Mother's Story (29 page)

‘I do.' Matthew held her close and whispered into her hair. ‘I feel like you've come back to me, Jess, and that's brilliant.'

She nuzzled the space under his chin and kissed his face repeatedly. The young couple held each other tightly, wrapped in the promise of what lay ahead.

Jessica looked over Polly's shoulder into the large mirror of the dressing table in the bridal suite of Orsett Hall, where she was to be married.

‘You look incredible.' Jessica smiled. ‘Really hot.'

‘Are you allowed to look hot on your wedding day? I thought I was demure!' Polly laughed.

Jessica surveyed her friend's ample bosom, which was squashed into an ivory basque. ‘Yeah, I'm not sure demure is the word, but fabulous, definitely!'

‘I'm so proud of you, Jess.' Polly beamed at her reflection.

‘Don't be daft; it's you who's getting married! How do you feel?'

‘Nervous. Happy. A little sloshed.' Polly lifted her glass.

‘Perfect.'

‘It is perfect.' Polly sighed. ‘Do you remember when we were little and we used to play brides?'

‘Yes! We used to walk up and down the front path with pillowcases on our heads instead of veils and holding a bunch of weeds!'

‘I always thought I'd marry you!' Polly laughed. ‘That was until I discovered blokes and snogging.'

‘Which reminds me, Poll. We need to have a conversation.' Jessica pursed her lips. ‘Your husband might want to do
S-E-X
.'

‘Way ahead of you on that one!' Polly opened her dressing gown to show off her ivory silk stockings and suspenders to match her basque.

‘Wow!' Jessica grinned. ‘You are amazing!'

‘Thanks. You're amazing. I meant what I said, I am proud of you, Jess. Proud of your journey. You are one of the strongest women I know.' Polly sipped her cold champagne.

‘God, you sound like that hippy Paz!' Jessica laughed.

‘I don't think you are allowed to talk about my future husband like that.'

‘You know I love him, Poll. We both do. Paz has helped save me, him and my little yellow pills.' She patted her glittery clutch bag, in which sat her drugs, just in case. ‘And do you know the best thing about you getting married, Poll?'

‘What?'

‘It means the end of our bet. I agreed to help you land the man of your dreams and now that you have, I am officially off the hook. The Conor Barrington card can never be used again.'

‘Well, not unless this all goes tits up and he leaves me for someone who actually knows what “Love, Light, Universe” means.'

‘You have told him you're not really vegetarian, haven't you?' Jessica raised an eyebrow. ‘I don't want you sneaking bacon sandwiches at three in the morning in the airing cupboard.'

‘He knows all about me, Jess, and he still loves me. That's quite something, isn't it?' Polly smiled. ‘And if we have a tenth of what you and Matt have got going on, we'll be just fine.'

‘You were right what you said in Majorca about Matt: he did mean every word of his vows. He is my rock.'

‘And you're his.'

‘Blimey, then we might both be in trouble, we all know I'm not that anchored.' She gave a small laugh.

‘You are doing great. You know you are.'

‘Things are good.' Jessica nodded. ‘It's still not all plain sailing. I get so tired and with a baby it's hard to fit in time for each other sometimes. But everything is on the up and it
feels
better.'

‘Even the
S-E-X
?' Polly asked.

‘Yes.' She smiled, remembering that very morning. ‘Even that. And I plan to take full advantage of spending the night in this fab hotel: no chores, a glass of plonk and no alarm clock! Apart from Lilly.'

Jessica bent forward and kissed her mate on the cheek.

‘Talking of Lilly, do you think my little bridesmaid is going to wear her shoes or is she still refusing?' Polly asked as she straightened up and shook off any tears that threatened; this was no time to be crying, not while she was putting the finishing touches to her make-up.

‘In fairness to Lilly, she does walk better in bare feet. She's only one but already has the gait of a drunk!'

‘So she does take after her mother.' Polly winked in the mirror.

‘Yes, she does.'
That's me. I'm Lilly's mum. That's my job and it's the best job in the whole wide world!

Roger and Coral made a fair attempt at the Twist and Jessica danced with Paz, who held Lilly high above the crowd. Polly boogied with Paz's father, who seemed to be enjoying every minute.

