More Than Anything (34 page)

Our pace intensifies as our heat builds. His torso has a light sheen of sweat, as does mine. I’m kissing him, drawing him into me, my body responding to his touch without hesitation, my passion driving me on as my hands clutch him. I feel a tension building, a quiver mounting in me as he thrusts deeper and deeper…and then my world explodes in a kaleidoscope of color and I’m spasming again and again, moaning and crying out as I do. He can’t take the intensity and he stiffens as he climaxes, and then we’re both panting, gasping, spent.

I reach over and slip my fingers through his hair. My entire being is tingling and pulsing, and all I can think about is how amazing our lovemaking was, how much Derek means to me, and how much I crave what we just shared. I could stay in bed for the next four days – and I will, if I have any say. He rolls toward me and stares at me with a look of complete devotion.

“You’re amazing, Sage,” he says, his voice quiet.

“I’ve been dreaming about this moment. But it was better than anything I imagined.” I don’t tell him it was my first time. I can see from his expression I don’t have to.

He brushes my bangs out of my eyes, and we both smile at the familiar gesture.

“I never want to lose you, Sage.”

“Then don’t.” I lean over and kiss him on the lips. I don’t have any words for what I’m feeling, and I want to process everything before talking any more. The kiss says it all.

“I…” He chokes up, and I shush him. There’s no need to say anything. I know what he’s feeling, because I’m feeling it too.

I close my eyes as he lightly strokes my forehead, his touch as soft as a kitten, and I’m smiling as everything fades to nothingness. The last thing I register as the music ends is the quiet sound of his measured breathing and the feel of his head resting on my hand.

I start awake. Bright light shines through the sheer curtains; it’s morning. Derek’s not next to me, but I can hear him in the bathroom. I roll away from the window and pull the sheet over my nakedness. The memory of Derek, the feel of his skin on mine, of his touch, is as vivid as though he was still beside me.

My mind’s a jumble of conflicting thoughts and emotions as I replay the prior night, but by the time Derek emerges from the bathroom, wearing only his jeans, I’ve chased any negativity away. There’s no room for it with the happiness that’s welling up inside me. He grins as he approaches, and when he kisses me, he tastes like toothpaste.

He sits beside me and caresses my face, and I close my eyes again. I’m lying naked in bed with my dream man. If I’m still asleep and dreaming, I see no reason to wake up. He clears his throat, and I crack one eye open expectantly.

“What?” I ask.

“About last night…”

I nod and raise an eyebrow.

He smiles. “Do you want to talk about it?”

My eyes move to his chest, taking in the pectoral muscles so defined they could be cut from marble, rippling under his tanned skin when he moves, and the series of ridges formed by his abs…and something shifts in me. My gaze moves to his eyes.

“Kiss me again.”

He leans into me, and this time the kiss is longer, deeper, more satisfying. I begin to drift into the Neverland where I spent last night, and it feels better than good. I stir under the sheet and flush as the feeling I used to think I’d never have floods me again, and I reach to pull him on top of me.

We don’t leave the apartment for two more hours – two of the happiest hours of my life.

Over a late breakfast, Derek tells me about the problems he’s been having with the label. The uncertainty of his tour is one of his biggest concerns, along with his rep’s constant reminders that they’re taking a big gamble on him. We finish up our breakfast and coffee, and he’s just staring at me, like he’s distracted and can’t remember what I said a few minutes earlier.

“What?” I ask.

“You’re beautiful. Amazingly beautiful.”

“Is it Melody’s baseball hat or my styling Made In China shades?”

“Seriously. I can’t get enough of you.”

Which is exactly how I feel about him. Our second round of lovemaking was more relaxed, lasted longer, and if anything was more pleasurable than our first. I like the trend. We seem to fit together perfectly, and it’s magical when he’s inside me.

“Only three more days. Better make the best of it,” I say.

“I’m serious.”

