Authors: Lindsay McKenna
Holding up his hand, the officer said, "That's not what I mean. Pepper said something odd to me when we were eating dinner in the galley last night." He frowned. "She said she understood why you could love someone like Laura, even if it was at a distance."
Suddenly the conversation they'd had back at his condominium deluged Jim. He was thunderstruck. "Pepper must think I'm still carrying a torch for Laura!" What a fool he'd been. And of course, it would look that way to her. After all, he'd spent every possible minute at Laura's side, helping her cope, being there to support her through her horrible trials. Why hadn't he realized Pepper might see his attention toward Laura differently?
"I guess," he said, pain in his tone, "Pepper could interpret my time with Laura that way."
"Very easily," Noah said. "I didn't help things, either. I told her how close you two were." With a grimace, he added, "I probably helped nail your coffin closed on that one without ever realizing it. I'm sorry."
Frustration ate at Jim. He was even more torn now. "Laura needs continued support. I can't just pick up and leave, even if I want to." He was talking out loud, more to himself than to Noah. "Pepper will probably skip
Perseus
, grab a flight out of Miami International and go straight home. At lunch yesterday, I could see how much she wanted to get back there. When she spoke about snow in the
Rocky Mountains
, she got tears in her eyes. And she's looking forward to spending Christmas with her family in Anaconda."
Jim wanted to cry himself. Pepper had completely misinterpreted his relationship with Laura. Hadn't his hot, branding kiss on the island told her something?
His touching her intimately, almost loving her?
Had it meant so little to her?
No, Jim cautioned himself, he couldn't be angry with Pepper. She might have thought the kiss and his intimacy were due to nothing more than the intensity of the moment. What she didn't know—and what he hadn't ever communicated to her—was that he didn't take what they'd so explosively shared at all lightly. For him, it had been a promise of a future exploration of their relationship. But obviously Pepper didn't know that.
"I just talked to Dr. Parsons," Noah said, interrupting Jim's tortured thoughts. "She gave Laura a mild tranquilizer and is down there with her now." His eyes showed agony. "We've all focused so much on Laura that I think we forgot to check how Pepper was feeling. That was a rough mission, and I'm sure she still has a lot of emotional baggage to sort out from it. I know when my wife, Kit, was an undercover
cop,
she would go through hell after a dangerous bust. It was important for me to be there for her through those times." He sighed. "I'm afraid Pepper needed us, but we weren't there for her."
"I wasn't there for her," Jim agreed guiltily, a lump in his throat. "You're right—Pepper needed care, too, and I didn't give it to her."
"It wasn't anyone's fault," Noah said, placing his hand on Jim's slumped shoulder. "The situation was unique. I don't think any of us could have done much differently even if we'd been aware."
"We could have done a lot more.
I
could have." Jim felt such a bitter sense of loss that he wanted to sob. Had he lost Pepper entirely? Was there any hope for them? Her note hadn't been signed. "Your friend" or "Love." But what did he expect? He'd practically ignored her since they'd completed the mission. The mistake he'd made was in thinking that their kiss had sealed a promise for their future.
With a shake of his head, Noah murmured. "Ever since this kidnapping, the whole
Trayhern
family has been in a state of shock. We've been running around like a bunch of lemmings." Scratching his head, he said, "I think we've got to get a handle on our emotions, whether we want to or not. I know my parents are beside themselves over what's happened. My sister, Alyssa, and her husband, Clay, are coming in off a top-secret assignment and they're waiting to hear if
Perseus
or the Pentagon can get a lead on Jason or Morgan. They're going to take thirty days' leave to be here and help out."
"That's good," Jim said sincerely. But it didn't solve his problem. They had another day-and-a-half sail before they reached
Miami
. Then he would fly north with Laura and Dr. Parsons. "What are you going to do with Laura once she's home?"
"I've been in contact with a rape-crisis center in D.C., and have been referred to a woman psychologist who will work with her. Killian definitely thinks Laura and her daughter shouldn't go home until after we've located Jason and Morgan."
"Good idea," Jim said. "Ramirez and Garcia could strike again, to get even with us for rescuing her."
"You'd better believe it." Grimly, his eyes narrowed, Noah scanned the nearly smooth expanse of blue-green water. "Garcia and Ramirez have been albatrosses around our family's neck for a long time. Now it's coming down to the wire. It's them or us." His mouth flattened. "And I'll be damned if the
Trayhern
family will pay the price again, to this country or otherwise. We've lost so much. We got it back when Morgan returned to us but now it's been taken away again in a different way."
Jim felt the deep emotion behind Noah's softly spoken words. He saw the anguish in the officer's expression. No one was more aware of the
Trayhern
history than he, because of Laura's involvement. No, of all people, this family didn't deserve to suffer this kind of attack. "As soon as we get Laura established, I'll be back at the Pentagon," he offered. "Maybe, with some luck, we'll pick up more satellite transmissions."
Noah brightened slightly. "You were responsible for this one, and it turned out to be a good lead." He ran a hand through his close-cropped hair and, shifting gears, said, "It's none of my business, but what are you going to do about Pepper?"
Jim exhaled. "Wait, I guess. I can't just drop everything and go to her. I was lucky to get leave for this mission. My superiors aren't about to let me go again so soon. Besides, I want to try to locate Jason and Morgan. I think I can do it, given some time."
"Maybe," Noah said, "time is what Pepper needs right now, anyway. She needs to get some distance on what happened. Hopefully, she'll realize why you had to spend so much time with Laura. It wasn't love but loyalty."
"I hope," Jim whispered, "she sees exactly that, but I'm not counting on it."
