I gazed at them from my perch, and I knew my companions were equally curious. But, my curiosity was more than simple inquisitiveness at seeing something new. No, I was smitten by them. I wanted to talk with them, to touch them and to study their behavior.
Before I could jump from the tree, Michael put a hand on my arm and shook his head. I must have pouted, because he sighed and nodded. I leapt to the ground and slowly approached them.
God had called these creatures 'Man', and I was fascinated. They stared at me in wide-eyed amazement, and I could see hesitant fear upon their faces. They were not any taller than angels, but they were stooped and covered in hair. Angels did not have hair on their bodies as Man did, so this was another trait that grabbed my attention. They were disgusting, I will admit that - they smelled of their own filth and they were feral in body and spirit.
But their eyes were held in faces that resembled us, the divine army, and in them was a spark of wisdom. These creatures, I knew from the beginning they had potential and they would do a great many wondrous things. It was because I had this knowledge that always I wanted to be around them, to see them mature and evolve into the beings they were destined to be. Man reminded me so much of us, and I would spend days staring at their faces, at their shining eyes, and I would return to Radueriel's side and tell him of my hours with Man.
Then there was something new when I traveled to Earth one day. Something I did not understand and had to rush to Him about. He spoke softly of gender, and then I knew the purpose of these new beasts. I went back by myself and watched these creatures interact. I saw their speech develop, and I soon had a word to refer to the new beasts - 'Woman'. Of course, it was a different word then, a barely coherent string of gutturals, but the meaning was clear enough.
I watched their growth, their communities, and their mating rights. They did not behave as angels behaved, but they were beautiful to watch. Radueriel would scold me, tell me I should leave the creatures alone, but I could not. Each day I would journey down to their world and spend hours among them.
And then they did something that baffled me. One of the women cried out, screamed and clutched at her belly—which, upon the great bounty the Lord had given them, had grown large—and she writhed for many days. I saw the men gather around her and they helped her through her pains, and then her mate presented the community with a tiny version of Man.
They had created the first child.
Creation! Our Almighty had given the power of Creation to these beasts! The man brought the squirming infant to me, laying the swaddled child at my feet. I picked the child up and gazed down into its perfect, tiny face with the bright blue eyes. It gurgled and smiled at me, and I smiled at it.
No angel had been able to Create, not like this, not another of our kind. We did not have the dual gender as Man did. But, oh, how I longed for that ability, to give life where there once was nothing.
I came to Radueriel after seeing the babe and spoke to him of what I had seen.
"They made life, Radueriel!" I cried, spinning around in a circle with him laughing in my arms. "The woman grew large—very large—and then she was in pain, and there was blood, and then the man brought forth this tiny Man and laid it at my feet. So tiny, my love! They mated and now this is the fruit of their labor! Oh, they can Create, Radueriel!"
Radueriel caressed my cheeks and kissed me softly on my lips, settling his wings against his back. "Thou hast seen the newborn? He is but the first. The first of many, Morningstar. These new creatures are so like Him, and yet, they are very much like us. They are beautiful."
He went back to his tomes, scribbling down what I had told him over the months, recording Man's evolution. I toyed with the edge of my wing. "Why do you think they can create such beings and we cannot?" I asked quietly.
"Perhaps the Lord hath given unto Man the male and the female to create life so that they need Him not. Perhaps this was the goal of His creation all along," Radueriel answered distractedly as he wrote.
"He desires us to always need him?" I wrapped my wings about me as I questioned him.
Radueriel looked up at me, that serene smile and warm eyes directed at me. "Morningstar, we need not seek to multiply our numbers. We are the Heavenly Host, loved by our Lord above all others. We need not the ability to Create, and so Almighty God hath not given it unto us."
"Are we, Radueriel? How do you know we are loved above all?" I sneered, my elation over God's newest creations dying.
"I have faith in Him," he said simply, as if it should be enough.
He returned to his books; I returned to Man.
I was not the only angel in Heaven to see these births and to wonder over the miracle of these acts. My brothers were drawn to the women. They were so different from us. Their faces were fine and their bodies soft. They were able to feed their offspring from their bodies, and though I watched still from a distance, others took many of the women as lovers.
