Mother of the Bride (32 page)

Amy had seen the haunted look in her mum's eyes, and had never prayed so hard for anything in her life as her dad's recovery.

She managed to find a place in the hospital's busy car park and rode the elevator to the third floor. She was exhausted, but would stay for a while with her dad. Ciara had been there most of the afternoon, allowing Helen to have a doze in the chair and
go for a sandwich in the hospital's café. Ronan had promised to come in in a few hours and to stay as late as the nurses would allow him.

Amy was just sterilizing her hands when she spotted Dan coming out of her father's room. What was he doing visiting her dad?

‘Amy!' he called, his eyes locking on to her.

She took a deep breath to steady herself as he walked closer.

‘I was just in to see your dad,' he explained unnecessarily.

‘Thanks, Dan. I appreciate it.'

‘I couldn't believe it when I heard what had happened. I felt I had to come and see him.'

‘Dan, you know how fond of you Dad is.'

‘Even still?'

‘Yeah, you know Dad!'

‘He tells me he's weak, but that you can't kill a good thing!'

‘Trust him!'

‘He must have given you all a scare?'

‘Sure did, but Mum's been great. She's barely left his side. She's just willing him to get better.'

‘They're a great pair.'

‘They sure are, mad about each other, still in love after all the years. I guess some couples never lose it . . .' She trailed off, trying not to cry and get upset.

‘Amy!' He touched her shoulder.

‘Listen, Dan, I'd better go in to Dad, see how he's doing.' Amy stepped away from him, conscious of other visitors passing them by.

‘Amy, please can we talk?'

‘I have to see my dad.' Amy didn't want to talk to Dan here in a hospital corridor.

She was tired and drained, and couldn't even think straight at the moment. She had been doing everything she could to avoid the
embarrassment of meeting him or bumping into him. She'd shopped in different places, avoided their favourite bars and hadn't walked near Sandymount Strand for weeks.

‘Well, what about after?' he pleaded, putting on that entreating hangdog expression that had always won her round in the past.

‘Dan, I don't know if—'

‘Listen, I'll wait for you downstairs.'

‘I'm not sure how long I will be.'

‘That doesn't matter,' insisted Dan. ‘I'll wait.'

Amy pushed in the door to the small private room. Her dad was resting, eyes closed, his skin almost as white as the hospital pillows. It had been five days since his operation, and he still looked so fragile and weak. The oxygen tube was still in his nose, his legs were encased in white stockings, and he looked shaky and sick.

‘Hey!' He smiled as she hugged him gently and kissed his forehead.

‘How are you?' she asked, sitting in a chair positioned right beside his bed.

‘Fine.' He nodded. ‘Lucy, the staff nurse, had me out walking, and they got me into the shower on my own. I'm bunched after it. I slept for two hours I was so wrecked.'

‘Dad, maybe it's too much for you,' Amy said, concerned.

‘Amy, I have to get back on my feet. They get us up moving again as quick as they can. I'll have to be able to do the stairs here before they'll let me home.'

‘The stairs!'

‘It seems like Mount Everest,' he said, sounding dispirited. ‘I don't know how I'm ever going to get back from this.'

‘Dad, you're doing great,' she said, trying to encourage him.

‘I feel shit,' he confided, ‘but don't tell your mother.'

‘Did you eat anything today?' she quizzed.

‘I'm not hungry.'

She knew that her mum was really worried as Paddy had had absolutely no appetite yet.

‘Dan was in with you?'

‘Yes,' he nodded. ‘He was in this afternoon.'

‘Dad, it's night-time,' she reminded him gently. They'd all noticed he was totally disorientated about time. He had no interest in the news or what was going on, and had difficulty holding a conversation. The staff had reassured them that this was totally normal and told them not to expect anything much for at least two weeks.

‘Someone needs to knock your two heads together,' he said slowly. ‘I'd do it myself, but I'm as weak as a kitten.'

Amy looked at her hands, playing with the stiff corner of his starched sheet, not trusting herself to say anything. Her dad was sick and confused, and not even able to think or talk properly, but still Dan was in his mind.