I think about all the things we could do today, the places we could go, the sights we could see, and realize there’s only one place I really want to be – and that’s back in the apartment with Derek, savoring every precious hour. Jeremy’s staying with a friend for the weekend, so we have the place to ourselves. I see no reason not to take full advantage of the privacy.

I look deep into Derek’s eyes and reach across the table to take his hand. “So am I.”

Monday arrives far too soon, and with it comes Jeremy. Derek and I have spent almost every second together, most of them naked, and my newfound sexual awakening suits me, I know. I wonder if everyone has this kind of secret life, every person walking down the street I see, and I realize how oblivious I’ve been to an entire world of possibility.

Now I completely understand Melody’s fascination with boys, although I can’t imagine being with anyone but Derek. He’s so incredible, so conscientious and thoughtful and in sync with me it’s like we were made for each other. Every time I catch myself staring at him, I’m in awe that all this is really happening – that it’s not some fantasy I’m going to wake up from. This is my life. A life with the hottest guy on the planet in my bed, a hit record in the can, and a future of limitless possibility.

We straighten the apartment up so it’s tidy by the time Jeremy arrives, and when he floats in wearing neon red pants and a Banana Republic sweater, all that’s left for him to do is hug me, give Derek the inevitable up and down eyeing that’s his way of saying hello to anything male, and plop down on the couch to pepper me with questions.

“So, dahling, you look positively mahvelous. Glowing. What’s your secret?” he asks, his voice filled with innuendo. Derek excuses himself and makes for the bathroom, leaving me no cover.

“Pure thoughts and the love of the Lord,” I say with a perky smile.

“Ooh, good answer. I’ll have to remember that.” He pauses. “Did they have a big sale on happy today? Because I want to buy some.”

“It’s been a great weekend, Jeremy. Thanks for letting us have the place to ourselves.”

He waves my gratitude away. “It’s the least I can do, considering you’re paying rent for it all month and only use it a day here and there. Which reminds me. When are you returning to the real world from Hollywood?”

I pout. “Not soon enough. I have to stay in L.A. until the band’s ready to go on tour, and it sounds like this is the only time I’ll be back until I’m done with the first leg.”

“I should just rent your room to someone else.”

“No! I still want it.”

He smirks. “I meant and not tell you. Twice the walking-around money. You’d never find out!”

I give him a skeptical glare. “You working on Wall Street now?”

He rolls his eyes theatrically. “Please. I have some morals. Granted, not many, and certainly nothing that interferes with my fun, but still…” His tone changes to a stage whisper. “I gather you and Big Boy figured out how tab A fits into slot B?”

I redden and look away, and he cackles with glee. “You’re so busted. I knew it! Get out of here with your slutty little self.”

“It’s not like that.”

Jeremy cocks his head. “Girl, if you’re doing it right, it’s always like that. So tell me all. Is his…heart…as big as the great outdoors?”

I swat his arm. “Can we change the subject? How’s your show doing? I want to go see it tonight if I can get tickets.”

“I think it’s safe to say someone might be able to get you in on the guest list.”

“That would be so cool. Are you enjoying yourself?”

“I’m the toast of the town, being paid far too much for my own good, and I work three hours a night. The only ones I know doing better are high-priced call girls and politicians, and I don’t have the stomach to be either.”

Derek returns and thanks Jeremy for his help, and then sits next to me, takes my hand, and pulls me close. Jeremy makes a face, but I can tell it’s all for show.

“Oh, gawd. Am I going to have to watch you two mooning at each other every minute of my day?” he demands.

“Of course not. We’ll be in my room for most of it,” I say and wink.

“Ooh, listen to you.” He purses his lips and eyes Derek. “If you’re trying to make me jealous, it’s working.”

Derek and I laugh. “No. Just be happy for us,” I say.

Jeremy smiles and tosses his hair back as he rises. “I am. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I just came by to get changed. I have a lunch date with a to-die-for policeman. I plan to confess how bad I’ve been. I need to be punished. Cuffed.”