Jake pulled out the vacated chair next to Matthew and plonked himself down; he reached for the bottle of champagne in the middle of the table and filled his glass. ‘Christ, this must be costing a pretty penny.' He looked around the ornate reception room.

Matthew nodded and sipped his beer. ‘Lovely though.'

‘Oh yes, lovely.' Jake pulled his collar. ‘And if that slender red-haired dolly to your right plays her cards right, this evening could get a whole lot lovelier.'

Matthew turned to look at a bored bridesmaid who was repeatedly stabbing a fork into a piece of wedding cake. ‘Lucky girl.' He nodded at his friend.

‘I notice Polly didn't actually marry Topaz, but rather Roland Raymond Jacques de Bouieller blah di blah di blah!'

‘Yep, but the vicar did refer to him as Paz throughout, which I thought was nice, personal.'

‘I guess.' Jake sniffed.

Matthew turned to his friend. ‘You've got to give him a break, mate. He's in. He is one of the circle now, a friend, a good friend, and Polly's husband, no less! And you can't laugh at his name or his ponytail every time you see him for the rest of our lives, okay?'

Jake shrugged. ‘I suppose so. And you are right, it's time I embraced him.'

‘Good.' Matthew sounded happy; he'd experienced enough discord to last him a lifetime.

Jake drained his glass, adjusted his tie and ran his fingers through his hair in preparation for wooing the bored bridesmaid. ‘Still think he's a tosser though,' he whispered, just loud enough for Matthew to hear.

Jessica grabbed her dad's hand and danced with him in the corner of the crowded dance floor. She leant in and shouted into his ear, ‘Polly and I were talking earlier about how we used to play brides!'

Roger nodded, pulling Jessica to the side of the mêlée where he could be heard without having to yell. ‘That feels like five minutes ago.' He shook his head. ‘I remember the day you both snipped the heads off all my roses, to make bride perfume. I went spare! All bloody year cultivating those beauties for you two to lop them off and mush them up in a bucket with one of my screwdrivers!'

‘They weren't entirely wasted, we did smell lovely.' Jessica laughed.

‘Ah, Jess, happy, happy days. And poor old Danny always had to be the vicar, didn't he? I can see him now, standing by the front door with a black T-shirt on and a serious expression.'

Jessica looked into her dad's eyes. ‘He was a good brother; he used to play whatever I asked him to. We liked each other very much, that's always made me really happy. You hear stories of some kids who war constantly, don't you, but we were never like that, we were mates.'

‘You were.' Roger inhaled. ‘You did have your moments, though. It wasn't all playing and friendly. I remember you both rowing in the back of the car: he'd hit you and you'd punched him back. Blimey. I wished you'd both shut up. Cor, Jess, the times I've wished I could go back and listen to you both. Listen to him…'

‘I don't remember that.' She shook her head.

Roger sighed. ‘That's the thing about people who've passed on, Jess. It changes the way they're remembered. If I think about my old mum, I only think about the good bits, her laughing and Christmas Day with us all around the table. I never think about her taking to her bed, her hypochondria or the fact that she wasn't that keen on Coral when I first took her home. Death gives you an altered perspective, it lets those left behind pick out the best bits and disregard the bad.'

‘That's a good thing, Dad, isn't it?'

Roger squeezed his daughter's hand. ‘I suppose it is, my love.'

Topaz interrupted them. ‘I think this little bridesmaid is a bit fed up with my dancing!' He handed Lilly to her mum, who took her into her arms. ‘I'm off to rescue my wife!' He laughed as he danced through the crowd.

‘I love you, Dad,' Jessica said over her shoulder as she headed towards Matthew.

‘And for that I am thankful. Every day, my girl.' Roger smiled, watching his little girl and her little girl make their way from the dance floor over to the table.

‘Well, if it isn't the most gorgeous girl in the room – and her daughter's quite pretty too.' Matthew smiled at his wife, who sat on his lap and plonked Lilly on hers, the layers of tulle on her tutu frock bunched up beneath her.

‘Why, thank you.' She kissed him on the mouth, feeling the longing leap in her stomach. ‘Lilly's on her last legs, Matt. I think I might take her up to the room.'