‘Mum is looking forward to you coming home,' she said, trying to change the conversation.

‘She wants me to sleep downstairs.'

Amy didn't want to let him know that her mum had already discussed this possibility with them all. Helen was terrified of taking him home and what might happen.

‘I'll sleep in my bed when I go home,' he insisted obstinately.

Amy smiled. Her dad was generally easy-going and the kind of man you could get around; it rarely happened that he dug his heels in, but when he did he could be as stubborn as a mule.

‘Where's Mum?'

‘She's gone to the café.'

Amy could see that he was tiring, drifting off to sleep again, and so she just sat beside him, picking up the newspaper that her mum had left on the locker. He looked so old, so vulnerable. Her dad had always been such a rock. They all needed him and depended on him so much. The thought of anything happening to him was unbearable. He had to get better and get over this operation!

‘Hello, love,' said her mum, appearing about twenty minutes later. ‘I was down getting a bit of dinner. They had some beautiful hake on the menu, you wouldn't get the like in the best restaurant in Dublin.'

Paddy woke up again at the sound of her voice. Helen pulled the other chair over beside his bed and took his hand.

‘When you get home, Paddy, that is what I'll cook. Nice fish and vegetables and healthy brown stuff.'

‘God!' he groaned.

Amy laughed.

‘There'll be no more steak every night and fry-ups and mounds of butter. We've all learned our lesson!' insisted Helen O'Connor, half-winking at Amy.

They were hilarious, thought Amy. Even with her dad sick, and after major heart surgery, they were able to laugh and tease each other.

Nurse O'Driscoll came in to check again on Paddy.

‘Time for another go on the nebulizer, Paddy,' she said, starting it up and slipping the mask over his nose and mouth. ‘We want to make sure to keep that chest clear.'

Paddy was using the nebulizer a few times a day and once during the night, as it was still very hard for him to cough.

‘Amy, why don't you go home?' suggested Helen. ‘You've got work in the morning.'

‘Mum, I'm fine. I'll stay with you a bit longer.'

‘No, Ronan's due in soon, and your dad and I might listen to the radio a bit. There's a concert from the National Concert Hall on Lyric: we'll have a listen to that.'

‘Go!' signalled Paddy.

‘OK, then, I'll see you tomorrow,' Amy promised, kissing his forehead, and leaving her parents together.

Walking back down the corridor, she was relieved that her father seemed improved since the day before. She'd heard all kinds of
stories about people's reactions after major surgery, and so far it looked like her dad had come through with flying colours.

The lights in the hospital lobby were dimmed, the big reception desk closed, with only the porter at his small desk in the corner, when she spotted Daniel sitting in the deserted admissions area waiting for her.

‘Dan!'

‘I told you that I'd wait for you,' he said. ‘Do you want to sit down here? It's quiet.'

‘No, not here.' She'd had enough of hospital the past few days. ‘Could we go somewhere else?'

‘I'll drive,' he offered, as they walked out to the car park.

Amy watched Dan's face. His expression was serious as they drove along the Merrion Road, crossing Merrion Gates, and parked by the familiar length of Sandymount Strand. She wondered what the hell he wanted to say to her. Hadn't they hurt each other enough? She sat silent and rigid against the car seat, staring out at the sea and Dublin Bay as darkness fell and the lights from Howth to Dun Laoghaire glimmered in the distance. The air was so tense between them that she was tempted to just jump out of the car and run away from both him and their situation.

‘I'm sorry,' he said, looking at her. ‘I'm sorry, Amy.'

She held her breath.

‘I was dumb and stupid to do what I did,' he said, taking a breath. ‘You don't have to go away for weekends with me if you don't want to. Just because I want to surf doesn't mean you have to! I was blaming you for all kinds of shit that was nothing to do with you and was about me . . .'

‘What?'

‘I was the one with cold feet, getting scared about the wedding and the people and the invites and the whole fecking thing! I just didn't know how to say it to you . . . so instead I blamed you.'

