and her heart was racing. The conversation had taken on an intensity that she hadn’t expected. Despite knowing that she was developing feelings for him, she just wasn’t sure that she was ready to have them. Yet, there was a part of her that wanted to just let herself go and let things fall wherever they may. It was so much easier said than done. Why was it too easy to live in your head and ignore your heart?
“Have you seen the news?” her boss asked the following day at work.
“Is this a test to see if I am working or goofing off?” she laughed.
“No, not at all. Considering your association with him, I thought you might have already been told or seen it on your phone.”
“Seen what? What are you talking about?”
Leslie had an impending sense of doom even before she looked at her phone, pulling up the breaking news feed. There, at the top of the sports headlines, was a picture of Shane in his hockey uniform. Beneath it, in big letters was the bad news of the day.
“The team released him?”
“Yes. First thing this morning.”
Leslie tried to hide her disdain from him, not wanting him to know there was anything more than a working association between them. She closed her phone and laid it down on the desk, willing herself to remain calm until he went away.
“That’s too bad. He’s a nice guy really,” she said nonchalantly.
“It is too bad. I thought we really had a good shot at getting a high-profile player on the game. Better luck next time, kiddo.”
With that, he walked away. Leslie resisted the urge to pick up something and toss it at the back of his head. How could he be so callous about someone else’s misfortune? Instead, she focused on calming herself a bit by taking a few deep breaths before getting up to close her office door, Then she sat back down and picked up her phone. She hit the speed dial for Shane and waited for an answer.
“I guess you heard already,” he said before she had a chance to even say hello.
“My boss told me. Are you okay?”
“I’m as okay as I can be. They didn’t even wait for this thing to be hashed out. I can’t believe it. They have players that get in trouble that was obviously their own doing and they just slap them on the wrists. Apparently, I’m not as valuable to the team as I thought I was,” he told her.
“Their loss. You’re a fantastic player. Find another team,” she told him.
“Maybe. Eventually. Right now, I can’t even do that,” he said.
“Why not? Just because you have this in process doesn’t mean you can’t play for someone else.”
“It does. First of all, no one would have me with all this hanging over my head. And even if they did, I was suspended by the league until this gets sorted out. I can’t play for anyone until I’m cleared or they decide to lift the ban.”
“I can’t believe how out of hand this all has gotten. It was just an accident!” she said, feeling angry that all of this was happening to him and neither of them was in a position to stop it.
“It will work out however it is supposed to,” he said quietly.
“I can’t believe you are so calm about it,” she replied.
“I don’t have any other choice, Leslie. There is nothing I can do to change any of it. I just have to wait and do all that I can to protect myself from getting dragged down into some sort of abyss I can’t climb back out of,” he told her.
“I’m so sorry all of this is happening to you, Shane.”
“Yeah. Me too.”
“I have to get back to work, but I’ll be thinking about you. I’ll call you when I get home.”
“Okay. I’d invite you over tonight, but I think I’m going to just go to bed early. This has been a bad day and I just don’t feel up to being social much.”
“I understand,” she said. “You know I’m only a phone call away if you need me though.”
“I do. Thanks, Leslie.”
“Anytime. Bye, Shane.”
He had barely finished saying goodbye before he ended the call. Leslie laid down her phone, staring at it for a moment as if it held any answers for her. He had reached out for her the night of the incident, when he felt upset, not wanting to be alone. Today, he was pushing her away and she realized that it felt really bad. She had to try to understand how hard this must be for him. Being released from his contract must be a huge blow for him, much bigger than the legal troubles, it seemed.
The day passed slowly as Leslie forced herself to work on the game. Shane was never far from her thoughts, but she was afraid. She had already let herself feel too much for him and that wasn’t a good thing in her book. It made her vulnerable and prevented her from thinking objectively. More than her fears regarding her own feelings, she was concerned about him. She hated that he insisted on being alone when he so obviously could use a friend.
Several days passed during which Shane didn’t call. The first day, she had sent him a couple of texts just letting him know that she was still thinking about him and hoped he was okay. The second she had done the same, but all of them went unanswered. Had this all gotten to be too much for him and he was shutting her out? On the third day, it only got worse.
“In tonight’s news, the latest in the ongoing story for hockey player Shane O’Hannon. We have learned tonight that in addition to prosecution for the injury of player Harrison Clarke, a ban from the NHL and release from his contract, he is now being reviewed by federal authorities regarding his legal status in the United States. We’ll have more for you tonight at ten,” said a sleek young sports anchor on the local station.
Leslie’s heart sank in her chest. How could everything be going so wrong for him and why hadn’t he contacted her? After all of the things he had said that made her feel so warm and fuzzy inside, why was he now just cutting her off? A part of her wanted to believe it was just that he had too much to deal with and was retreating to what must be a safe place for him. Another part couldn’t help but believe he would have reached out to her if she mattered in some way. She was torn as to whether she should contact him again or just let him be. If he wouldn’t respond to something as simple as a text message, then why should she keep trying?