"Go get some chow," Noah urged.
Jim didn't feel like eating, but he knew he had to. Leaving the bridge, he headed for the cutter's bottom deck, but his mind and heart were on Pepper. How was she feeling? What was she feeling? Had he made up this idea of something strong growing between them?
Noah was right, Jim decided. Time could be his friend. But it could be his enemy, too. Somehow, he had to figure out a way to let Pepper know she was part of his life. Some kind of foundation had to be laid so she understood that his kiss had been the seal of a new relationship—not something taken from her in a stolen moment.
"Hey, Pepper!" Joe Conway stood at the door to the cavernous structure where they laid out and folded the smoke-jumping parachutes.
Pepper raised her head. She was at one of the tables, refolding one of her chutes. It was lunchtime and the rest of her team was over at the chow hall. Their smoke-jumping facility was a few miles outside
Phillipsburg
, next to the small airport there.
Joe looked at her expectantly. "What?" she asked shortly.
"You aren't going to believe it, but in the middle of this snowstorm, a florist truck pulled up.
Phillipsburg
doesn't have a florist, so this guy must have come all the way from Anaconda, the poor bastard.
Bad day to be driving."
He flashed
her a
happy smile and opened the door with a flourish.
Frowning, Pepper saw a man bundled in a heavy wool coat and hat carrying a large, long box under his right arm. He was an older gentleman, with silver in his hair. He removed his hat and thanked Joe for opening the door. Then Joe, her second in command, pointed at her. Joe was tall, brash and only twenty-eight, full of Irish blarney right up to his dancing green eyes and black hair. Was this a trick? He'd been known to pull plenty of practical jokes, especially at this time of year, when things slowed down and got a little too boring around the camp to suit him.
The older man stepped up to her, his hat in one hand, the mysterious box in the other. He smiled, his brown eyes crinkling with warmth as he nodded at her. "Are you Ms. Sinclair?"
"Yes." Pepper watched him break into a wide smile.
"I got this special order at our shop in Anaconda." Chuckling, he said, "I
gotta
tell you, the roads are pretty slick out there. That snow's
fallin
' faster than the plows can remove it." He offered her the large box. "These are for you."
Though completely puzzled and still wary of a trick, Pepper accepted the box and thanked him. When he'd left, Joe wandered over.
"What's inside?" He peered at the box, placing his hands behind his back.
"I don't know." Pepper took a pair of scissors and cut one of the tight plastic straps that held the box together.
Joe raised his thick, black eyebrows.
"Secret admirer, huh?
I knew something special was going on while you were mysteriously gone that week."
"Quit," Pepper ordered, as she snipped the rest of the straps.
Chuckling, Joe shoved his hands in the pockets of his Levi's and rocked back on the heels of his jump boots. "You were awful down and quiet when you got back." He gestured to the box. "Must have met some dark, mysterious stranger wherever you were and fallen in love with him. Maybe that's why you were so hang-dog
lookin
', huh?" His eyes glinted with teasing.
Pepper held on to her irritation. Sometimes Joe could make her split her sides with laughter. But today wasn't one of those days. This first week back home had been a special and unexpected kind of hell for her. She had tried to forget Jim's kiss and his words, which haunted her dreams each night. They were torrid dreams, unfulfilled dreams that made her wake with an ache in her lower body. Shooting Joe a dirty look, she growled, "For once your Irish blarney is totally wrong." Setting the scissors aside, she opened the box. Her eyes widened. The fragrance of roses wafted upward, and she inhaled deeply.
"Hmm," Joe murmured, leaning over, "looks like this Irishman is right—again. Too bad I didn't put money on a bet. I could've taken you for a real ride on this one, Sinclair.
Red and yellow roses.
I'll bet there are two dozen in there."
"Get out of here," Pepper said lightly, matching his teasing tone. Her heart was pounding, not from Joe's prophecy, but from her overwhelming surprise at the gift. Her instincts told her it was from Jim. But was it? Or was it her silly heart in overdrive again, creating wishful, idealistic dreams that would never come true? Pepper saw Joe's mouth draw into a beatific smile of righteous pride. "You're such a know-it-all, Conway," she said dryly, waving her hand at him to leave.
Laughing heartily, he gently patted her shoulder. "Okay, boss, I'll leave you to savor the roses alone." He walked a few feet,
then
turned around. "By the way, who's the lucky guy? Does the team know him?"
Heat stung Pepper's cheeks.
"None of your business, nosy.
Why don't you go eat?" She put the top back on the box and went to her office. Joe was like a younger brother to her, but at times he was too curious and got under her skin. He had been especially curious about where she'd gone for a week and what had happened. Of course, Pepper hadn't told anyone, nor would she. As far as her smoke-jumping team was concerned, she'd taken a week's leave to go back East to visit an old friend, and that was all.
Joe raised his hand. "I hear
ya
, boss. Okay, I'm gone. I'll eat an extra piece of apple pie for you. I hear Sally made us some. Bless her good Catholic heart. Too bad she's not Irish, but I love her anyway. Catch
ya
later…."
The door closed.
Pepper shook her head. "You're such a pain in the neck sometimes," she muttered, gently touching the roses. Opening the crinkly paper wider she discovered a pristine white envelope among the blossoms.
The past seven days had been bone-achingly lonely for Pepper. None of her friends, though glad to see her, had succeeded in filling the empty cavity in her heart that they'd once satisfied so easily. If only Jim hadn't branded her with that all-consuming kiss. Somehow he'd touched the depths of her soul and reminded her just what was missing in her life—a man she could love forever. But the price was too high, and Pepper knew it.