‘Dan . . . I was awful! I was a right Bridezilla,' she admitted, acknowledging the obsessive drive for perfection that had broken them up. ‘I turned into something I swore I would never be. It was some kind of obsession. I know that now. Even Jess said that I was unbearable, and that all I cared about was the wedding and other stupid stuff, instead of thinking about us. I'm so ashamed. No wonder you hated me.'

‘I don't hate you,' he protested, his breath warm against her face. ‘I could never hate you. You must know that. Amy, I love you. And, married or not . . . together or not . . . I still love you. I always will.'

Amy could scarcely believe what she was hearing. They were the very words she had waited and waited for him to say.

‘I don't want to live my life without you,' Dan admitted. ‘I want us to be together, whether we have rings on our fingers or a piece of paper or nothing. It doesn't matter to me as long as we are together. That's what's important! That's what matters!'

‘You still love me?'

‘Of course I do.' He turned her to face him. ‘Tell me you know that.'

‘I know that,' she whispered, realizing that she'd always known that. Dan was a part of her as much as her heart, her breath, her skin. ‘I love you, too, and I always will.'

‘Good,' he whispered, pulling her into his arms, his lips and mouth claiming hers, making his feelings very clear as they kissed and caressed and touched. His fingers and lips were on her breast, and her belly, and they made her groan with pleasure as she tried to resist the temptation to climb on to his lap.

‘Dan, we are in the car park,' she reminded him suddenly, glancing around. ‘There is an old couple sitting two cars up from us listening to music and just holding hands. They're watching us.'

‘Let them,' he said, pulling her closer again.

‘Do you think we'll be like them when we are old, sitting here looking out at the sea?' she asked a while later.

‘I hope so,' he said firmly. ‘I'll love you when you are old.'

‘When I'm grey and fat and have arthritis and can hardly walk?'

‘Sure. Will you love me when I am old and bald and have no teeth and can't remember my name?'

‘Of course I'll love you.' She giggled. ‘Anyway, they can do great things for teeth nowadays, and I think you would look kind of cute bald.' She touched his face, tracing the outline of his cheek and jaw and nose and lips. ‘What about when we have kids, and I'm pregnant and ginormous and have to rest with my feet up or spend half my time in the bathroom being sick every day?'

‘I'll love you even more. I love pregnant women.' He laughed, tracing his finger along her stomach. ‘But,' he countered, ‘what about when I am a grumpy old fart playing golf and giving out to our kids and yelling at them to turn down the music?'

‘I'll them that I love that grumpy old fart,' she said firmly. ‘What will you feel when I'm sad and lonely and lost?'

‘I'll love you,' Dan insisted. ‘Even when I'm hooked up to machines and too weak to walk or talk, I'll still love you.'

‘I will love you even more,' she whispered, blinking away the tears, thinking of her dad and her mum as she kissed Dan's eyes and eyelashes. ‘It will never stop.'

‘Marry me, then?' he asked.

‘You already asked me that,' she reminded, ‘and you know what happened.'

‘I'm asking again,' he said. ‘I love you and I want to marry you.'

‘Yes, please.' Her voice was shaking, and she couldn't believe that by some miracle they had been given a second chance. ‘This time it will be different,' she promised.

‘No castle or two hundred guests!' he teased.

‘Definitely not,' she answered.

‘No gangs of Canadian cousins arriving over for our nuptials?'

‘They won't be invited,' she was adamant. ‘And none of your mum's gang of twelve golf mates, either?'

‘Over my dead body,' agreed Dan.

‘We could get married on a beach somewhere far away from everyone?' she offered. ‘Or in the Register Office?'

He kissed her again. ‘Amy, the wedding is to celebrate our love with those we love.'

Amy grinned. It was exactly what she was thinking. ‘Wait till we tell Mum and Dad,' she laughed. ‘They won't believe it.'

‘Do you want to go tell them now?' he offered.

‘Are you sure?'

‘Yeah, come on,' he said, giving her a kiss as he started the engine. ‘Paddy will be delighted that they're the first to know that we are back together.'

The hospital's night porter pretended not to see them as, hand in hand, they slipped into the elevator for the third floor. Her mum and dad were in the room, the lights low and Paddy dozing lightly.