By the fourth day, Leslie felt completely dejected. Though she had told herself all along not to let herself get too close to Shane, the fact was that she had done it anyway. Now, she found herself missing him and unsure of what she should do about that. A part of her told her that she should make the first move and try to break the silence between them. Then, her stubbornness kicked in and told her it wasn’t her place. He would let her know if he truly wanted to see her.
A week passed and she had given up on ever seeing Shane again outside of the ongoing news reports revealing more and more of his personal woes. He must be in such pain. She certainly was in pain for him and from being without him. While she couldn’t be sure that she was in love with him, she knew that he had become very significant in her life and she missed what she had thought they had been building together.
“Leslie, there’s a man here to see you,” the receptionist told her the Monday after what had seemed like the longest weekend of her life. She had spent it at home alone, trying to make sense of what was going on in her life and agonizing over the fact that her phone didn’t ring a single time. By the time her alarm had gone off to get up for work that morning, she had decided that Shane was a thing of the past. Obviously, what had been happening between them was something she had thought was more than it actually was for him.
“Who is it?” she asked.
“I don’t know. He wouldn’t give me his name,” she said in a low voice that told Leslie she was trying not to let him hear her.
“What does he look like?”
“He looks like that hockey player that’s been on the news,” the receptionist said in an almost inaudible whisper.
Leslie’s heart felt like it might thud completely out of her chest. She barely registered that the receptionist was speaking again, asking her if she was coming down.
“Yes. I’ll be down in just a moment,” Leslie said slowly.
She sat for a moment, staring at the open doorway to her office. It seemed like it was so far away from her. Her legs felt like rubber as she stood and began to move in what felt like slow motion. She willed herself to keep walking. Why was he here? Why now? Just when she had decided to give up, he came by to see her. It was all too much. Outside the entrance to the lobby, she paused, taking a deep breath and steeling herself. Then, she walked into the room and looked at him.
“Shane,” she said, as if addressing a stranger, which felt quite a bit like what he had become lately.
“I’m sorry to bother you at work, Leslie. I know I should have called, but I was afraid you wouldn’t see me. Is there somewhere we can talk?” he asked.
“Sure. Come to my office with me,” she told him.
He followed her quietly down the hall and into her office, waiting for her to close the door before speaking. She wasn’t sure she was prepared for whatever he had to say. It hadn’t escaped her observation that he looked gaunt and carried himself differently, a sign that he had given in to the negativity and perhaps depression. No doubt he had been lonely in these last days, but wasn’t that his own fault?
“Have a seat, Shane,” she said, walking around her desk and sitting to face him as she would someone in for a consultation rather than anything more personal.
“I know you must be angry with me,” he began. Leslie said nothing for a moment, unsure of what she was even supposed to say to that.
“I’m not angry, Shane. I’m just disappointed,” she told him.
“I know. I can’t blame you for that. You start out with a shining star and you’re left with a half-extinguished candle,” he said.
“Is that what you think of me, Shane? Did I turn away when all of this began to happen? Did I not message you for several days before deciding you didn’t want to talk to me? You are the one that gave up, not me. I was still there.”
“I just couldn’t cope for a while, Leslie. I wanted to call you, ask you to come over. I wanted to hold you and listen to you tell me it would all be okay, but it’s not okay. It’s all gone to the dogs. My career is over. I’m being prosecuted. I may even be deported before all is said and done. I have nothing to offer you anymore.”
“All I wanted was you. You took away the one thing I looked forward to every day. No matter what has happened, it doesn’t change that I had feelings for you and you didn’t have enough for me to even try.”
“That isn’t true, Leslie. I just didn’t know what to do. You’ve no idea what a dark spiral it has been for me this week.”
“I’m sorry for that, but you didn’t give me an opportunity to help you through it. You cut me out during a time that should have brought us closer. Is that what I have to look forward to if I continue pursuing a relationship with you? Are you going to always just shut me out when things don’t go the right way?”
“No. I’m here now, Leslie. I’m here now, aren’t I?”
“Yes, but why? Why are you here?”
“I missed you. I thought I could just get on with things and not drag you into all of this, but I missed you too much to just walk away.”
“What do you want from me? I don’t understand how you expect me to act if you can’t talk to me.”
“I can talk to you. I know I can. I just felt so overwhelmed. I let it get the best of me,” he said, standing up and leaning over her desk so that his face was only inches from hers.
“So, what am I supposed to do?” she asked, barely able to breathe with him so close to her.
“Forgive me. Just try and forgive how I’ve acted this week and know that it isn’t the usual me. I need you in a way that I’ve never needed anyone in my life. Just give me a chance to make it up to you.”
A dark thought occurred to Leslie and she tried not to let it fester, but it was there and she couldn’t shake it. It had to be said. It wasn’t going to be pleasant, but she needed to know for certain and his reaction would tell her all she needed.