In Heaven, we made love to show our expression of happiness and joy. On Earth, we did no different. My brothers shared their bodies and their passions with the women; they wanted to show their delight in God's new creatures, and so they lay with them as they had seen the men do.
Do not misunderstand me. It was not that I did not desire to share myself in such a blissful manner; it was that I felt it would be a betrayal to Radueriel. This was a new thought to me. How could I betray him by expressing my excitement and glee as we had always done? But, the thought was there, and I did not lay with any of the women of Earth.
As time continued to pass, I would flee Heaven and the all-engulfing silence of our Lord. And the women of Earth grew heavy with child, and what was born of Man and Angel... I still shiver at the terrible delights such a union created. They were powerful, wise beings, and the angels of Heaven who had not traveled to Earth trembled in fear of what God would do. Many of us had Created, which was not a task appointed to us, and the fruits of the couplings were frightening in their potential.
These beings were giants among Men, standing tall with eyes too wise for the world. Before now, before the conceptions and birth of the Nephilim, Man and Angel did not know the concept of sin. We loved freely, gave our bodies freely, and no one killed or stole. There was no reason to. It was Man who ushered sin into the changing world of God, woman who spread her legs and took God's sons between them and nurtured the seeds of sin. The Nephilim were beautiful, terrible in their beauty, having the too-bright eyes and immortality of the Angels and the mortal spirit and fleshy desires of the Men.
The Nephilim were dangerous, and even I quaked when they walked the lands of my Father.
In Man's Biblical history, God's wrath was delivered swiftly and widely; He told Noah to build a boat and shove two of everything onto it—as well as his own family—while He flooded the world and drowned all of Man. Besides being a logically impossible feat, it was simply unnecessary. Overkill, really. A bit like swatting a fly with a bulldozer.
In reality, God's punishment to those on Earth who had begotten half-mortal, half-angel infants, though swift, was not as widespread as those of the Church would like Man to believe. The angels only mated with the women of a single tribe, in the sweeping valley now known as the Fertile Crescent. All the Lord did was flood that valley. Yes, he did commit mass slaughter against those who had committed sin in his eyes by breeding with those He had not appointed.
No doubt to those very few survivors of the sudden deluge, it must have appeared as though the entire world were submerged. The scattered tribes naturally had no knowledge of the greater vastness of Creation around them. Their world was only as far as they could see. Once the waters receded, though, it did not take long for that valley to fill once more with new tribes of wandering Man.
The angels' punishment, however, was far more permanent. Angels were forever forbidden from going to Earth unless they were sent by Him to do His bidding. This was the Second Separation, the separation of angels from Man. Many of the angels did not mind this decree. We were beings of God, after all. Even those who were most censured for their actions accepted this sentence with a grudging understanding of its necessity.
But
I
minded. I had done nothing wrong and yet I was chastised. His actions and choices added fire to my doubts. He did not have to kill all those in the tribes - He had the power to make those half-beings normal, make them Man again. Or so I thought. It did not add up in my mind. He was the One, the Almighty, our Lord; He knew all, saw all, and expected nothing, for He knew everything. He had to have known the outcome of angel meeting Man.
And yet He allowed us to breed, allowed us to 'sin' - and then slaughtered Man and banished us from Earth. We had long ago accepted the concept of death among the animals and even among Man. Maybe if we had understood then that God had ensouled Man in a manner similar to angels, and that those souls were also utterly destroyed with death, we might not have been so quick to accept it. But God's divine slaughter of His own creations was something that I simply could not reconcile.
Despite Radueriel's wishes, I sought out the Creator and demanded answers from Him.
"Why did You have to kill them all?" I said quickly, before I lost my nerve again. "Why did You have to kill any of them? Surely there had to be another way!"
To His credit, God did not look angry. He did not unmake me on the spot, which He doubtless had the power to do. He said nothing for a long moment; he just gazed down at me. I felt again those twin sensations of being under intense scrutiny, yet being loved unconditionally. I wanted to weep and to laugh in the same breath, but was unable to do either.
