More Than Jamie Baker (Jamie Baker #2) (5 page)

Ryan’s whispered voice echoed through the quiet room. “Jamie?”

“I’m here,” I muttered from beneath a mound of blankets.

Moments later I felt my bed sag, and then warmth spread through me when Ryan’s body practically enveloped me. He curled himself around every part of me that he was physically capable of, as if to shield me from everything but him.

Have I mentioned before how much I love Ryan Miller?

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, shattering the stillness that had settled over us. “I know you needed me there, but I was about to fry the place and I’ve already caused enough damage for one day.”

Ryan tightened his grip on me and nuzzled his face against my neck. “What’s going on with you? You haven’t lost control this much since we first met. Not that you’d want to hurt Mike, but the two of you aren’t exactly close, so why are you
this
upset?”

“Because I didn’t stop it,” I said.

My admission set my tears off again. I hadn’t wanted to tell Ryan. Obviously he knew I didn’t prevent the accident, but he hadn’t put together the implications of that yet. He wouldn’t have, either. To him, my superpowers are kind of like a fun toy.

There’s nothing fun about knowing you could have saved someone’s life but chose not to.

“The accident,” I explained when Ryan didn’t immediately understand what I was saying. “I didn’t stop it. I didn’t save him.”

And then he understood. “Jamie,” he started in a gentle but stern tone.

“I could have. I could have pulled him to safety. I had time, but I didn’t do it.”

“What happened to Mike was not your fault. He was drunk. He was responsible for his own actions.”

“Doesn’t change the fact that I let him get hurt.”

“You couldn’t have stepped in,” Ryan argued. “It was a crowded intersection full of witnesses. People would have seen you. It would have exposed you.”

I wished I could believe that was the reason I didn’t act. “If it were you or Becky, I would have done it.” That was the absolute truth. “If it were my parents, I wouldn’t have hesitated. I might have even done it if it were a stranger. I
have
done it for a stranger before. But it was Mike. It was Mike, and I hate him, so I didn’t save him. I’m
awful
.”

I started crying again. I was ashamed. What I’d done was heartless, selfish, and vengeful. I really was the ice queen everyone claimed I was. “I may as well have pushed him in front of that car myself.”

Ryan rolled me over, forcing me to look at him. I wiped my eyes and was surprised to find anger in his. “Stop,” he said. “I’m not going to let you do this to yourself. You know very well that isn’t true. You are not the monster you think you are. You didn’t hurt Mike. You acted in self-preservation, and there is nothing wrong with that.”

“But Ryan, I—”

“No. You remembered what happened last time you saved someone. You knew how much danger that put you in—how much danger it put your parents in. And me. I was almost killed because of it.”

I frowned. “
That
does not make me feel any better.”

“You did the right thing,” Ryan insisted. “I know what you’re thinking, but you didn’t let him get hurt out of spite. You know how I know?”

“How?” My disbelief was obvious.

“Because you didn’t kill Mr. Edwards when he hurt me. You could have—you would have been justified—but you didn’t. And you’ve never hurt Carter, as many times as he’s made you want to. You aren’t friends with Mike, but if you could have safely helped him today without endangering everyone you love, you would have done it.”

I wasn’t so sure, but I could see his point, and it did make me feel a little less guilty.

“You’re a good person, Jamie.” Ryan gave me a soft kiss on my tear-salted cheek. “You’re beautiful, inside and out. The proof is right…here…”

Ryan rolled me onto my back and pressed me into the mattress beneath him as he gave me a long, searching kiss. Just when I thought I would lose control again and turn him into a walking battery, he removed his mouth from mine and leaned up only far enough to let me see the grin on his face.

“How is your kissing me proof that I’m a good person?” I asked, just to be difficult. He’d already obliterated my depression.

Ryan’s smile grew even bigger, and his eyes sparkled with mischief. “Because I could have any girl I want, and despite being surrounded by beautiful college girls all the time, I only want you. And
I
would never want someone who wasn’t the very best person on the planet.”

My eyebrows flew sky high. “Excuse me? Surrounded by beautiful college girls
all the time
? You—”

Ryan cut me off with another kiss. A deep, lustful one that sent shivers rocketing through my body, erasing any argument I’d been tempted to have.

Two minutes later, the lamp beside my bed exploded. Ryan groaned and then climbed off me. “I should go,” he said as he attempted to smooth the static electricity out of his hair. So much for not pumping him full of mutant energy. “It’s been a long day, and I really need a shower.”

“I suppose you’re right.” I sighed as I followed him to the door.

Ryan lingered in the doorway and pulled me to him for one last kiss. “You going to be okay?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “I just…What am I supposed to do the next time it happens? I can’t stand by and watch someone get hurt like that again. There’s no way. But I can’t just give up my secret, either.”

Ryan, ever the optimist, said, “We’ll figure something out.”

“Like what?”

I sounded desperate and slightly panicked, but Ryan smiled at me serenely. “I don’t know yet, but something. Trust me.” He smirked and then added, “If I could help the Ice Queen solve her problems, then I can certainly help Jamie Baker.”

He had a point.

Not that I was going to admit that to him.

If possible, Mike looked
even closer to death the next day when I went back to see him. His swelling was worse and his bruises deeper, but at least this time the shock of his condition wasn’t so bad I was resetting pacemakers every five seconds.

