Authors: Elizabeth Briggs
“How’d it go?” I asked.
“Good. My parents can’t wait to meet Dawn.”
Dawn straightened up. “I’m going to tell my father.”
“Are you sure?” Trina asked. “You don’t have to do this now.”
Dawn took Trina’s hands in her own. “I want to tell him. If we both make it to the finale, I…I want to be able to introduce you to him as my girlfriend.”
Trina’s face lit up, and the two of them shared a kiss. “When you’re done, come to the winner’s suite,” she said with a naughty grin. “We can celebrate.”
“I can’t wait,” Dawn said, before slipping into the office for her call. I guessed it would be me and Nika alone in the women’s bedroom tonight.
Gavin came out after his session ended, and I gave him a weak smile, then brushed past him into the office without a word. My throat was already closed up, my tongue tied in anticipation of speaking with my mom for the first time since I’d told her I was going on the show.
I sat at the desk, and soon my mom’s round face and short black bob filled the computer screen. “Is this working?” she asked, moving closer to the camera. “Julie?”
“Hey, Mom,” I said, forcing a smile.
“Oh, good. I can’t believe you don’t have a phone there. I have so much to tell you. Helen finished her first year of residency, and everyone at the hospital loves her…”
She launched right into a story praising my perfect sister, as usual. Why did this even surprise me anymore? And while I was happy for my sister, it’d be nice if my mom asked me how
I
was doing at some point.
Over the next few minutes, she told me all her news, including how my grandmother was doing (stable, thank god), how my parents were planning a cruise to Alaska, and how it had been in the 90s every day this week in northern California. Only when she’d finished with all her news (including how the neighbor’s cat was peeing on her flowers again) did she ask, “How is New York? Are you having fun? Have you been to the Statue of Liberty yet?”
My mouth twisted. Did she think I was on some tourist vacation? “No, Mom. I’m on the show, so I don’t have time to see much of the city. I’ll try to go when the show’s over.”
She leaned closer, squinting at the screen. “You look tired. Are you sick?”
“I was sick a few days ago, but I’m better now.”
“Hmm. You need to take better care of yourself. Are you drinking green tea?”
“I am. I’m just…exhausted. We don’t get much sleep and we’re working long hours every single day and there’s so much pressure. It’s
hard
.”
Her lips pressed together in a thin line. “If it’s too hard, you should leave. Come home. You need to prepare for school anyway. Don’t waste any more time there.”
“I’m not leaving. And this is
not
a waste of time.” I barely got the words out through gritted teeth.
“No one would blame you if you quit. Your father and I are impressed you made it as far as you did.”
I bit out a laugh. “Wow, thanks for the vote of confidence. I’m sure you’d love it if I gave up. Proof that you were right all along.”
“Julie, we support you no matter what, but this is not a career. It’s a TV show. A hobby, nothing more. So have your fun and when you’re ready, come home and we’ll discuss which schools you should apply to.”
I slammed my palms down on the table. “It’s not just a hobby, Mom!”
She looked startled by my loud voice, and I took a breath to try and control myself. That wasn’t a respectful way to speak to her, and I was on camera, too. But how could she not understand that this wasn’t just a silly summer break excursion? This was my life, my dream, my career. I wasn’t going to walk away from this opportunity because it got tough.
“Are you saying you don’t want to go to medical school now?” she asked.
“No, I…” I shook my head. Arguing with her was futile. She’d never get it and would never support me in doing what I wanted. And I wasn’t sure
what
I wanted anyway. If I got kicked off the show in the next challenge, maybe it’d be better for me to go to medical school after all. “I have to go. My time’s up.”
“Julie—”
“Tell Dad and Helen I said hello. I’ll call you when I’m done with the show.”
I ended the session and sat back, fighting off tears. The worst part was I couldn’t even have a second alone to compose myself because the cameraman was there with me, filming everything. I got up and bolted from the room, heading back to the Loft to hide in a bathroom for an hour or two, the one place I knew I could be by myself for a while.
But when I got to the Loft, Gavin was waiting for me. When he saw my expression, he asked, “Everything all right?”