When He at last spoke, His voice was so gentle that my body trembled at the sound of it. "Thou wast ever My accuser," He said. He must have sensed my immense embarrassment at those words, because He continued, "Nor would I have thee be anything else. Thou art first among angels, and thy purpose is true."
I swayed under the praise, but I would not be dissuaded from my thoughts. "But, Lord, the humans!" I pleaded.
"The humans served their purpose. Those whom I have allowed to survive will pass on the tale to others. This will not happen again."
"They did not know what they did was wrong! If You had but told us that mating was forbidden, we would have obeyed! If You had forbidden us from going to Earth at all, these deaths would not have been necessary!"
"Thy compassion does thee credit, Star of Morning. I welcome thy questions and thy accusations." His eyes turned hard at his next statement, and I quailed under the sternness of it. "Take care, though, that thou dost not allow thy questions to turn to mistrust of Me or of My Plan."
"No, my Lord," I said softly. The implication of His last words to me was enough to drive all further dissent from my thoughts at that moment, and I fled from His presence. I loved Him deeply then, and the idea that I was mistrusting Him was a shame I could not bear.
Most of what Man knows of the history of God is flawed. They are a collection of tales written by Man for Man's purpose, not God's. Time passed, as it always did, and I grew more and more restless. Our Lord no longer spoke with us, he no longer walked with us, and we feared seeking Him out.
And then He assembled the whole host of Heaven, and I knelt beside Radueriel before the Throne. Seated next to the Throne, though, was a Man - or, at least, I thought he was a Man. Our Father then spoke to us of this being, His Son, and when my eyes met those of my God, I knew Heaven had forever changed.
"This is my Son, Jesus, and let it be known that He is to be equal with Me; wherever is the presence of My Son, it will be as My own presence. The word of my Son, ye shall obey as readily as My own. Just as I command the heavenly host, so shall He. My will shall be fulfilled in Him, and He hath a great role to play in the life of Man." His voice was ever calm, but there was a coldness that chilled me as I listened.
For years unnumbered,
I
had been his second.
I
had commanded the heavenly host. It should have been I that sat beside him, I that should have had a great destiny among Man. But, no. God had created an embodiment of Himself, and I had been pushed aside with the other angels.
The host bowed before Jesus, Son of God, and acknowledged His supremacy over us - and I was no different. On bended knee, I pledged myself to my Lord's child and swore to obey. Deep within my heart, though, a black hatred was born, a well of jealousy and bitterness toward my Creator. Jesus knew of God's plans, knew His mind as I had once known - as all angels had once known. This was no more. We were shut out, left in deafening silence as He took his Son aside and spoke quietly to him of all that was to come.
My anger was too great for Radueriel to subdue, and I raged to my lover.
"Why?" I screamed. "Am I not His Favorite? Have I not done as He asked? I have wielded my sword in His name! I have bloodied my wings to carry out His justice! Am I not pure enough? Have I sinned in such a manner that
I
should be passed over for such praise, such position?"
Radueriel quailed in the face of my fury. "Morningstar, please! Do not speak such words! Our Creator hath taken of Himself and created that which shall save Man."
I turned on him, my face ablaze. "Save him from what, Radueriel? Man has done nothing wrong!"
"The Father knoweth. They will." He smiled that placid smile, his faith in our God ever as strong. "They are not us, Morningstar, and they are but children within His Plan. They now need the hand of their Father, strong but kind, and He will offer Himself to them in the hopes of showing them the
right
path. The path into His Grace." Radueriel took my hand and led me to where we could take pleasure in one another. "I have missed thy touch, my love. Thou hast been preoccupied these many days. Wilt thou not lay with me? Wilt thou not show me how thou lovest me?" he asked, falling gracefully onto the pillows lining the floor.
I glared down at the dark-haired angel. "No, Radueriel, I shall not lay with you. You will not dissuade me from confronting our Lord by offering me your body." I ignored the hurt that clouded his face and walked from him, my anger feeding my courage as I stormed to the Lord's side.