I don’t know what possessed me to go back, but it was as if I were compelled. I couldn’t stay away. I’d waited until his parents left again for dinner and then slipped into his room.

His heavily medicated, unconscious state seemed deceivingly peaceful. He looked relaxed, vulnerable. He seemed younger and less of an idiot than he really was. I felt a million times guiltier than I had the day before when he was just the drunk jerk who’d hurt my best friend.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “Ryan says I did the right thing by not exposing myself, but he’s wrong. I should have saved you.”

I wished I’d stood by and not acted because I was thinking of Ryan, Becky, and my parents. The truth is, I’d just been scared. I’d stayed my hand because I didn’t want to be exposed to the world. I didn’t want people to know the truth about me.

“I was selfish.” I shook my head. “I
am
selfish.”

“Visiting a creep in the hospital because he’s your boyfriend’s friend doesn’t seem selfish to me.”

I jumped at the interruption. “Teodoro!” I breathed, pressing a hand to my chest as if that might keep my heart from bursting out of it. The guy had startled me so badly he was lucky I hadn’t zapped him into oblivion. “What are you doing here?”

“I was just…” His eyes drifted toward Mike as he stepped in the room, but then his gaze snapped back to me. He smiled a big, bright, dimpled smile. “Hey! You remembered my name!”

I lightened up a little. His smile was sort of infectious. “Barely. It’s not an easy one to remember.”

“It’s Italian.”

“It’s a mouthful. You mind if I just call you ‘Teddy’?”

For some reason, my question seemed to shock Teodoro. “You want to give me a nickname?” he asked with a sense of awe.

I tried not to make a face. Had he seriously never gone by a nickname? With a name like
Teodoro
?

“Teddy,” he repeated, as if testing it out.

“It’s either that, or ‘Dimples’.”

Startled, Teodoro’s face flushed an endearing shade of pink. “No,” he said quickly. “Teddy is fine.”

“Good.” Things got awkward, so I changed the subject. “So
Teddy
, how’d you get in here? It’s supposed to be family only.”

Teddy shrugged sheepishly and pulled a plastic badge from his pocket. “Swiped it from an unattended lab coat. Don’t worry. I’ll put it back before I leave.” He smiled conspiratorially at me. “How’d
you
get in here?”

“My amazing superpowers, of course.”

Teddy laughed as if I were joking. It’s ironic how many times I can get away with telling the truth.

“Flirted your way in, huh? It’s completely unfair what hot girls can get away with, you know.”

I was surprised that even with as awful as I felt only seconds ago, I was able to laugh. “Actually, I cried my way in. Seemed more appropriate.”

Teddy shared a smile with me. “Cried, huh? Over that guy?” He took in my puffy eyes curiously. “You must be quite the actress.”

“Not really.” I changed the subject. Couldn’t exactly explain the real reason for my tears. “So,”—I squinted at the name on the stolen badge in his hand—“
Dr
.
Chang
, what brings you the bedside of a complete stranger?”

Teddy sobered up and shuffled over to my side. “I don’t really know,” he said as he looked down at Mike. “I’ve never witnessed an accident before. I couldn’t get it out of my head. I thought maybe seeing him in person might help.”

“That would be nice, wouldn’t it?” I whispered, more to myself than Teddy.

“What do you mean?”

I stared down at Mike’s sleeping form, and my mind replayed my own accident from years ago. I pictured the tanker slamming into my car and the falling power lines. I felt the heat of the explosion. Heard the strangled sounds of Derek’s cries as he died in my arms. All of it ran through my head as if it had happened yesterday.

“It doesn’t matter what you do,” I said, my voice hollow. “You’ll never forget.” I tried to rub the goose bumps off my arms. “Trust me.”

“That’s right. You said you’ve been through this before.”

I could feel Teddy’s eyes on me, but I didn’t look up. When I didn’t say anything, he spoke again. “You want to know the strange thing?” he asked. “I feel guilty.”

Now I did look up. I was startled by the confession. It hit a little too close to home.

“We were right there,” he said, gazing down at Mike with a distant look. “I feel like I should have done something to stop it. Helped him somehow.”

I shivered. “I know the feeling.”

“But what could we have done?” he asked.

I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t have, even if I’d known what to say. My throat was burning again.

I didn’t realize I was crying until Teddy ushered me to a small bench seat under the room’s only window and sat down next to me. “Are you sure you’re all right?”

Embarrassed, I wiped at my cheeks and nodded. “Fine. I just…” My voice trailed off. I had no idea how to finish that sentence.

“How come you came here alone?” Teddy asked. “I thought your boyfriend was close with this guy. Shouldn’t he be here, too?”

“We don’t do
everything
together.”

I didn’t mean to be so defensive, but I was feeling slightly guilty about being here without Ryan. I don’t know why I hadn’t wanted him with me. Probably because he wouldn’t have let me wallow in self-pity, and I really just needed to feel bad for a while.

“Sorry,” Teddy apologized. “I wasn’t meaning to accuse him of anything. I was just concerned for you.”

I grimaced and gave Teddy a repentant smile. “You’re sweet.”

Teddy cringed and threw a hand over his heart. “Oh. Now you’ve done it. My ego is appropriately crushed. If I ever start to remind you of your brother, do me a favor and lie to me.”