We were the only ones there. Trina and Dawn were presumably in the private winner’s suite getting naked, and Jeff and Nika were having their own video chat sessions. Of course, with the cameras filming and the eyes of the producers on us, we were never really alone.
“My mom…” My throat closed up and my eyes watered. “It didn’t go well.”
“I’m sorry, love.” He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my forehead. “I have something that might cheer you up.”
“What’s that?” I asked, leaning into his embrace. “And you better not say it’s in your pants.”
He laughed. “No, it’s not that kind of surprise. Grab some supper and come with me.”
I made myself a plate from our dinner buffet and followed Gavin up the steps to the roof, one of the cameramen a few steps behind us. But when the door opened, I gasped.
Everything had been strung with white twinkling lights, giving the patio a magical feel. Gavin led me forward to a small table set up in the middle with a black tablecloth and candles, plus a bottle of red wine and two glasses. A romantic candlelit dinner for two on a rooftop under the bright lights of New York.
For a minute all I could do was stare, finding it hard to speak. “You did all this?” I finally asked, turning to face him.
“I confess I had a little help, but the idea was mine. I thought it would be nice to have a night alone for once.” He gave a sharp look at the camera behind me. “Or as alone as we can be.”
Something tugged inside me. Not desire, but something else. Something that made me both excited and terrified at once, that made my heart beat at a million miles an hour. I almost felt…nervous. Which was strange because I was never nervous around guys. Yet Gavin, with his spontaneous romantic gesture, had somehow disarmed me completely.
He watched my face closely, the wind whipping at his dark hair. “If it’s too much—”
“No,” I said, lifting on my toes to kiss him. “This is exactly what I needed tonight.”
His shoulders relaxed and he smiled, almost like he was nervous, too. How odd. Gavin was usually overflowing with confidence. When had we become so awkward around each other?
He pulled out a chair for me, always the perfect gentleman, and poured us both a glass of wine. “Do you want to talk about your chat with your family?” he asked as he sat across from me.
I sighed. I’d nearly forgotten about my conversation with my mom, but he just had to bring it up again. “Not really. It’s just the same old shit as usual. My mom thinks I’m wasting my time here and should come home and apply to medical school, blah blah blah.”
“Have you told her you don’t want to be a doctor?”
“Not…exactly. I wanted to win the show first, to prove to her that it wasn’t just a hobby. But I don’t know if even that will make her think fashion design is a valid career.”
He nodded. “My father never supported my decision to change my major from architecture to fashion. He said it was ‘gay’ and that real men shouldn’t be making clothes. I haven’t talked to him in two years.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s all right. Maybe he’ll come around eventually, maybe not. I used to care, but then I realized I can’t live my life worried about what he will think. I have to do what’s right for me. This is my life, not his.”
I knew what he was getting at, but things with my family were different. I’d been raised to respect my parents and honor their wishes and demands. And even though my mom was a pain, she only wanted the best for me. She might even be right—going into fashion design could be a terrible mistake. I’d spent years studying to be a doctor, preparing for that life, and I wasn’t sure I was ready to give that up for something that could go up in flames at any moment.
“Let’s talk about something else,” I said.
“What did you think about the runway show today?” he asked.
“I loved your look. And Trina’s. But I’m so sad about Molly. Nika should have been kicked off instead.”
“Agreed. I’m surprised Nika’s still on the show. Her looks are so…chavvy.”
“What? They’re pretty horrible, but not sure I’d call them chubby.”
“Not chubby…chavvy.” He tilted his head. “Not sure what the American equivalent is. Trashy, maybe? Either way, her clothes are an offense to fashion.”
I giggled. “That’s why I like you, because we hate the same things.”
“Aha, so you admit that you
do
like me,” he said with a grin.
Damn, he’d caught me there. “I…admit that I like kissing you.”
“Is that all?”
“You’re not too bad on the eyes or the ears either.”
“Ah, I see how it is. All you want is my body.” He said it in a teasing way, but there was a touch of vulnerability in his voice, too, like he was actually worried that might be true.