‘I'll come with you.' Matthew downed his pint.

‘No, no, you stay. I don't want to shorten your evening. Lilly and I will be fine. She'll be out for the count in five minutes.' Lilly laid her head on her mum's chest and closed her eyes, her thumb firmly in place.

‘That's what I'm hoping.' Matthew wriggled his eyebrows at his wife.

‘Oh purlease, you two, get a bloody room!' Jake bellowed, winking at his new companion.

‘We've got one actually!' Matthew shouted as he followed his wife out of the grand reception hall. ‘Have I told you that you look absolutely stunning tonight?' he whispered in his wife's ear as they made their way up the wide staircase.

‘You have, but you can tell me again.'

‘How much did that dress cost, was it expensive?' He looked serious.

‘Why?' Jessica hovered on the stair, shifting Lilly and resting on the banister.

‘Because I intend to shred it, rather quickly, to get at you, and I just wondered how much it was going to cost me…'

Jessica giggled and did her best to race up the stairs.

Lilly lay on her back and snored loudly from the travel cot on the floor, which sent them both into paroxysms of laughter.

‘She sounds like an old man!' Jessica observed.

‘Is that right? And exactly how many old men have you slept with to know that?' Matthew kissed his wife's bare shoulder.

‘Far too many to recall!' Jessica flung herself back on to the mound of plump pillows and stroked her husband's head, which rested on her stomach. ‘I can't believe Polly actually got married!' she squealed. ‘I think they'll be really happy.'

Matthew yawned. ‘Me too. All we need now is for Jake to get sorted and that's everyone settled.'

‘Yeah, well, don't hold your breath on that one. He can be so rude.' She tutted.

‘Actually, he had his eye on a certain grumpy bridesmaid.'

Jessica sat up in the bed. ‘Which bridesmaid? Red hair, tall, aloof?'

‘That's the one. Why?'

Jessica climbed on top of her husband and kissed his face as she laughed. ‘Oh, no reason. But we cannot miss breakfast tomorrow morning.'

‘I'd better get me some sleep then,' he whispered as he ran his palm over her back.

‘You just have one more chore to perform. Lie back and sing “Jerusalem”, and with any luck we should be done by the second verse.'

12th April, 2015

One of the girls had a visitor today who told her they had seen my story on the news, we don't get the news in here. Paz was on the campaign trail standing on a step, flanked by my mum and dad as he spoke about postnatal depression and what to look out for. How do I feel about this? Part of me is proud of the stand he is taking and that he is doing all he can to get me out of here and part of me wants him to keep quiet and not to have my picture beamed into people's televisions while they eat their tea. I want them to forget about me, forget about what I did. I don't want to be known as ‘that girl'. It's difficult.

Jessica had received a text from Polly, who on her extended honeymoon in India had taken time out to inform her that she had been forced to go to the loo behind a bush – her second al fresco wee ever! Jessica smiled as she recalled the first occasion and Mrs Pleasant's horrified disapproval. However, Polly's text wasn't the only notable event of the day. The other one sat on the counter top, propped against the bread bin. Jessica glanced at it and bit her nails, using the pain as a distraction.

Matthew walked into the kitchen to find Jessica sitting at the kitchen table. She looked as if she had been crying. His heart lurched inside his chest. It had been a while since he had come home to this.

‘Jess?' He placed his briefcase on the floor and threw his keys on the console table before crouching down by her side. ‘Hey, baby. What's wrong? Are you having a bad day?'

She bent forward until her arms were lying flat on the table.

‘Where's Lilly?' he asked.

‘My mum's got her,' she managed through her sniffles. ‘She's staying there tonight.'

‘Jess, sit up, come on. What's going on? You are scaring me.'

Eventually she lifted her head. Her mascara sat in two black smudges around her eyes.

‘What's up?'

She tried to get her breath.

Matthew was impatient, concerned. ‘Do you need me to call your counsellor or Dr Boyd?'

‘No, I don't.' She shook her head.

‘Have you had your tablets today?' he whispered.

‘Yes, I've had my tablets. Of course I have.' She didn't like him asking.

‘Why don't we go for a walk, get some fresh air and get your breathing in check?' He knew this sometimes helped.