“So just your typical Monday afternoon, huh?” I say.

“Exactly.”

I tell Derek about the performance and Jeremy’s offer, and his face clouds. “Crap. I forgot to tell you. I have an appearance this evening at seven. A talk show. I have to do it. Pays the rent…”

“You think you’ll be done in time to make Jeremy’s?”

“Maybe. We can try. But you know how they do the musical guests – usually at the end.”

“That sucks. Oh, well, I suppose we can miss the opening.”

“Won’t kill us,” he agrees. He squeezes my hand. “I’m so glad you’re with me, Sage. This feels amazing. And completely right, you know? Like it was meant to be.”

I swallow hard. That’s exactly what I’ve been thinking. “Maybe it was.”

“I believe that. In destiny. We belong together. I’ve known that for a long time. I just didn’t feel comfortable saying it.”

“Why not?”

“With everything going on, it just…I don’t know. I suppose I was afraid I’d get hurt. Isn’t that always why we hide the way we feel?”

He’s so right about that. “I should have said something, too. But I was, I don’t know, embarrassed. And I…I was afraid you might not feel the same. So we were both doing the same thing.” I shake my head. “So stupid. So much time wasted for nothing.”

His gaze locks with mine. “Promise me you won’t ever do that again. I won’t.”

My eyes moisten and I whisper, “I promise,” just as Jeremy bursts back into the room wearing white leather pants and a yellow long-sleeved top. He does a twirl for us and grins.

“You like? It’s my Freddy Mercury look.”

Derek laughs. “Now he could really sing.”

Jeremy puts his hand on his hip and cocks it. “Meaning?”

“Nothing. Just that he was brilliant.”

“Well, you’ll see what I can do when you come to the show tonight. Now, gotta run. The hopefully long arm of the law’s waiting for me.”

When Jeremy leaves the apartment it’s suddenly quiet, the air still resonating with his energy. Derek leans into me and strokes the back of my neck. I purr. “Mmm. That feels good.”

We’re both quiet for several minutes, enjoying just being with each other, and then he stops what he’s doing and sits forward. I open my eyes and look at him.

“We have to figure out how to make this work when we’re on tour,” he says. Judging by his scowl, he’s been thinking about it for some time.

“I see a future of lots of airplane tickets and nights in motels.”

“I’m working my booking agent to try to get onto the same tours you are, but you’re kind of in a different league,” he says – no bitterness to it, merely a statement of fact.

“I’ll put more pressure on Terry. Maybe if the promoters are being pitched from both sides, something will click. Even if it’s just for one leg.”

“Either way, though, we’ll figure it out. I’ll get a flight booked out to L.A. as soon as I can get away. Even if it’s only for a couple of days.”

I nod. “I’d like that.” But my heart’s aching at the realization that we only have tonight and tomorrow night together, and then we’ll be apart again for who knows how long. Now that I know Derek exists, that he’s been put in the universe just for me, it’s going to be painful to be apart. I try to shake off the melancholy that sinks in at the thought, but it’s no good. Apparently I’m still the world’s champion at making myself miserable no matter how happy my present is. I rise and pull on Derek’s hand. “Come on.”

He brightens. “Right now?”

“Can you think of a single reason not to?”

He gets a serious expression and fixes me with an intense gaze.

“I want you, Sage.”

I can barely think when he looks at me like that, and I have to fight to get a word out. “Really?”

He nods, and I’m lost.

“More than anything.”

It’s so weird to be sitting backstage in the green room watching the monitor as Derek performs. He’s great, as usual, and so charming it almost hurts to look at him. He’s got that easygoing natural banter I suck at, and has no trace of shyness or lack of self-confidence. I wonder whether he has his own version of the negative inner voice from hell, and remember his confession to me about his childhood. So he must. But he does a much better job hiding its effects than I ever will.