I took a sip of wine so I didn’t have to answer right away, trying to decide on the perfect response. The cameraman was filming our entire dinner, and I had to keep up the act of us as this new couple falling for each other. But saying the words, even if they were for the camera, was tougher than I thought.
“No, I also…” I stared at the table as I spoke, rubbing a finger over the pattern in the tablecloth.
Just spit it out, Julie.
“I like spending time with you. You make me laugh. You’re smart and creative and kind. You’re… You’re not who I originally thought you were.”
His eyebrows shot up. “No?”
“Don’t get me wrong, you’re still a cocky asshole, but there’s a lot more to you under that.”
“Well, that makes two women who believe that: you and my mum.”
“And your sister.”
I regretted it the instant I said it. His smile dropped, and he seemed to withdraw into himself. “No, she thought I was an asshole most of the time, too.”
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up.”
“It’s all right.” He idly traced the rose tattoo on the back of his hand. “It was years ago. I should be able to talk about it by now.”
“It seems like the two of you were really close.”
“We were.” He shut his eyes, dragging in a ragged breath. “I keep waiting for it to not hurt as much, but it never does. I’ve just gotten better about living with the pain.”
I reached across the table to take his hand, weaving our fingers together. “She would be proud of you for getting this far on the show.”
He brought my hand to his lips. “She would be happy I’d found a nice girl for once.”
I looked around us, eyebrows raised. “A nice girl? Where?”
“Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone.”
“You better not. I have a reputation to uphold, you know.”
I grabbed my wine glass, something to distract me from the irresistible swell of feelings and emotions rising between us. We were still playing our roles, but it felt like something more, too. I couldn’t tell where the line between pretend and reality was. Everything I’d said tonight was true, but I was afraid to admit it, even to myself. It was so much easier to pretend this was all fake. If I accepted it was real, I could get hurt. No, I
would
get hurt.
We switched to lighter topics as we finished eating, and the wine and conversation flowed easily under the soft, twinkling lights and the pale moon above us. It was almost like a real date, except for the camera trained on us the entire time. At some point Kelsey brought out another bottle of wine, and we didn’t even pause to consider if drinking it would be a bad idea or not.
Gavin told me about how he had dual citizenship because his father was American and lived in Seattle, which is how Gavin was able to come on the show despite living in another country. He’d traveled frequently to the US when he was younger, especially after his parents got divorced. He’d gone to university—as he called it—at Central Saint Martins in London, one of the top design schools in the world, and after graduation he’d spent the last two years working for Gareth Pugh’s clothing line.
In return, I told Gavin about growing up in a town in northern California with my best friend Maddie and how we’d both seen going to college at UCLA as a chance to finally break free from our families. We’d met Carla in my freshman year when I’d worked on the costumes for a theater production she’d starred in. Sophomore year, we’d moved out of the dorms and gotten a place together.
After that, the three of us were practically inseparable—until this summer, anyway. We were all so busy we’d barely had time to talk. But after New York Fashion Week was over, I’d be back at UCLA for my senior year, and I knew we’d be there for each other, no matter what happened. We always were.
By the time the second bottle was done, Gavin and I were both a little drunk.
“C’mon, you have to admit it’s a little unfair,” I said, waving my wine glass at him. “You get to see models stripping off their clothes all the time in the design room. We need some male models on this show!”
“Believe it or not, I hardly ever notice. I’m usually so focused on my clothes and getting them done in time.”
“Oh, whatever. You know you love it, you player.” I swatted him lightly on the arm. Sometime during the night we’d scooted our chairs close, and now we were practically sitting on top of each other.
He lifted a brow. “I am not a player. Far from it.”
“No? It wasn’t that hard to get you back to my room that night.”
“That was the first time I’d ever done something like that. The only time.”
That strange, fluttery feeling swirled in my stomach again. “Why that night? Why me?”
“I was feeling bold, I suppose. I was in a different city, going on a reality TV show, and you were so captivating I couldn’t take my eyes off you.” He took my empty wine glass from my hand and set it on the table. “I only planned to talk to you that night, but when you asked me to your room, I couldn’t say no. I can never say no to you.”