His Son stood next to Him, but I refused to remain silent. I questioned my God.
"Why Him, my Lord?" I cried. "Why should one who has not served You as I have be given the duty of carrying out Your Will?"
God's face was no longer kind, for I had disobeyed him. He had warned me to see my answers, but to never allow the lack of them to bring mistrust between us. I was to blindly believe, wholly follow, and I could not. It was this disobedience and wilfulness that brought darkness to my Father's eyes. "He is My Son, Morningstar. He hath a purpose far greater than thou canst comprehend."
"Then tell me!"
That dark, disinterested expression soon turned disapproving. "Thy place is not to know such things."
"It is my place! I am the Chief of Your angels, the executioner of Your justice, and I demand to know!" I shouted at Him, my hatred of the Son fueling my audacity.
"You forget your place!" He boomed, mocking my use of the speech I learned among Men. "What right have you to make demands of Me? I have indulged your questions, but I will not tolerate demands!"
I was immediately contrite, for I loved Him and I did not desire His anger. "Forgive me, my Lord," I said, my tone softer. "It is just that I do not understand. What is His purpose?"
He seemed to shrink in size, a smile appearing on His lips. "His purpose? He will be born of a woman upon Earth; He will live a sinless life; He will die a mortal death. His purpose, Morningstar, is to absolve Man of his sins with his own death."
"Absolve him of his sins? What has he done to earn Your displeasure?" I looked to the Son and back to the Father quickly, for I still did not understand what God hoped to achieve.
"He has turned from Me. He no longer seeks My guidance or My approval," He said, his face darkening as he spoke.
"You have never cared for these things before," I tried to point out.
"I have never expressed such concern to you, perhaps."
I was silent for a moment, staring at Him in disbelief. He never expressed such concern to me? He never spoke with me anymore! "What will be accomplished by absolving Man's sins?"
"Those who accept the gift of absolution from Me and begin again to seek guidance and approval from Me will have their souls cleansed such that they will join Me here after their mortal death," He said, though I could see His patience for my questions was wearing thin.
This was the first time that God had ever spoken of Man having souls. Save for angels, none other of God's creations were gifted with a fragment of the Eternal. Nothing He could have said at that moment could have affected me more than that. You see, before now, no human soul had entered Heaven after death. This meant that those souls, millions upon millions of them, were drifting through Creation, intangible but aware. How confused and afraid they must have been! I could not voice the question that consumed me then, but God answered it anyway.
"After His death, Jesus will travel among those wandering souls for three Earth days and will gather those souls worthy of entrance into Heaven. Then He will return from the dead on Earth, as none have done before Him, as proof of the promise of salvation."
"And what of those unworthy?"
"They will continue to drift among Creation until the end of all things. Those who have truly repented of their wickedness will be absolved and allowed to enter Heaven. The remainder will be consumed and destroyed."
The offhandedness with which he said this startled me. The soul was a reflection of the Almighty Himself! If they could be destroyed by Him... I refused to allow myself to speculate further. Surely only the most evil of Men would refuse the gift of salvation! The great majority would be saved, so it was no great burden.
But God read my expression and knew my mind again. He said, "Only a very few souls will ever be granted entrance into Heaven. It will be said that the path to Heaven is narrow and most will fall short."
My mind numbed at the prospect. "This will happen soon?" I asked in a daze.
"No. Man is not ready to hear. It will be thousands of years before they will be ready to turn away from their suffering and embrace My absolution. The world will then endure for thousands more years and billions upon billions more souls will hear the message, though most will turn from it."
I did not have to ask Him to know that He would not send another messenger like Jesus ever again. The message would be lost or changed throughout time, and fewer souls would be able to dwell among the angels. I looked up at the Father and the Son, tears welling in my eyes at the thought of all that would be lost before the end.
He turned from me then, and with His Son at His side, He walked from the Throne. I was left in silence, but now I felt a deep sense of fear and sadness and mistrust. God was no longer with the angels; He was with Man, though he was setting Man up for a great fall.
Left alone before the great Throne, I softly wept.